- Oh! Hey, Rach! - Hi.
- 嗨 瑞秋 - 嗨
- Happy Valentine's Day! - You too!
- 情人节快乐 - 你也是
Hey, so, uh, how's it going living over at Ross'?
It's good, except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long.
Did you know that something really boring...
...happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages?
- Thank you. See you guys later. - Okay.
- 谢谢 待会见 - 好
That is one lucky to-go cup of coffee.
I wish you'd get over her. I hate seeing you like this.
Is there anything I can do for you? Do you wanna look down my top?
Thanks. Maybe later.
- Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone? - You want anything?
- 阿甘 我能吃饼干吗 - 你要什么吗
You know what I want? I want a lot of things.
I wanna be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day!
I want her to love me back.
And I want one moment of relief...
...from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that's never gonna happen!
We have red bagels.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 #
# It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# 日复一日 年复一年 #
# your week, your month, or even your year #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 #
# but I'll be there for you #
# 你我永不离弃 #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
# 你我相偎相依 #
So how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?
I'm on my way to tell her right now.
She's been away all week visiting parents, but she'll be cool.
她一整个星期都不在 去看父母 但她会接受的
She's been so supportive.
She even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, "Fossils are my friends."
Ugh, come on, Mona. Don't kiss ass.
少来了 蒙娜 别拍马屁
- So, uh, I'm gonna take off. - All right.
- 我得走了 - 好
Oh, shoot! Oh, shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape.
- What is it? - A video of my friend giving birth.
- 那是什么 - 我朋友生孩子的录影带
- Could you bring it back to your apartment? - All right.
- 你能把它带回家吗 - 好啊
"Candy and Cookie"?
Yeah, Candy's the mother, Cookie's the daughter.
The father's name is also Cookie.
Why am I friends with these people?
Phoebe, come here. I wanna show you something in the bathroom.
菲比 过来 我要你看看浴室里的一样东西
Ugh, Monica, grow up.
- What do you got behind your back? - Nothing.
- 你的背后藏了什么东西 - 没什么
Just something I want Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.
- You don't want my opinion? - Not really.
- 你不要我的意见 - 我不要
Come on, I'm your older brother. Ask me.
少来了 我是你哥哥 问我吧
Oh, okay, big brother. Um...
Which one would make your little sister look hotter...
...so your best friend would want to do her?
I know you've been depressed lately, so I brought someone to cheer you up.
Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.
No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again.
Hey, a dog! Oh, hi!
Who, you gotta admit, looks a lot like Jane.
This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy.
So you can keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up.
你可以留下他 直到你再打起精神来 他一定可以的
Thanks so much, Pheebs.
We are gonna have so much fun! Yes we are!
Oh, not that kind of fun.
- Happy Valentine's! - Hey!
- 情人节快乐 - 嘿
I'll be right out.
I'm slipping into something a little less comfortable and a little more slutty.
"Candy and Cookie"?
"Candy and Cookie"?
Monica got me porn?
She really must love me!
- Yeah, just relax. - I love you, St. Valentine.
- 好吧 放轻松 - 我爱你 圣华伦泰
Whoa, whoa, that's not pretty.
Ow! Oh, God, it hurts!
Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever!
- Oh, make it stop! - I am trying!
- 快停下来 - 我在弄了
Get the ball. Ready? Get the ball!
去接球 准备好了吗 去接球
You're cute, but you're not too smart.
Yeah. Did I just throw this?
I accidentally packed these with my stuff.
- Who is this? - That's, uh, Phoebe's friend's dog.
- 他是谁 - 菲比朋友的狗
I don't know his real name. I call him Mozzarella.
Ohh, you are so cute. I wish I could play with you more, but I've gotta go to work.
你好可爱 我希望能留下来玩 但我得去上班
I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting. Yes, I do.
我希望开会时不会这样说话 对 没错
Bye-bye, Joey. Seriously, I can't stop it.
再见 乔伊 说真的 我改不过来
Hey. That's Rachel. She's the one who used to live here.
嘿 那是瑞秋 以前她住在这里
Might as well be honest with you. We love her.
But we can't have her. No.
I really miss her.
Hey, you understand, right? You're a guy.
Well, you used to be.
So, what do you think?
- Why did you get me this? - What is it?
- 你为什么要给我这个 - 那是什么
It's yelling, bleeding, dilating.
Oh, the dilating!
Is this the video of the baby being born? This is Phoebe's.
Why were you even watching it?
I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentine's Day.
Chandler, if you thought I was gonna get you porn for Valentine's Day...
...you were right.
Apparently, it's about a girl who moves to the city in search of stardom...
...but ends up having sex with a lot of guys.
It got four stars.
Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars.
- Anyway, you wanna take a look? - Well...
