Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News?
- Why? - I just wanna check my horoscope...
- 干嘛？ - 只是想看我的星座命理…
...see if it was right.
Oh, my God. Phoebe. Don't look now, but, behind you there's a guy...
天啊 菲比 现在别回头看
...who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into depression.
Ooh, come to Mama.
Okay, he's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
- Nice hat. - Thanks.
- 帽子不错 - 谢谢
- We should do something. Whistle. - We're not gonna whistle.
- 我们应该有所行动 吹口哨 - 才不要
- Yeah, come on, do it. - No.
- 来吧 吹… - 不
- Do it. Do it. Do it. - Woo-hoo!
- 快点… - 呜呼
I can't believe you did that.
Why did I woo-hoo?
I mean, what was I hoping? He'd turn around and say:
"Ooh, I love that sound. I must have you now"?
I just wish there was something we could do.
Hello. Hello, coma guy.
Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up!
起来 你这娘娘腔 起来…
- Phoebe, what are you doing? - Maybe nobody's tried this.
- 菲比 你在干什么？ - 或许没人试过这一招
I wish we at least knew his name.
Would you look at that face?
I mean, even sleeping he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
即使在昏迷中 他仍一副精明样 我猜他是个律师
Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Okay. He's a lawyer who teaches sculpting on the side.
And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking, he's listening...
...you know, and not saying, "Yeah, I understand"...
而不是说 "对 我知道"
- ...but wondering what you look like naked. - Oh, stop it.
- 却想着你裸体的样子 - 别说了
I wish all guys could be like him.
Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
- He doesn't have anyone. - Yeah. We feel kind of responsible.
- 他身旁没人照顾 - 我们觉得应该负起责任
I can't believe you said, "Woo-hoo."
I don't even say, "Woo-hoo."
Oh, she's coming up. She's coming up.
Folks, when we come back...
...we'll talk about her new book Euphoria Unbound...
...with always-interesting Nora Tyler Bing. Put the kids to bed for this one.
Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie's is on Showtime and HBO and Cinemex.
- No way. - Come on. She's your mom.
- 不行 - 拜托 她是你妈妈耶
Exactly. Weekend at Bernie's.
Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times.
- No? - Chandler, I gotta tell you...
- 不看吗？ - 钱德 我得告诉你
...I love your mom's books. I love her books.
I cannot get on a plane without one. I mean, this is so cool.
You wouldn't think it's cool if you were 11...
...and all your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch.
Come on, Chandler. I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
拜托 钱德 我超爱你妈妈的 她一级棒
- You can say that. She's not your mom. - Oh, please. She's the...
- 你这么说是因为她不是你妈妈 - 拜托 她是…
When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
- Last night. - Really?
- 昨晚 - 真的？
So then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?
Just a dream I had.
Hey, hey, hey. She's on.
Before we get to the book.
What is this about you being arrested in London? What is that about?
- Your mom was arrested? - Shh, I'm busy beaming with pride.
- 你妈妈被逮捕？ - 嘘 我正在深感骄傲呢
This is kind of embarrassing...
...but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...
- Why would she say that's embarrassing? - Shh.
- 她怎会说难为情？ - 嘘
I just get this craving for Kung Pao chicken.
That's too much information.
So now you're doing this book tour thing. How's that going?
Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate.
还不错 明天我将前往纽约 虽然我不太想去
But I get to see my son, who I love.
This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
You know, don't take this wrong, I just don't see you as a mom somehow.
- I don't mean that bad. - Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom.
- 我绝对没有恶意 - 不 我是个很棒的妈妈
I bought my son his first condoms.
And then he burst into flames.
Let's see. "Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill.
The mayor wants to raise subway fares again.
The high today was 45."
And, oh. And teams played sports.
- What about Glen? - No.
- 叫格伦如何？ - 不好
- He could be a Glen. - Mm-mm. Not special enough.
- 他可以是格伦 - 不 还不够特别
Ooh, how about Agamemnon?
I'm famished. What do I want?
Please, God, don't let it be Kung Pao chicken.
Oh, you watched the show. What did you think?
Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just...
What is this dive?
- Only you could've picked this place. - Oh.
- 只有你才会选这种地方 - 哦
Come on. Shut up. It's fun.
- Hi. - Give me a hug.
- 嗨 - 抱一个
- Well, I think we're ready for some tequila. - I know I am.
- 我想我们现在可以喝点龙舌酒了 - 我知道我可以
- Who's doing shots? - Hit me.
- 谁要喝烈酒？ - 我要
- I'm in. - There you go. Ross?
- 我也来 - 这是你的 罗斯？
Uh, I'm not really a shot-drinking kind of guy.
Hi. Sorry. Sorry we're late.
We, uh, kind of just, you know, lost track of time.
But a man can change.
Anyone want me to appraise anything?
Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written.
宾太太 告诉你 我拜读过你所有的大作
No, I mean it. When I read Euphoria at Midnight...
...all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Oh, please, honey. If I can do it, anybody can.
