- Hey. What's up? - I left my guitar here again.
- 怎么了 - 我忘了拿吉他
Oh, okay. No problem.
- Okay. Here you go. - Okay.
- 拿去吧 - 好的
- What? - You want to hang out or something?
- 什么 - 你要聊聊吗
Phoebe, you caught me at a bad time.
- Oh, are you and Chandler...? - Yes. Exactly.
- 你跟钱德… - 没错
- Okay. Want me to play for you? - No.
- 要我帮你们伴奏吗 - 不必
Hey, Pheebs, what's up?
You ask an intriguing question, Chandler Bing.
Oh, my God! You're getting a massage? You never let me massage you.
天啊 你请人帮你按摩 你从来不让我帮你按摩
- Phoebe, I can explain. - You told me you hate massages.
- 菲比 我可以解释 - 你说过你讨厌按摩
Buy stamps. Pick up dry cleaning. Don't let Phoebe in.
去买邮票 拿干洗的衣服 别让菲比进来
I can't believe this. How long has this been going on?
- Well, uh, Alexandra has... - Oh, it has a name?
- 亚丽珊卓… - 它还有名字
Phoebe, don't get upset.
Okay. Oh, too late! I'm leaving. Come on, Chandler, let's go.
好吧 太迟了 我要走了 来吧 钱德 我们走
Well, I thought I'd...
Yeah, what the hell.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
Okay, come on. One more push.
Come on, we're almost there.
Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us and we're having this baby together.
- I love you so much. - Oh, I love you too.
- 我爱你 - 我也爱你
Mm. I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this...
...but you're the best sex I've ever had.
That's always appropriate.
Okay, come on, one more push. One more push.
来吧 再推一次 再推一次
Here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations.
I hope you're a better father than you are a friend!
- Joey! - What, what?
- 乔伊 - 什么
- What's going on? Uh... - Feel this. Come feel my belly.
- 发生了什么事 - 快来摸摸我的肚子
The baby's kicking for the first time. Please come feel.
- Really? Uh... - Yes.
- 真的吗 - 对
You know what? Maybe, uh, you...
Maybe you should come to me.
- I'm not wearing any bottoms. - Oh, okay.
- 我没有穿裤子 - 好吧
Wow, she is kicking so much. She's like, um...
Who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
- Mia Hamm? - Mia Hamm!
- 米亚·汉姆 - 米亚·汉姆
- Oh! It's amazing. - Whoa. One hand on the sheet, Joe.
- 太神奇了 - 抓住你的床单 乔伊
- Hey, babe. - Hey, honey.
- 嘿 宝贝 - 嘿 亲爱的
We got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing. They don't like us, do they?
巴伯跟菲伊宾送我们结婚礼物 他们不喜欢我们 对吧
Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under $6?
- Maybe we can take it back. - Doesn't say where it's from.
- 或许我们能把它退回去 - 没说它来自哪里
- Where would we return it? - How about to the street, from the balcony?
- 我们要把它退到哪里去 - 何不从阳台把它丢到街上
Why don't we just find a place for it?
How about in that cabinet?
That's where we keep canned goods.
Have you forgotten everything you learned in orientation?
How about the closet by the bathroom?
Oh. Okay. Why don't you let me do it.
No, no, no. I will do it.
You have to relax and let your husband take care of things once in a while.
It's locked. You have to help me.
No reason. I keep private things in there.
You know, I've been living here a while...
...and I've never seen what's in that closet.
Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
Nothing in there concerns you. If you love me, you'll just let it go.
那里面没有你喜欢的东西 如果你爱我 忘了这件事
- Fine. - Thank you.
- 好吧 - 谢谢
Hello, Chandler. Lovely day, huh? You.
钱德 今天天气真好 是你
If it helps, Alexandra's only been massaging Monica for, like, three years.
If! I said, if it helps.
Why won't you let me massage you?
Uh, well, it's... I'd be self-conscious.
You're my friend. I'd be naked.
We lived together for years. I've seen you naked.
That's different. We were roommates. And when?
那不一样 我们是室友 那是什么时候的事
I'm curious about the human body.
You can understand why this would be weird for me.
I'm a professional and I'm really good.
If you're uncomfortable, we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay? Please?
如果你觉得不舒服 我们就停止 给我一个机会 拜托
Okay, if it means that much to you.
It does. How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking?
没错 如果你无法分享你的厨艺 你会有什么感觉
Or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn't teach us about dragons.
- Dinosaurs. - Potato, "potato."
- 是恐龙 - 都一样
- Hey. - Ross, the baby's kicking.
It's not kicking right now.
Although we would love to see you do that again.
When was it kicking? What happened?
Last night. I felt it. I went into Joey's room, and he was sleeping.
My God, the baby's kicking. That's great.
天啊 宝宝会踢了 真的是太棒了
I wish I would have been there to feel the kicking for the first time.
I got some stuff going on in here if you want to feel.
I don't want to miss any more baby stuff. Here's my pager number.
Anytime anything pregnancy-related happens, use it. I'll be there.
I don't care if it's 3 in the morning and you want ice cream.
Wow. Can I get a copy of that?