- 总之 你要看一下吗 - 喔…
- I'm not really in a sexy mood right now. - Hey, what's going on?
- 我真的没心情做爱 - 发生了什么事
Well, remember the first time you saw Jaws...
...how long it took to go back in the water?
Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day.
- You don't know. You didn't see it. - Childbirth is a natural thing. It's beautiful.
- 你不知道 你没有看到它 - 生孩子的过程很美
Oh, beautiful? Really? Huh, really?
You think this is beautiful?
Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!
- See, honey, there's... - Don't touch me!
- 看吧 亲爱的… - 别碰我
- So how was Atlantic City? - Good.
- 亚特兰大好玩吗 - 很好玩
- I brought you back a present. - What...?
- 我帮你买了礼物 - 什么…
Come on, you didn't have to...
It's interesting, most people think this is made with seawater.
But it's actually made with, uh, salted fresh water.
That's not interesting.
- I think it's interesting. - I do too. I missed you!
- 我觉得很有趣 - 我也是 我想你
- Me too. How was your week? - Oh, it was good.
- 我也是 这星期你过得如何 - 非常好
- Actually, the baby started kicking. - How exciting.
- 宝宝开始会踢人了 - 太棒了
Yeah, aw. It was amazing.
The only sad thing is, I wasn't around when it happened the first time.
- Oh, no. - I was missing out on all this stuff.
- 不会吧 - 我错过了所有的过程
- Joey suggested Rachel move in with me. - Ha, ha. Yeah, right.
- 乔伊建议瑞秋搬过来跟我住 - 想得美
- What? - Joey cracks me up.
- 干嘛 - 乔伊害我笑得肚子痛
"Yeah, have your ex-wife move in. That wouldn't be awkward at all." Heh.
Hey, imagine, I go away for a few days...
...I come back and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant.
So, what'd you tell him?
How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?
I don't know. She seemed to think it was such a crazy idea.
Plus, she, uh... She got me taffy.
- Taffy, really? I've never had any. - Ever?
- 真的吗 我没吃过太妃糖 - 真的
My mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats.
So are you just never gonna tell her?
No, no, I will. I just want to butter her up first.
I'm gonna take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner...
...do all this romantic stuff.
And then, when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world...
...then I tell her my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
If I haven't said it before, she's a lucky, lucky lady.
So where are...? What the mother of crap is up with this stuff?
God, is it gum? Is it food? What's the deal?
它是口香糖吗 它是食物吗 怎么了
Oh, it's nice. May I try a pink one?
So between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross...
...it just isn't gonna happen.
It'd be like you falling in love with a cat.
Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog?
- Did you give him a beer? - No.
- 你让他喝啤酒了 - 不
- Will you excuse us? We need to talk. - Sure.
- 对不起 我们需要谈一谈 - 当然
- He's miserable. What happened to him? - Nothing.
- 他很难过 他是怎么了 - 没事
- We just talked about stuff. - What stuff?
- 我们聊了一些事 - 什么事
Oh, Joey, you bummed him out! This is the happiest dog in the world.
乔伊 你害得他很难过 他是全世界最快乐的狗
He spends a day with you, and look at him.
- I'll take him back to Wendy's. - No, no, no. He's fine.
- 我要带他去温蒂家 - 不要 他没事
Here's your ball! Get the ball!
Get your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball!
Get... God, what have I done to you? Huh?
I broke the dog, Pheebs! I broke the dog!
我害死那只狗了 菲比 我把他弄得精神崩溃了
I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What you got going on tonight?
Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans.
I've got Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy.
It's interesting. Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact...
Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.
Oh, my Chinese food. I'll get my cash.
- What are...? Hi! - Hi.
- 什么… 嗨 - 嗨
What are you doing here? I'm supposed to pick you up.
Change of plans, I made you a Valentine's dinner. Surprise!
计划有变 我帮你做了 情人节晚餐 大惊喜
- Oh! Hey, Mona! - Hi... Hi, Rachel.
- 嘿 蒙娜 - 嗨 瑞秋
What's she doing here?
I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me.
Seriously, what is she doing?
Uh, you know, lately she just likes hanging out here.
- Why? - I think she's lonely.
- 为什么 - 我想她很寂寞
- But it's Valentine's Day. - I know.
- 但今天是情人节 - 我知道
Can't we ask her to go?
Well, no, she's way too emotional.
And by emotional, I mean crazy!
I'm not here! That's just my Chinese food.
Oh, my God, she has food delivered here?
Mm-hm, yes, she's emotional, but ballsy.
对 她很激动 但也很大胆
You know what? I'm gonna get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
And you thought she was gonna be in our way!
Okay, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I will be right back.
- I've got a surprise for you. - You got another ex-wife back there?
