This sandwich is an unmitigated disaster.
I asked for turkey and roast beef
With lettuce and swiss on whole wheat.
What did they give you?
Turkey and roast beef
With swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.
It's the right ingredients, but in the wrong order.
In a proper sandwich,
The cheese is adjacent to the bread
To create a moisture barrier against the lettuce.
They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.
I don't believe it.
I know. it's basic culinary science.
Some guy is auctioning off a miniature time machine prop
From the original film, and no one is bidding on it.
A time machine from the movie the time machine?
No. a time machine from sophie's choice.
Boy, sophie could have used a time machine in that movie.
Did you see it? it's rough.
Yeah. and that's my bid.
It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
I figured it would go for thousands,
And I just wanted to be a part of it.
There's only 30 seconds left in the auction.
Do you have $800?
Not to blow on a miniature time machine.
Well, don't worry. the way these things work
Is people wait until the last second to bid,
And then they swoop in and get it. it's called sniping.
Come on, snipers.
10 9 8... Ten, nine, eight...
Where are your snipers?
You are the proud owner of a miniature time machine!
I wonder why no one else bid.
This is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia.
Yeah, I know! I still can't afford it.
Why don't we share it?
We'll each put in 200 bucks, and we'll
Take turns having it in our house.
A time-share time machine.
I'm in. sheldon?
I still don't understand why no one else bid.
I understand why no one else bid.
Did the listing actually say "miniature"?
Who sells a full-size time machine for $800?
In a venn diagram, that would be an individual located
Within the intersection of the sets "no longer want my time machine"
It's actually a tremendous bargain.
Even with shipping, it works out
To less than four dollars a pound.
Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.
How are we going to get it upstairs?
If we take the dish off,
It might fit in the elevator.
Yes, but the elevator has been broken for two years.
I've been meaning to ask you.
Do you think we should make a call about that?
I have a master's in engineering.
I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis.
I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.
When the mars rover started pulling to the left, I performed
A front-end alignment from 62 million miles away.
No. that baby's broken.
Come on, guys! push!
加油啊 伙计们 用力推!
If I push any harder,
I'm going to give birth to my colon.
I can't feel my fingers. hurry up!
It's the same amount of work
No matter how fast you go.
If my fingers ever work again,
I've got a job for the middle one.
Take a break, guys.
What are you doing?
We're just, you know, moving something upstairs.
Just... you know. time machine.
Yeah. okay. neat. but I really got to get to work.
好的 不错 但我要赶去工作了 所以...
Just give us a few minutes. I don't have a few minutes.
I'm running really late.
Then, I have a simple solution.
Go up to the roof. hop over to the next building.
There's a small gap--
Don't look down if you're subject to vertigo--
And use their stairwell.
You're joking, right?
Oh, I never joke when it comes to vertigo.
Damn. okay, I'll just take the roof.
该死 好吧 我去房顶看看
Hey, if you wait for us to set up the time machine,
I can drop you off at work yesterday.
Time travel joke. it's not... never mind.
For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous.
Let's just do this.
You guys ready to push?
Howard stepped outside to throw up.
I don't know what you were worried about.
I think it really works in the room.
It is by far the coolest thing
The exact time machine that carried actor rod taylor
From victorian england
Into the post-apocalyptic future,
Where society had splintered into the two factions
The subterranean morlocks, who survived by feasting
On the flesh of the gentle surface-dwelling eloi.
Talk about your chick magnets.
The guy who lives next to me is always like,
"i have a jacuzzi on my balcony.
I have a jacuzzi on my balcony."
But wait until I tell him,
"i've got a time machine on my balcony.
Stuff that in your speedo, jacuzzi bob."
Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns,
But I think you'll agree
That practicality dictates it remain here.
You can't just keep it here.
What if I meet a girl and say,
"you want to come up and see my time machine?
It's at my friends' house."
