- So how was Joan? - Broke up with her.
- 琼还好吗？ - 跟她分手了
Don't tell me. Because of the big nostril thing?
When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.
Come on, they were not that huge.
I'm telling you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.
How many women will you reject...
over the most superficial, insignificant things?
Hold it. Hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one.
When I first moved to the city, I went out with this girl.
Really hot. Great kisser...
but she had the biggest Adam's apple.
- You or me? - I got it.
- 你来还是我来？ - 我来好了
Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
Heh, heh. You guys are messing with me, right?
That's a good one. For a second there, I was like, whoa!
∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘
∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ Like I've been there before ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
So you name one woman that you broke up with for an actual real reason.
Because she doesn't hate Yanni is not a real reason.
Hello, Mr. Heckles.
You're doing it again.
We're not doing anything.
You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.
You don't have birds.
I could have birds.
- Okay, we'll try to keep it down. - Thank you.
- 我们会尽量小声啦 - 谢谢
I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.
All right, bye-bye.
Okay, Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
好 珍妮丝 就说珍妮丝好了 那可不叫挑剔了
We'll give you Janice.
I miss Janice, though.
Hello, Chandler Bing!
- Oh, my God! - Oh, Chandler!
- 哦 我的天 - 哦 钱德
Ugh. Stop with the broom! We're not making noise!
- We won! Whoo! - Whoo!
- 我们成功了 - 哇哦
- How did this happen? - He was sweeping.
- 怎么发生的？ - 当时他一定是在扫地
They found a broom in his hand.
- Oh, dear God. That's terrible. - I know.
- 太可怕了 - 我知道
I was sweeping yesterday.
- It could've been me. - Yeah.
- 也有可能是我 - 是啊
- Sure. - Sweeping. You never know.
- 是啊 - 扫地 真是没想到
Okay, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building.
好 很微弱 不过我还是可以感觉到他还在这栋建筑物里
Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!
I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help.
- Yeah. - Here we go.
- 对 - 又来了
That's fine, go ahead and scoff.
There are a lot of things I don't believe in...
but that doesn't mean they're not true.
Like crop circles or the Bermuda Triangle or evolution.
What, you don't believe in evolution?
You don't believe in evolution?
I don't know. It's just, you know...
我不知道 只是 就是…
Monkeys, Darwin, it's a nice story. I just think it's a little too easy.
猴子啦 达尔文啦 故事是不赖 我只是觉得太简单了
"Too easy"? Too...
The process of every living thing on this planet evolving...
over millions of years from single-celled organisms is "too easy"?
Yeah, I just don't buy it.
Excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe.
抱歉 进化论 不在于你信或不信 菲比
Evolution is scientific fact, like the air we breathe...
Okay, don't get me started on gravity.
You don't believe in gravity?
Well, it's not so much that, you know, I don't believe in it.
Lately I get the feeling that...
I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
Uh oh. It's Isaac Newton and he's pissed.
There she is. And over there, that's the other one.
她在 还有另外那个 就在那边
This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you.
What can we do for you?
All right, kids, here's the deal.
好了 孩子们 情况是这样
According my client's will...
he wants to leave all his earthly possessions...
to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine."
What about his family?
- He didn't have any. - Whoa.
- 他没有家人 - 哇
Okay, so let's talk money.
All right, there was none.
Now, let's talk signing.
You be noisy girl number one. You be noisy girl number two.
I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us.
Isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life...
without even knowing it?
Would you look at this dump?
He hated us! This was his final revenge!
Ever seen so much crap!
Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap.
Can I have this?
How can you not believe in evolution?
I don't know, just don't. Look at this funky shirt!
我不知道 就是不信 你们看看这件怪衬衫
Pheebs, I've studied evolution my entire adult life.
And I can tell you, we've collected fossils from all over the world...
that actually show the evolution of different species.
I mean, you can literally see them...
evolving through time.
Really? You can actually see it?
You bet! In the U.S., China, Africa, all over!
那是一定的 美国 中国 非洲 全世界都有
See, I didn't know that.
Well, there you go.
