There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with.
Come on. You're going out with a guy.
There's gotta be something wrong with him.
So does he have a hump and a hair piece?
Wait. Does he eat chalk?
I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl. Oh.
Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.
Sounds like a date to me.
I'm back in high school, in the middle of the cafeteria...
做了个梦 在中学时代 我站在餐厅中央…
...and I realize I'm totally naked.
- Oh, yeah. - I've had that dream.
- 对 没错 - 我做过那样的梦
Then I look down and I realize there is a phone...
- Instead of... - That's right!
- 而不是… - 没错
- That one, I've never had. - No.
- 我没做过那样的梦 - 没有
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
And it turns out it's my mother.
Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.
This guy says "hello," I wanna kill myself.
Are you okay, sweetie?
I feel like someone reached my throat,
grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth...
- ...and tied it around my neck. - Cookie?
- 再在我的脖子上打结… - 要吃饼干吗？
Carol moved her stuff out today.
- Let me get you some coffee. - Thanks.
- 我给你拿杯咖啡 - 谢谢
No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura.
不 不要 不要清理我的光环
Just leave my aura alone, okay?
I'll be fine. All right? Really. I hope she'll be very happy.
我会没事的 好吗？真的 我希望她开心
- No, you don't. - No, I don't.
- 不 你并不希望 - 是的 我不希望
To hell with her. She left me!
And you never knew she was a lesbian.
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
She didn't know. How should I know?
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
Did I say that out loud?
All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now.
没事的 罗斯 你现在感到很痛苦
You're angry. You're hurting.
Can I tell you what the answer is?
Come on, you're single. Have some hormones.
别这样 你单身了 有需求的
See, but I don't want to be single, okay?
I just wanna be married again.
And I just want a million dollars!
Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!
噢 老天爷 摩妮卡 感谢上帝
I went to your building and this guy with a hammer said...
我刚到你那里去 而你不在 那个拿着大锤子的家伙说...
...that you might be here, and you are.
- Can I get you some coffee? - Decaf.
- 你想喝点咖啡吗？- 无咖啡因的
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.
好了 各位 这位是瑞秋 另一个林肯高中的幸存者
This is everybody. This is Chandler and Phoebe...
这就是各位 这是钱德 菲比
...and Joey. And remember my brother, Ross?
乔伊 还有 你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？
- Hi. - Oh, God.
- 嗨 - 天啊
So you wanna tell us now,
or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Oh, God! Well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding.
I was in this room with all the presents...
...and I was looking at this gravy boat.
This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.
When all of a sudden... Sweet 'N Low?
...I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry.
Then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me:
How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.
You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but...
Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering:
总之 我必须离开那里 我在想:
"Why am I doing this?" And "Who am I doing this for?"
Anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know you and I have drifted apart...
...but you're the only person I know in the city.
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue.
I'm guessing he bought her the big pipe organ...
...and she's really not happy about it.
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him.
I just don't love him.
Well, it matters to me.
She should not be wearing those pants.
I say push her down the stairs.
Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Come on, Daddy, listen to me!
It's like all of my life, everyone's always told me, "You're a shoe!
这就好像在我一生中 所有人都告诉我: "你是鞋子 "
You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!"
Then today I stopped and said, "What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
然后今天 我停下来对自己说: "如果我不想成为鞋子呢？
What if I wanna be a purse? You know?
I don't want you to buy me a hat, I am a hat.
不 我不是要你给我买帽子 我是说我是帽子
It's a metaphor, Daddy!
You can see where he'd have trouble.
Look, Daddy, it's my life.
Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
I guess we've established she's staying with Monica.
Well, maybe that's my decision.
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
Wait! Wait! I said maybe!
Okay. Just breathe, that's it.
呼吸 呼吸 好 就这样
Just try to think of nice, calm things.
Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens
Doorbells and sleigh bells And something with mittens
La la la something With string
I'm all better now.
Look, this is probably for the best, you know?
瞧 这也许对你来讲是最好的 知道吗？
Independence. Taking control of your life.
And, hey, if you need anything, you can always come to Joey.
还有 你还需要什么 你可以随时来找乔伊
Me and Chandler live right across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Joey, stop hitting on her. It's her wedding day.
乔伊 不要再对她放电了 今天是她结婚的日子
What? Like there's a rule or something?
Please don't do that again. It's a horrible sound.
- Uh, it's Paul. - Buzz him in.
- 我是保罗 - 让他进来
- Who's Paul? - Paul, the wine guy, Paul?
- 谁是保罗？- 保罗 红酒达人 保罗？
Wait a minute. Your "not a real date" is with Paul, the wine guy?
