老友记 第十季 Friends Season 10 第7集: 家访 The One With The Home Study

上映日期: 2,003

语言: 英语

影片类型: 喜剧 / 爱情

导演: Kevin Bright

演员: 詹妮弗·安妮斯顿 / 柯特妮·考克斯 / 丽莎·库卓 / 马特·勒布朗 / 马修·派瑞 / 大卫·休默

Hey, you guys.
- Hey. - What are you doing?
- 嘿 - 你们在做什么?
- Figuring out our wedding plans. - We were doing the same thing.
- 规划我们的婚礼 - 真巧 我们也正在做同一件事
It's really crazy. The hall, the dress, the food.
太疯狂了 会场 礼服 喜宴
- I had no idea how expensive this stuff was. - Yeah, it is really pricey.
- 我完全不知道会这么贵 - 没错 真的是很贵
- I freaked when I heard the numbers. - So, what did you two do about it?
- 当我听到价目时 都快发疯了 - 那你们怎么办?
It was simple. I came up with some cost-cutting solutions...
很简单 我想出一些 削减开支的办法
...wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell.
列了一张清单 然后摩妮卡就叫我去死
There's no way around it.
Just accept that this is gonna cost a lot of money.
I heard that weddings are, like, a $40 billion-a-year industry.
我听说婚礼的相关产业 一年营业额为四百亿美元
Yeah. And I'm responsible for just, like, half of that.
没错 我大概就贡献了一半
But really, it does seem like this money could be put to better use.
说真的 这些钱应该有更好的用途
Are you serious?
Yeah. Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity...
是啊 你觉得如果我们 把婚礼的钱捐给慈善机构…
...and we just got married at City Hall?
然后我们在市政府结婚 如何?
I think it would make me wanna marry you even more.
Well, I gotta say, you guys, that's an incredible gesture.
我得告诉你们 那是绝佳的示爱方式
Maybe you do that next time you get married.
No, no, no. The next time's gonna be Hawaii at sunset.
But maybe the time after that.
- Hey. - Hey.
- 嘿 - 嘿
What's going on?
Our adoption social worker is coming by, so we're cleaning the apartment.
审核我们申请收养的社福人员要来 所以我们在打扫公寓
You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways.
你明知你不要我帮忙 你不能脚踏两条船
Hey, is this the person who decides whether or not you get a baby?
这个人有权决定 你们能不能领养婴儿吗?
- Kind of. She's coming to see where we live. - And it has to go perfectly.
- 她要来看看我们住的地方 - 必须要完美无缺
If she doesn't like us, she can keep us off every adoption list in the state.
如果她不喜欢我们 她可以不接受我们的美国领养申请
Hey, maybe I should stop by. She could be a soap-opera fan.
或许我应该过来露个面 她可能是我的连续剧迷
It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity.
小人物能够认识大明星 会很令人印象深刻的
"Little people"?
So I think I'm just about done here.
Unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, like porn or cigarettes?
除非你在某处藏了不好的东西 像是色情杂志或香烟?
- No. - Chandler.
- 当然没有 - 钱德
I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation.
我没有藏 而且我被你的影射冒犯了
So there's not a magazine under the couch...
好 所以沙发底下没有色情杂志
...or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank...
马桶水箱后也没有 用胶带黏住的香烟
...or a filthy video in the VCR?
I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine.
But that tape is not mine.
- It isn't mine. - I guess we'll never know whose it is.
- 也不是我的 - 我猜我们永远不会知道是谁的
(纽约市 儿童基金会)
- May I help you? - Yes.
- 有我可以效劳的地方吗? - 是
We're here to make a rather sizable donation to the children.
我们是来捐一笔 相当大的款项给小孩们
Well, any contribution, large or small, is appreciated.
不论是大或小的捐款 我们都很感激
Well, I think you're gonna appreciate the crap out of this one.
- Well, this is very generous. - And we don't want any recognition.
- 非常慷慨 - 我们不想被表扬
This is completely anonymous.
Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers.