He's got a point. all right,
I think we're going to need some ground rules; in addition
To the expected "no shoes in the time machine,"
And "no eating in the time machine,"
I propose we add "pants must be worn
At all times in the time machine."
I was going to put down a towel.
I still want it on my balcony.
I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis.
Yeah, that sounds fair.
Hold on, bi-monthly is an ambiguous term.
Do you mean move it every other month or twice a month?
Twice a month. then no.
Okay, every other month.
Sheldon, you can't be selfish.
We all paid for it, so it belongs to all of us.
Now get out of the way so I can sit in my time machine.
Okay, I am setting the dials for march 10, 1876.
Good choice, alexander graham bell
Invents the telephone and calls out for dr. watson.
Wait a minute. I'd want to see that, too.
So when it's your turn, you can.
But if we all go back to the same point in time,
Bell's lab is going to get very crowded.
He'll know something's up.
Also since the time machine doesn't move in space,
You'll end up in 1876 pasadena.
And even if you can make it to boston, what are you going to do?
Knock on the door and say to mrs. bell,
"hey, mrs. bell. big fan of your husband.
"嘿 贝尔夫人 我是你老公的疯狂粉丝
Can I come in and watch him invent the telephone?"
Mrs. bell was deaf.
She's not even going to hear you knock.
First, go into the future and obtain a cloaking device.
Ooh, how far into the future?
If I remember correctly,
Captain kirk will steal a cloaking device
From the romulans on stardate 5027.3,
Which would be january 10, 2328 by pre-federation reckoning.
Okay, I am setting the dials for january 10, 2328.
Here we go into the future.
What you call a gap was nearly three feet wide.
I slipped and skinned my knee. are you okay?
Second of all, the door to the stairwell
Of the other building was locked,
So I had to go down the fire escape,
Which ends on the third floor,
Forcing me to crawl through the window
Of a lovely armenian family
Who insisted I stay for lunch.
That doesn't sound too bad.
It was eight courses of lamb,
And they tried to fix me up with their son.
I'm sorry. not done.
By the time I finally
Got to work, they'd given my shift away.
Yeah, that's right.
I lost an entire day's pay thanks to this.
This... time machine.
The lights flash and the dish spins. you want to try it?
灯会一闪一闪 托盘还会转 你想不想试试?
I don't want to try it!
My god, you are grown men!
How can you waste your lives with these
Stupid toys and costumes
And comic books and... and now that?!
That... again. time machine.
-那个... -再次提醒 时间机器
Oh, please, it's not a time machine.
If anything, it looks like something
Elton john would drive through the everglades.
It only moves in time.
It would be worse than useless in a swamp.
Pathetic! all of you!
Leonard, it's 2:00 in the morning.
Why did you set it for the day before yesterday?
Because I want to go back and keep myself
From getting a time machine.
You can't. if you were to prevent yourself
From buying it in the past,
You would not have it available in the present
To travel back and stop yourself
From buying it. ergo, you would still have it.
This is a classic rookie time-travel mistake.
Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?
If you were to travel back in time
And, say, knock me unconscious,
You would not then have the conversation
That irritated you, motivating you
To go back and knock me unconscious.
What if I knocked you unconscious right now?
It won't change the past.
But it'd make the present so much nicer.
Are you upset about something?
What was your first clue?
Well, it was a number of things.
First, the late hour.
Then your demeanor seems very low-energy,
Plus your irritability.
I don't usually pick up on those things.
Yeah, good for you.
Did you want to talk about what's bothering you?
I don't know. maybe.
Wow. I'm on fire tonight.
Uh... here's the thing.
Girls like penny never end up with guys who own time machines.
Your inability to successfully woo penny
Long predates your acquisition of the time machine.
That failure clearly stands on its own.
Thanks for pointing it out.
In addition, your premise is flawed.
In the original film, rod taylor got yvette mimieux
With that very time machine.
In back to the future, marty mcfly got the opportunity
To hook up with his extremely attractive young mother.
Of course they're movies.
Were you expecting me to come up with an example
Involving a real-life time machine?
