Do you think there's a town in Missouri or someplace...
And as you're driving into the town, there's a sign and it says:
"You're in Sample."
- How did it go with Pete? - Tell us.
- 你跟彼特怎样了 - 快说
You're not gonna believe this. So I go...
I'm sorry. Excuse us.
- It's a little crowded. Do you mind? - Could you skooch?
- 店里有点挤 可以一起坐吗 - 挪一下
Move over just a little bit.
So, guys, listen. I go over there and, you know, I'm...
总之呢 我去找他 然后…
Why? What is wrong with me?
- What's the matter? - Tim...
- 怎么了 - 提姆…
...I have a feeling...
...my wife is sleeping with her gynecologist.
- He's got access. - I know.
- 他是近水楼台先得月 - 我知道
It's a feeling you get.
Like when you're in somebody else's bowling shoes?
- So you went to Pete's. - What happened?
- 你去了彼特家 - 发生什么事
Why is this happening to me?
Maybe it's my wound.
It's not healed yet?
Would you pass the cream? There's the cream.
Tomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me.
汤玛斯 这很难说出口 但我想亲口告诉你
- What is it? - I've been sleeping with your wife.
- 什么事 - 是我跟你老婆有一腿
You're the gynecologist?
I'm trying to have a private conversation.
Can I have a napkin? Could you please hand me a napkin?
Just give me the thing, all right?
And you are no longer my friend!
We are finished! Nada! No more!
You are a bastard for doing that!
So what were you gonna tell us?
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# 纵有狂风暴雨 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# Like I've been there before #
# 支持一如往昔 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
What was the big news Pete wanted to tell you?
Or should I say, "Mrs. Monica Becker"?
Oh, keep your name. Don't take his name.
He didn't ask me to marry him.
Then definitely don't take his name!
He wanted to tell me he's going to compete in some Ultimate...
...Fighting Competition thingy.
- Pete? - Why? What is it?
- 彼特 - 那是什么
I don't know exactly. It's sort of like wrestling.
But without the costumes.
And it's not fake. It's totally brutal.
It's two guys in the ring and the rules are, "There are no rules"!
You can bite and pull people's hair and stuff?
Anything goes except eye-gouging and fish-hooking.
- What's fish-hooking? - What's fish-hook...
- 什么是鱼钩手 - 就是…
Thanks. That would have been hard to describe.
What is that taste?
My hands are totally clean. I just gave the duck a bath.
Thanks for the warm welcome.
It's good to have you guys on my team. I come to play. I hope you do too.
很高兴有各位的加入 我要大展身手 希望你们也是
Let's go out there and get them! And remember:
There is no I in "team."
Yes, but there's two in "martini." So, everybody, back to my office.
You! Chuckles. What's your name?
It's Bing, sir. I'm sorry. I was just...
我姓宾 很抱歉 我只是…
No, no. I heard what you said. Funny. I like funny.
我听到你说的话了 很有趣 我喜欢
This team's about hard work, but it's also about having fun.
Good to have you aboard, Bing!
That's right. Ryder.
Winona Ryder for six.
- Yeah. We have the reservations. - Yes!
- 订到位子了 - 对
All right, buddy! Way to go!
Dude, what are you doing?
Thank you. My boss keeps slapping my butt and acting like it's no big deal.
说得好 我上司今天一直拍我屁股 还一脸不在乎
What'd you do about it?
I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy...
...who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
I gotta tell you, I think it's okay to be that guy.
Maybe it's that jock thing.
You know, how football players pat each other after touchdowns.
You know, I don't understand guys.
I mean, I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew...
...by, you know, grabbing her boob.
I know. For a really great stew, you'd just...
...stick your head in between them.
Can we please go eat?
- Yeah, what are we getting? - Anything but stew.
- 要吃什么 - 不要吃炖肉就好
So from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you.
Don't turn your back to him.
Or you could teach him a lesson, you know?
What you do is rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right?
Then when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell.
Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
What if Joey was President?
Can I ask you something?
- Yeah. - Okay, you can totally say no...
- 当然 - 前提是你可以反对…
...but would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?
My friend Bonnie. She always thought Ross was cute...
...and she asked if I could set it up.
- But if that's not cool... - Which one is Bonnie?
- 如果你会在意… - 邦妮是哪一个
You remember her from my birthday party?
...medium build, bald...
Great! Okay! Good for you! All right!
You are iron! You are steel!
Let me ask you, how come when I call your computer support line...
