I'm telling you, Ross, she wants you.
真的啦 罗斯 她要你
She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
- Any contact? - She lent me an egg once.
- 有来往吗？ - 有次借我颗鸡蛋
- Hey, Ross. - Hey.
- 罗斯 - 你好
Come on, Ross. You gotta get back in the game here.
The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife's a lesbian, you...
I don't think we need a third.
Excuse me. Could we get an egg over here, still in the shell?
打扰了 可以给颗全蛋吗 有壳的那种
Yeah. Go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back. I'm returning your egg."
对 你就上前跟她说 "蛋还你"|
I think it's winning.
- I think it's insane. - She'll love it.
- 明明就很瞎 - 她会喜欢
- Thank you. - Thank you. Here.
- 谢谢 - 谢谢 拿去
Go with the egg, my friend.
- Think it'll work? - It's suicide. The man's got an egg.
- 你想会成功吗？ - 是自杀 他携有鸡蛋
- You cannot do this. - What? Do what?
- 不可以这样 - 怎样？不可以怎样？
Roger wants to take her out.
No. Pheebs. Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
菲比 不行 你难道忘了当初为什么甩掉他的？
Because he was creepy.
And mean. And a little frightening.
Still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day.
You can go out with a creep any night of the year.
菲比 想约毛骨悚然男 随时都可以
What are you doing tomorrow night?
Actually, tomorrow night depends on how tonight goes.
- Oh. Uh, listen, about tonight... - No, no, don't you dare bail on me.
- 今晚呢 - 不行 不准反悔
She's only going out with me because I'm bringing a friend for her friend.
But her friend sounds like such a...
Pathetic mess. I know, but...
悲惨又很糟 这我知道 但…
Come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinking:
别这样啦 老兄 她很渴望 很脆弱 我想呢
You haven't been out with a woman since Janice. You're doing this.
- She said yes. - Ahem.
- 她答应了 - 啊
Yes! Way to go, man.
- Still got the egg, huh? - Yeah.
- 蛋你没还人家？ - 对
- How do I look? - Oh, um...
- 我样子如何？ - 哦
Now, remember, no trading.
You get the pretty one. I get the mess.
- Hi, Joey. - Hey.
- 乔伊 - 好
Look what you brought.
And what did you bring?
She's checking her coat.
Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off of my hands.
乔伊 我去洗手 把计程车味道洗掉
Will you get me a white zinfandel and a glass of red for Janice?
Okay, I'm making a break for it. I'm going out the window.
No, don't, please. I've been waiting for forever to go out with Lorraine.
别走啦 拜托 我想约洛莲好久了
- Just calm down. - Calm down? Calm down?
- 冷静点 - 冷静？
You set me up with a woman I've dumped twice in the last five months.
Can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous...
...and I can't go when I'm nervous.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right.
Come on! Do it, do it, do it! Come on!
快点 快尿 快尿
Okay, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.
好啦 罗杰是很怪 但跟皮特•卡尼比起来不算什么
- Which one was he? - Pete the Weeper?
- 皮特•卡尼谁？ - 爱哭鬼皮特？
Remember the guy that used to cry every time we had sex?
"Oh, was it good for you?"
Well, I'd take a little crying any day over Howard, the "I win" guy.
小哭一下何妨 总比不服输霍华 "强"
"I win. I win."
I went out with him for two months. I didn't get to win once.
How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people.
I don't know. I think we're like some kind of magnets.
不知道 可能是因为 我们拥有特别磁力
I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
There's more beer, right?
Oh. You know my friend Abby who shaves her head?
She says to break the bad-boyfriend cycle...
...you can do a cleansing ritual.
Pheebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.
So we can do it tomorrow night, you guys.
It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.
Okay, well, what kind of ritual?
Okay, we can, um, burn the stuff they gave us.
Or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
- Burning's good. - Burning's good.
- 烧东西比较好 - 烧东西比较好
I've got stuff to burn.
...ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
Yeah? Good for you.
Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of all of my pictures.
顺道一提 钱德 照片上有你的都被我剪了
So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Are you sure? Because you could make little puppets out of them.
And you could use them in your Theater of Cruelty.
What? What can't you do?
Uh, can I talk to you for a second? Over there?
Uh, we might be leaving now.
Tell me it's you and me "we."
She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off.
I'm not even sure what slathering is.
But I definitely want to be a part of it.
Okay, you cannot do this to me.
You're right. I'm sorry. You're right.
没错 抱歉 没错
Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go, please?
Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
信用卡给你 晚餐我请 抱歉喔
I hope she throws up on you.
- So... - Just us.
- 那么 - 剩我们俩了
Ugh, what a crappy night.
Although I have enjoyed the fact that your shirt's been sticking out...
...of your zipper since you came back from the bathroom.
So do we have the best friends, or what?
Joey's not a friend. He's...
...a stupid man who left us his credit card.
Another drink? Some dessert? A big-screen TV?
I will go for that drink.
You got it. Good woman.
A bottle of your most overpriced champagne.
- Each. - That's right. Each.
- 每人一瓶 - 没错 每人一瓶
Oh. And a, uh, Rob Roy.
I've always wanted to know.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, I miss you already.
Can you believe this happened?
- Goodbye, Janice. - Kiss me.
- 再见了 珍妮丝 - 亲一下啊
Oh, Chandler. Sorry.
- Hey, Janice. - Hi, Monica.
- 珍妮丝 - 摩妮卡
Okay. Well, this was very special.
Rach, come see who's out here.
What's going on...? Oh, my God.
Janice is gonna go away now.
Oh. Joey. Look who it is.
Oh, good. Joey's home now.
This is so much fun.
This is like a reunion in the hall.
