Mom, would you relax?
That was 10 blocks from here, and the woman was walking alone at night.
I would never do that.
Mom, come on, stop worrying.
妈 拜托 你别担心了
This is a safe street. This is a safe building. There's nothing...
这条街很安全 这栋大楼很安全 没什么…
Aah! Oh, my God! What are you doing in here?
喔 天啊 你怎么飞进来的？
Mom, I gotta go. I gotta go.
That's fine, you just read the paper.
I'm gonna get a pot.
Okay, that's fine.
Read the Family Circus...
enjoy the gentle comedy...
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Ugh. Oh, God. Oh, God.
哦 噢 老天 噢 老天
- Hi. - Hi. Can I help you?
- 嗨 - 嗨 有什么事吗？
I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?
Uh, no, she doesn't. But I can get a message to her.
Great. Uh, just tell her her husband stopped by.
Hey, how did you do that?
∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘
∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ Like I've been there before ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
This is unbelievable, Pheebs. How can you be married?
这太扯了 菲比 你怎么可能已经结婚了？
I'm not "married" married, you know?
He was just a friend, and he's gay...
and he was from Canada, and he needed a Green Card.
I can't believe you married Duncan.
I mean, how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything.
I'm sorry, Monica, but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgmental...
对不起 但如果我跟你说 你就会批评
- and would not approve. - Of course I wouldn't approve.
- 也不会赞同的 - 我当然不会赞同
You were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay.
I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
See? And you thought she'd be judgmental.
Okay, I wasn't in love with him. I was just helping out a friend.
Please. When he left town, you stayed in your pajamas for a month.
And I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
Well, didn't you?
I can't believe you didn't tell me.
- Come on. Like you tell me everything? - What have I not told you?
- 难道你有对我坦白一切？ - 我有什么隐瞒你？
Ooh, I don't know. Um...
how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours...
from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace.
- What? - Wait a minute. Who told you?
- 什么？ - 是谁告诉你的？
I didn't know it was a big secret.
Oh, it's not big. Not at all.
喔 没什么大不了 没关系
You know, kind of on the same lines as, say
I don't know, having a third nipple.
You have a third nipple?
- Whip it out. Whip it out. - Yeah, yeah.
- 我要看 我要看 - 对啊
No, come on. There's nothing to see. It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless.
没什么好看的 只是很小的突出 没什么作用
Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples?
I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.
- Let me see it again. - Yeah, show us your nubbin.
- 让我再看一次 - 没错 我们要看
Joey was in a porno movie.
If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.
- Oh, my God. - You were in a porno?
- 我的妈呀 - 你演过色情片？
I was young and I just wanted a job, okay?
But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it.
So they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't...
because there's people having sex on it.
- So, what's it shaped like? - Is there a hair on it?
- 那是什么形状？ - 有长毛吗？
What happens if you flick it?
So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?
Why, yes, Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance...
to the magical land of Narnia.
You know, in some cultures, having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility.
You get the best huts, and women dance naked around you.
Huh. Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the Tri-State area?
You know, you are so amazing. Is there anything you don't know?
Ooh, Julie's so smart. Julie's so special.
"茱莉好聪明" "茱莉好特别喔 "
Look, honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did.
But he's with her now. You're just gonna have to get over it.
Oh, I'm going to have to get over it.
God, see, I didn't know that's what I had to do. I just have to get over it.
- Sassy lady. - Where are you going?
- 漂亮小姐 - 你要去哪？
Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan. He's skating tonight at the Garden.
He's in the Capades.
- The Ice Capades? - No, no, the Gravel Capades.
- 冰上溜冰？ - 难不成在石头上溜？
Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls? Funny.
虽然溜不快 但史努比跌倒时 还是很好笑
I can't believe you're dressing up for him. You're setting yourself up all over again.
For your information, I'm going to see him so I can put all those feelings behind me.
And the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice...
to look nice for your gay husband.
Darn it, we're all out of milk.
Hey, Chandler, will you fill me up here?
Oh, I see, I see. Because of the third-nipple thing.
喔 我懂了 原来是因为我有第三个奶头
- Okay, sweetie, I'll see you later. - Bye.
- 甜心 晚点再见了 - 再见
- See you later, Rach. - Bye-bye, Julie.