...I have to wait an hour and a half?
We're adding operators all the time. Could we concentrate on my training?
我们有加派接线生 专心训练 好吗
It's just hard when I know I have e-mail I can't get.
- Hi. - Monica!
- 嗨 - 摩妮卡
On the table. On the table, please.
Hey, um, so listen, my friends were telling me a little bit about...
...this Ultimate Fighting thing.
It sounds really dangerous.
I don't want you to get hurt, because I kind of like you.
I don't want to get hurt either. I'm being smart about this.
See these guys? They're the best trainers in the world.
Hoshi was a paid assassin.
A housepainter! He used to be a housepainter!
- Promise me you'll be careful. - I promise.
- 答应我一定要小心 - 我答应你
Are we still on for tonight? Good. Because...
- 今晚照旧吗 - 那好 因为…
...maybe we could have a little workout of our own.
No! No boom-boom before big fight!
How about just a boom?
That was depressing. I just bought a pretzel...
...from one of the kids from Fame.
- Ready to go to the movies? - Mm-hm. Oh, this is Bonnie!
- 可以去看电影了吗 - 噢 这是邦妮
This is Bonnie? You're Bonnie?
I can show you an I.D. If you want.
Oh, no. You look a lot different than the last time I saw you.
不是 你跟上次 我见到你时不太一样
Oh, yeah. Well, I just started wearing bras again.
Oh, that must be it.
Have fun tonight.
You said she was bald.
She was bald. She's not now.
How could you not tell me she has hair?
I don't know. I hardly ever say that about people.
Oh, well this is just perfect!
Well, I'm sorry. I thought you said it was okay.
I said it was okay when I thought she was some weird bald chick.
That girl has got hair all over her head!
- Maybe Ross won't like her personality. - Does she have a bad personality?
- 也许罗斯不会喜欢她的个性 - 她的个性不好吗
Oh, no, Bonnie's the best!
Read your CompuTek proposal. Real home run.
Ooh. Barely got you that time. Get over here!
That was a good one. Keep at it, team!
- What is with him? - "With him"?
- 他是怎么回事 - 怎么回事
You're his favorite. You're his guy!
We never get smacked.
That's not true. He smacked you once.
Not on purpose. He ricocheted off you and got me.
I'm telling you, I need some smacks.
I got a kid starting Dartmouth.
Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks!
达特茅斯 谁上达特茅斯 那里差劲透了
- You go to Dartmouth? - No, sir.
- 你念达特茅斯吗 宾 - 不是
There you go! Ha-ha-ha.
God, Ross! What is that?
天啊 罗斯 那是什么
The Ultimate Fighting Combo.
I saved 30 cents. Plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!
AFrom New York City, New York...
...appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut...
...he's known for his confrontational business style!
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing...
各位先生 女士 让我们欢迎…
And his opponent from Huntington Beach, California...
...he's a 300-pound street fighter...
- That guy's pretty huge. - Don't worry.
- 那家伙好魁梧 - 放心
I'll use his strength and weight against him.
Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.
You go get him. Let's go!
Here we go, gentlemen.
Are you ready? Then let's get it on!
Can I just tell you how proud I am of you?
It would be nice after hearing 20,000 people chant, "You suck!"
I thought you were nuts at first...
...but you did it.
Now you can just look back at this with no regrets.
You're not gonna keep going?
Let me ask you a question: Am I the Ultimate Fighting Champion?
I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
That guy stood on your neck until you passed out.
Let me tell you a story.
When I set out to create MOSS 865, do you think it happened overnight?
No. There was MOSS 1 that burned down my dad's garage.
There was MOSS 2 that would only schedule appointments in January.
And 862 others that I learned from.
Just like I learned from this fight never to let a guy stand on my neck.
You didn't know that already?
Look, I'm gonna get better.
Okay? I promise you.
Just get a lot better.
Hoshi thinks you being ringside may have affected my concentration.
That was the problem.
- How long until Pete's fight? - About five minutes.
- 彼特的比赛几点开始 - 还有五分钟
They're interviewing his opponent.
Apparently, he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
- Wow. Ha, ha. Hot dog? - Four, please.
- 热狗 - 麻烦拿四根
So how did it go with Bonnie?
Oh, I gotta tell you, I wasn't expecting to like her at all.
I actually wasn't expecting to like anyone right now.
But she's really terrific.
No, I'm saying I liked her.
There are other fish in the sea.