Hi, Ross. There's someone I want you to say hi to.
He just happened to call.
Hello, Ross. Yes, that's right. It's me. How did you know?
罗斯 对 是我 你怎么猜到的？
I'm just saying if dogs do experience jet lag, then...
...because of the whole seven-dog- years-to-one-human-year thing...
...that when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles...
...he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses, like, a week and a half.
- That's funny. - Yeah.
- 真有趣 - 对
The, uh, blond is my ex-wife.
And the woman touching her is her...
...close personal friend.
You mean they're lovers?
If you want to put a label on it.
- Anything else I should know? - Nope. That's it.
- 还有什么没告诉我的 - 没了 就这么多
Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby.
I always forget that part.
Okay. So now we need, um, sage branches and the sacramental wine.
好 现在要艾草枝 还有圣酒
All I had is oregano and a Fresca.
All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Huh. Okay, Pheebs, if we had that...
...we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
- Can we start throwing things in? - Um, yeah, okay.
- 可以开始丢东西了吗？ - 嗯 可以了
Okay. Barry's letters.
Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.
And I have the receipt from my dinner with:
- A picture of Scotty Jared, naked. - Let me see.
- 史考特•贾瑞的裸照 - 我看一下
He's wearing a sweater.
Okay, and here we have the last of Paolo's grappa.
Wait. Isn't it almost pure...?
How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Oh, man. In my next life I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
Hello, funny valentine.
Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker.
I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna.
Oh. Okay, heh. Ha, ha, okay.
哦 好的 哈…
If you don't do it, I will.
So, um, what do you do for a living?
Well, um for the past few years...
Oh, no. You said they could shoot the spot without you.
I thought they could.
Working with children, which is really fulfilling.
I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry.
So I'm spending most of my time teaching science, heh...
...which is funny because that wasn't even my major.
Hey, do you think...?
Would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us?
Because she's alone now.
And pregnant. And sad.
- I guess. - Are you sure?
- 应该可以吧 - 确定？
Wanna come over and join us?
Come on, stand up. These people will scooch down. Come on.
Come over here. You guys will scooch, won't you?
过来坐 你们会过去一点 对吧
Let's try scooching. Come on.
- Come on. - Thank you.
- 过来啊 - 谢谢
Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willet.
- Carol, Kristen. - How do you do?
- 卡萝 克莉丝汀 - 你好
Um... Oh, uh, Carol teaches sixth grade.
And, uh, Kristen...
Kristen does something...
...that, funnily enough...
...wasn't even her major.
What do we got there?
A piece of silk boxer shorts...
...some greeting cards...
...what looks like a half-charred picture of...
Wow, that guy's hairier than the chief.
You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.
It's all right. Don't explain.
It's not the first boyfriend bonfire we've seen get out of control.
- You're our third call tonight. - Really?
- 这已是今晚第三桩了 - 真的吗？
Sure. Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
I brought you something.
Oh, little candy hearts.
"Chan and Jan forever."
I had them made special.
Look, there's no way for me to tell you this.
At least, there's no new way for me to tell you this.
I just don't think things are gonna work out.
- It is? - Mm-hm.
- 真的吗？ - 嗯
Because I know that this isn't the end.
Oh, no. You see, actually, it is.
No, it isn't. Because you won't let that happen.
不 才没有 因为你不会允许的
Don't you know it yet?
You love me, Chandler Bing.
Then why do you think we keep ending up together?
New Year's, who invited who?
Valentine's, who asked who into whose bed?
- I did, but... - You seek me out.
- 都是我开口的 - 都是你找上我的
Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn.
You want me. You need me.
You can't live without me.
You just don't know you know it.
It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
You did so. I swear. I swear to...
你有 我发誓 真的有
How long has she been in the bathroom?
Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Well, maybe it's cold in there.
Maybe I screwed up the first date I had in nine years.
- That could be it. - Oh, God.
- 可能就是这样 - 天啊
You know, this is still pretty hot.
They won't all be like this. Some might even stay through dinner.
- I'm sorry. That's not funny. - No, it's just...
- 抱歉 不好笑 - 只是...
Well, you know the whole getting-on-with-your-life thing?
Well, do I have to?
I mean, well, I'm sitting here with this cute woman...
...and she's perfectly nice, you know?
And, uh, then I'm here talking to you, and it's easy and it's fun.
And I don't have to...
- I know. - You know?
- 我懂 - 你懂？
Here's a wacky thought. Um, ahem.
- Let's say you and I give it another shot. - Ross.
- 何不我们再试试看 - 罗斯
No, no, I know what you're gonna say. You're a lesbian.
But what do you say we just put that aside for now, you know?
Let's just stick a pin in it, okay?
Because we're great together, you know?
You can't deny it.
And besides, you're carrying my baby.
- I mean, how perfect is that? - Ross...
- 这不是很完美吗？ - 罗斯
You keep saying that, but there's something right here.
- But... - No "but." No "but."
- 但… - 别说但是
You know that thing we put over here with the pin in it?
It's time to take the pin out.
You'll find someone. I know you will. The right woman is waiting for you.
It's easy for you to say. You found one already.
All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.
We get off around midnight. Why don't we pick you up then?
So, um, will you bring the truck?
- I'll even let you ring the bell. - Wohoo!
- 还会让你拉消防铃 - 哇哦
- We'll see you later. - Bye. See you later.
- 晚点见 - 晚点见
See, there you go.
- The cleansing worked. - You're right.
- 仪式奏效了 - 真的
They're nice guys.
They're firemen guys.
- You tell them you're married? - No way.
- 有跟她们说你们结婚了吗？ - 怎么能说
My girlfriend doesn't know. I'm not gonna tell them.