等等 你今晚的"不是真正约会" 是和红酒达人保罗？
- He finally asked you out? - Yes.
- 他终于约你出去啦？- 是的
Ooh. This is a "Dear Diary" moment.
Rach, wait, I can cancel.
瑞秋 等等 我可以取消
Please, no. Go, I'll be fine.
不用 你去吧 我不会有事的
Ross, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
- Really? - No, go on! It's Paul, the wine guy.
- 真的？- 不 去吧 那可是红酒达人保罗耶
Hi, come in. Paul, this is...
进来 保罗 这是…
...everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.
大家 各位 这是保罗
Paul, the wine guy.
- Wine guy. - I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
- 红酒达人 - 我没听清楚你的名字 是保罗吗？
- Okay. Sit down. Two seconds. - Okay.
- 请坐 两秒钟就好 - 好
Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
So, Rachel, what are you up to tonight?
Well, I was supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon...
Right. You're not even getting your honeymoon.
God. No, no. Although, Aruba. Heh. This time of year? Eh.
不过 阿鲁巴 这个时候？
Talk about your...
Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight...
...Joey and Chandler are helping me with my furniture.
Yes, and we're very excited about it.
Actually, thanks, but I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.
- It's been a long day. - Oh, sure. Okay. Sure.
- 今天真是漫长的一天 - 是呀 好吧
Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?
Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
噢 我希望我能 但是我不想
I'm supposed to attach a bracket-y thing to the side things...
...using a bunch of these little worm guys.
I have no bracket-y thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever...
...and I cannot feel my legs.
- Done with the bookcase. - All finished.
- 搞定书架了 - 完工了
This was Carol's favorite beer.
She always drank it out of the can. I should have known.
Hey. Ross, let me ask you a question.
She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV.
What did you get?
- Oh, God. Oh, my God. - You got screwed.
- 天呀 - 你被耍了
- Oh, my God. - I know, I know. I'm such an idiot.
- 我的老天 - 我知道 我真是个笨蛋
I should've caught on when she went to the dentist four and five times a week.
I mean, how clean can teeth get?
My brother's going through that. He's such a mess.
How did you get through it?
He might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers.
- Say her... - Leg?
- 比如她的… - 腿？
Heh. That's one way of going through it, yeah.
Me, I went for the watch.
- You actually broke her watch? - Mm.
- 真的砸了她的手表？ - 嗯
Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
巴瑞 对不起 对不起
I know you probably think it's about what I said
that you making love with your socks on, but it isn't.
It isn't, it's about me. And I...
Hi. Machine cut me off again. Anyway...
嘿 机器又把电话挂断了 不管怎样…
You know what's scary?
What if there's only one woman for everybody?
I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it?
我是说 如果你得到一个女人 就这样
Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman for her.
不幸的是 以我的例子来讲 是她…得到一个女人
What are you talking about? One woman.
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.
Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there.
让我告诉你 罗斯 还有很多种口味
There's rocky road and cookie dough and bing cherry vanilla.
You can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream.
This is the best thing that ever happened to you.
You got married. You were like, what, 8?
Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.
I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Then stay out of my freezer.
Ever since she walked out on me, I...
You wanna spell it out with noodles?
No, it's more of a fifth date kind of revelation.
Oh, so there's gonna be a fifth date?
Yeah, yeah. I think there is.
What were you gonna say?
Ever since she left me, um...
...I haven't been able to perform...
Oh, God! Oh, God! I am so...
- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.
- 对不起… - 没关系
Being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
I'm glad you smashed her watch.
So you still think you might want that fifth date?
I, Joanie, take you, Charles, as my lawful husband.
- Do you take Joanie...? - Oh! See.
- 你是否接受乔安妮… - 看吧
But Joanie loved Chachi. That's the difference.
Do you know long it's been since I grabbed a spoon?
Do the words, "Billy, don't be a hero," mean anything to you?
"比利 别逞英雄" 这句话对你有没有意义？
You know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough...
...to ask a woman out...
...who am I gonna ask?
Isn't this amazing?
I mean, I have never made coffee before in my life.
- That is amazing. - Congratulations.
- 是很不可思议 - 恭喜你
While you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make a Western omelet or something...
Although, actually I'm really not that hungry this morning.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- 早安 - 早安
- Morning. - Morning.
- 早安 - 早安
- Morning. - Morning, Paul.
- 早安 - 早安 保罗
- Hello, Paul. - Hi. Paul, is it?
- 你好 保罗 - 嘿 是保罗 对吗？
I had a really great time last night.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
- We'll talk later, okay? - Yeah.
- 再聊 - 好的
That wasn't a real date.
