So I told Carl, nobody, no matter how famous their parents are...
...nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.
But of course, this went right in one ear...
I love how he cares so much about stuff.
If I squint, I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Oh, good. Another dinosaur story.
When are those gonna become extinct?
If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible...
...that would be the best.
What does Rachel see in this guy?
I wish she was my wife.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# 纵有狂风暴雨 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# Like I've been there before #
# 支持一如往昔 #
# I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
Hey, when you guys were kids and you played Happy Days...
嘿 你们小时候 玩"快乐时光"扮家家酒时…
...who were you? I was always Richie. - I was always Joanie.
- 都扮演谁我都演瑞奇 - 我是琼妮
Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers" the war cry of your neighborhood?
问题 "丢鸡蛋砸盖勒家" 是你街坊的口号吗
Ew, ew! It's the Mattress King.
Don't look. Change the channel.
Wait. I want to see this. After I divorce him...
等等 我想看 我跟他离婚后…
...half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.
Despair fills the mattress showroom.
My kingdom is suddenly without a queen.
I'm so depressed...
...I'm going to slash...
...my prices! Check it out!
599 for a California king. 499 for a pillow-top queen set.
I'm going medieval on prices.
Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.
I know. At 499 for a pillow-top queen, who cares about the divorce?
就是啊 舒适层加大床垫499元 谁还管离婚啊
Those babies will sell themselves.
And I'm appalled for you, by the way.
I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.
我的卖场很近 我很便宜 我是国王
Okay. Okay, Daddy. We'll see you tomorrow night. Okay, bye-bye.
好 爸 我们明晚再见了 拜拜
- Are, uh, having dinner with my dad tomorrow night. I hope that's okay.
Oh, shoot. Tomorrow's not good.
I'm supposed to, um, fall off the Empire State Building...
...and land on a bicycle with no seat, so...
Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Please. He refers to me as "Wet-Head."
Honey, he calls everybody by a nickname.
Okay, look, I know. Just one dinner. Please, one night. For me. Please?
听着 一顿晚餐就好 为了我就一晚 好吗
I just want him to love you like I do.
All right. Well, not exactly like I do.
But if you do come to dinner...
...I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
- Fine. - Thank you.
- 好吧 - 谢谢
- Hey, you guys. - Hey.
- 嘿 大家 - 嘿
- Hey. Hey. - Guess what.
- 嘿 - 你们猜怎么着
- I got a gig. - Great.
- 我有头路了 - 太好了
See, that's why I can never be an actor. Because I can't say "gig."
看吧 我就是不能当演员 因为我说不出"头路"
Yeah, I can't say "croissant." Oh, my God.
对啊 我也说不出"可颂" 天啊
- What's the part? - It's not a part. No.
- 什么角色 - 不是角色
I'm teaching Acting for Soap Operas at the Learning Extension.
Come on. That's great.
It's like my chance to give something back...
...to the acting community.
You know, you're probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.
Ugh. I don't know, Monica. It feels funny just being here.
我不知道耶 摩妮卡 光是来这里感觉就很奇怪
I mean, if you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband...
...that's like betraying Chandler.
Not at these prices.
You know, in England this car would be on the other side of the store.
你知道吗 如果在英国 这辆车就会在店的另外一边
Phoebe, come here.
Ah, this is my new bed.
You gotta feel this bad boy.
Ugh. Monica, it still feels so weird, you know?
Chandler's your friend. Oh.
Oh. All right, take this bed. You can make other friends. Oh.
好吧 买这张床 你可以交别的朋友
I am Mr. Tribbiani.
And I will be teaching Acting for Soap Operas.
...on my first day as Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of our Lives...
...uh, ahem, I learned that one of the most important things...
...in soap opera acting is reacting.
This does not mean acting again.
It means you don't have a line, but someone else just did.
And it goes something like this. Ahem.
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
By the way, before I forget. To work in soap operas...
还有 在我忘记之前 要演肥皂剧…
...some of you are gonna have to become much more attractive.
All right, moving right along...
- Oh! How was teaching last night? - Oh, it was great. You get to say stuff like:
- 昨晚教得如何 - 超棒的 可以说些很棒的话
"Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you. I dismiss you."
- Oh, nice. - Yeah.
- 真棒 - 对啊
Oh, and guess what. I got an audition for All My Children.
还有 我得到 "我的孩子们"的试演机会
Yeah, it's this great part.
This boxer named Nick.
And I'm so, so right for it, you know? He's just like me...
...except that he's a boxer...
...and has an evil twin.
Hear ye, hear ye. Delivery from the Mattress King.
来了 来了 床垫大王送货来了
- Okay. - Sign here.
- 好啊 - 在这里签名
Ooh. Do I have a middle name?
All right. Monica Felula...
It's that bedroom there.
Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Yeah. So please, please, please don't say anything to Chandler.
- You want me to lie to Chandler? - Is that a problem?
- 你要我对钱德撒谎 - 有问题吗
Oh, hey, hey, Nick the boxer. Let's see what you got.
噢 拳击手尼克 来看你有什么能耐
- Yeah. - All right, put them up. Come on.
