Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree.
Oh, my God, you should see the size of his Christmas balls!
How much did you tip the super?
Yeah, we were gonna give 50, but we don't wanna look bad.
对 我们想给他五十块 但我们不想太丢脸
Oh, this year we just made him cookies.
Heh. You gave him cookies?
- Money is so impersonal. - Yeah.
- 给钱太冷漠了 - 对
Cookies says someone really cares.
All right, we're broke, but cookies do say that.
好吧 我们破产了 但送饼干真的有那样的意义
A plate of brownies told me a limerick.
Pheebs, let me ask you something. Were these, uh, "funny" brownies?
菲比 我得问你一件事 这是好笑的布朗宁饼干吗？
But, you know, I think they had pot in them.
So, you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?
Uh, the mailman, the super...
Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.
Uh, I don't think you're gonna like this.
Oh, these are cookies smashed in the Sports section.
And he did my crossword puzzle.
Yeah, but not very well, unless 14 across, "Gershwin musical"...
对 他答错了 除非横14的"盖西文音乐剧"
actually is "Bite me, bite me, bite me."
∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘
∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ Like I've been there before ∮
∮ I'll be there for you ∮
∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
I can't believe it's Christmas already. You know?
One day you're eating turkey, the next thing you know...
your lords are a-leaping and your geese are a-laying. Heh.
Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
- 大家好 - 嘿
I, uh, got you a little present.
Ha, ha. Remember, huh?
Walks downstairs Alone or in pairs
Everyone knows it's...
You're still mad because of the whole...
Horrible list of reasons not to be with me?
How about we just call it "the unfortunate incident"?
Hey, Gunther. You got stairs in your place?
- Yeah. - Go nuts.
- 有啊 - 给你玩吧
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
- 大家好 - 嘿
What's in the bag?
Mm, just some presents.
Come on, show us what you bought.
You know you want to.
This is a picture frame from Ben to my parents.
Some "Hers" and "Hers" towels for Susan and Carol.
And, uh, I got this blouse for Mom.
- Ross, that is gorgeous! - Yeah?
- 罗斯 那真的好漂亮 - 是吗？
Look at these authentic fake medals!
Mom's gonna be voted "best dressed"...
at the make-believe military academy!
- Happy Christmas Eve Eve. - You too.
- 圣诞夜快乐 - 你也是
Oh, my God! Where did you get this?
Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.
This is a picture of my dad!
Uh, Pheebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.
No, it's my dad. I'll show you.
不 他是我爸 我可以证明
I thought your dad was in prison.
No, that's my stepdad.
My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.
How have you never been on Oprah?
Look, see? This is him.
My mother gave me this picture before she died. Same guy!
Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame guy...
posing in front of a blue screen with a collie.
It's not a blue screen. It's just...
Maybe it was just really clear that day.
Okay, I have to talk to my grandmother.
- Wait a minute, honey! - Pheebs.
- 等一下 甜心 - 菲比
I'm trying to get my boss's ex-wife to sleep with me.
Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!
Hi, Gram. Ahem, what you doing?
Oh, just updating the phone book.
Can I see the pictures of my dad again?
Uh... Huh, how come?
Just, you know, to see him.
This is the one of your father in a meadow.
And, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite.
And here he is at a graduation.
Is this really my father?
Is it really your...?
Well, of course it is.
I smell smoke. Maybe because someone's pants are on fire!
In all the years we've been grandmother and granddaughter...
you've never lied.
All right, that's not your father. It's a picture of a guy in a frame.
好吧 他不是你爸 那是相框原有的照片
It was your mother's idea.
She didn't want you to know your real father...
because it hurt her so much when he left.
I didn't wanna go along with it.
But then she died and it was harder to argue with her.
Not impossible, but harder.
All right. So he's not a famous tree surgeon?
And I guess he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.
That makes no sense.
Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?
- Oh. Yeah. - Yeah.
- 对 - 对
Anyway, that's all I know.
I remember my father all dressed up in the red suit...
the big black boots and the patent leather belt...
sneaking around downstairs. He didn't want us to see him...
but he'd be drunk, so he'd crash into something and wake everybody up.
因为他喝醉了 他撞到东西 把大家都吵醒了
That doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Who said anything about Christmas?