I think she's great, okay? We're going out again.
菲比 我觉得她很棒 我们要再约会
I hear you. Are you capable of talking about anything else?
Which one's my turkey burger?
The one next to my foot. Sorry.
- Fight's starting! - We'll be right in.
- 比赛开始了 - 我们马上进去
So did your boss try to slap you again today?
I had to put on lotion.
But it'll be okay. Tomorrow, I conduct an experiment.
And if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack-free.
Hey there, sports fan!
Bing! You got those numbers for me?
No. I didn't do them.
No, I just didn't do them.
Instead, I hung out with some friends and had a couple of beers.
So I certainly don't deserve praise. Verbal...
I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home.
Tappan Zee Bridge never looked smaller. Ha, ha.
That's okay. You're still my number one guy! Bing!
没关系 你还是我头号爱将 宾
I'm a little bit uncomfortable with the way that you express yourself.
Is it the swearing? Is it the constant swearing?
Because I gotta tell you, if it is, you can just kiss my ass!
No. It's not about the swearing. It's more about...
...the way that you occasionally...
...concentrate your enthusiasm...
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment.
It's just that I have a rather sensitive posterior.
And besides, it's making all the other guys jealous.
Well, say no more. You know, it takes guts to bring this up.
别再说了 你讲这些话 确实很有种
Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant...
...or inside his shower drain?
Look. It's Ross and that girl.
Look at that! It's a line of ants! They're working as a team!
- 看 有一排蚂蚁 它们在同心协力 - 菲比
Right. Oh, yeah. It looks like Ross is breaking up with her.
噢 对 罗斯好像要跟她分手了
I hope he lets her down easy.
Look at that! They are not breaking up! Look at them!
你看 他们没有要分手 看看他们
You know what that is? A second date, that's what that is.
Look, she just put her hand on his thigh.
That's nothing. She's very sexually aggressive.
It's your fault. Now he loves her. He'll marry her. It's all your fault.
都是你不好 他爱上她了 他会娶她 都是你的错
You said it was okay.
You said she was bald!
We can't let it happen. We have to do something. We have to break them up.
Just go in there and shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!
Okay, first of all, breathe.
Second of all, I don't get it.
Aren't you the one that decided you didn't want to be with Ross?
Well, isn't he your friend? Don't you want him to be happy?
It's just, you know, I didn't expect him to be this happy so soon.
- Oh, no. - What?
- 完了 - 怎么了
We killed them all!
It's not as bad as it looks. It's a precaution.
I'm not supposed to move my spine.
Please tell me you're stopping now.
I'm fine. I'd fight tonight if they'd let me.
Now, see this circle I'm marking off here?
This is my Zone of Terror.
You are insane! You've got to give this up!
I can't until I'm the Ultimate Fighter.
The day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight...
Not that I could beat Superman, but kids are stupid.
You are terrible at this, okay? You are the worst Ultimate Fighter ever.
I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm...
...and a severely bruised Adam's apple, but that really hurt.
Well, then you know what?
I care about you too much to watch you hurt yourself like this.
So if you have to do this, you'll have to do it without me.
If you're asking me to quit...
...then you're asking me to be someone I'm not.
I've got to do this.
Then I've gotta go.
- Monica? - Yes?
- 摩妮卡 - 是的
Could you leave a note? I'm on painkillers...
...and I might not remember this tomorrow.
So, in conclusion, the lines all go up, so I'm happy.
总而言之 曲线节节上升 我很满意
Great job, team! Tomorrow at 8:30.
Phil, nice job! Stevens, way to go!
菲尔 干得好 史蒂芬 漂亮
Goldberg, you maniac!
- Bing, couldn't have done it without you. - Thank you, sir.
- 宾 没有你可不行 - 谢谢
I forgot my briefcase, you know, by accident.
Of course you did. Forgot something else too, you bastard!
You're not feeling left out, are you?
No, not at all. That's ridiculous.
Everybody else got one, and you want one too. Don't you?
大家都有 你也想来一下 对吧
Now, get on out of here, you!
Pete Becker circles the ring.
Looks like he's just trying to feel him out.
Bruiser is charging!
Run, you crazy, rich freak!
Check it out! Pete's winning!
- Really? - No!
- 真的吗 - 才怪
Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favorite area!
Wait! If that's his favorite area, why is he being so mean to it?
Your last boyfriend, Richard, didn't want to have kids.
And from the looks of it, now Pete can't.