Come on, guys, push!
加油啊 伙计们 用力推!
If I push any harder,
I'm going to give birth to my colon.
Take a break, guys!
What are you doing?
Oh, you know, just moving a time machine.
Yeah. okay, neat, but I really gotta get to work, so...
好的 不错 但我要赶去工作了 所以...
But... what about your time machine?
Some things are more important than toys.
Don't worry, baby. I've got you.
不要害怕 宝贝 有我在
It's still my turn.
I'm packing up all my collectibles
And taking them down to the comic book store to sell.
Was that really necessary?
If you need money, you can always sell blood.
This is not about money.
Lox and bagels, the breakfast of time-travelers.
Does anyone want to buy my share of the time machine?
I don't want it anymore.
Just... personal reasons.
My spidey sense tells me
This has something to do with penny.
Do you want to buy me out or not? I'll give you
A hundred dollars, which will make me half-owner
And we'll put it on my balcony.
I'll give you $120 and we'll put it in my garage.
I paid $200 for my share.
Dude, everybody knows
A time machine loses half its value
The minute you drive it off the lot.
That time machine stays right where it is.
$300 and I'll throw in
My original 1979 mattel millennium falcon
With real light speed sound effects.
No. no more toys or action figures
Or props or replicas or costumes or robots
也不要道具 复制品 戏服还有机器人
Or darth vader voice changers.
I'm getting rid of all of it.
You can't do that.
Look what you've created here.
It's like nerdvana.
You have a darth vader voice changer?
Oh, I call dibs on the golden age flash.
我有权要求那"Golden Age Flash"(一部漫画)
Hang on. I need that
To complete my justice society of america collection.
Too bad. I called dibs.
You can't just call dibs. I can and I did.
Look up "dibs" in wikipedia.
Dibs doesn't apply in a bidding war.
It's not a bidding war.
I'm selling it all to larry down at the comic book store.
Why larry? did larry call dibs?
Will you forget dibs?!
He offered me a fair price
For the whole collection.
What's the number? I'll match it.
I'll match it plus a thousand rupees.
What's the exchange rate? none of your business.
Take it or leave it?
Mom? my bar mitzvah bonds.
I can go $2,600 and two trees in israel.
If I sell to one of you,
The other two are going to be really mad at me.
As long as you pick me!
Okay, leonard, put down the box.
好了 里奥纳德 把盒子放下
Let's talk. sorry, raj.
-我们谈谈 -抱歉 拉杰
My mind is made up.
I can't let you do this.
Sheldon, get out of my way.
I did not want to do this, but
I have here the rare mint condition production error
Star Trek the next generation geordi la forge
Without his visor in the original packaging.
If you do not get out of my way,
Okay, man. be cool.
好 伙计 冷静
We're all friends here.
What the hell's going on?
Little miss "grown-ups don't play with toys."
If I were to go into that apartment right now,
Would I not find beanie babies?
Are you not an accumulator
Of care bears and my little ponies?
And who is that japanese feline I see frolicking on your shorts?
Hello, hello kitty!
你好 Hello Kitty!
Okay, look, if this is about yesterday, leonard,
好 听着 如果是因为昨天的事 里奥纳德
I am really sorry about what I said.
I was just upset.
No, I needed to hear it.
No, you didn't. look, you are a great guy
不 不是的 真的 你是个很好的人
And it is the things you love that make you who you are.
I guess that makes me "large breasts."
I think it's time for me to get rid of this stuff
And, you know, move on with my life.
Hey, do you want to...
I don't know, later...
Hey, penny. hi, mike.
You ready to go? oh, yeah. I just have to change.
-可以走了吗 -可以 等我换换衣服
I'll give you a hand.
My turn on the time machine.
They said I was mad, but it worked!
Not flesh-eating morlocks!
We have to get rid of the time machine.
It is a little big for the living room, isn't it?
Yeah, that's the problem.
Glad you agree. I'm to help us move it.
Come on in, fellas.