- Hi. - Anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
- 嗨 - 谁有菲比的消息？
I hope she's okay.
I know exactly what she's going through.
How do you know what she's going through?
What do you got there, Monica?
Stuff for the party.
Aren't you guys supposed to be shopping?
You didn't buy presents yet?
Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! What are you gonna do?
Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?
Oh, by the way, Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies.
对了 摩妮卡 我想邮差不喜欢你的饼干
Here are the ornaments your mom sent.
Maybe the mailman liked the cookies. We just didn't give him enough.
Monica, pigeons learn faster than you.
I think I know what will make you feel better.
How about you make a list about me?
Forget it. I'm not gonna stand here...
Okay, you're whiny...
you are obsessive, you are insecure...
- you're gutless. - Heh.
- 非常没胆 - 呃
You don't ever just seize the day.
You liked me for a year and you didn't do anything about it.
And, uh... Oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.
See, there. You, uh...
All right, you did what I said.
- And you know what? - Hmm?
- 你知道吗？ - 嗯？
You're right. I do feel better.
Yeah, in Albany. Could I have the number of Frank Buffay?
对 在奥巴尼 能告诉我法兰克布非的电话吗？
Okay. Um, in lthaca?
All right, um, Saratoga?
You know what? You shouldn't call yourself Information!
Hello, Grandma. If that is, in fact, your real name.
Come on now, Pooh. Don't still be mad at me.
别这样 小菲 你的气还没消？
- How's it going? - Oh, not so good.
- 怎么样？ - 没结果
Upstate's pretty big. He's pretty small. You do the math.
北部很大 他很渺小 你自己想吧
Well, I think you're better off without him.
Oh, honey, I know he's your daddy.
But to me, he's still the irresponsible creep...
who locked up your mom and stole her Gremlin.
I know. I just wanted to know who he was, you know?
I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know...
exactly where he lived.
What do you mean?
He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown.
If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far.
You can take my cab.
- Nobody else drives that cab. - Uh-huh. Got it.
- 不能让其他人开那辆计程车 - 我知道
- I'm gonna see my dad! - Ha-ha-ha.
- 我要去见我爸了 - 哈哈
- Thank you. - Oh. Ha, ha.
- 谢谢 - 哈哈
Wish me luck, Grandpa.
Phoebe here with the cab yet?
Yeah, she brought the invisible cab.
She'd better get here. The stores close at 7.
It'll be two hours to Phoebe's dad's house...
they'll meet, chat, swap life stories.
他们会见面 聊天 分享人生故事
We'll still have plenty of time.
- Hey, here she comes! - Hey.
- 她来了 - 嘿
Can you believe this?
In like two hours I'm gonna have a dad.
- Okay, let's go. - Okay.
- 好吧 我们出发吧 - 好的
- Here, you have to hold this. - Okay.
- 拿去 这个给你 - 好的
"Brake, left. Gas, right"?
Uh-huh, that's my cheat sheet.
- Where's my seat belt? - That side doesn't have one.
- 我的安全带在哪里？ - 那边没有安全带
The paramedics had to cut through it.
Come on, just tell me. Please, please.
来吧 快告诉我 拜托
For the 16th time, no, I do not think you're obsessive.
这是第16次 不 我不觉得你偏执
- Oh, it's hot in here! - Rach, get the heat.
- 天啊 这里真的好热 - 瑞秋 关掉暖气
- Ross, turn the heat down, please? - Sure.
- 罗斯 拜托你关掉暖气 - 没问题
There's a difference between obsessive...
Okay. Heat, heat, heat. And I'm the obsessive one?
好吧 暖气 我算是偏执吗？
Did you just break the radiator?
No, I was turning the knob and...
- It won't go back. - Ugh. I'll call the super.
- 装不回去 - 我得打电话给管理员
Here, let me try.
Oh, oh, that's right. I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.
Hey, it's Funny's cousin...
It's Rachel Green from upstairs.
Yes, somebody, uh, broke our knob on the radiator...
and it's really hot in here.
Yes, it's hot enough to bake cookies.
Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6?
What? No, no. Tuesday? We can't wait until Tuesday.
We're having a party tonight.
Okay, tip the man.
If he doesn't like our cookies, too bad.
I won't be blackmailed.
Look, if it gets a little warm...
it can be a theme party.
