So thanks for coming by, guys.
We wanted to bounce some ideas off of you about the wedding ceremony.
- What's the matter? Are you okay? - Yeah, it's just...
- 怎么了？你还好吗？ - 那只是因为…
Monica said "wedding."
Uh, so we wanted to know if one of you would like to read something.
Okay, yeah, I guess I can do that too.
Yeah, I kind of, ahem, have something else planned for you guys.
- Do you mind telling us what it is? - Sorry.
- 你能告诉我们是什么点子吗？ - 抱歉
I'm kind of keeping this one on the QT.
Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking.
So I talked to one of the DOOL writers...
- What is DOOL? - Days Of Our Lives.
- 什么是《我日》？ - 《我们的日子》
You're not gonna believe it. My character is coming out of his coma!
- That's wonderful. - Wow, Joey.
- 那真的是太棒了 - 哇 乔伊
And not only that. I'm getting a new brain!
So great things are happening at work and in your personal life.
What do you mean you're getting a new brain?
They're killing off one of the characters, and when she dies...
...and her brain is being transplanted into my body.
Heh, what? A brain transplant?
I think it's ridiculous that you haven't had sex in three and a half months.
It's winter. There are fewer people on the street.
Who are they killing off?
Uh, Cecilia Monroe. She plays Jessica Lockhart.
She is so good at throwing drinks in people's faces.
I don't think I've ever seen her finish a beverage.
The way she slaps people. Wouldn't you love to do that?
And she's been on the show forever.
- It's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes. - Yeah.
-要代替她一定很难 - 嗯
Help me out here. When you...
When you come out of the "brain transplant"...
...you are going to be her?
Yes, but in Drake Ramoray's body.
Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist.
Rach, so that guy there:
Straight or gay?
Oh, yeah, he's too cute to be straight. Ha, ha.
Ooh, Knockers will help us figure it out.
All right, straight.
And not subtle.
- He left his cell phone. - Oh?
- 他忘了拿手机 - 哦？
We could hand it to Gunther, he'll put it in lost and found.
Or we could use it to call China, see how those guys are doing.
What if, uh, he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it, and I answer...
...and we start talking and we fell in love?
Wouldn't that be a great story?
- Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age. - Yeah.
- 就像是数字时代的童话故事 - 耶
That does sound great. I'm gonna get the phone.
What? Wait. Why do you get the story?
I don't know. I haven't been out on a date in so long.
Phoebe, you had a date three days ago.
That wasn't a date. That was friends getting together and having sex.
那不是约会 那只是 朋友聚会 然后做爱
Okay. Great. See, I get the phone.
No way. You just broke up with Tag a week ago.
Yeah, and until now, I didn't think I would love again.
对 直到现在 我才明白 我能再爱一次
- Nice try. - Hey, wait.
- 说的好 - 等一下
How do we fairly decide who gets the phone?
Maybe we could, uh...
Ah-ha! Too slow! Ha-ha-ha.
I'm going to date him. There's nothing you can do.
What, are you going to kill him like you did Charles?
That was a great scene. And that slap looked so real. How do you do that?
你演得太好了 刚刚那一巴掌 很逼真 你怎么办到的？
- Oh, just years of experience. - Can I get some ice here?
- 那只是多年的经验 - 快拿冰块过来给我
Anyway, I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you are.
You're not the fan who's dying, are you?
No, uh, I'm Joey Tribbiani. We did a scene together yesterday.
- I'm the guy in the coma. - Oh, that was a real person?
- 我就是那个昏迷的人 - 那是真人？
I wanted to say, since I'm getting your brain when you leave the show...
- ...I was wondering if there was any tips... - I'm leaving the show?
- 我在想如果… - 我要离开？
I don't know, why? Did you hear something?
- Who told you that? - Oh, uh...
- 是谁告诉你的？- 那个…
- One of the writers. - Which? Was it bald or was it tall?
- 编剧之一 - 哪个编剧？是秃头佬还是高个子？
You know, it doesn't matter, because it is not true.
And if it were true, how dare you come to me and ask me for tips...
...about a character I've been playing for 20 years!
Miss Monroe... Oh, there you go.
Okay, look, I have an idea.
好吧 听着 我有个点子
Why don't we see what kind of numbers he has on his speed dial?
And then from that, we can tell who has more in common with him...
...and whoever does gets the phone.
- Fine. All right. - All right.
- 好吧 - 好吧
- First name on the speed dial is "Mom." - Oh.
- 速拨键的第一个名字是"妈妈" - 哦
I lost my mom to suicide.
Okay, no way.
You can't use that to get the cute guy and the last muffin.
Did I use that already today? I'm sorry.
"Ben, Carlos, David..."
班 卡洛斯 大卫…
Oh, I win. He's got Barney's on his speed dial.
So? You don't know that it's Barney's the store.
That could be his friend's house, or a bar, or...
Who has Barney's the store on their speed dial?
His new girlfriend.
I think it's the Dying Cat Parade.
Sounds like it's coming from across the street.
- Oh, my God. - What?