What the hell do you do on a real date?
- Shut up and put my table back. - Okay.
- 闭嘴 把我的桌子搬回去 - 好的
All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
好啦 孩子们 我要去工作啦
If I don't input those numbers, it doesn't make much of a difference.
So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Yeah, we all have jobs.
See, that's how we buy stuff.
Yeah, I'm an actor.
Wow. Would I have seen you in anything?
Oh, I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Unless you happened to catch the Wee One's production of Pinocchio.
"Look, Geppeto. I'm a real live boy."
"瞧 老木匠 我是个真正的小男孩"
I will not take this abuse.
You're right. I'm sorry.
Once I was a wooden boy A little wooden boy
So how are you doing today? Did you sleep okay?
Did you talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
看得出来 就好像你睡觉时 有个衣架在你嘴里
I know. He's just so...
Remember you and Tony De Marco?
- Oh, yeah. - Well, it's like that. With feelings.
- 是的 记得 - 就好像那样 但有感觉
Oh, wow, are you in trouble!
Okay, okay. I am just going to get up, go to work...
好 我要醒过来 去工作
...and not think about him all day.
Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
- Oh, wish me luck! - What for?
- 喔 祝我好运 - 为什么？
I'm gonna go get one of those job things.
- Hey, Monica. - Hey, Franny. Welcome back.
- 嘿 摩妮卡 - 嘿 弗兰妮 欢迎回来
How was Florida?
You had sex, didn't you?
How do you do that?
- So, who? - You know Paul?
- 那么 是和谁？- 你认识保罗吗？
Paul, the wine guy?
Oh, yeah, I know Paul.
You mean, you know Paul like I know Paul?
Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.
Before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
Of course it was a line.
Why? Why would anybody do something like that?
We're looking for an answer more sophisticated than:
"To get you into bed."
Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs...
...and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
All right, come here. Give me your feet.
好啦 过来这里 把你的脚给我
I just thought he was nice, you know?
I can't believe you didn't know it was a line.
- You got a job? - Are you kidding?
- 你找到工作啦？- 开玩笑吗？
I'm trained for nothing.
I was laughed out of 12 interviews today.
Yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Well, you would be too if you found Joan and David boots on sale...
Oh, how well you know me.
They're my new "I don't need a job or my parents.
这双是 "我不需要工作 我不需要父母
I've got great boots" boots.
- How'd you pay for them? - Uh, credit card.
- 你用什么付帐的？- 信用卡
And who pays for that?
You can't live off your parents your whole life.
I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Give her a break. It's hard being on your own for the first time.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- 谢谢你 - 别客气
I remember when I first came to this city, I was 14.
My mom had killed herself and my stepdad was back in prison.
And I got here, and I didn't know anybody.
I ended up living with this albino guy who was cleaning windshields...
...outside Port Authority. And then he killed himself.
And then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
然后我找到按摩这份工作 所以相信我 我完全了解你的威受
The word you're looking for is:
All right. You ready?
- I don't think so. - Oh, come on.
- 还没有 - 来吧
- Hey. - All right.
- 嘿 - 好耶
Welcome to the real world.
It sucks. You're gonna love it.
Well, that's it. You gonna crash on the couch?
好啦 够啦 你要在沙发上睡？
- No. No, I gotta go home sometime. - Are you gonna be okay?
- 不 我总要回家啊 - 你还好吗？
Look what I just found on the floor.
That's Paul's watch.
You can just put it back where you found it.
Oh, boy. All right. Good night, everybody.
好吧 晚安 各位
- Oh, sorry. - No. Oh, no. Go.
- 哦 抱歉 - 不 你来
- No, have it, really. - Split it?
- 不 你吃吧 - 平分？
- Okay. - Okay.
- 好吧 - 好吧
You probably didn't know this, but back in high school I had...
...a major crush on you.
I figured you thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Listen, do you think...
And try not to let my vulnerability become any kind of a factor here.
Do you think it would be okay if I ask you out sometime, maybe?
Okay, maybe I will.
- Good night. - Good night.
- 晚安 - 晚安
Wait, wait. Hey, what's with you?
I just grabbed a spoon.
Can't believe what I'm hearing.
I can't believe What I'm hearing here
- What? I said you had... - What? I said you had...
- 怎么啦 我说你有个 - 我说你有个…
- Would you stop? - Oh, was I doing it again?
- 有完没完？ - 我的老毛病又犯了？
Would anybody like more coffee?
Did you make it or are you just serving it?
- I'm just serving it. - I'll have a cup of coffee.
- 只是端过来 - 好吧 我要杯咖啡
I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minnelli.