- 好 - 好 做好动作啊
Hey, you're pretty good at this.
Yeah, I had to learn. I was staying at the Y...
对啊 我学过 我之前待过青年中心
...and some of the young men weren't acting Christian enough.
Ow. And I'm bleeding. Okay, great.
Wow. And I'm a vegetarian.
All right, I'm sorry. We'll put some ice on it.
好了 对不起 我们敷点冰块
- Put your head back. Ooh. - Okay. All right.
- 头往后 - 好
- I can't see. - I have you.
- 我看不到 - 我抓着你
Which bedroom do you want it in, Ms. Geller?
Oh. It's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay?
This is where they put us?
What? There was no table available in the kitchen?
- Hello, baby. - You remember Ross.
- 我的宝贝 - 你记得罗斯吧
Nice to see you again, Dr. Green.
- How's the library? - Uh, museum.
- 图书馆怎么样 - 博物馆
- What happened to the library? - There never was a library.
- 图书馆怎么了 -从来都没有过图书馆
I mean, there are libraries. It's just that I, um...
I've never worked at one. Ha, ha.
You know what's really good here?
- What do you say? Shall I just order three? - Yeah, if you're really hungry. Ha, ha.
- 你觉得怎样 直接点三只 - 好啊 如果你很饿的话
It was a joke. I made a joke.
Yeah, actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster.
What kind of person's allergic to lobster?
I guess the kind of person that works in a library. Ha, ha.
- It's not... - I know. It's a museum.
- 不是… - 我知道 是博物馆
What, you're the only who can make a joke? At least mine was funny.
We will have two lobsters and a menu.
So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?
- Do you know what rust does to a boat? - Gives it a nice antique-y look?
- 你知道锈会让船怎样吗 - 有怀旧风
Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that. Ha, ha.
Excuse me for a moment, will you, please?
I wanna say good night to the Levines before we go.
Honey, stop. It's not that bad.
亲爱的 别这样 没那么糟糕
Uh-oh. I think your dad must have added wrong.
He only tipped, like, 4 percent.
Yeah. Ahem, that's Daddy.
"That's Daddy"? Doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
"他就是这样" 这不会困扰你吗 你也是服务生
Yes, it bothers me, Ross.
But, you know, if he was a regular at the coffee house...
...I'd be serving him sneezers.
- So? - So, Ross...
- 那又怎样 - 罗斯…
...I've bugged him about this a million times. He's not gonna change.
Do you really serve people sneezers?
Ahem, well, um, I don't.
- All right, kids. Ready? - Yes.
- 好了 准备走了吗 - 好了
Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
- Oh, you don't need that. - Ahem, why not?
- 噢 你不需要的 - 为什么
The carbon. It's messy. I mean, gets on your fingers and causes...
...the, uh, night blindness.
Who put a 20 down here?
Oh, yeah, that would be me.
Um, I have... I have a problem.
I tip way too much, way, way too much.
- It's a sickness, really. - Yeah, it is. It is.
- 到了病态的地步 - 没错
- We have to do something about that. - Excuse me.
- 我们得想点办法 - 抱歉
You think I'm cheap?
He didn't mean anything by that.
- He really didn't. - Nothing I do means anything. Really.
- 真的没有 - 我做的事都没有什么意思
This is nice. I pay $200 for dinner.
You put down 20 and you come out looking like Mr. Big-Shot.
You really wanna be Mr. Big-Shot?
Here. I'll tell you what. You pay the whole bill, Mr. Big-Shot. All right?
这样吧 帐单由你来付 大爷
Well, "Mr. Big-Shot" is better than "Wet-Head."
Okay, some tricks of the trade.
Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor...
...so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry...
...I cut a hole in my pocket...
...take a pair of tweezers...
...and just start pulling.
Okay. Or uh... Or let's say I want to convey...
...that I've, uh, just done something evil.
Well, that would be your basic I've-got-a fish-hook-in-my-eyebrow-and-I-like-it.
No? Okay. Let's say I've just gotten bad news.
Well, all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13.
And that's how it's done.
Great soap opera acting tonight, everybody.
- Hey, Mr. Trib. - Hey.
- 嘿 老师 - 嘿
Guess what. I got an audition.
Oh. One of my students got an audition. I'm so proud.
I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it.
- Oh, you bet. What's the part? - Oh, it's great.
- 当然可以 什么角色 - 很棒的角色
It's a role on All My Children. Nick the boxer.
Had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't leave it alone.
Four percent, okay? I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.
Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along.
Would you see my chiropractor already?
Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to medical school in a mini-mall.
Hey, Pheebs. What are you doing?
I'm... I'm freaking out.
Monica kind of trusted me with something and she shouldn't have.
All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you.
Does Monica still turn the lights on in her bedroom?
- Ahem. Yeah. - I am so dead.
- 会 - 我完蛋了
All right, look, here's the bottom line, Ross.
好 听好我的重点 罗斯
This is fixable if we act fast, okay?
动作快的话 还可以补救 好吗
So I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Honey, I have tried to make nice. It doesn't work.
亲爱的 我试过了 但是没用
Okay. Look, I realize my father is difficult...
