Hey. We are so in luck.
Treeger said we could have all this cool stuff from the basement.
Oh, no, no. I'm paddling away.
Wow. Really? We got all this rusty crap for free?
Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap...
...and some of it is not even popped.
Could we be more white trash?
How desperate am I?
Oh, good thing Chandler's not here. He always wins at this game.
I just told my mom I'd cater her party for her.
- How come? - Because I need the money.
- 为什么？ - 因为我需要钱
And I thought it'd be a great way to get rid of that last little smidgen of self-respect.
Come on, I think this is a good thing.
I don't think Mom would've hired you...
...if she didn't think you were good at what you do.
You don't have to stick up for her. She can't hear you.
Hey, um, do you guys have any juice?
Hey, uh, Rach. Funny story.
I bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
My boss, Joanna? Wow, that must have been awkward.
Well, no. Actually, she asked me if I wanted to get a drink.
You, uh, didn't say yes to that, did you?
Well, not at first.
What is she doing here?
Last time you went out with her, you said she was a dud.
I think I judged her too quickly.
And this time, we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
Well, last time, I almost got fired. You must end it. You must end it now.
It's not like this is an everyday occurrence for me.
I mean, usually I'm pretty much in there by myself.
Promise me you will end it.
- Okay. I promise I'll end it. - Thank you.
- 好 我会跟她分手 - 谢谢
But I hope you know what I'm giving up for you.
Because she's not just the boss in your office.
You know what I mean?
Oh, sorry. I knew what he meant.
How's the hired help?
Doing great. Quiches are coming along.
What's this? Blue nail polish?
Yeah, I thought it was cute.
Ha. It's what your grandmother's hands looked like when we found her.
Let me ask you a question.
Why did you hire me?
Oh, well, Richard raved about the food at his party...
...of course, you were sleeping with him.
Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice.
I assume you weren't sleeping with anyone there.
Though, at least that would be something.
Oh, my God. Did you hear that?
She hired me because she thinks I'm good.
Okay, I didn't hear that.
Yeah. She didn't hire me out of pity.
It wasn't so she could pick on me in front of her friends.
She actually thinks I'm good.
Wow. And hey, it's cool if you're a lesbian. Ha, ha.
Good afternoon. Are you the decision-maker of the house?
Do you, uh, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
No, no, but, uh, try the classifieds. People sell everything in there.
Actually, I'm not buying. I'm selling.
Let me ask you one question.
Do your friends ever have a conversation...
...and you just nod along...
...even though you're not really sure what they're talking about?
I'm telling you, it's totally unconstitutional.
- I hear you. Yeah it is. - I totally agree.
- 没错 - 完全同意
I think he deserves a Nobel Prize.
It was like the Algonquin kids' table.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
You haven't said anything for about two and a half minutes.
Are you at all interested?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, oh, yeah. Come on in. Come on.
- That's weird. - What?
- 怪了 - 怎么了？
Oh, I know. I never wear fake ones.
I just did it so my mom wouldn't give me grief about biting them.
No, I meant it's weird that you only have nine now.
I had them when I put...
Oh, my God. It's in the quiche.
- Oh, my God. - Okay, don't panic.
- 完了 - 好 不要慌
I'm gonna go to the store, get you another set of nails.
No one is gonna know, and you're gonna look great.
Oh. Oh, it's because they're gonna eat... That's the problem.
Honey, don't bite your nails.
Okay, uh, please don't freak out.
Um, but there's a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups.
And there's no way to know which one.
And whoever finds it wins the prize.
Ha, ha. I'm not freaking out.
Why are you laughing?
It's nothing. It's just that now your father owes me $5.
Ha, ha. What, you bet I'd lose a nail?
Oh, no, don't be silly. I just bet that I'd need these.
- Frozen lasagnas? - Mm.
- 冷冻千层面？ -嗯
You bet that I'd screw up?
So all that stuff about hiring me because I was good was...
No, that was all true.
This was just in case you pulled a Monica.
You promised Dr. Weinberg you'd never use that phrase.
Honey, come on. Have a sense of humor.
You're never able to laugh at yourself.
My mom doesn't have any faith in me. Oh, that's hilarious.