- 我的天啊 - 什么？
The thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?
He was hanging out with me yesterday and he said, "You're half Scottish, right?"
No. There is no way. It cannot be Ross.
不 不可能 不可能是罗斯
Unbelievable. Why is your family Scottish?
Why is your family Ross?
He cannot play at our wedding. Everyone will leave.
I mean, come on. That is just noise!
It's not even a song.
Wait. If you listen very carefully, I think...
...it's "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.
You're absolutely right. They are writing me out of the show.
They don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but apparently it's soon...
他们还没有决定 什么时候 但应该很快…
...and then that's it.
I'm sorry. If it was up to me, you would never leave the show.
我真的很抱歉 如果我可以决定 你永远都不会离开这出戏
- Yeah, thanks. - No, I mean it.
- 谢谢你 - 我是认真的
I can't believe they'd do this to you. And to your fans.
They're gonna be devastated. Heartbroken. They love you so much.
What's your name again?
- Joey. - Joey. Well, thank you.
- 乔伊 - 谢谢你
That is so sweet. Oh.
The... The only reason I came up to you before...
...was because, well...
...because I'm really nervous about being you.
You know, if you could help me capture the essence of the character.
Help me keep Jessica alive. Please?
帮助我让洁西卡 继续活下去 可以吗？
All right, Joey, I will help you.
好吧 乔伊 我会帮你
Not because I owe it to this stupid show...
...but because I owe it to Jessica.
- Oh, that's great. Thank you so much. - You're so welcome.
- 那真的是太棒了 谢谢你 - 别客气
I've been watching some tapes. How's this?
Jessica Lockhart will never step foot in this place again!
Oh, but, Jessica doesn't have an English accent.
I can do an English accent?
That baby's going on my resume.
- Hi, Pheebs. How are you? - Good.
- 嗨 你好吗？ - 我很好
Um, Phoebe, remember when we were in the coffeehouse...
...we decided I was gonna keep the cute guy's phone?
- Yeah. - And I was gonna keep it in my purse...
- 嗯 - 我要把它放在我的皮包里
...so if it rang, I could just pick it up?
And then do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?
Ooh, now you lost me.
- You stole the phone. - No, I didn't.
- 你偷走了手机 - 不 我没有
No? So you're saying that if I called it, it wouldn't ring?
- No. - Hmm. Okay.
- 不会 - 好吧
But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag.
既然你要拨号了 我要让你看看 我刚买的响铃皮包
Oh, it does work.
- Phoebe. - That is a different phone.
- 菲比 - 那是另一只手机
Oh, is it? Hello. Yes, hi. Is Rachel there?
是吗？喂 对 你好 瑞秋在吗？
Yes, she is. Just one moment, please. It's for me!
她在 请稍等 是找我的
That is damning evidence.
Oh, my God. I bet that's him.
My digital fairy tale's about to begin.
Would you stop doing that?
Hello? Yes, I'm the one who found your phone.
喂 对 我就是捡到你手机的人
- Phoebe, you can't do th... - Shh, I'm on a call.
- 菲比 你不能… - 我在讲电话
Well, yeah, I mean, you could pick it up tonight. Say, 8:30?
对 今晚你能过来拿 就八点半吧？
At my apartment. It's, um...
It's, um, 5 Morton Street, apartment 14.
And then maybe, you know, after, we could grab a bite to eat or whatever.
Okay. Okay, I'll see you then. Bye.
好的 到时候见 再见
You do know that I will be here when he comes over.
Oh, and how will you know what time to come over?
You just said it.
Joey, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence.
So when Jessica enters a room, for instance...
...she owns everything...
...and every person in that room.
- You try it. - Okay.
- 你来试试看 - 好吧
Right. Well, he's not mad at the room.
Try it again. He owns it. He owns the room.
再试一次 他拥有它 他拥有这个房间
It is his. He owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!
这是他的 他拥有 这个房间 他拥有它
It's a little weird, but it's getting better.
Oh, I'm gonna miss this woman so much. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
It's been 20 years of my life.
Hey, hey. Maybe... Maybe, uh... Maybe this is a good thing.
或许 或许… 这是件好事
You know? Lt'll give you a chance to shake things up. Play different characters.
You're so talented.
Probably should've just left years ago when the offers were pouring in...
...but, you know, I just got so comfy here and...
Ugh, I turned down some amazing work.
- Like what? - Well...
- 譬如说呢？- 呃
...let's just say if I'd left 15 years ago...
...the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today.
But, well, now... Now's a different time for me.
Oh, hey, come on. Don't, uh... Don't do this.
Let me tell you something, okay?
When I watch you do a scene, I'm thinking, "Boy, she is a great actress."
当我看到你演戏时 我想"天啊 她是个很棒的演员"
But... But I'm also thinking, "She is hot."
You think I'm hot?
You own the room.
We... We should probably get the...
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we should get...
So when Jessica kisses a man...
...she usually puts, um...
...both her hands on the man's face.
Yeah, I notice that. Is that because she's so passionate?