...but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Look, sweetie, I could be the bigger man. I could be the biggest man.
I could be a big, huge, giant man and it still wouldn't make a difference.
Except that I could pick your father up and say, "Like me. Like me, tiny doctor."
除了把他抓起来说 "你得喜欢我 小医生"之外
Okay, well, can't you just try it one more time, Ross? For me? For me?
好 你可不可以再试一次 就当作是为了我
Rachel, one brunch is not gonna solve anything.
You've gotta face it. We're never gonna get along.
Okay, well, you are just going to have to.
Okay? I've already got a mother and father who cannot stay in the same room.
I don't want to have a separate room for you too.
I'll get the bagels.
Isn't it cool? Vroom. Vroom.
This is not the bed I ordered.
I know. You must have won, like, a contest or something.
Why is this car in my bedroom?
I'm sorry, okay. I wasn't looking...
...and the store said that they won't take it back because you signed for it.
- When did I sign for it? - When I was you.
- 我什么时候签收的 - 我假装是你的时候
You know what? It's all Joey's fault because he left his nose open.
Did you make brownies today?
Quick. Take off your dress. He won't notice the bed.
快点 脱掉你的衣服 他就不会注意到床
Hey, I'm going for sushi. Does anybody want, uh...?
嘿 我要去吃寿司 有人要…
Whoa. Somebody missed the off-ramp.
It's Monica's bed. What?
So? This has always been Monica's bed. What, you're just noticing now?
How self-involved are you?
Okay, well, if this bed isn't new...
...then how come there's plastic on the mattress?
Sometimes I have bad dreams.
...I just saw my best friend's brain smeared across the canvas.
It's not gonna be me.
That was good. That was...
- Tweezers? - No.
- 有用钳子吗 - 没有
- That was really good. - Thanks.
- 真的很棒 - 谢了
You told him to play the boxer gay?
Well, I might have said "super-gay."
You totally screwed him over.
Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean, how could you do this?
乔伊 你是他的老师 怎么可以这样
Because, Monica, the guy's so good.
And I really, really want this part.
Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay.
- Hi, Daddy. - Baby.
- 嗨 老爸 - 宝贝
- Ross? - Dr. Green, how are you?
- 罗斯 - 葛林医师 你好
Thanks for dinner last night.
Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Nice hair. What did you do, swim here?
Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore.
好 够了 我不能承受了
What, what? He's interested in you.
- He just wants to know how you got here. - Oh, please.
- 喜欢你的头发 只想知道你怎么来的 - 少来了
- Sweetie, it's hopeless. I'm just gonna go. - What? Ross.
- 没用的 我要走了 - 什么 罗斯
- I'm sorry. It's just... - Ross?
- 对不起 只是… - 罗斯
What's with the neck?
He's got this thing and I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor.
You still going to that chiropractor?
That man couldn't get into med school in lxtapa.
Yeah, thank you. That's what I keep saying.
Excuse me, ahem, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Wait a minute. His name is Dr. Bobby?
- Well, that's his last name. - And his first name.
- 是他的姓氏 - 名字也是
He's Bobby Bobby?
Ahem. It's Robert Bobby.
And, um, excuse me. He helps me.
- Oh. Please. Ask her how? - What do you need help for?
- 请你问问她怎么帮的 - 帮你做什么
With my alignment. One leg's shorter than the other.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah. Argue with that.
- 天啊 - 是啊 要怎么跟她争
What? It's true. My right leg is two inches shorter.
干嘛 是真的 我的右脚短了两寸
Come on, you're just tilting.
- Her legs are fine. - I know that.
- 她的脚没事 - 我知道啊
- So why do you let her go to a chiropractor? - I'm sorry, "Let her"?
- 你为什么让她去看脊椎按摩师 - 什么叫"让她"
What can I do? She doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance, either.
Wait a minute. You don't have renter's insurance?
- No. Ahem. - So, what if somebody steals something?
- 没有 - 如果有人偷东西怎么办
How you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?
Hey, would you, uh...? Would you like some juice?
- I'd love some juice. - Okay.
- 好啊 - 好
Well, this is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?
Yeah, honey. I was standing right there.
Why don't you tell him about the mole I haven't gotten checked?
There will come a time in each of your careers...
...when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor.
I had such an opportunity in the recent present.
And I'm ashamed to say...
I advised a fellow actor to play a role...
We both auditioned for the part and, uh...
...as it turned out...
They liked the stupid gay thing and cast him.
...he's got a two-year contract...
...opposite Susan Lucci...
...the first lady of daytime television.
Me, I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people...
... most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Uh, may I help you? - Yes, hi.
- 有什么可以效劳的吗 - 有
I'm the lady who got stuck with the race-car bed.
Look, it's like I told you. There's nothing I can do.
You signed for it. "Monica Felula Geller."
All right, jester man, look, we wanna see the king.
听好了 弄臣 我们想见国王
Nobody sees the king.
Okay. I'm talking to the king.
Hey, you can't go back there.
Hey, watch it, lady.
喂 女士 小心点
All right, I'll leave.
My bed's so boring.