No. You have lasagnas.
Oh, the ruined quiches are ready.
It just doesn't feel like we're breaking up.
No, we are. I'm sad.
Uh, can you wait till tomorrow? All right.
No, no. That was my boss. I have to go.
What are you doing?
- I'm getting dressed. - Why?
- 穿衣服 - 为什么？
When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
Wait. I want to show you something.
Just a little gag gift somebody gave me.
Put your hands together.
You're not the boss of me.
I'll be back in two minutes.
You're, uh...? You're going to leave me like this?
Knowing you're here waiting for me, I think that's kind of exciting, don't you?
Okay, but if you don't come back soon...
...there's pretty much nothing I can do about it.
- Oh. - Hi.I brought you back a macaroon.
- 噢 - 嗨 我帮你带了杏仁饼回来
Oh, great. I'll keep it in my butt with your nose.
That's weird. She locked the door.
You know why? She's got the Christmas bonus list in there.
I saw her working on it this morning.
Okay, swear you won't tell.
But when Mark left, he gave me a key to Joanna's office.
- You want to see the list? - Yeah.
- 你想看名单吗？ - 想
I'm sorry. I may be a little longer.
- How little? - A couple hours. I feel awful.
- 多久？ - 两个小时 我觉得很抱歉
Look, this isn't funny. You get back here now.
- 一点也不好玩 马上给我回来
- I can't. - Why not?
- 我没办法 - 为什么？
I'm in my boss' car.
- What? - Uh-oh, tunnel.
- 什么？ - 进隧道了
Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
Okay, here's the situation. Ahem.
The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door.
Could you be a doll...
...and grab them and scoot on over here and unlock me?
And on a totally separate subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
You promised you would break up with her.
I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well.
And the fact that you were jeopardizing my career never entered your mind?
It did enter my mind.
But then something happened that made it shoot right out.
You know what, Chandler?
You got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out them.
No, no, no. I can't get myself right out of them.
You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler.
Come on, you have to unlock me.
She could be gone for hours, and I'm cold and...
她可能要去很久 我好冷 而且…
Ugh! Chandler. All right. This is it.
钱德 好 够了
You never see Joanna again.
- You never come into this office again. - Fine.
- 不准再进这个办公室 - 好
- You give me back my Walkman. - I...
- 把随身听还给我 - 我…
I never borrowed your Walkman.
Well, then I lost it. You buy me one.
You got it. Here we go. Come on. This is great.
没问题 快解开吧 太好了
- Aw. - Does it hurt?
- 呃 - 会痛吗？
No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off.
Hello, sweet pants.
Wait a minute. What are you gonna tell Joanna?
When she sees that you're gone, she's gonna know I let you out and I'm gonna get fired.
I'll make something up. I'm good at lying.
I actually did borrow your Walkman.
No, there's nothing to make up. She's gonna know I have a key to her office.
I've gotta get you locked back the way you were.
Oh, I don't think so.
Well, this is much better.
So here's somebody interesting, Joey.
What do you know about Van Gogh?
- Uh, he cut off his ear. - And?
- 他割掉自己的耳朵 - 还有呢？
Wow. That's pretty nice.
I thought he cut off his ear because he sucked.
- What else you got in there? - Let's see, uh...
- 还有什么？ - 我看看
- Where does the Pope live? - In the woods.
- 教宗住在哪里？ - 森林里
Wait, wait, that's the joke answer.
Actually, it's Vatican City.
Now, uh, what do you know about, uh, vulcanized rubber?
Spock's birth control.
You need these books.
This used to be your room?
Wow. Oh, you must have been in really good shape as a kid.
Oh, I'm such an idiot.
I can't believe I actually thought she could change.
Look, who cares what your mom thinks?
So you pulled a Monica.
Oh, good. I'm glad that's catching on.
哦 好的 我很高兴能迎头赶上
Why does that have to be a bad thing? Just change what it means.
You know, go down there and prove your mother wrong.
You finish the job you were hired to do and we'll call that "pulling a Monica."
Okay, um, if a kid gets straight A's, his parents would say:
"Yeah, you pulled a Monica." Ha, ha.
Oh, or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah, no, he pulled a Monica."