匿名处理 来自两位仁慈的陌生人
Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay.
We can put your names in our newsletter.
我们可以把你们的名字 放在我们的刊物上
- Not necessary. - Buffay is spelled B-U-F-F-A-Y.
- 不需要 - 布非是布料的布 非常的非
And X is spelled, uh, "Mike Hannigan."
All right, well, on behalf of the children, thank you both very much.
- Sure. I'm glad we did this. It feels so good. - It does. It feels really good.
- 很高兴我们这么做 感觉真好 - 没错 感觉真好
Oh, look. And we get these free T-shirts.
你看 我们得到免费的T恤
Actually, that's the shirt I wore to the gym.
It's moist.
- Emma will be up in a minute. - Oh, good.
- 你好 艾玛很快就会醒来的 - 很好
Oh, hey, Ross, listen. I heard about you and Charlie. I'm really sorry.
罗斯 我听说了你和查莉的事 我很遗憾
Aw, that's okay. I'm sure there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there.
没关系 我相信 漂亮的古生物学家多的是
- Absolutely. - There was one. She's it.
- 没错 - 她是绝无仅有的
All the rest look like they should live under a bridge.
其他的看起来都像是 应该去住在桥下
So, uh, what are you gonna do today?
Well, I was thinking of taking Emma to the playground.
Oh, my God. What?
我的天 什么?
Like I said, I was thinking of taking Emma to the Museum of Knives and Fire.
我刚刚说的是 我想带艾玛 去上刀山下油锅博物馆
Okay, look, Ross. I do not want Emma going to the playground.
听着 罗斯 我不希望艾玛去游乐场
All right, if you must know, I had a traumatic...
好吧 如果你真的想知道 我有心理创伤…
...swing incident when I was little.
- Seriously? - Yes. I was 4 years old.
- 真的吗? - 是的 我当时四岁
And I was on the swing...
...and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain.
And to get me out, my mom had to cut a big chunk of my hair.
为了要把我救下来 我妈妈必须剪掉一大撮我的头发
And it was uneven for weeks.
And you made it through that?
I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.
我真不知道在电影里 谁可以扮演你的角色
Okay, fine, you can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.
好 随便 你可以取笑我 我不希望艾玛去游乐场
And I was thinking Claire Danes.
Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy.
听到你的悲剧 我深感抱歉
Okay? But the swings are perfectly safe. And besides, Emma loves them.
但是秋千非常地安全 此外 艾玛很喜欢荡秋千
- You should come, and you'll see. - Those things go, like, 40 miles an hour.
- 你和我们一起去 你就会明白 - 秋千的时速大概一小时四十哩
And there's that moment when you're at the top...
...when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to Earth.
Space is filled with orbiting children.
Look, please, just come on.
When you see the look on Emma's face, I swear, you won't regret it.
当你看到艾玛的小脸蛋 我发誓 你不会后悔的
- All right. - Good.
- 好吧 - 太好了
You don't wanna be a mothers...
...who pass on their irrational fears to their children, do you?
"Irrational," huh?
I'll remember that next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment.
我会记得的 特别是 当你为了公寓里的蜘蛛大惊小怪时
Oh, yeah, that's the same.
I'm sure there are 30 different species of poisonous swings.
Oh, my God. The adoption lady is early.
我的天 审核领养的女士早到了
Okay. Okay. Here we go.
好 来吧…
- Okay. - Here we go.
- 好 - 来吧
Stand up straight.
Big smile.
Hello. Is this the Creepy residence?
嗨 这里是恐怖公寓吗?
We're waiting for the adoption lady. But, hey, I'm glad you're here.
我们在等审核领养的人 但你来得正好
I was cleaning this morning and I found this.
今早打扫时 我发现了这个
I don't know if you wanna use it, but...
我不知道你想不想戴 但是…
Oh, this is so sweet of you.
Oh, but I won't be needing a veil. I actually won't be wearing a dress at all.
但是我不需要面纱 事实上 我不打算穿新娘礼服
I told you, I am not coming to a naked wedding.