别这么说 我能办到 大家就都能办到
You just start with half a dozen European cities...
...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia...
...and, bam, you have got yourself a book.
My mother, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, any messages for room 226?
- You okay, slugger? - Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.
- 你还好吧 猛男？ - 我还好
What is with you tonight?
Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it?
No. It's the one he's licking.
She's supposed to be with you.
Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold 100 million copies of my books...
...and you know why?
The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
No, because I know how to write men that women fall in love with.
不 因为我知道该如何描写 让女人陷入爱河的男人
Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.
People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo.
Come on. The guy's a secondary character.
He's just a... You know, a complication you eventually kill off.
You know who our hero is?
The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
- Please. - No, really.
- 拜托 - 不 我是说真的
Come on. You're smart. You're sexy.
- Right. - Oh, come on, kiddo.
- 真的 - 是呀
You're gonna be fine, believe me.
Uh, I'll just pee in the street.
- Yeah. - Wait. Come here.
- 在 - 等等 过来
Okay, uh, about last night...
...Chandler. You didn't tell...
Okay, I'm thinking we don't need to tell Chandler.
It was just a kiss. One kiss. No big deal, right?
- Right. No big deal. - Okay.
- 对 没什么大不了的 - 没错
You broke the code.
- What code? - You don't kiss your friend's mom.
- 什么规定？ - 不能亲朋友妈妈的规定
Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-looking aunt.
But not a mom. Never a mom.
What are you guys doing out here?
Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game.
But, um, apparently somebody overslept.
Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet.
No. No, I don't, because it's being restrung.
Ahem. Somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Yeah. Well, you didn't call and leave your grip size.
Okay, you guys are spending way too much time together.
Okay, I'm scum. I'm scum.
好吧 我是人渣 我是人渣
- Ross, how could you let this happen? - I don't know.
- 罗斯 你怎能让这种事发生？ - 我也不知道
Well, it's not like she's a regular mom. You know? She's sexy. She's...
You don't think my mom's sexy?
Well, not in the same way.
I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani...
...was a handsome woman in her day, all right?
You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here.
- Hey. - What are you guys doing out here?
- 嘿 - 你们在这里干什么？
Well, ha, ha, not playing racquetball.
- He forgot to leave his grip size. - He didn't get the goggles.
- 他忘了告诉我把手尺寸 - 他没带眼罩
Well, sounds like you two have issues.
Do they wait for me to do this?
- So are you gonna tell him? - I'm not gonna tell him.
- 你到底要不要告诉他？ - 才不要告诉他
- Why would I tell him? - How about, because if you don't...
- 为何要告诉他？ - 如果你不说...
...his mother might?
What are you guys doing here?
Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap.
What are you doing here?
Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by, you know, after the, ahem...
没事 我只是来 在那个…
That I, you know. Um, so, what are you doing here?
那个之后 你知道的 你来这里干什么？
I'm not really here.
I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way.
Do you, um, come here a lot...
So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
How would I know? I wasn't here.
Really? Not even to, um, change his pajamas?
You're my friend. I had to tell you.
I can't believe it.
Paolo kissed my mom?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink.
对 我不知道你是否注意到 他喝了很多酒
I mean, you know how he gets when he's drunk...
I can't do this. I did it.
It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.
I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo and I think I had too much tequila...
...and Nora... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was...
诺拉 妈妈太太 宾妈妈…
She was just being nice, you know? But nothing happened.
Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in...
什么都没有 可以问乔伊 乔伊刚好走进来
- You knew about this? - Uh...
- 你知道这件事吗？ - 嗯
You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
I spent the entire day with you. Why didn't you tell me?
Hey, hey. You're lucky I caught them when I did...
...or else who knows what would've happened?
Thanks, man. Big help.
谢了 老兄 帮了大忙
I can't believe this. What the hell were you thinking?
I wasn't. I don't know. I...
Of all my friends, no one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
- I know. - I can't believe you did this.
- 我知道 - 我无法相信你会做这种事
- Me neither. - I'm mad at you for not telling me.
- 我也无法相信 - 我还在生气你没告诉我
- What are you mad at me...? - Let me slam the door.
- 为什么生我的气啊？ - 让我用力关门吧
Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did.
钱德 我没亲她 是他
See what happens when you break the code?
- Joey. - Aah! Uh.
- 乔伊 - 啊哈
"A Woman Undone. By Rachel Karen Green."
"《堕落女人》 作者 瑞秋•凯伦•葛林"
Yeah, I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter.
对 我想尝试一下 我仍在写第一章
Now, do you think his "love stick" can be "liberated from its denim prison"?
你认为他 "粗棉布" 监牢中的 "爱棒" 能获得解放吗？
And there's no "J" in "engorged."
- Hey, Rach. - Hey.
- 嘿 瑞秋 - 嘿
- Hello. - Hello.
- 哈罗 - 哈罗
- You going to the hospital tonight? - No. You?
- 你今晚要去医院吗？ - 没有 你呢？
Okay, maybe it was a trick question.
