Hey, remember when I had a monkey?
Yeah. What was I thinking?
Hey, so, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip.
You know what's more generous than that? Fifty percent.
- You know what's even more generous? - I see where you're going.
- 你知道怎样更大方？ - 我知道你想说什么了
- What's up with the greed, Joe? - All right, look, I'm sorry, you guys.
- 你干嘛这么贪心？乔伊 - 好吧 对不起 只是...
It's just that I gotta get these new headshots made...
and they're really expensive, you know.
I'm down to like three.
Actually, two, because one of them I kind of blackened in some teeth.
其实是两张 有一张的牙齿 被我涂黑...
Why'd I do that? Ugh.
Well, isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money?
I mean, can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here?
Or, you know, I used to beg for money.
Of course, it helps if you've got, you know, a little of this going on.
- Wow, I still have it. Ha, ha. - Yeah.
- 我现在还会 - 对
Wait, don't you have an audition today? Yeah. Maybe you'll get that job.
I used to get medical experiments done on me all the time.
Ah, finally, an explanation.
No, I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember?
不是 我以前常靠这个赚钱 记得吗？
Let's see. Uh... Well, I don't wanna donate sperm again.
I really prefer doing that at the home office, you know?
Ooh, ooh, maybe they want some of my blood or spit or something, huh?
- Joey. - Yeah?
- 乔伊？ - 怎样？
What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?
That guy's been waiting for his coffee for 10 minutes.
He's complained about you three times.
- Hey, what have you been up to? - Oh. We went to a self-defense class today.
- 你们在忙什么？ - 我们今天去学防身术
Yeah. Kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of you.
对 踢了一早上的鼠蹊部 什么鸟气都没了
Takes it out of you? Heh.
- No, now we can kick anybody's ass. - Yeah.
- 现在我们谁都能修理 - 没错
After one class? I don't think so.
What, you wanna see me self-defend myself?
Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator.
Of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming.
That's not enough.
Look, I studied karate for a long time.
And there's a concept you should really be familiar with.
It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Isn't that a kind of sushi?
- No, it's a concept. - Yeah, it is, it is. It's freshwater eel.
- 那是一种概念 - 是寿司没错 那是鳗鱼
All right, maybe it means that too.
Oh, I would kill for a salmon-skin roll right now.
You know what? Fine, get attacked. I don't even care.
好 被攻击活该 我才不在乎
Come on, Ross, we're sorry. Please tell us what it is.
好啦 罗斯 对不起 快告诉我们
Unagi is a state of total awareness.
Okay? Only by achieving true unagi...
can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
In case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat...
or your kettle of fish?
All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared...
for an attack against, like, each other.
Whole other story being prepared for an attack, I don't know...
All right, you knew that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
好 这次你们料到了 但不表示你们有Unagi
Ooh, if we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.
- Hey, hey, is Monica here? - No.
- 嘿...摩妮卡在吗？ - 不在
Okay, look, I need your help. I don't know what to get for Valentine's Day.
Well, Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar.
Heh. She was working on Valentine's Day, so we're celebrating it tonight.
Oh, hey, why don't you book a day for both of you at one of those romantic spas?
Ooh, Joey, that's actually a really good idea.
Yeah, and of course, crotchless panties.
Well, as appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend...
I can't. We promised we'd make each other gifts this year.
- Oh, I love that. - You guys.
- 我喜欢 - 真好
You can't make crotchless panties? You take...
- You take a pair of scissors and just cut... - Okay, okay, okay.
- 拿把剪刀给它剪... - 好了...
So making things, that sounds so much fun.
I thought so too, until I papier-mached one of my eyes shut.
I love papier-mache. What did you make?
- What is that? - Nothing.
- 那是什么？ - 什么也不是
So, what are you gonna do?
Have you guys made anything that I could take credit for?
Ooh, I have, I have. I started making these little sock bunnies.
Oh, for crying out loud.
Hey, wait a minute. That is my sock.
Now it's your little bunny friend.
This actually is a:
- Hey. - Hey, honey.
- 嘿 - 嘿 甜心
Can I ask you a question about the Valentine's Day gifts?
- Oh, yeah. - Do we have to make the entire thing?