我告诉过你 我不会参加裸体婚礼
No, no, no. We're not having a big reception.
不是啦 我们不会举办大型喜宴
We took the wedding money we were gonna spend...
...and donated it to a children's charity.
That's crazy!
I'm sorry. I can't imagine giving up my one wedding day like that.
抱歉 我没办法想像 把我唯一的结婚日像那样放弃
Yeah, well, we're different. I don't care about having a huge party.
我们不一样 我不在乎举不举行大型派对
This is really nice for you, but...
这个才适合你 但是…
Oh, please. I put this on and, ugh, I just look like...
拜托 我戴上这个 我看起来…
Well, radiant.
All right, but who cares? You know, I don't need a pretty veil and a fancy dress.
好吧 但谁在乎呢 我不需要漂亮的面纱或美丽的礼服
That's right. You're making a commitment.
没错 你是许下承诺
And, you know, that's the same whether you do it at the Plaza or...
不管你在广场大饭店举行 还是…
- Where you gonna do it? - City Hall.
- 你们要在哪里结婚? - 市政府
Oh, that sounds nice.
喔 听起来不错
I was just there for jury duty. They've really spruced that place up.
我曾经去过那里当陪审团 他们把那里布置得很好
Okay. No, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I've made my decision.
好 没关系…我已经作了决定
What I really want is a great big wedding.
- But you gave all the money to charity. - Well, I'll just ask for it back.
- 但是你已经把钱捐给慈善机构了 - 我可以去要回来
- I don't think you can do that. - Why not?
- 我不认为你要得回来 - 为何不?
This is her wedding day. That's way more important than some stupid kids.
这是她的结婚大喜之日 比那些笨小孩重要多了
That's sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption lady.
真中听 宝贝 但别在审核领养女士面前漏了馅
- All right, okay. Be careful. - Okay.
- 好 小心 - 知道
Careful. Watch her hair. Watch her hair!
小心 小心她的头发…
- Rach, she's got, like, three hairs. - I know. I know.
- 瑞秋 她只有三根头发 - 我知道…
But they're just so beautiful. Oh, my God, I just pulled one out.
但是她的头发很漂亮 我的天 我拔掉了一根
I promise you she's safe, okay? Watch how much she loves this.
我向你保证 她很安全 等着看她有多爱
- Okay. Okay. - Are you ready, sweetie? Here we go.
- 好… - 甜心 准备好了吗 要荡了
Okay, careful. Okay. Oh.
好 小心
She's smiling.
Look at that, she does like it.
你看 她真的很喜欢
- See, I told you. - Oh. Ah!
- 看吧 我就说吧 - 噢
Oh, my God. Look at her, she's a little daredevil.
我的天 你看她 她是个小不怕死的
- Oh, God. Let me push. Can I push? - Oh, absolutely.
- 天啊 让我推 我可以推吗? - 当然
Okay. Oh, God. Okay, get the camera. It's in the diaper bag.
天啊 好 拿相机 在尿布袋里
See? Scared of the swings. I bet you feel pretty silly. Aah!
你看?惧怕秋千 我打赌你一定觉得很傻
We're seriously asking for the money back?
It's for our wedding day.
All right, now, is this guy gay or straight? Because one of us has to start flirting.
Wow. You here to make another donation the same day?
哇 你们要在同一天里捐第二笔钱吗?
I don't think that's ever happened before.
Gay. Go.
同性恋 上
Oh, my God, I love your shirt.
我的天 我好喜欢你的衬衫
The donation we made earlier? Um, well, we want it back.
我们稍早捐的钱 我们想要回来
Excuse me?
See, okay, that money was for a big wedding we thought we didn't want.
那笔钱是要办大型婚礼用的 我们之前不想办
But it turns out we do.
So you're asking us to refund your donation to the children?
所以你们要求我们退还 你们给孩童的捐款?
This feels really good.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I am. But this wedding's just really important to me.
我很抱歉 但是婚礼 对我真的很重要
Hey, it's none of my business. Besides, this is probably a good thing.