- Are you under the sheet? - Yes.
- 你裹着床单吗 - 对
Great, let's begin.
How's the pressure?
It's nice. Wow, Phoebe, you are good.
很不错 菲比 你真的很厉害
Stating the obvious, but thank you.
- And it's not weird, is it? - No.
- 那一点都不奇怪 对吧 - 没错
That's right, you just enjoy.
- Oh, yeah! - Okay.
- 对 - 好吧
Oh, that's it! That's it, right there! Oh!
I wasn't trying to open your closet. I wasn't trying, I swear.
Wow. Monica runs a pretty tight ship here, doesn't she? What are you doing?
摩妮卡管你很严 对吧 你在做什么
Monica has a secret closet. She won't let me see what's in it.
- Why not? - I don't know!
- 为什么 - 我不知道
What could she possibly be hiding in here what I can't see?
I'll bet it's Richard.
Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Well, off the top of my head, uh...
...maybe she's having her cake and eating it too.
You being the "cake," Richard being the "too."
- Or... - And here we go.
- 或是… - 又来了
I saw this movie once where there was a door.
Nobody knew what was behind it.
And when they finally got it open, millions and millions of bugs came pouring out...
...and they feasted on human flesh!
You know, it wouldn't kill you to respect your wife's privacy!
Stupid closet full of bugs!
Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I don't... Whoa!
乔伊 我觉得怪怪的 那不是好事 我不…
Whoa! Don't worry. When my sisters were pregnant...
...they got every weird feeling and it was always nothing.
- Really? - Absolutely.
- 真的吗 - 当然
But we'll stop by the hospital just to be sure. I'll page Ross.
Okay, oh, God... Ow.
Oh, okay, Rach, look at me. Everything's gonna be fine.
瑞秋 看着我 一切都会没事的
- Okay. - Trust me. Take my hand. Here we go.
- 好吧 - 相信我 握着我的手 我们走吧
Ow! Crushing bones!
Good thing we're going to a hospital.
- Hey. So? - She's fine.
- 结果呢 - 她没事
She was experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions.
Mild discomfort in the uterine wall.
Mild discomfort? I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies?
- Everything is normal? - Yes.
- 一切都很正常 - 对
- There's no danger to her or the baby? - No.
- 没有危险 - 对
Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know, but she's fine.
Thank you, doctor. And thank you for being nice and calm.
谢谢你 医生 谢谢你这么温和冷静
Calm? I wasn't calm! I've never been more scared in my life.
- You said everything was okay. - What do I know? I'm not a doctor.
- 你说一切都会没事的 - 我知道什么 我不是医生
- But everything is okay. I'm fine. - You sure?
- 但一切都没事 我没事 - 你确定
Yes. I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus.
Mild discomfort! What's he talking about?
- Is everything okay? - Everything's fine.
- 没事吧 - 没事
Your page said, "Come to the hospital." What happened?
Something called Braxton Hicks contraction.
That's no big deal. Most women don't feel them.
Okay, no uterus, no opinion.
Hey, uh, what's with the candy?
When you beeped me I was at the concession stand at the movies.
- You went to the movies by yourself? - No... Mona!
- 你自己去看电影 - 蒙娜
- Oh, I gotta go back in there. - Why? What's wrong?
- 我得回检查室去 - 发生了什么事
- Everything's fine, I just gotta... - No, really, tell me. What's up?
- 我得… - 不 告诉我 怎么了
Look, I forgot my underwear.
So thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital.
Oh, hey, don't worry about it. No big deal.
But still, it should have been me. I'm the dad.
If you have questions...
...here's information on Braxton Hicks. - Thanks.
- 这是不规则收缩的资料 - 谢谢
And by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in.
You're gonna make a wonderful father.
Hey, not as good as this guy. He brought Twizzlers.
- There has got to be a way. - Easy there, Captain Kirk.
- 一定会有办法 - 别紧张 寇克船长
- Oh, do you have a bobby pin? - Yeah.
- 你有小别针吗 - 有
Oh, no, wait. I'm not a 9-year-old girl.
不 等一下 我不是九岁的小女孩
Then why do you throw like one?
- Maybe Monica has a bobby pin. - Oh, sure, "Monica."
- 或许摩妮卡有小别针 - 对 "摩妮卡"
So how's the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
Really good. I should be ready to kill myself any day now.
Well, you sure found that quick.
I just wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel.
I wish things could go back to normal.
I mean, I love living with her, and helping out with the baby is amazing.
But now I think Ross feels left out.
You know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital...
...the doctor thought I was the father. God, you...
You should have seen the look on Ross' face.
By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here.
For all I know, I'm locking it more.
Hey, you try opening it with a credit card?
- That's a good idea. Okay. - Yeah.
- 好点子 - 对
So, uh, Ross is kind of bummed, huh?
- I ju... I feel terrible. - It's not your fault.
- 我觉得很难过 - 那不是你的错
What are you gonna do, not take her to the hospital?
You're doing nothing wrong.
Except for harboring an all-consuming love for the woman carrying his baby.
Richard, if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card?
理查 如果你在里面 麻烦你把信用卡还我
I gotta tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good.