Here's a theme: "Come on in, live like bacon!"
这是派对主题 "请进 感受一下培根的生活"
Oh, so that's what this is for!
This is it. I'm gonna meet my dad.
This is, like, the biggest thing ever, huh?
- Yeah. - Sure is.
- 对 - 当然
Here I go. I'm going in.
Good luck, Pheebs.
Welcome to our tropical Christmas party, heh.
Put your coats, sweaters, pants and shirts in the bedroom.
将外套 毛衣 裤子跟衬衫 放到卧室里
It's hard to tell because I'm sweating...
but I use exactly what the gel bottle says.
An amount about the size of a pea. How can that be too much?
Ice? Ice squares anyone? Take a napkin.
Monica, your guests are turning into jerky.
Really? I'm perfectly comfortable.
Ha, ha. Hey! Get in line, buddy. I was next.
排队 兄弟 我是下一捆
You said there was a party.
Well, hey, welcome to our sauna.
Uh, is it hot? My body always stays cool.
Probably because I have so much skin.
Here's the chance. Monica, give him cash.
这是个机会 摩妮卡 给他现金
Rachel, give him your earrings. Something. Anything!
瑞秋 把你的耳环送给他 想想办法 什么都可以
No, I will not cave.
All right. You know how you say I never seize the day?
Even though he's your super, I'm seizing.
Here is 50 bucks. Merry Christmas.
I didn't get you anything.
No, that's your Christmas tip.
Oh, do you think there's a chance you can fix that radiator now?
No can do. Like I told the girl...
I can't get a knob until Tuesday.
- Ross? - Yeah?
- 罗斯 - 什么？
He's playing baseball.
You mean hardball?
What you gonna do?
Excuse me. I'm seizing.
Here's another 50.
Will, uh, this help with the knob-getting?
The place is not open till Tuesday.
Am I not saying it right?
So you really did like my cookies?
Oh, yeah, they were so personal. It really showed you cared.
对 它们非常有感情 证明你真的关心我
Is this, uh, mistletoe?
If it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss you.
No, it's still basil.
- How far did you get? - Mailbox.
- 你跑到哪里了？ - 信箱
- All right, we're getting closer. - Uh-huh.
- 好吧 我们有进步了 - 嗯哼
What's going on?
It's just, like, a whole mess of stuff.
Like yesterday, my dad was this famous Burma tree-surgeon guy.
And, you know, now he's, uh, a pharmacist guy and...
Well, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
Yeah, maybe. And I'll knock on the door...
and he'll hug me, and I'll have a dad.
I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be nice to me...
because, you know, I'm Frank's daughter.
So why not go knock?
Because, I mean, what if he's not this great dad guy?
What if he's still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us?
I've already lost a fake dad this week.
I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
Pheebs, that's okay. You took a big step today.
菲比 没关系的 今天你跨出一大步
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- 是吗？ - 对
Someday, when you're ready, you'll make it past the hedges.
And when you do, he'll be lucky to have you.
Sorry about your shopping.
Oh, that's okay. We'll figure something out.
I know you're not going in there...
but do you think it'd be all right if I went in and used his bathroom?
That's fine, never mind.
Kind of like a blank canvas.
Ho-ho-ho-holy crap, is it hot in here!
You mind if I turn the heat down?
We could have used that kind of thinking earlier!
So, Pheebs, how did it go?
Oh, ahem, I couldn't go in.
- Honey, I'm sorry. - Are you okay?
- 甜心 我很遗憾 - 你还好吧？
Yeah, it's okay, because I know he's there.
So that's enough for now.
Hey, it's after midnight! Merry Christmas, everyone!
Oh, right! Merry Christmas!
The knob was broken...
嘿 摩妮卡 开关坏了
so I turned it off from underneath. I hope that's all right.
Rach, these are for you.
I don't even have a car.
Ha, ha. No, but with this new-car smell, you'll think you do.
没错 有了这个新汽车芳香剂 你会以为自己真的有车
Okay, Pheebs, your turn.
好吧 菲比 轮到你了
Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
- Uh-huh. - Mm-hm.
- 嗯哼 - 唔
You got me a cola drink?
And a lemon-lime!
Well, this is too much. I feel like I should get you another sweater.
And last but not least...
They're ribbed for your pleasure.