- 可以啊 - 全都要自己做吗？
Yes. Why, did you forget to make yours?
I just have to, uh, go over to the place where I made it and pick it up.
I can't wait. It's gonna be the best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't believe it. Make the presents. Make the presents.
- What? - Just so excited to make the presents!
- 什么？ - 要做礼物好兴奋喔
Hi, I'm Joey Tribbiani.
And with all due respect, I'd like to donate some fluids.
We're at the end of one of our research cycles...
so we're not looking for applicants now.
That's too bad. I've kind of been saving up.
Uh, you sure there's no studies I can participate in?
Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up.
Oh, but this one starts now.
That one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible.
- It's a twin study. - But it's $2000.
- 那是双胞胎研究 - 但是有两千块钱
Well, how about this one?
"Testing the Effects of Joey Tribbiani on Attractive Nurse Receptionists."
We already got the results back on that one, and they're not good.
- That was good. - Wasn't that a blast?
- 那真的不错 - 很棒对不对？
- Danger! Danger! - God, Ross!
- 危险 危险 - 天啊 罗斯
What the hell was that?
A lesson in the importance of unagi.
At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
All right, so we weren't prepared.
I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point.
But, look, I just want you guys to be safe.
Two thousand bucks is a lot of money.
Boy, I wish I had a twin.
Where could I find someone...
who looks exactly like me?
I sensed it was you.
Okay, are you aware that unagi is an eel?
- What's up? - I can't figure out what to make Monica.
- 什么事？ - 我不知道该为摩妮卡做什么礼物
Oh. Why don't you make her one of your little jokes?
I'm going crazy, okay?
Do you have anything around here that looks homemade?
Oh, you know what? She'd love this.
It's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say, "Your love sends me to the moon."
Yeah, yeah. Except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon.
But you could write, um:
"Your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely."
Wait, I can't give this to her.
- Why not? - It says "Captain Ross" on the side.
- 为什么？ - 因为旁边写着"罗斯队长"
- And it says "I hate Monica" on the bottom. - Oh.
- 底下写着"我讨厌摩妮卡" - 哦
- Danger! - Aah!
- 危险 - 危险
Ah. Salmon-skin roll.
Yes, honey, I made it myself.
没错 甜心 这是我自己做的
I can't do it. I can't do it.
Oh, oh. A mixed tape. A mixed tape.
- Hey, hi. - Hey.
- 嘿 嗨 - 嘿
- You ready to exchange gifts? - Sure. Okay, you go first.
- 准备交换礼物了吗？ - 当然 你先
- Okay, come here, come here. - Okay.
- 好 过来 - 好
Okay, now, it's not wrapped, because I just finished it.
But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
Is "The Way You Look Tonight" on it?
Maybe. We'll have to listen and see.
- Oh, I love it. Thank you so much. Mwah. - Aw. Okay. Mwah.
- 我好喜欢喔 谢谢你 - 不客气
Okay, you ready to open yours?
Ha, ha. Yeah, yeah. Remember how I call you "bunny"?
Well, I did one time. And I wanna start doing it more.
- That's what this is about. - I see.
- 所以做了袜子兔 - 我懂了
You know, um, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.
No. No, she doesn't.
Phoebe, what she makes, that's... They're sock rabbits.
They're completely different. Okay, okay.
Okay, I didn't make it. I'm sorry. I totally forgot about tonight...
这不是我做的 对不起 我完全忘了今晚
and that we were supposed to make the presents.
- Oh, it's okay. I don't... - No, no, it's not okay. It's not.
- 没关系 我... - 不 当然有关系
I mean, you're so incredible.
You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me.
You know, I'm just gonna... I'm gonna make this up to you. I will.
I am going to cook you anything you want in here.
And I'm going to do anything you want in there.
Well, I did put a lot of thought into the tape.
- You are way too young to have seen that. - Oops. Ha, ha.
- 你还小 不该看的 - 哦 哈哈
Your birthday's in a month and a half.
What do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?
You are totally and completely 100 percent forgiven.
- We have got to wash that. - Yeah.
- 那个得拿去洗 - 没错
Hey, do you remember that jacket that you loved so much...
- that you thought was too expensive? - You have done enough.
