Hey, how's my little astronautie hottie?
It's just, being cooped up in this...
tin can for weeks on end is starting to get to me.
Well, hang in there. You just have a couple more days to go,
- and then you'll be home. - I know.
I got to get back to work.
- I love you. - Love you too.
Before you go, can you do something for me?
What do you want me to do?
I really miss gravity.
Can you drop something so I can watch it fall?
Really, you're serious?
Oh, baby, you're killing me.
哎哟 宝贝 我要爽死了
This came for you today. It's from your mom.
Yeah, wait... here.
Oh, boy, a whole dollar.
Now, I can quit my paper route.
- So, what's in it? - Mmm, doesn't matter.
Half the time, he just ends up playing with the box.
Yeah, it's journals and research papers I wrote as a child.
Is this like a diary?
No, that's my potty training journal.
- Really, your potty training journal? - Yeah.
-不是吧 你的如厕训练日志啊 -是的
And forgive my crude penmanship.
I didn't start typing until I was six.
"August 7, 8:42 A.M.
This is humiliating. What was wrong with diapers?"
There are some charts in the back
where I kept track of shape, color and consistency.
No, what's disgusting is he's still keeping track.
- Why do you need all this stuff...? - No, no, no, no...
- Sorry! - I am glad you asked.
Yeah, are you familiar with the Higgs boson?
Of course, it is... it's been in the news.
And it's a very famous boson.
Now, in 1964, Dr. Peter Higgs,
accomplished self-promoter and physicist,
he wrote a paper postulating the existence
of a subatomic particle called the Higgs boson.
Now, initially, the paper was rejected,
but recently, he was proven right.
知道最近 才验证出 其实他是对的
And now he's on the fast track to win a Nobel prize.
Yeah, that's basically what I said.
Higgs is being celebrated for work he did 50 years ago,
so that got me thinking,
perhaps I've already hit upon the idea
that will win me my Nobel prize.
I didn't know they gave Nobel prizes
for making boom-boom in the potty.
You really think there's some kind of scientific discovery in here?
Well, this box only covers my work through nursery school.
There's a good deal more to come.
I didn't really hit my academic stride
until I cut out that time-suck known as "playing outdoors."
So, you're going to spend hours and hours
combing through all this stuff?
That's a good point.
My time is much too valuable.
You know, perhaps I should find someone to do it for me.
You know, someone with a rudimentary understanding of science,
but whose real talents lie in menial labor.
Yeah, well, if I didn't think you could handle it,
I wouldn't be asking.
If you want help, just hire a grad student.
Maybe I could do it.
You can assess the quality of my work?
I wrote this when I was five years old.
"A proof that algebraic topology can never have
a non-self contradictory set of abelian groups."
I'm just a blonde monkey to you, aren't I?
You said it, not me.
All right, Ms. Jenson.
Uh, before we begin, may I offer you a refreshment?
Water, coffee, tea,
水 咖啡 茶
a marijuana cigarette?
No, thanks. I'm fine.
不用了 谢谢 不需要
Everyone's smoking them.
I think they're the best.
They're not the best.
Physics is the best.
And by the way, coffee was also an unacceptable choice.
All right, so I see here you're from Des Moines, Iowa.
Uh, you're summa cum laude in theoretical physics
from Stanford University.
Oh, and two years ago, you had a persistent ear infection.
I hope that didn't cause any hearing loss.
No, of course not.
How did you know about that?
I did a comprehensive background check.
Medical records, credit reports, criminal history.
医疗记录 信用记录 犯罪史等等
I trust you paid off those parking tickets.
Hearing unimpaired, good.
Look, Dr. Cooper, I really want this position.
It would be an incredible honor to work for
a man of your brilliance.
Flattery will not get you this job, Ms. Jenson.
It's not flattery if it's the truth.
Well, thank you. Welcome aboard.
You talk to Howard lately?
Uh, yeah, last night.
He kept making me drop pencils for him.
I got uncomfortable.
Hey, Sheldon, hope you're hungry.
They're serving macaroni and...
Sheldon, aren't you going to introduce us?
No. I have people for that now.
I'm Alex, Dr. Cooper's new assistant.
Ah, congratulations and may God have mercy on your soul.
I'm Leonard. This is Raj.
It's nice to meet you.
I'm so excited to be working with Dr...