不关我的事 何况 这或许是件好事
We've really been spoiling the children, what with all the food and warm clothing.
我们已经用丰盛的食物 和温暖的衣服宠坏孩子们了
That's not fair. A person's wedding is important.
这么说不公平 一个人的婚礼是很重要的
And especially to me.
Okay, I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to prom.
我没举行过毕业派对 也没去过毕业舞会
And I spent my sweet 16 being chased around a tire yard...
我的甜蜜十六岁 在轮胎场被追着跑
...by an escaped mental patient who, in his own words, wanted to:
追我的是个精神病息者 口中念着…
"Kill me, or whatever."
So I deserve a real celebration.
And I'm not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.
而且我才不会让一个 满身大汗的小男人使我觉得内疚
She could've been talking about either one of us.
Hi, I'm Laura. I'm here for your adoption interview.
嗨 我是罗拉 我是来做领养面谈的
Hi, I'm Monica. And this is Chandler.
你好 我是摩妮卡 这位是钱德
- Hi. Thank you. - Please come in.
- 请进 - 谢谢
- Would you like something to drink? - Water would be fine.
- 你要不要喝点什么? - 喝水好了
We're so glad that you're here.
We're really excited about getting this process started.
Because we love kids. Love them to death.
因为我们很爱小孩 爱死他们了
Well, not actually to death. That's just a figure of speech.
不是真的要他们死 那只是比喻的说法
We love kids the appropriate amount...
...as allowed by law.
- Your place is just lovely. - Thank you.
- 你们这里很不错 - 谢谢
Yes, this building does have a wholesome, family feel to it.
是啊 这里有健康家庭的成觉
I feel like I've been here before.
Are any other couples in the building adopting?
Is that that couple on the first floor?
Because we should get a baby before them.
That guy tried to sell me drugs.
But other than that, wholesome, wholesome building.
但是除此之外 非常健康的公寓
- What? - I just realized why I remember this place.
- 怎么了? - 我想起来为何我记得这里了
- Really? What is it? - Oh, it's nothing.
- 是吗 为什么? - 没什么
I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building. It didn't end very well.
我和住在这栋公寓的一个家伙约会 结果不是很好
That wouldn't, by any chance, be Joey Tribbiani?
- Yes! - Of course it was.
- 是的 - 除了他还有谁
We had a great night. In the morning, he promised he'd call and he didn't.
我们度过一个美好夜晚 隔天早上 他答应要打给我 结果他没打
Rat bastard!
- So you're not friends with him? - Oh, God, no.
- 你们不是他的朋友吧? - 天啊 不是
- No, no, no. - No. Nope.
- 不… - 不…绝不
- No, no, no. - No, no, no. No.
- 不 不 - 不 不 不
Well, I'm sorry I brought it up.
抱歉 我不该提的
So are either one of you planning on staying at home?
Hello? Anybody in there order a celebrity?
有人在吗? 里面有没有人预约大明星?
What was that?
That's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here.
He's great with kids, though.
- Ross. Oh, my God, are you okay? - Son of a bitch!
- 罗斯 我的天 你还好吧? - 狗娘养的
Oh, relax. I didn't say the F-word.
放轻松 我又没说脏话
Ross, see, I told you! Those swings are evil!
罗斯 我就说吧 秋千很邪恶
All right. That is it.
对了 就是这个
That's the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.
No, no, no. Okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault.
不…拜托 不是秋千的错 是我的错
And kind of that kid's fault.
Who is still laughing. Nice.
他还在笑 真天真
Come on. Can we just get out of here before somebody else gets hurt?
拜托 我们能不能 在有人受伤前离开这里?
No. Okay, okay. Wait. I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing...
不 等等 我有个好主意 我要你坐在秋千上…
...and you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
I know what this is all about.
You've always been jealous of my hair.
I just think you're an adult, okay? And you should get over your silly fears.
我想说你已经是个成人了 好吗?你应该克服你无谓的恐惧
- All right, fine. I'll do it. - Good.