No, no, I got that.
So, um, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?
You should know though, I've, um, raised my rates to $200 an hour.
- Okay. - I mean 500.
- 好吧 - 我是说五百块
- What? - 600.
- 什么 - 六百块
Oh, you make sex noises when you get massaged.
And it really freaked me out.
After a while, I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on.
What? You're crazy. There's nothing sexual about the noises I make.
Really? There's nothing sexual about this?
What are you looking at?
This is so embarrassing. I'm never gonna get massaged again.
No, you can't let this stop you from getting massages.
Look, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do.
- Really? - Well, not clients. Lovers.
- 真的吗 - 他们不是客人 他们是情人
Let's just... We'll try it again. Come back, and we'll work through it.
我们再试一次 再来找我 我们会想出办法的
- You sure? - Yes.
- 你确定 - 对
- I guess. - Great! Now, if you'll just excuse me.
- 我猜是吧 - 太棒了 对不起
So did you hear something you liked?
Hey, Ross, check it out! I learned a new trick. Huh?
罗斯 你看 我学到新把戏了
Hey, uh, I brought you some lunch.
- That's so sweet of you. Oh, yum.
- Did you put pickles on this? - Well, yeah.
- 你放了腌黄瓜吗 - 对
What? What? Rach, what?
什么 瑞秋 怎么了
- What's going on? - I made her favorite, tuna with pickle.
- 发生了什么事 - 我帮她带了腌黄瓜鲔鱼三明治
Pickle? Pickle makes her sick.
Giving her pickle is like giving me salad.
I'm sorry, I didn't know. You gonna be okay?
抱歉 我不知道 你还好吗
But someone make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out.
I can't believe this. I shouldn't be the one making her throw up.
- Dude, relax. It could happen to anyone. - Not to you. You know this stuff.
- 谁都可以做出这种事 - 你就不会 你了解她
I don't know any of it and I'm the father.
I just... I wish I could be more involved, you know?
Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.
Hey, uh, can I talk to you guys for a second?
- Yeah. - What's up?
- 可以啊 - 怎么了
Well... Sit down. I wanna talk about our situation.
Are you breaking up with us?
...because I live with Rachel, I'm here for a lot of the stuff.
Ross is missing everything. So...
Maybe you two should live together.
Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here?
No, I love living with you. It just seems that...
不 我喜欢跟你一起住 只不过…
...if you're gonna have a roommate, it may as well be the father.
But, Joey, I don't think Ross wants me to move in to his apartment...
...and disrupt his life like that. I mean...
I would love to be around for you and the baby.
We can just try it, like on a temporary basis.
- But it's you and me. - It wouldn't be anything romantic.
- 但那是你跟我 - 我们不会有成情牵扯
And I'm dating Mona. Damn it, Mona!
我在和蒙娜交柱 该死 蒙娜
I was supposed to meet her an hour ago. What is wrong with me?
So, what do you think?
- I don't know. Is it crazy? - No. No, it's not...
- 我不知道 那很疯狂吗 - 不
Joey, this is a smart idea.
- Okay, let's do it. I'll move in. - Really?
- 就这么办吧 - 真的吗
Oh, Rach, that's great. That's great.
Not too shabby. I got this all off myself...
...using my wife's tools.
How did you get in there?
- No! You weren't supposed to see this! - I married Fred Sanford.
- 不 你不该看到这个的 - 我娶了收集狂
No, Chandler, you don't understand.
Okay, okay, fine! Now you know. Okay? I'm sick.
好吧 现在你知道了 我很病态
No, honey, you're not sick. I don't love you because you're organized.
不 老婆 你不病态 我爱你不是因为你做事有条不紊
I love you in spite of that.
- Promise you won't tell anyone? - Yes.
- 你发誓不会告诉任何人 - 对
Now that I know, if I've got extra stuff lying around, can we share the closet?
我知道了 如果我有多余的东西 可以一起用那个柜子吗
Oh. Well, it's just, um...
I'm afraid you might mess it up.
So Rachel's all moved out, huh? How you taking it?
Well, uh, I wanted to have a few beers...
...but, uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them.
I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though.
And, uh, it's a couple weeks past its expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick.
- Are you okay? - You kidding me? Yeah, I'm great.
- 你没事吧 - 你在开玩笑吗 我棒透了
I'm, uh... I'm better than great. I am good.
Now that she's gone, I can, uh...
I can do all the stuff around here that I couldn't do before. You know?
I can walk around naked again.
You know? I can, uh...
I can watch porn in the living room. Right?
This is, uh... This is good for me.
I like being on my own. I'm better off this way.
I'm a... I'm a lone wolf.
A loner. Alone.
All alone. Forever.
What's a wolf gotta do to get a hug around here?
That's it, just relax.
- Come on, more. - Oh, God!
- 加油 再来 - 天啊
You like that, don't you?
- Yeah, right there. - Want it there? Take it there, baby.
- 对 就是那样 - 你要吗 我就给你 宝贝
- Phoebe? - Yeah, say my name. Say it.
- 菲比 - 对 叫我的名字 快点
And now I'm going to cover you back up.
And, um, I won't be speaking with you for several weeks.