Man, this is weird.
Ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat?
That's what's weird?
The man's been captain of a cereal for 40 years.
The spoon! You licked and you put.
You licked and you put.
Don't you see how gross that is? It's like you using my toothbrush!
You used my toothbrush?
Only because I used the red one to unclog the drain.
Mine is the red one!
Oh, God! Can open. Worms everywhere!
天啊 揭开封印 到处有鬼
Why can't we use the same toothbrush...
but we can use the same soap?
Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
The next time you shower...
think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘
∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ Like I've been there before ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
Look at you fancy lads!
What's the occasion?
You know that guy on my show that's in a coma?
He's having a brunch.
I can't believe you're actually getting tattoos.
You guys are getting tattoos?
But you cannot tell Ross because I wanna surprise him.
对 但你不能告诉罗斯 因为我想给他惊喜
Wow, this is wild! What are you gonna get?
I'm getting a lily.
For my mom, because her name's Lily.
That's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
- Where you getting it? - On my shoulder.
- 你想刺在哪里？ - 我肩膀上
What's on your shoulder?
- A tattoo. I'm getting a tattoo. - A tattoo?
- 刺青 我要去刺青 - 刺青？
Why? Why would you wanna do that?
You don't think they're kind of cool?
No. Sorry, I don't.
不 抱歉 我不觉得
Why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life?
What if it doesn't come out right?
It's like having a bad haircut all the time.
Why is everyone staring at me?
Sign this card for Dad. Richard will be here soon.
罗斯 过来签给爸的生日卡 理查快要来了
Richard's going to the party too?
He's my parents' best friend. He has to go.
So is today the day you'll tell them about you two?
Yeah, for my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
No, I think you should tell them.
I don't know how serious he is. Until I do, I won't say anything.
不 我不知道他对我有多认真 在知道前 我什么都不说
I don't think Mom and Dad would mind.
Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, Dad said:
记得你9岁 理查30岁时 爸爸老是说…
"God, I hope they get together."
Ross, let's switch places. You get in the middle.
罗斯 我们换位子 你在中间
This looks like we're trying to cover something up.
You could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it.
摩妮卡 就算你你骑着他进去 他们还是不会相信
- Hi, kids! - The children!
- 嗨 孩子们 - 小孩到了
- Happy birthday, Dad. - Thank you.
- 生日快乐 爸 - 谢谢
So you kids thanked Dr. Burke for the ride?
Actually, Mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
事实上 妈 我想摩妮卡代我们两人谢过他了
So you kids take the train in?
No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
Speaking of whom...
I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city.
Finger cramp! Oh, God!
Sorry. Here, let me get that, Mom.
对不起 来 我来清 妈
So Richard's shopping in the junior section?
Are we still on that?
You just know she's got the IQ of a napkin.
She's probably not even pretty.
Just young enough so that everything is still pointing up.
Can you believe this place?
I know. This is a great apartment.
In the bathroom there's mirrors on both sides of you.
When you're in there, it's like peeing with the Rockettes.
Well, there's my fantasy come true.
We were just saying, great apartment!
Thanks. You want it?
I'm moving to a bigger place.
You should take this one.
Can you see me in a place like this?
Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings?
Come on, I'll show you the kitchen.
That's all right, I saw a kitchen this morning.
Stop talking. Okay!
- Come on, tell us! - Is she really 20?
- 来吧 告诉我们 - 她真的20岁吗？
I am not telling you guys anything.
Come on, it's my birthday. Let me live vicariously!
拜托 理查 今天是我生日 让我想像过那种生活的滋味
Dad, you really don't want to do that.
What's a little midlife crisis between friends?
Would you let it go?
I know what you're going through. When I turned 50, I got the Porsche.
我知道你的心路历程 我满50岁时 买了保时捷
You got your own little speedster.
- Seriously, it's not like that. - Tell you what.
- 说真的 不是那样 - 我告诉你
Maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
也许找个周末 你可以借我的车 而我可以…
Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence!