Yeah, please reserve chitchat for your breaks, Ms. Jenson.
Yeah, FYI, there will be no breaks.
I should probably get to work.
Hey, you already got a girlfriend.
All I said was, "she seems nice."
Yeah, well, I love her.
Hey, I wasn't expecting to hear from you today.
Uh, no, not really.
Well, remember the... Soyuz capsule
they were sending to bring us home?
We're gonna be here at least another week.
It's the Russians, so you don't know.
1957年 俄罗斯把一只狗 "莱卡"给送上太空五个小时后因宇宙飞行服隔热不佳成为"火烧狗"目前它的尸体与当年的太空舱还滞留在地球轨道上
They left dogs up here in the '60s.
No one's leaving you up there.
I don't know how much longer I can take this.
and zero gravity is giving me crazy acid reflux.
I'm down to my last three Tums.
You're going to be fine.
You survived that Weight Watchers cruise with your mom.
And they ran out of low-fat ice cream on day two.
Just calm down and take a few deep breaths.
What am I doing? I'm using up all the oxygen.
If I die, promise you'll never have sex with another man.
I'm a man-eater now.
Okay, for the final touch, this is an eyelash curler.
好了 最后一步 用这个睫毛夹
You just place it on your lashes and squeeze it closed.
Looks like something used by Tinker Bell's gynecologist.
Who I hope for her sake is not Captain Hook, so...
Who are you calling?
I'm going to video-chat Sheldon.
If my new look leads to phone sex,
I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room.
Dr. Cooper's office.
Oh, hello. Who are you?
I'm Alex, Dr. Cooper's assistant.
Can I help you?
I'd like to speak to Sheldon.
I'm sorry. He's asked me to hold all calls
unless you're Stephen Hawking, his mother
or himself from the future.
- Well, tell him Amy called. - Last name?
He knows my last name.
I'm his girlfriend.
We have a contract and everything.
I'll send you a PDF.
All right, I will tell him you called.
- Hmm, that's weird. - What?
Sheldon told me he had a new assistant named Alex.
He didn't mention that Alex was a girl.
Maybe he didn't notice.
I don't have to worry about Sheldon.
It's her I have to worry about.
- She is not going to come on to Sheldon. - Oh, really?
How can any woman spend eight hours a day
alone with this face and not fall in love with it?
Well, for starters,
at some point, that face starts talking.
Amy, this is crazy.
You have nothing to be suspicious about.
I'm not suspicious.
I just want to stop in, say hi to my boyfriend
and meet his new assistant.
- Can we go now? - Hang on.
What are you doing?
I'm spreading my scent to mark my territory.
- Come on, Amy. That is not gonna work. - Really?
-得了吧 没用的 -真的吗
Because just before you became my best friend,
I did this all over your apartment.
Has your, uh, assistant said anything about me?
Uh, her exact words were, "What is that guy's problem?"
I'm in her head. Let the dance begin.
Here's your frozen yogurt, Dr. Cooper.
This should be fun.
Half chocolate, half vanilla,
- side by side, not swirled? - Yes.
-挨着的 没搅在一起吗 -对
Half a teaspoon of sprinkles? Rainbow, not chocolate.
-半茶匙碎末 -彩虹的 不是巧克力的
- Two cherries? - One on top, one on the bottom.
-两颗樱桃 -一颗在上 一颗在下
- Stems removed? - Um...
I didn't check the one on the bottom.
I'm so sorry, Dr. Cooper.
It's all right, Alex.
I'm not mad at you; I'm just disappointed.
Wait, Alex. Do you want to join us?
等等 艾利克斯 要跟我们一起吃吗
Uh, Alex, a moment.
I need a word with Dr. Hofstadter.
Do you think it's appropriate for her to sit with us,
given her station?
If I've learned anything from British television shows on PBS,
it's that servants dine downstairs with their own kind.
It's a kindness, Leonard.
Otherwise, you're cruelly tempting them with a glimpse
of a world that's just beyond their soot-stained fingertips.
Oh, okay. Thank you.
So, Alex, what's the topic of your dissertation?
I'm looking for Trojan asteroids
at Earth's L-Five Lagrange point.
Oh, that happens to be
Dr. Koothrappali's field of expertise.
You two have a lot to talk about.
But compared to your boss,
he's the poster boy for sanity.