- 我有大惊喜 - 你另一个前妻也藏在里面
Ho, oh! Heh. Please start drinking.
- I'm just gonna grab the phone. - Oh, Rachel, wait. Hey, um...
- 我只是要打电话 - 瑞秋 等一下
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, um...
- What are you doing? - Sorry, do you need the phone?
- 你在做什么 - 你要打电话吗
Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment.
罗斯太好心了 没办法说出口 但这是他的公寓
And we gotta have some boundaries.
So why don't you go to your place and give us some privacy?
But, Mona, I live here.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Or, something to remember me by.
- How long has it been this time? - Ninety seconds.
- 这次是多久 - 九十秒
That's better. Ninety seconds is a long time not to think about it.
Except all I did was think about it.
I know. It haunts me.
Up until now, the worst thing I ever saw...
...was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy.
After this, I would gladly make that my screen saver.
We have to get past this.
Why don't we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed.
- I could do that. - Okay.
- 我可以那么做 - 好
Okay, now all we gotta do is get rid of this chair.
- Oh, thank God! - I know.
- 谢天谢地 - 我知道
Hi. I'm sorry to barge in on your Valentine.
I had to get away from the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
- Oh, my God. - Poor Ross.
- 天啊 - 可怜的罗斯
Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear...
...but for this he closes the drapes.
Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see?
Oh, and we should warn you before you watch it. Don't watch it.
Why, you saw it? Is it scary?
Let's just say it's ironic how footage of someone being born...
...can make you want to kill yourself.
Now, wait, now I'm all freaked out. You guys will watch it with me?
No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you.
Come on, seriously, you're not gonna make me watch this alone.
She's right. Of course not.
Honey, get the tape.
This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape.
All right, baby. One more time.
Why is that baby torturing that woman?
Why have I seen this thing three times?
It's still beautiful.
- Aah! It's horrible! - I know, I know!
- 好可怕 - 我知道
- I'm so sorry for you! - Oh, my God!
- 我为你感到难过 - 天啊
- You guys! You guys, look! - What? Did her ass explode?
- 大家快看 - 什么 她的屁股爆炸了吗
No, the baby's out. Look. Look.
不 宝宝出来了 你们看
Look at those little fingers and toes.
And look how happy the mom is now.
- Oh, Rach. - Screw you! You don't have to do it!
- 瑞秋 - 去你们的 你们又不必生小孩
- Hey. - Hey! What...
- 嘿 - 嘿
- What's up? - Uh, Mona just dumped me.
- 怎么了 - 蒙娜刚刚甩了我
Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why?
天啊 我很遗憾 为什么
With everything going on lately, I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend.
I didn't tell her I got Rachel pregnant.
I gave her a key to my apartment and then had the locks changed.
Then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me.
In a way, I judge her for not breaking up with me sooner.
That really sucks. Especially on Valentine's Day.
Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here?
Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day?
What's going on, huh? Girl trouble? Heh.
- Sort of. Ha, ha. - Really?
- 可以那么说 - 真的吗
You don't have to seem so happy about it.
- Sorry. Well, uh, maybe I can help. - Oh, I...
- 抱歉 或许我能帮忙 - 噢 我…
Whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me.
You know, actually, once I got dumped during sex.
- So anyway, uh, what is it? - Forget about it. It's no big deal.
- 到底发生了什么事 - 算了 没什么大不了的
- Come on, what is it? - It's nothing.
- 少来了 怎么了 - 没事
Hey, it's me. Why can't you tell me?
Okay. Uh, sit down. Um...
There's this woman that I like a lot.
But, uh, it can't happen.
She's not a Tribbiani?
So, uh... So is she someone from work?
Well, um, does she like you?
Sometimes I think maybe she could.
But it doesn't matter, I can't do anything about it.
She was with this other guy. For a long time.
Someone from work too.
I could never do that to the guy. We're friends.
So, uh, this guy she used to go out with, is he still in love with her?
- No, I don't think so. - Okay.
- 我想应该不爱了 - 好吧
Yeah, he's the best.
- Then talk to him. He might be fine. - I don't know.
- 跟他谈一谈 他或许无所谓 - 我不知道
It's worth finding out, if you really like her.
I can't stop thinking about her. I can't sleep...
Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it.
How often does this happen to you? You owe it to yourself.
Here's your warm milk.
I'm gonna put the bourbon in it at home.
Anyway, seriously, just talk to the guy, okay?
说真的 跟那个男的谈一谈 好吗
Let me know how it goes.
You're gonna have a baby and you need to be prepared.
You're gonna make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it!
Heh, I came to the big city to become a star.
- I'll do anything to make that happen. - Anything?
- 为了圆梦我任何事都愿意做 - 任何事
Hmm. Maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.