- Oh, Drake. - I'm sorry, Amber.
- 噢 德瑞克 - 抱歉 安珀
It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
- I'm sorry I'm late. What happened? - We wanna see the end.
- 对不起我迟到了 怎么了？ - 我们想要看完
- I want you, Drake. - I know you do.
- 我要你 德瑞克 - 我知道
But you and I can never be together that way.
- What? - There's something I never told you.
- 什么？ - 有件事我没跟你说过
I'm actually your half-brother.
- What? - Huh?
- 什么？ - 嗯？
So, what happens next?
Well, I get the medical award for separating the Siamese twins.
Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramon...
然后安珀和我一起去委内瑞拉 见我们另一个同父异母兄弟 拉蒙
and that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big.
我在那里见到了 世界最大的翡翠 超大的
- So cool! - God, that is good TV.
- 好 - 天啊 好棒的节目
∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘
∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ Like I've been there before ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
- Pheebs, play with me! - No!
- 菲比 跟我玩啦 - 不要
This game is grotesque.
Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar...
forced to play soccer forever? Ugh!
Hello? Human rights violation.
Don't feel so bad. After they're done playing...
I break out the plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
Why don't you play with your roommate?
He's not a big fan of foosball.
Uh-oh. Ooh. Are we not getting along with the new boy?
No, he's all right. He just, uh, spends most of his time in his room.
也不是 他只是花很多时间 在自己的房间里
Maybe because you haven't taken time to get to know him.
Let's remedy that, shall we?
- We don't need to remedy that. - Oh, yeah, it'll be fun!
- 我们不用补救 - 有必要 会很好玩的
- What was that? - Hi!
- 怎么了？ - 你好
Um, I thought it'd be fun if the three of us had beers...
and got to know each other.
- All right. That sounds all right. - Oh, good! Okay.
- 好 听起来不错 - 太好了…
Oh, no, I have to go, because I'm late for my, um...
糟糕 我得走了 我要迟到了…
Green Eggs and Ham discussion group.
Um, tonight, it's "Why he would not eat them on a train."
- Have fun! Bye! - That was so lame.
- 好好玩吧 再见 - 逊爆了
- Okay, talk to him. - Ahem.
- 好好跟他聊啊 - 嗯
So you, uh, think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets or?
Ha-ha-ha. That's good. So who broke up with who?
You kidding? I broke up with her.
She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
When everybody knows that the, uh, capital of Cambodia is...
太好笑了 大家都知道 东埔寨的首都是…
It's not Sean Penn.
All right, I got a funny one. All right?
My last girlfriend, Tilly. We're eating breakfast, right?
我上一个女友 堤莉 和我一起吃早餐
I made these pancakes. Like, 50 pancakes.
All of a sudden, she turns to me and says, "Eddie...
I don't wanna see you anymore." Ha, ha.
It was literally like she had reached into my chest...
ripped out my heart and smeared it all over my life!
There was this incredible abyss and I'm falling.
I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop!
That wasn't such a funny story, was it?
And a crusty old man Said I'll do what I can
And the rest of the rats Played maracas
That's it! Thanks! Good night.
- Phoebe's got another job, right? - Heh.
- 菲比还有别的工作 对吧？ - 嗯
- Great set tonight, Pheebs. - Yes.
- 今晚很棒 菲比 - 没错
- We should get going. - Mm.
- 我们得走了 - 嗯
We should too. I've got patients at 8 in the morning.
You know how we always stay at your apartment?
I thought tonight we'd stay at my place.
I don't know. I don't have my jammies.
You don't need them.
My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen.
Shut up. I'm happy.
Oh, this is so nice! I have to make a speech.
Ahem. I just want to say...
of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot...
- I like you the best. - Aw.
- 我最喜欢你 - 噢
Thank you, Pheebs. That's very sweet.
谢谢你 菲比 你真好心
She likes me best. And apparently, there have been a lot.
Phoebe's kidding. Phoebe's crazy.
I'm looking for Eddie Manoick.
Oh, uh, he's not here right now. I'm Chandler.
噢 他人现在不在 我是钱德
Can I take a message or... Or a fish tank?
I gather by that "Oh," he told you about me.
Yeah, your, uh, name came up...
in a conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
He's kind of intense, huh?
Yes! Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little...
没错 让我问你一个问题 艾迪是不是有一点…？
- A little what? - bit country?
- 一点怎样？ - 有点乡村？
Come on in, you roomie!
Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank.
艾迪 我只是把鱼缸 拿过来给你
That was very thoughtful of you.
It's very thoughtful.
I'm gonna go. Bye.
So we getting a fish?
You had sex with her, didn't you?
Pheebs! Check it out, check it out!
Oh, ooh, Soap Opera Digest! That's one of my favorite digests!
- Page 42! Page 42! - Okay, okay.
- 快看第四十二页 - 好
"New Doc on the Block, Days ofour Lives Joey Tribbiani."
- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh, cool picture!
- 好耶 - 好棒的照片
- Ah. - Oh, I look good.
- 噢 - 我看起来真棒
Is this true? That you write a lot of your own lines?
Remember last week when Alex was in the accident?
The line in the script was:
"If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die."
But I made it, "If this woman doesn't get to a hospital...
she's not gonna live."
Oh, okay. I see what you did there.
Aren't you afraid the writers will be kind of mad when they read this?
I never thought about the writers. The scripts just come to my house.
But you know what?
This makes me look good, which makes the show look good...
which makes the writers look good. So how could they be mad?
编剧也有面子 他们不应该生气 对吧？
Makes up most of his lines.
Yeah. Write this, jerk-weed.
I fall down an elevator shaft?
What does this mean? I fall down an elevator shaft?
Uh, I don't know. I just bring the scripts.
They can't kill me! I'm Francesca's long-lost son!
Uh, could you sign?
No! No way! I'm not signing that!
I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show.
How can they do this to me?
All right, uh, I'm just gonna go.
Well, it wasn't that many guys.
If you consider how many guys there actually are...
- it's a very small percentage. - Hey.
- 比例其实很小 - 嘿
It's not that big a deal. I was just curious.
- Good night. - Good night, Richard.
- 晚安 - 晚安 理查
All right, before I tell you, uh, you tell me how many women you've been with.
好吧 在我说之前 先说你和几位女性交往过
- Two. - Two? Two? Heh.
- 两个 - 两个？两个？
How is that possible? I mean...
have you seen you?
Well, I mean, what can I say?
I was married to Barbara for 30 years, my high-school sweetheart.
Now you. That's two.
- Two it is. Heh. - Mm-hm.
- 那就两个吧 - 额
Okay, time for bed. I'm gonna brush my teeth.
好 该睡觉了 我先去刷牙
Whoa, no, wait a minute now!
Come on, it's your turn.
You know, I don't need the actual number. Just a ballpark.
Okay, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now.
So, what's your magic number?
Come on, you know everyone I've been with. All both of them.
别这样 我交往过的你都认识 两个都知道
Well, ahem, there's you.
Better not be doing these in order.
Okay, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carny.
好 比利 彼特
And, uh, oh, Paolo.
还有 噢 巴洛
Oh, yes, the weenie from Turinie.
Oh, honey, are you jealous of Paolo?
噢 亲爱的 你嫉妒巴洛吗？
I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him.
- Really? - Oh, please.
- 真的吗？ - 拜托
That Paolo thing was barely a relationship.
All it really was was just meaningless, animal sex.
Okay, you know, that sounded so much better in my head.
嗯 那句话在我脑海里 听起来好很多
Eddie! I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
That's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.
真有趣 跟她睡过的人 就会这么说
This is nuts! Crazy! She came over for two minutes...
dropped off a fish tank and left! End of story.
- Where's Buddy? - Buddy?
- 巴迪在哪里？ - 巴迪？
There was no fish when she dropped it off.
Oh, this is unbelievable!
You sleep with my ex-girlfriend, insult my intelligence by lying...
then you kill my fish? My Buddy?
I didn't kill your fish!
Would you look at what I'm doing?
Now that can't be smart.
So we're just gonna take this guy right off you...
and put him here in Mr. Pocket.
That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?
- Well, yeah. - Well, that's not bad at all.
- 是啊 - 不会太糟啊
You had me thinking it was, like, a fleet.
You're okay with it?
Oh, honey, I'm fine.
Okay, about that two.
What about my two?
It just seems like a really small number.
- And? - And, well...
- 所以呢？ - 嗯…
Don't you have a lot of wild oats to sow?
Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh, my God! Am I an oat?
Honey, you are not an oat.
I don't know, I guess I'm just not an oat guy.
I've only slept with women I love.
You've only slept with two people.
You know I love you too, right?
Ross, please listen to me.
Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was.
You care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
你关心我 你爱我 你让我发笑
If I make you laugh, here's an idea.
Invite Paolo to have a romp in the sack, and I'll stand in the corner...
- and tell knock-knock jokes. - Ross! Agh!
- 讲些笑话给你听 - 罗斯
What you and I have is special! All Paolo and I ever had was...
Animal sex, animal sex?
So, what are you saying?
There's nothing between us "animal" at all?
There's not even, like, um, a little animal?
Try to hear me, okay?
I... Hey. I'm not gonna lie to you.
- It was good with Paolo. - Knock-knock.
- 跟巴洛很棒 - 笑话来了
But what you and I have is so much better.
We have tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect.
我们之间有温柔 有亲密 灵犀相通
You know? I swear.
This is the best...
I have ever had.
- Until now. - Aah!
- 直到这一刻 - 噢
- Oh, hi. - Hi.
- 噢 嗨 - 嗨
Richard told me he loved me.