- Um, Rachel, can we do this now? - Okay.
- 瑞秋 我们现在能开始了吗？ - 好
And here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day.
Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.
I cannot believe we're having this conversation.
Come on, just try to picture her not pregnant. That's all.
Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
I'd like to start with a song that's about a man I recently met...
...who's, um, come to be very important to me.
You don't have to be awake To be my man
Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand
Though we just met the other day
There's something I have got to say
Okay, thank you very much. I'm gonna take a short break.
Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Whoo!
- What the hell was that? - Phoebe just started...
- 她在搞什么东西？ - 菲比刚刚…
I believe I was talking to Joey. All right, there, mother-kisser?
Chandler, can I say something? I know you're still mad at me.
I just wanna say that there were two people there that night, okay?
- There were two sets of lips. - Yes, well, I expect this from her.
- 两双嘴唇 - 是 我希望她亲口告诉我
Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Okay, but if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?
Because it's complicated. It's complex.
Hey, you kissed my mom.
We're rehearsing a Greek play.
- That's funny. We done now? - No.
- 真幽默 排练完了吗？ - 没有
Okay, you mean you're not gonna talk to her, tell her how you feel?
That would be a no. Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom...
...doesn't mean you know her, all right? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
就自以为了解她 相信我 不能找她谈
Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't?
Okay, that's my finger. Okay, that's my knee.
好 这是我的手指 好 这是我的膝盖
Still doing the play.
All right, what did you do with him?
- You're awake. - Look at you.
- 你醒了 - 瞧瞧你
Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
Gosh, you look good.
- Sorry. - I'm Phoebe Buffay.
- 对不起 - 我叫菲比•布非
I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.
- So the Etch A Sketch is from you guys? - Actually, it's just from me.
- 雕刻艺术品是你们送的？ - 其实只有我一个
- Yeah, I got you the foot massager. - Know who shaved you? That was me.
- 我替你做脚底按摩 - 知道是谁帮你刮胡子吗？是我
- I read to you. - I sang. Ha.
- 我念书给你听 - 我唱歌给你听
- Oh, my pleasure. - You're welcome.
- 我的荣幸 - 不客气
So I guess I'll see you around.
- Well, what do you want me to say? - Well, I don't know.
- 不然要我说什么？ - 我不知道
It meant something to me.
I'll call you."
- All right. I'll call you. - I don't think you mean that.
- 好吧 我会打给你 - 一点诚意都没有
This is so typical.
You know, we give...
And then we just get nothing back.
And then one day, it's just, you know, you wake up and "See you around."
You know what? We thought you were different.
But I guess it was just the coma.
The car's running downstairs.
I wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends.
- Anything you want from Lisbon? - No, just knowing you're there is enough.
- 需要在里斯本帮你买什么？ - 不了 知道你要去就够了
All right. Well, be good. I love you.
好吧 要乖哦 我爱你
You kissed my best Ross.
Or something to that effect.
Look, it was stupid.
- Really stupid. - Really stupid.
- 愚蠢至极 - 愚蠢至极
And I don't even know how it happened.
I'm sorry, honey. I promise it will never happen again.
抱歉 孩子 我保证不会再发生这种事
- Are we okay now? - Yeah.
- 我们没事吧？ - 没事
Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
He did it. He told her off. And not just about the kiss, about everything.
他说了 不只是亲吻的事 一切都说出来了
- You're kidding? - No.
- 开玩笑吧？ - 别
He said, "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
他说 "你何时才能成熟 开始有个妈妈的样子？"
- Wow. - Wait, then she came back with:
- 哇 - 等等 她回答说
"The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realize I have a bomb?"
"问题是 你何时才能长大 了解我有大屁股？"
Okay, wait. Are you sure she didn't say:
"When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom?"
"你何时才能长大 了解我是你妈妈" 吗？
- That makes more sense. - You think?
- 这样比较说得通 - 你也这样认为吗？
So, what's going on now?
I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you.
I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait.
It's hard to tell. They're so tiny and upside down.
They're walking away. They're walking away.
No, they're not. They're coming right at us. Run, run!
不 不是 他们走过来了 快逃
You okay, kiddo?
- Yeah, I'm okay. - All right. You be good.
- 还好 - 当个乖孩子
- Mrs. Bing. - Mr. Geller.
- 你好 宾太太 - 盖勒先生
- So I told her. - Oh.
- 我告诉她了 - 噢
- How did it go? - Awful. Awful.
- 情况怎么样？ - 简直太糟了
Couldn't have gone worse.
- Well, how do you feel? - Pretty good.
- 感觉怎样？ - 不错
So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, you know, me kissing your mom, huh?
But we don't have to go down that road.
Now, this is just the first chapter...
...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay?
Oh, and on page two, he's not reaching for her "heaving beasts."
What's a "niffle"?
You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
All right, all right, so I'm not a great typist.
Wait, did you get to the part about his "huge, throbbing pens"?
Tell you, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those.
- All right, that's it. Give them back. - No.
- 好了 别看了 还给我 - 不