Or someone hits a home run, and the announcer says:
"Yeah, that one's out of here."
Because some things don't change.
All right. I'll go down there.
But I'm not gonna serve the lasagna. I'm gonna serve something that I make.
Wow, my breasts are really strong.
Chandler, please. I have to get you locked up back the way you were.
I'm so going to lose my job.
She's very private about her office.
Hey, look. You're in trouble either way, okay?
If she comes and sees me locked to this instead of the chair...
...she's gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
- I'll clean your bathroom for a month. - Still wouldn't be clean.
- 我帮你洗浴室一个月 - 还是洗不干净
All I want is my freedom.
- Foot rubs for a month. - Freedom.
- 揉脚一个月 - 自由
I'll take all your photos and put them into albums.
Freedom. I want my freedom.
Why won't you hear me? Sophie, help me.
- Help me. - Sophie, sit.
- 救我 - 苏菲 坐下
God, would you just calm down?
I'm going to say this for the last time.
Would you please just...?
Wow, there's a lot I didn't know about vomit.
So, what do you say, Joey?
You get the whole set of encyclopedias for $1200.
That works out to just 50 bucks a book.
Twelve hundred dollars?
You think I have $1200?
I'm home in the middle of the day...
...and I got patio furniture in my living room.
I guess there's a few things you don't get from book learning.
Well, uh, what can you swing?
How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
You don't have anything?
You want to see what I got? Okay.
I got a baby Tootsie Roll...
...a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex...
- 张电影票根 钥匙 面纸
...and an army man.
Okay, I get the picture. Uh, thanks for your time.
好 我懂了 耽误你了
Huh. These must be Chandler's pants.
For 50 bucks you can get one book.
What will it be? A? B? C?
I think I'm gonna stick with the V.
I want to see how this bad boy turns out. Heh.
I, uh, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
I, uh... Oh, I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning.
- With extra pulp? - Yeah.
- 有果肉？ - 有
There's gonna be rumors about this. There's no way to stop it.
Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
苏菲知道 摩妮卡 菲比知道
- How do Monica and Phoebe know? - Oh, I called them.
- 她们怎么会知道？ - 我打给她们了
When they ask me what I saw...
...I can be very generous...
...or very stingy.
- Go on. - I can make you a legend.
- 说下去 - 我可以让你成为传奇
I can make you this generation's Milton Berle.
- And Milton Berle has... - Oh. Not compared to you.
- 而唐璜… - 根本比不上你
- Well? - They're not even touching the lasagna.
- 怎样？ - 客人碰都没碰千层面
- Really? - Oh, they love your casserole.
- 真的？ - 他们好喜欢你的砂锅料理
It's hard to believe, just a little while ago, this was nothing but ingredients.
Everyone seems to like your dish.
So if everyone liked it, and you liked it...
...that would make this a success. Which would make you...
Well, I was going for "wrong," but we can use your word.
Yes, well, I was wrong.
And I have to say...
...you really impressed me today.
Um, you might even say that she pulled a Monica.
She doesn't know we switched it.
And the next time you cater for me...
...there will be nothing but ice in the freezer.
Well, that really means a lot.
Oh, Mom, don't bite your nails.
Hey, what's going on?
Two hours, that lasted.
So did you break up with Joanna?
Well, it's a good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like Vesuvius.
- The volcano? - Yeah.
- 那座火山？ - 对
And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent, igneous-rock formation.
Oh, yeah. Lava spewing, hot ash.
Of course, some are dormant.
Why are you talking about volcanoes all of a sudden?
Oh, we can talk about something else.
What do you want to talk about? Vivisection?
Oh, did anybody see that documentary on the Korean War?
Oh, God, Korea's such a beautiful country.
- With such a sad history. - Yeah.
- 命运却好悲惨 - 是啊
Could there be more Kims?
- Who's out there? - It's me. Good morning.
- 外面是谁？ - 是我 早安
Rachel, could you come in here a moment?
Yeah, sure. Um, they didn't have poppy-seed bagels...
...so I have sesame ones... Oh, my word.
I seem to have had a slight office mishap.
Could you get the key off the back of the door?
Tell your friend Chandler that we're definitely broken up this time.