It's okay, I've been around scientists all my life.
My dad's an astronomer at SETI.
Oh, SETI-- the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence.
You should introduce him to Sheldon. The search is over.
So, what kind of research are you doing?
- High-energy lasers. - Ooh. Military?
Not yet, but I can remove unwanted hair from two miles away.
I had nothing to worry about.
That skank's your problem, not mine.
- You're very funny, Dr. Hofstadter. - Thank you.
-你真幽默 霍夫斯塔德博士 -谢谢
Aah! Cherry stem! Cherry stem!
啊 樱茎 樱茎
How you doing, Howie? You feeling a little better?
Oh, a lot better, thanks. One sec.
好多了 谢谢 等一下
Listen close. I don't have a lot of time.
I need you to go to my house.
In my bedroom, you'll find a model rocket.
I want you to take it and bring it back to your place.
Step 2: build a version roughly 14 stories high.
Fill it full of rocket fuel and come get me.
I'll leave the door unlocked.
Howie, honey, maybe you should talk to someone,
华仔 亲爱的 也许你该跟别人谈谈
let them know you're having a little anxiety.
No, no, I'm fine.
不 不 我很好
We should probably talk in code.
From now on, "Frog" is me, "Sandwich" means you
从现在起 小蛙是我 三明治是你
and "Lemon" means rocket. So, come on, sandwich,
柠檬是火箭 快点 三明治
build me a lemon 'cause froggy wants to come home!
Look at you, putting on a brave face.
There's nothing to be brave about.
- Everything's fine. - Really?
I don't know how much you know about primate behavior,
but Sheldon's assistant was clearly courting Leonard.
Were she a mandrill, she would have bent over
and displayed her brightly colored hindquarters
like a big red welcome mat.
By the way, you try that at the junior prom,
you get kicked out.
Okay, maybe she was flirting with him, but who cares?
好吧 也许她是在和他调情 可谁在乎啊
Look, I don't even know where my relationship is with Leonard is right now.
So says your prefrontal cortex.
But meanwhile, the limbic system of your brain is calculating
that if another woman is attracted to Leonard,
it must be because he's desirable.
Well, of course he's desirable.
He's smart, he's sweet,
and, ooh, in the bedroom, whew,
let me tell you, he really tries.
So it doesbother you.
Fine, it bothers me a little.
No. You know what? This is stupid.
It doesn't bother me.
Okay, it bothers me.
But only because she wouldn't stop laughing.
Leonard is not that funny.
And there you have it;
prefrontal cortex reasoning versus limbic lust.
If this were a boxing match, they might call it
"The thrilla adjacent to the amygdala."
If you were a brain scientist,
you would be busting a gut right now!
So, how was work today?
Ah, it was all right, I guess.
Got to Heimlich a cherry stem out of Sheldon.
Caught Raj right in the eye.
No, Raj had to go to the nurse.
Wow. Anything else?
Mmm, the nurse is a woman, so he couldn't talk to her.
She had to bring him a Grover puppet
so he could point at what hurt.
Isn't that enough?
It had the weaponized fruit and a puppet.
What more do you want?
Oh, good, Leonard, you're here.
太好了 莱纳德 你在家
This will interest you.
And, Penny, feel free to paint your nails.
I believe Alex may have unearthed
the grade school science project
that could be my ticket to the Nobel Prize.
"Magnet What Do They Stick To?"
If the answer is "Metal," It's not exactly groundbreaking.
The original title was "A Rederivation
of Maxwell's Equations Regarding Electromagnetism."
I dumbed it down
because some of the more religious people in town
were starting to say I was a witch.
Sheldon thinks the approach in this paper might change the way
we calculate ferromagnetic hysteresis.
Oh, it's about time. I hated the old way.
- Hi. I'm Penny. - Alex.
-你好 我是佩妮 -我叫艾利克斯
Uh, do you work with Dr. Hofstadter?
We've kind of been involved in a five-year experiment.
Oh. Well, you're lucky. He seems very talented.
And I'm sure a lot of people want to work with him.
Well, a lot of people can't.
My limbic system wants to take your pants off.
Notice people on your own time. We're working.
Hey, Howie, how you feeling?
Better. Much better.
The other astronauts held me down,
Attention, people of Earth:
Tonight, there will be two moons in the sky.
NASA's watching this!
Put your pants back on!