- 又嫌它太贵？ - 你对我已经够好了
Ha, ha. I'm gonna wake up early and get it for you.
No, you don't have... Get it in black, not brown.
- Oop. Your cake is ready. - Oop.
- 你的蛋糕好了 - 噢
It's like that old saying, "Have sex, eat some cake."
Hey, Mon. Hey, Chan. Just getting a soda.
小摩 老钱 我来拿汽水
Who the hell are you?
"How you doing?" Damn it, Carl. Go wait in the hall.
你好吗... 真是的 去走廊等我
- Look, I got to apologize on behalf of Carl. - Who the hell is Carl?
- 我代替卡尔道歉 - 卡尔是谁？
Oh, did I not mention?
Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
You know, sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they?
Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work.
But the only problem is Carl's acting is:
Yeah. He's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial.
对 他害我两年前 痛失那只果汁大广告 记得吗？
We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.
Hey. Can I get a little piece of that cake?
Pizza. We like pizza. Get out!
彼萨 我们爱吃彼萨 滚出去
- Pat Sajak? - Yep.
- 派特赛贾克？ - 可以
- Alex Trebek? - Oh, of course.
- 亚历崔贝克？ - 当然
- Chuck Woolery? - Definitely.
- 恰克乌勒利？ - 绝对行
Phoebe, you will not find a single game-show host...
whose ass I cannot kick.
- Say it. - Say we are unagi.
- 说 - 说我们是Unagi
It's not something you are, it's something you have.
I could easily get out of this...
but there's a chance you could get very, very hurt.
All right, Carl, we're next. Now, remember, what is this not gonna be?
好 卡尔 接着就是我们 记住 这次不能怎样？
- Another Minute Maid fiasco. - That's right.
- 重蹈那次果汁广告的覆辙 - 没错
And what are you not gonna do?
- I'm not gonna talk, because... - Ah. Damn it, Carl.
- 我不能讲话 因为... - 你还讲 卡尔
Can I have the next one, please?
Joey and Tony Tribbiani.
But, uh, this is a study for identical twins.
That's right. Two thousand dollars.
But you're not identical twins.
Hey. Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals.
Tonight, number three:
Macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs.
Look, you have done enough, okay? You have to stop this now.
I will, but not tonight.
For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape that you made me.
- Oh, the mixed tape. - Mm-hm.
- 喔 那卷合辑 - 嗯
Oh. "The Way You Look Tonight" is on here.
# And the way you look tonight #
You are just the sweetest.
I love the way you look every night, Chandler.
That's why I made you this tape.
Happy birthday. Love, Janice. Mwah.
No, you're the sweetest.
Okay, ladies, that ends today's class. Let's remember, let's be safe out there.
小姐们 今天的课到此为止 记住 一定要平安
- Great class. Heh. - Thanks, man.
- 你教得真好 - 谢谢
Yeah, yeah. I was watching.
Um, hey, a couple of questions, though.
Um, you know that last move...
where that woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor?
What would you do next?
Well, then she'd take her keys and jam them in your...
No, no, no. What would you do next?
- Who, me, the attacker? - Yes, that's right.
- 你是说攻击者？ - 是的
I tried attacking two women. Did not work.
- What? - No, I mean, it's okay.
- 什么？ - 没关系 她们是我的朋友
I mean, they're my friends. In fact, I was married to one of them.
Let me get this straight. You attacked your ex-wife?
Oh, no, no, no. Heh.
But I couldn't. That's why I'm here.
Maybe we could attack them together.
I am so, so, so sorry.
Oh! And I will cook anything you want in here...
and do anything you want in there.
Yeah, you will, and are you kidding me?
Come on, Monica, it's our Valentine's Day.
Please, please, please?
- Okay. - Okay.
- 好吧 - 好吧
# Sweet comic valentine You make me... #
- So are we going in there? - I am.
- 要进房间了吗？ - 我要
# Your looks are laughable #
I don't like sitting up here. I'm gonna go over...
No, Rachel, they got here first.
- Why is Ross doing that? - Danger!
- 罗斯在干嘛？ - 危险
Oh, my God. Why is he jumping on those women?
We should help them.
I don't think they need any help.