What? I'm kidding!
You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
Which lily? This lily or that lily?
- Well, I... - I like this lily.
- 我… - 我喜欢这种百合
It's more open and that's like my mom.
She had a more open, giving spirit.
Blond girl? You're in room two.
Not-so-blond girl, you're with me.
- Here we go! - Uh-huh.
- 要开始了 - 恩
Is this because of what Ross said?
- Well, yeah, maybe. - I don't believe this.
- 是吧 也许 - 我不敢相信
Is this how this relationship works? Ross equals boss?
Come on, what is this, 1922?
拜托 什么年代了 还是1922年吗？
Just, you know, a long time ago.
When men used to tell women what to do a lot.
Then there was suffrage, which was a good thing. But it sounds horrible.
然后有了投票权 这是好事 不过听起来很糟糕
Do you want this tattoo?
Yes, I do. It's just that Ross...
Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
Who is the boss of you?
No. You are the boss of you!
You march in there and get that tattoo on your hip!
Really? I'm a hero.
Yeah, I know. I hate it too.
Look, maybe we should just tell them.
Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
My parents are dead.
God, you are so lucky!
I mean... Well, you know what I mean.
Just hang in there, okay?
Okay, I'll go out first, all right?
好 我先出去 好吗？
Judy! Going to the bathroom. Good for you!
茱蒂 你想上洗手间 真不错
Thank you, Richard. I appreciate the support.
谢谢你 理查 感谢你的支持
Seen my Harmon Killebrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
I know. He's a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.
我知道 他焕然一新 像是电影《魔茧》的情景
I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
He told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl.
He told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.
- Really? - I've never seen him this happy.
- 真的？ - 我从没看过他这么快乐
ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
With you, it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.
Can we drop this?
I am not interested in the guy's apartment.
Oh, please. I saw the way you were checking out his moldings.
拜托 我看到 你查看他壁饰的样子
Why would I want another apartment?
I've already got an apartment that I love.
It wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
All right. You want the truth? I'm thinking about it.
- What? - I'm sorry.
- 什么？ - 对不起
I'm 28. I've never lived alone...
and I'm at a place where I got enough money...
that I don't need a roommate.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't need a roommate either.
I can afford to live here by myself.
I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
Why are you getting so bent out of shape?
We didn't agree to live together forever.
We're not Bert and Ernie.
If this is the way you feel...
then maybe you should take it.
- That's how I feel. - Then maybe you should take it!
- 我就是那种感觉 - 那么也许你该租下来
- Fine with me! - Great!
- 我不介意 - 太好了
You can spend more quality time with your real friends...
Whose drink can I freshen?
Almost time for cake!
Mon, are you okay?
- Remember that video of Mom and Dad? - Yeah?
- 你记得我发现 爸妈做那档事的影片吗？ - 嗯？
- Well, I just caught the live show. - Ew!
- 我刚亲临真人秀 - 呃
- Hey there. - What?
- 你呀… - 怎样？
Nothing. I just heard something nice about you.
- Your son isn't seeing anyone, is he? - Not that I know of.
- 你儿子没在跟人交往 对吧？ - 就我所知没有
I was thinking, why doesn't he give Monica a call?
我在想 他能不能 打个电话给摩妮卡？
Well, actually, I'm already seeing someone.
She never tells us anything.
Ross, did you know Monica's seeing someone?
罗斯 你知道 摩妮卡在跟人约会吗？
Mom, there are so many people in my life.
Some are seeing people and some aren't.
So who's the mystery man?
Well, he's a doctor.
No, a doctor of meat.
Of course he's a real doctor.
And he's handsome.
And he's sweet, and I know you'd like him.
Well, that's wonderful.
Could you come in here for a moment?
- Found it! - I'll take that, Dad.
- 找到了 - 我拿着 爸
It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.
That's impossible. He's got a twinkie in the city.
I'm the twinkie.