So now the real question is, who put those fossils there and why?
Hey. Look at this. My Big Book of Grievances.
"April 17th, excessive noise...
ltalian guy comes home with a date." Yeah.
Chandler, you're in here too.
"April 18th, excessive noise...
Italian guy's gay roommate brings home dry cleaning."
Well, that's excellent.
Monica, look at this lamp.
Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
I think we have enough regular lamps.
What? Come on, it's not like...
I'm asking for this girlie clock or anything.
Which, by the way, I also think is really cool.
Look, it doesn't go with any of my stuff.
Well, what about my stuff?
You don't have any stuff.
You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?
- Mmm... No. - Yes, you do.
- 不是 - 是 你是的
You think of it as your apartment and I just rent a room.
Okay, while you "mmm" on that, I'll go find a place for my new lamp.
Okay, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move?
好 菲比 看到我怎么动这些小玩具的吗？
Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?
Maybe the Overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
Tell me you're joking.
Look, can't we just say that you believe in something and I don't?
喂 这样说好了 你相信某事但我不信
- No. No, Pheebs, we can't. - Why not?
- 不 菲比 不可以 - 有何不可？
What is this obsessive need you have to make everybody agree with you?
No, what's that all about? You know what I think?
I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.
Is there blood coming out of my ears?
Check it out. Heckles' high-school yearbook.
Wow. He looks so normal.
He's even kind of cute.
"Heckles, you crack me up in science class.
You're the funniest kid in school."
- Funniest? Heckles? - That's what it says.
- 最好玩？黑考斯？ - 上面是这样说的
Wow. Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I.
He was right. Would you listen to that?
I'd call that excessive.
- Whoa. - What?
- 啊？ - 什么？
Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet.
And he was in the scale modeler's club and I was...
Well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
So? You were both dorks.
I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me...
我只是觉得很诡异 知道吗？ 黑考斯跟我…
Heckles and me. Me...
Hey, would you knock it off!
Have you been here all night?
Pictures of all the women Heckles went out with.
Look what he wrote on them. "Vivian, too tall."
看看他写的评语 "薇薇安 太高"
"Madge, big gums."
"Too smart." "Makes noise when she eats."
This is what I do.
I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
Our trains are on the same track.
I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same.
Alone-ville, Hermit Junction!
You know what we gotta do? Get you out of here.
Come on, I'll buy you breakfast.
What if I never find somebody? Or worse, what if I found her...
万一我永远找不到对象呢？ 或更惨 万一我找到了…
but I dumped her because she pronounces it "supposably"?
Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
钱德 得了吧 你会找到对象的
How do you know that? How?
I don't know. I'm just trying to help you out.
You guys will all get married...
and I'll end up alone.
Will you promise me something?
When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
I don't know what we'll be doing.
I mean, what if we're over at her folks' place?
Yeah, I understand.
You can come over and watch the Super Bowl.
Every year, all right?
You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this.
I'll see you, man.
Did they go to the zoo?
Janice? You called Janice?
Why is that difficult to comprehend?
You remember Janice, right?
Yes. She was smart, she was pretty and she honestly cared about me.
对 她很聪明 很漂亮 而且她真的很在乎我
Janice is my last chance to have somebody.
Jeez, look how fat she got.
- Hey, it's everybody. - Hi, Janice.
- 嘿 大家都在 - 嗨 珍妮丝
- Is it...? - Is it yours? Ha!
- 那是…？ - 是你的吗？
You wish, Chandler Bing.
You are looking at a married lady now.
Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry.
You couldn't tell me on the phone?
And what? Miss the expression on your face? Oh, no.
然后呢？错失你惊讶的表情？ 哦 不行
Janice likes to have her fun.
You know what we haven't played in a while?
- What? - Hide the lamp.
- 什么？ - "把灯藏起来"
Monica, let it go.
Did you know I'm allergic to shellfish?
Then you'll just have to eat the other lamps.
Uh oh. It's scary scientist man.
Okay, Phoebe, this is it.
好 菲比 时候到了
In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts.
A briefcase of facts, if you will.
Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
Okay, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution.
在你开始前 我先声明 我不是在否认进化论
It's just one of the possibilities.
It's the only possibility.
Ross, could you just open your mind, like, this much? Okay?
罗斯 请开放你的思想 就一点点行吗？
Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believe the Earth was flat?
过去也有最聪明的人 相信地球是扁的 不是吗？
And up till 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing...
until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out.
Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant...
that you can't admit that there's a teeny, tiny possibility...
你完全不肯承认此事 的确有一点点 一丝丝…
that you could be wrong about this?
I can't believe you caved.
- What? - You just abandoned your whole belief system!
- 什么？ - 你刚抛弃你整个信仰系统
Before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you.
之前 我虽然不认同你 最起码我还敬重你
How are you gonna go into work tomorrow?
How are you going to face the other science guys?
How are you going to face yourself? Oh...
- That was fun. So who's hungry? - I am.
- 真好玩 有谁饿了？ - 我
Me too. Let me just get my coat.
- What happened? - Okay. All right.
- 出什么事了？ - 好吧 没事
It was an accident, I swear.
I was putting on my jacket and the thing and the lamp and it broke.
我在穿外套然后那东东 那台灯 就破了
Oh, please, Monica! You've always hated my lamp!
哦 拜托 摩妮卡 你一向讨厌我的灯
And now all of a sudden, it's just magically, it's just broken?
如今 突然的神来一笔 它就破了？
Phoebe, tell her?
I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket.
好 我没看到 当时我也在穿外套
But I want to believe you.
Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
I'm gonna die alone!
Chandler, you are not gonna die alone.
Janice was my safety net, okay?
And now I have to get a snake.
Uh huh. Why is that?
If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing.
Like that guy on the subway who eats his own face.
So I figure I'll be "Crazy Man With A Snake."
Then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies.
Kids won't walk past my place, they will run!
"Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
You've got to get over this. Okay?
You won't end up alone.
I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me...
and then I bitch that there aren't any great women out there.
You have just described...
virtually every man that we've ever gone out with.
You are not a freak. You're a guy.
She's right. You're no different than the rest.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yes, he is.
等等 等等 不 他不一样
- You are totally different. - In a bad way?
- 你完全不同 - 负面的不同？
No, honey, in a wonderful way.
不 亲爱的 是正面的
You know what you want now.
Most guys don't even have a clue.
You're ready to take risks, be vulnerable and intimate with someone.
You're not gonna end up alone.
You called Janice. That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
- You've made it. - You're there.
- 你成功了 - 你办到了
You are ready to make a commitment!
Whoa! Don't know about that.
Wow. What you got there?
Something else that's not yours that you can break?
I know you like this and I want you to have it.
It'll look good in our apartment.
You'll all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night.
This woman Allison from work. She is great.
这个女的叫艾莉森 是同事 她很棒
She's pretty, she's smart. And I've been...
她很漂亮 很聪明 过去呢…
holding off asking her out in the past, because she has a...
unusually large head.
But I'm not going to let that stuff hang me up anymore. All right.
Look at me. I'm growing.
Hey, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?
- You want his yearbook? - Yeah. Yeah.
- 你要他的纪念册？ - 对啊
Some people said nice things about him. Somebody should have it.
Gosh, this is so weird.
His whole life was in this apartment and now it's gone.
I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments for Mr. Heckles.
I mean, he was kind of a pain. He was, but he was a person.
他是有点烦人 是的 不过他也是一个人
You're all going to hell.
It's really not that big.
- Taking that with you, huh? - Oh, yeah.
- 你要带走 嗯？ - 哦 对
Hey, you coming?
Goodbye, Mr. Heckles.
We'll try to keep it down.
My major was useless.
How often do you look in the classifieds and see "Philosopher Wanted"?
My God, that's a big head!
It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting.
My head must look like a golf ball at work.
Don't get hung up on it. Quick, quick. List five things you like about her.
别执着于此事 快点 列出五点你喜欢她的地方
Nice smile, good dresser.
Big head, big head, big head!
大头 大头 大头