- 瑞秋 待会儿见 - 拜拜 茱莉
Hey, come on, cut it out.
- Hey. - What?
- 嘿 - 什么事？
- Can I ask you something? - Sure.
- 我能问你一件事吗？ - 当然可以
- Come on, talk to me. - Okay.
- 跟我说嘛 - 好吧
What's the longest you've been in a relationship before...
Why? Who's not...? Are you and Julie not...?
Are you and Julie not having sex?
Is it because she's so cold in bed?
Or is it because she's kind of bossy, makes it feel like school?
No. No. She's great. And it's not like we haven't done anything.
不 她很好 我们不是完全没进展
I mean, we do plenty of other stuff. Lots of other stuff like...
No, no, no. Don't need to know the details.
You know, I've only been with one woman my whole life...
and she turned out to be a lesbian. Uh-huh.
So now I've got myself all psyched out.
It's become, like, this...
this thing, and I...
You must just think I'm weird.
No. No, no, no. I don't think it's weird.
I think... I think, um, in fact...
- In fact, you know what I think? - What?
- 你知道我怎么想吗？ - 怎么想？
I think it's sexy.
Let me tell you something. As a woman... ...there is nothing sexier...
我告诉你 身为女人 最性感的男人…
than a man who does not want to have sex.
- No kidding. - Oh, yeah. In fact, you know what I'd do?
- 真的？ - 你知道我会怎么办吗？
- You'd wait? - Yes, absolutely. I would wait...
- 你会等待？ - 没错 我会等待…
Then I'd wait some more.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
- 真的？ - 没错
I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if she begs... ...she pleads
She tells you she's gonna have sex with another man.
That just means it's working.
Women really want this?
More than jewelry.
Ah, look at you. You look great.
- So do you. Sparkly. - Thanks.
- 你也是 闪闪发光 - 谢谢
Wow. This is pretty wonderful, huh, Mr. Major Capades Guy.
I remember when you were just like King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice Is Nice.
You always said I'd make it.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm kind of spooky that way. Woo.
God, I missed you.
- I'm gonna get changed. - Okay.
- 我得去换件衣服 - 好的
- What? - Pheebs.
- 什么？ - 菲比
- Olé. - What?
- 噢耶 - 什么？
- Sweetie, can you hold this for a second? - Sure.
- 甜心 帮我拿着好吗？ - 好啊
- Uh, Julie? - Yeah.
- 茱莉？ - 是的
Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face.
But, uh, it's gone now. You're all right.
- Hi, everyone. - Hi.
- 大家好 - 嗨
Oh, listen, listen... I wanted to thank you for, uh, our little talk before.
听着 听着 我要谢谢你之前跟我的聊天
Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the waiting thing?
Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
我本想这么做 但跟你谈过后 我跟乔伊谈过
Good. Ahem. What did he say?
Basically, he told me to get over myself and just do it.
基本上 他告诉我别想太多 尽管放手去做
So I thought about what you said and about what he said.
And, well, his way, I get to have sex tonight, so...
依他的说法 我今晚就可以跟她上床 所以…
What is this in my pocket?
Why, it's Joey's porno movie.
I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're okay watching a video filled with two-nippled people.
Great. People having sex. That's just what I need to see.
What's wrong with people having sex?
Well, um, you know, these movies are offensive...
and, uh, degrading to women and females...
And, uh, the lighting's always unflattering.
- Monica, help me out here. - Hell, I wanna see Joey.
- 摩妮卡 帮我一下 - 管他的 我想看乔伊
So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right...
Okay, now, wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
等等 那是我见过 最疯狂的打字测试
All I say is, she better get the job.
Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Shh. Hey, here I come. Here I come.
See, I'm coming to fix the copier.
I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking, "What do I do? What do I do?"
So I just watch them have sex.
And then I say... Here's my line.
You know, that's bad for the paper tray.
- Nice work, my friend. - Thank you.
- 干得好 朋友 - 谢谢
Wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me.
等等 我又出现了 等等 那男的屁股挡着我
There I am. There I am. There I am.
So, um... So, what's up? You came to see me yesterday.
I kind of need a divorce.
Um, actually, I'm getting married again.
- What? - Oh, God, I don't know how to tell you this.
- 什么？ - 天啊 我真不知道该怎么告诉你
I don't understand. I don't understand. How can you be straight?