- You're the twinkie? - She's not a twinkie!
- 你是那嫩妹？ - 她不是无脑嫩妹
Look, this is the best relationship I've been in...
听着 这是我长久以来 最棒的恋情…
Oh, please! A relationship?
Yes, a relationship!
For your information, I'm crazy about this man.
Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
This is a good thing. You said you've never seen Richard happier.
爸 这对我是件好事 你自己说没见过理查这么快乐过
When did I say that?
Upstairs in the bathroom, right before you felt up Mom!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Jack
Happy birthday to you
It looks so good! Oh, I love it.
I know, so do I! I'm so glad you made me do this.
对啊 我也喜欢 真高兴你强迫我刺青
Okay, let me see yours.
Let's see yours again.
We just saw mine. Let me see yours.
菲比 我们刚看过我的 让我看你的
It's gone! That's so weird.
I don't know how, where it went.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
How could you do this to me? This was your idea!
I know! I was gonna get it, but he came in with this needle.
我知道 我本来要刺 但是他拿着这种针头出现
And did you know they do this with needles?
Really? You don't say?
Because mine was licked on by kittens!
I'm sorry about what...
- Yeah, me too. - I know.
- 对 我也是 - 我懂
Do we need to hug?
No, we're all right.
So I got you something.
- Great! - Lick away, my man!
- 太好了 - 任你舔 我的朋友
These will go great in my new place till I get real ones.
I can't use these forever. They're no friend of the environment.
No, I mean what's this about your new place?
I'm moving out, like we talked about.
I didn't think that was serious.
You know, I thought that was just a fight.
Well, it was a fight...
based on serious stuff, remember?
About how I never lived alone or anything?
I think it would be good for me. Help me to grow...
Well, there you go.
Hey, are you cool with this?
I don't wanna leave you high and dry.
I've never been lower or wetter.
I'll be fine. I'll just turn your...
bedroom into a game room.
Put the foosball table in there.
Why do you get to keep the table?
I did pay for half of it.
I paid for the other half.
I'll tell you what. I'll play you for it.
All right, you're on.
I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
Your men will get scored on more times than your sister.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
哇 哇 哇 哇
So are you sorry that I told them?
No. It's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
Did you get it?
- Is Ross here? - He went out for pizza.
- 罗斯在吗？ - 他去买披萨
Okay, really quick.
- Wanna see mine? Wanna see mine? - Yes!
- 想看我的吗… ？ - 好啊
What? You didn't get one.
Okay. Well then, what is this?
What are we looking at?
That is not a tattoo. That is a nothing.
I got her in the chair...
he barely touched her with the needle, she screamed and that was it.
他还没怎么用针头刺到她 她就跳起来惨叫 就此结束
For your information, this is exactly what I wanted.
This is a tattoo of the Earth as seen from a great, great distance.
It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Oh, what a load of crap!
Your mother's in heaven going, "Where the hell's my lily, you wuss!"
That is not a tattoo! This is a tattoo!
菲比 那不是刺青 这才是刺青
But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world!
I wouldn't have thought it would be, but...
So is it sore? Or can you do stuff?
Save us some pizza.
Get it out of the corner!
Stop talking to your men!
And the table is mine.
You guys will still come visit me, right?
Oh, yeah! You got the big TV.
We'll be over there all the time.
Except when we are here.
I know you're just moving uptown, but I'll really miss you.
How can you not be across the hall anymore?
对啊 你怎么会 不再住在走道对面了？
Who's gonna eat all of our food and tie up our phone lines...
- What are you doing with my bra? - It's not what you think.
- 你拿我的胸罩干嘛？ - 不是你想的那样
We used it to fling water balloons off the roof.
Remember? Those kids couldn't even get theirs across the street.
Let's bring the rest of these down to the truck.
give you a hand with the foosball table?
You keep it. You need the practice.
I guess this is it.
When am I gonna see you?
I'm guessing tonight at the coffeehouse.