我注意到了 那是因为她 充满了热情吗？
No, it's because that way the camera only sees her.
不 那是因为 那样子摄影机只能拍到她
You want to try it?
That was good. That was really good.
But I think that maybe your hands are just a little off.
- They should be, maybe... Like, right... - Mm.
- 它们应该… - 呃
Well, I feel like a snack.
Do you want some shortbread? It's Scottish, like you are.
Oh, no, thanks. I don't like anything from my Scottish heritage.
不 谢谢 我不喜欢苏格兰的东西
Well, it's just that my entire family was run out of Scotland by...
It sounds to me like your family's ready to, uh, rediscover its Scottish roots.
You can't play bagpipes at the wedding!
How did you know about that?
We heard you play all the way from your apartment.
Were you the ones who called the cops?
That's not really important right now. Ahem.
What is important is, while we appreciate the gesture...
...we just don't feel that bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.
- Why not? - Because we hate them.
- 为什么？ - 因为我们讨厌风笛
Just give me a chance to perform for you, and then decide whatever you want.
I'm not gonna tell you what song I'm gonna play, either. But, uh...
...let's just say when it's over...
...I'll bet there'll be a wee bit o' celebration.
- I'm here to pick up the phone. - Ah!
- 我来拿手机的 - 哦
Whoa, why do you get to answer the door?
- Why shouldn't I? - Because it's my apartment.
- 为什么不行？ - 因为这里是我家
Well, then I get to give him the phone.
Okay. Good luck explaining all the calls to China.
好吧 希望你能好好 跟他解释那些打到中国的电话
Wow, how long were we arguing for?
You're not the man who left the cell phone.
- No, that's my assistant. - Is he coming?
- 对 他是我的助理 - 他会来吗？
Could you, uh, give us one second?
- Sure. - We'll be right back, sir.
- 没问题 - 我们马上回来
- Well, what do we do? - I don't know.
- 我们该怎么办？ - 我不知道
Can you believe this?
We were waiting for a hot guy and an even hotter one shows up.
...if you let me have him, then I will really owe you one.
All right, Phoebe, I will let you have him.
But you owe me. You owe me big.
So which one of you lovely ladies am I gonna take to dinner, huh?
Oh, that'd be me, sir.
- After you. - Okay, thank you.
- 请 - 哦 谢谢
Well, you certainly own that room.
Actually, I rent the whole place.
And I just got what you meant. Thank you.
Aah! Jessica Lockhart! In my apartment!
I am such a huge fan. I am such a huge fan.
Well, it's nice to know that...
That, uh... That's my roommate, Rachel.
Oh, that explains all the women's underwear.
Oh, my God, it's true!
Can I just ask you to do me... Aw... . Just one favor?
Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?
I'd love to, but my lawyer said I can't do that anymore.
我很愿意 但我的律师说 我不能再那么做了
- All right, here we go. - Okay.
- 好了 我们走吧 - 好
No, wait. Just one moment. Um...
- You're a stupid bitch. - I really can't slap you.
- 你个蠢贱人 - 我真的恨不得一巴掌打死你
- My God, you're great. - Thanks for stopping by. See you.
- 我的天 你真了不起 - 多谢阻止 再见
- I am so sorry about that. - Oh, no, no, no.
- 我真的很抱歉 - 不
Being adored, I'm used to it. Don't worry about it.
- Oh, my God. - What?
- 我的天啊 - 什么？
They sent me today's script. They never send me the script.
- They don't? - Well, no, I'm in a coma.
- 是吗？ - 我一直都昏迷不醒
This must mean I have lines.
How does it happen?
You get thrown from a horse into an electric fence.
A what? Jessica hates horses.
I'm guessing after this she's not gonna be crazy about electricity, either.
Loosening the saddle on Mother's horse was brilliant, Fredrick.
在妈妈的马鞍上动手脚 是个超级好点子 佛莱德克
And the electric fence, inspired.
Thank you, sweetheart.
I can't believe she's really gone.
Look around you. All of this is ours.
I don't think so.
What's the matter, Dina?
Don't you recognize your own...
Cut! That was great, everybody. Thank you.
卡 大家都演得很好 谢谢
That was so wonderful!
Oh, I think that you're a better Jessica than I ever was.
- Oh, no. - Of course not, but you were very good.
- 喔 不 - 当然不是 但你真的很棒
Guess what? Good news. I got another job.
Great. Hey, all right! What is it?
A film in Guadalajara.
No, that's LaGuardia.
- This is Mexico. - Oh, wow.
- 我要去墨西哥 - 哇
Well, how long will you be gone?
- That's a really long time. - Yeah, but you could come and visit me.
- 那真的很久 - 对 但你可以来看我
I bet that you could, uh, own a few places down there.
Oh, you know, I should probably buy a place in the city first.
And I just got what you meant. That is a...
- I'll tell you, that's a tricky one. - It's a tricky one.
- 那真的有难度 - 真的很难
Ahem. Okay, now, uh, remember, I'm still learning.
One, two, three, four!
一 二 三 四
You know the song. Sing along.