我不懂 我不懂 你怎么会是异性恋？
I mean, you're so smart and funny... and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
I know. That's what I kept telling myself.
But you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
So how long have you known?
I guess on some level I always knew I was straight.
I thought I was supposed to be something else.
You know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay. I was just trying to fit in.
我是冰上舞者 我朋友都是同志 我只是想融入他们
And there's actually a woman?
- Her name's Debra. - Oh.
- 她的名字是黛柏拉 - 哦
Well, is she the first that you've been with?
Well, I've never told you this...
but there were one or two times back in college...
when I'd get really drunk and go to a straight bar...
and wake up with a woman next to me.
But I told myself it was the liquor, and everyone experiments in college.
But now I know I don't have a choice about this. I was born this way.
I don't know what to say.
You know, you're married to someone for six years... and you think you know him.
And then one day he says, "Oh, I'm not gay."
但有一天他突然说 "我不是同志 "
I'm... I'm still me.
Why couldn't you just have figured this out six years ago?
You know, it still smells like monkey in there.
Well, that saves us the conversation.
Well, this has been great, but I'm officially wiped.
- Me too. We should get going. - No.
- 我也是 我们该走了 - 不
No. I mean... No. Come on, you guys.
Come on, look, it's only 11:30.
Let's just talk. We never just hang out and talk anymore.
Rachel, that's all we do.
Maybe that's all we do. What about Julie?
Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now...
and we don't really know you.
I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like? What don't you like?
我是说 茱莉是谁？ 你喜欢什么 讨厌什么？
We want to know everything.
Well, heh, that could take a while.
I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?
- I got the time to get to know Julie. - I got time, yeah.
- 我有时间 - 我有
Uh, Rach, ahem, I know her pretty well. Can I go?
瑞秋 我很了解她 我可以走吗？
Okay, Julie, so let's start with your childhood. What was that like?
- Well, in a nutshell... - Ah-ah-ah.
- 简而言之… - 哦
So, um, have you told your parents?
No, but it'll be okay. They're pretty cool.
还没 但那没问题 他们不会有意见的
My brother's straight, so...
You know what? I just have one more question. Um...
If you had figured this out sooner, and, um, I had been around...
do you think I would have been the one who?
No, no. That's all right. Don't tell me.
I don't think either answer would make me feel better. Here.
I love you, Phoebe.
So your brother's straight, huh?
And my second-grade teacher was Miss Thomas...
and my first-grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb.
No, Cobb. Like cobb salad.
不 柯比 柯比沙拉的柯比
Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
Boy, that Julie's a talker, huh?
- So... - Good night.
- 那么… - 晚安
It's pretty late. You're probably, uh, not still planning on...
- Oh. No, no, I am. - Oh.
- 不 我还是想 - 哦
Well, hey, are you nervous?
I have done it before.
Well, okay, I mean, how are you gonna handle it?
Are you gonna talk about it beforehand? Are you just gonna pounce?
I, uh... I don't know. I guess I'm just gonna...
- What? - Nothing. I mean, um...
- 怎么了？ - 没什么
It is your first time with her, and, you know, if the first time doesn't go well...
well then, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
Okay, now I'm nervous.
Maybe you should put it off.
No, I don't want to put it off.
God, I'm just... I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable.
And now I'm actually happy.
You know, I mean, really happy.
I just don't wanna...
I don't wanna mess it up, you know?
- I'm sorry. - No, it's not your fault.
- 对不起 - 不是你的错
Maybe it doesn't have to be this tough.
Maybe you were on the right track with that whole, you know, spontaneous thing.
- I mean, women really like that. - Really?
- 女人喜欢那样 - 真的？
Yeah. I mean, you know, if...
I mean if it were me, I'd, you know, want you to...
- What? - I don't know, catch me off guard. You know, with, like, a really...
- 怎样？ - 在我没防备时来个真正…
sort of, um, soft at first.
And then maybe, um, brush the hair away from my face.
And then look far into my eyes...
in a way that lets me know something...
amazing is about to happen.
And then, I don't know, then...
you'd pull me really close to you so that...
So that I'd be pressed up, you know, right against you.
And, um, it would get kind of...
and, uh... And blurry.
And then it's just happening.
Thanks, Rach. Good night.
谢了 瑞秋 晚安
Well, somebody got some last night.