- 好啦…我会试试 - 很好
- If you hold a spider. - Where? Where?
- 除非你手握蜘蛛 - 在哪?在哪?
If you hold a spider.
I know.
Guys, is everything okay? It's me, Joey.
你们里面没事吧 是我 乔伊
What's going on?
Oh, it's just like I said, that crazy...
就如同我刚刚说的 那个疯狂的…
...Bert, roaming the halls.
伯特 在走廊游荡
- Guys? - Keep on roaming, Bert!
- 没事吧 - 继续游荡 伯特
We don't want any crazy today!
- What's going on? - We'll talk later, Bert. Everything's fine!
- 到底是怎么了? - 我们稍后再谈 伯特 一切都没事
Everything doesn't sound fine.
Is he all right out there by himself?
Oh, yeah. He has a caretaker. His older brother...
没事的 他有看护照顾 他的哥哥…
- Bert and Ernie? - You can't make this stuff up.
- 芝麻街的伯特和厄尼? - 这不是说编就可以编出来的
You never told me about that guy and your sweet 16.
你从来没有告诉我 那个家伙 还有你的甜蜜十六岁
- I'm sorry about that. - Oh, it ended okay.
- 很抱歉发生那种事 - 已经结束了
One of my friends shot him.
Well, at least you'll get a proper wedding. You really deserve that.
至少你将会有一场像样的婚礼 那是你应得的
Yeah, I really do. You know, I had nothing growing up.
是 真的 没什么伴随着我成长
Just like the kids I took the money from.
No. No, no. I see where this is going. Don't make me go back there.
不…我知道你想要做什么 不要逼我再回去那里
Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.
听着 我不能用这笔钱来办婚礼 它已经被污染了
Fine, we'll give the money back.
好吧 我们把钱捐回去
If that guy at the charity gives us a hard time...
如果慈善机构的那个家伙 找我们麻烦…
...my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time.
I must say this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in.
我觉得这里看来是个 养育小孩的好环境
You are welcome to look under any of the furniture...
...because, believe me, you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there.
因为…相信我 你绝不会发现 任何色情杂志或香烟在底下
Before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here.
在我们四处看看前 让我确认一下 我是否记下需要的内容
Why don't I show you the baby's room.
- What are you doing? - You wouldn't let me in.
- 你在做什么? - 你们不让我进来
- I thought you were in trouble. - Well, we're not.
- 我以为你们有难 - 我们好得很
But you called me "Bert."
That's our code word for danger.
- We don't have a code word. - We don't?
- 我们没有暗号 - 没有吗?
We really should.
From now on, "Bert" will be our code word for danger.
从现在开始 "伯特"就是代表危险的暗号
So that was the baby's room.
- Uh, what room should we see next? - Any room that isn't behind this couch.
- 再来我们应该看哪一间房呢 - 哪里都行 但是沙发后面不行
Some people don't get him, but I think he's really funny.
有人不懂他的笑话 但我觉得他很风趣
I did not care for that.
You have to get out of here.
You slept with our social worker and never called her back.
你和社福人员上过床 却从没打电话给她
She is still pissed, so she can't see you.
她到现在还在生气 所以不能让她看到你
Okay, okay.
- What? - I forgot my bat.
- 又怎样了? - 我忘了我的球棒
Oh, my God.
And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you!
我最后一次告诉你 我们不想和你做朋友
And we don't wanna buy your bat!
What are you doing here?
Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert.
- Are you friends with him? - I can explain.
- 你们是他的朋友吗? - 我可以解释
All right. Okay. Uh...
Wow. Yeah...
You have got some nerve coming back here.
- I can't believe you never called me. - Excuse me?
- 我不敢相信你竟然从没打给我 - 你说什么?
You probably don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way.
你大概不记得我的名字了 便告诉你 我叫乔伊
And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it, lady.
不用费事告诉我你的名字 因为我记得一清二楚 女士
I waited weeks for you to call me.
我等你的电话 等了好几个礼拜
I gave you my number. You never called me.