- Oh, my God! - I know!
- 天啊 - 是啊
Honey, that's great!
- I know! - Ha, ha.
- 对啊 - 哈哈
- I just can't find... - Top drawer.
- 我只是找不到… - 最上面的抽屉
- Hurry. - Why? You need one too?
- 快点 - 为什么？你也要吗？
- Found them! - Whoo.
- 找到了 - 哇
- Monica! - Hi.
- 摩妮卡 - 嗨
Uh, we'll be right there. We're just trying to decide something.
- They're trying to decide something. - Good. Good, good.
- 她们只是要决定一点事情 - 很好
So is, um... So was your mustache... Did it used to be different?
How do you, uh, you know, keep it so neat?
- I have a little comb. - Oh.
- 我有把小梳子 - 噢
- What do you call that? - A mustache comb.
- 什么样的梳子？ - 胡子梳
Okay, I will do your laundry for one month.
- No! - Okay, okay!
- 不要 - 好吧
I will, I will, I will...
I will clean the apartment for two months.
I'll give this to you now, if you tell me where we keep the dustpan.
我可以 马上给你 只要你告诉我畚箕放在哪里
So were you in Nam?
- Rock, paper, scissors? - Gotcha.
- 剪刀 石头 布？ - 好
- Ah! - Fine. Go have sex.
- 噢 - 好吧 去上床吧
No! You have got it completely wrong!
John Savage was Deer Hunter, no legs.
约翰萨维奇演出 《越战猎鹿人》 他没有脚
Jon Voight was Coming Home, couldn't feel his legs.
No, you've got it totally the other way around, my friend. Jon Voight...
不对 你完全搞错了 强沃特…
- Honey? Ahem. - What? Oh.
- 亲爱的？ - 干嘛？
- Shall we? - It's not gonna happen.
- 进去吧 - 今晚不可能了
They're doing it tonight. We can do it tomorrow.
Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
So when I woke up this morning...
he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes!
He thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish.
Why would you kill his fish?
Because sometimes after you sleep with someone...
you have to kill a fish.
Can we watch Joey's show now, please?
- Yeah! - Wait. He's not here yet.
- 是啊 - 等等 他还没到
He's on the show, he knows what happens.
I'm fine about my problem now, by the way.
I want you to know I'll always be there for you...
as a friend and as your brother.
- First the medical award, now this? - Yeah.
- 先是医学大奖 然后是这个？ - 是啊
- Some guys are just lucky, I guess. Ha, ha. - Ha-ha-ha.
- 是呀 我猜有人天生好运 - 哈哈
- report to first floor Emergency stat. - Hmm.
- 请到一楼急诊室报到 - 嗯
I, uh, guess that's me.
Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton? Dr. Wong?
No, no. They only said you.
Oh, okay. All right.
- I love you, Drake. - Yeah, whatever.
- 我爱你 德瑞克 - 随便啦
- Oh, no! - Drake, look out!
- 不 - 德瑞克 小心啊
- Did they just kill off Joey? - No!
- 他们让乔伊死掉？ - 不会吧
Come on! Open up! We want to talk to you!
I don't feel like talking!
Come on! We care about you.
- We're worried about you. - And some of us have to pee!
- 我们很担心你 - 有些人得尿尿
Listen, sorry about your death. That really sucks.
- We came over as soon as we saw. - How could you not tell us?
- 我们一看到就赶过来了 - 你怎么没跟我们说？
I don't know. I was kind of hoping no one would ever find out.
我不知道 我希望 没有人会知道
Well, maybe they could find a way to bring you back.
No, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in...
不会的 他们说尸体的大脑 已经摔得稀巴烂了
that the only doctor who could've saved me was me.
It's supposed to be some kind of irony.
But Joey, you're gonna be fine.
You don't need that show. It was just a dumb soap opera.
This was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Yes! I was going to incorporate that.
Oh, good, here's Monica. She'll have something nice to say.
太好了 摩妮卡来了 她会说句好听的
Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so you won't get mildew.
What? To me, that's nice.
It's gonna be okay. You know that.
It's like you work your whole life for something...
and you think that when you get it...
it'll never be as good as you thought.
It changed everything.
Like, the other day, I got this credit card application...
and I was pre-approved!
Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life!
I don't know if this'll mean anything to you...
but you'll always be pre-approved with us.
No, that means nothing to me.
Pecan sandy? Just made them.
Are these raisins?
Listen, Eddie. Um, ahem.
I've been thinking about our living situation and, uh...
Why are you smiling?
I got a little surprise. Look. There's a new fishy.
I named him, uh...
Chandler, you know, after you.
Well, that's not even a real fish.
No, that's a Goldfish cracker.
So, what's your point, man?
You big freak of nature.
- Whoo. Brisk tonight. - Oh, man.
- 今晚好冷 - 是啊
- Let's never speak of this. - You got it.
- 这件事永远都不要提 - 没问题