我给了你电话号码 你从没打给我
Don't try to turn this around on me.
I am not some kind of social work...
...that you can just...
- I'm pretty sure I gave you my number. - Really? Think about it. Come on.
- 我很确定给了你电话号码 - 是吗?拜托用脑想一想
You're a beautiful woman. Smart, funny.
你是个漂亮的女人 既聪明又风趣
We had a really good time. Huh?
If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?
如果你给了我号码 为什么我会没打给你呢?
I don't know.
Well, maybe I'm wrong. I'm sorry.
或许我搞错了 我很抱歉
Hey, too late for apologies. Okay? You broke my heart.
现在道歉已经太迟了 好吗?你伤了我的心
You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you?
你知道我得和多少女人上床 才能忘掉你吗?
- Joey, wait... - No!
- 乔伊 等等 - 不
I waited a long time! I can't wait anymore.
我等够久了 我不能再等了
I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed.
很抱歉让你们目睹这一切 我觉得很难为情
- Oh, that's really okay. - Yeah. We totally understand.
- 真的没关系 - 我们完全能了解
- Dating is hard. - Boy, you people are nice.
- 约会不容易 - 哇 你们人真好
And I've got to say...
...I think you're going to make excellent parents.
We're back.
Are you here to take more money?
Because I think what you're looking for is an ATM.
No, no, we're here to give the money back.
Yeah. Because you know what? It's all about the children.
是的 你知道为什么吗? 为了小孩好
Although it's also about the wedding.
Ugh. All right, here. No. Oh, God.
好吧 拿去 天啊
If I haven't said so already, sir, congratulations.
如果我还没有说的话 先生 恭喜你
Okay, look, enough, all right?
好了 你知道吗?够了
I'm stepping in and putting my foot down.
我得出面干涉 而且我的立场坚定
As your future husband, I'm gonna make this decision for us.
身为你未来的丈夫 我要为我们做决定
What do you think we should do?
- It's not your decision anymore. - What?
- 已经不是你们可以决定的了 - 什么?
On behalf of the children of New York, I reject your money.
我代表纽约儿童保护协会 拒收你们的钱
- But we're giving you this. - And I'm giving it back to you.
- 但是我们要给你钱 - 我把它还给你们
Come on. Consider it a contribution.
接受吧 当作是捐款
Well, this is very generous.
Please, take the check.
Go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.
举办一场盛大的婚礼 一起拥有美好的生活
Sounds good to me. We can save up, come back...
听起来不错 我们可以存钱 几年后再回来这里
...and make an even bigger donation. - Absolutely.
捐一笔更大金额的款项 - 没错
And when you do, ask for Brian.
当你们回来时 请找布莱恩
- Oh, is that you? - No.
- 是你吗? - 不是
Oh, hi.
喔 嗨
Oh, my God, really? I can't wait to tell Chandler.
我的天 真的吗? 我等不及要告诉钱德了
Okay. Goodbye.
好的 再见
- Wrong number? - That was Laura.
- 打错电话吗? - 萝拉打来的
She gave us a great report and we're officially on the waiting list.
她帮我们写了一份很好的报告 我们正式列入等候名单了
- That's great. - Now we just wait for a call...
- 太棒了 - 现在我们只要等电话…
...and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh.
会有人告诉我们 有婴儿等着我们带回家
Have you seen Joey's bat?
Okay. I got a spider.
好了 我抓到蜘蛛了
There were two, I picked the bigger one.
有两只 我选了大的那只
- Okay. - Okay.
- 好吧 - 来吧
This feels perfectly normal.
Okay, get on the swing.
好 该你荡秋千了
Oh, okay.
喔 好
Wow. Whoa.
- See? - All right. I can do this.
- 你看 - 我可以的
There you go. Good for you.
你看吧 我为你高兴
You know what? I'm getting used to this little guy.
你知道吗 我已经习惯这个小家伙了
- I don't even feel him in here anymore. - That's because he's on your neck.
- 我甚至感觉不到他在我手中了 - 那是因为他在你脖子上
Whoa! Ross!