Your hypothesis is completely disconfirmed by all the data.
种种数据显示 你的假设完全不能成立
You're just clinging to it out of intellectual stubbornness.
现在纯粹是你的智商在死鸭子嘴硬
No, you're displaying a shocking ignorance
是你正表现出对谈话主题的
of the subject matter.
高度无知
Mummies and zombies are the exact same thing.
木乃伊与僵尸是一模一样的东西
Mummies are wrapped in bandages.
木乃伊全身裹着绷带呢
That's called a fashion choice.
那是人家的时尚风格
All right, you brought this on yourself.
好吧 是你自己自讨苦吃
Sheldon, get him.
谢尔顿 说死丫的
If a zombie bites you,
如果你被僵尸咬了
you turn into a zombie.
你也会变为僵尸
However, if a mummy bites you,
但如果是木乃伊咬你
all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite.
你只会变成有木乃伊咬痕的白痴
So, like a zombie,
所以你就像是个
that's been eaten from the waist down,
被人啃掉下半身的僵尸一样
you, sir, have no leg to stand on.
说的话完全"站不住脚"
Good boy. Here's a cookie.
真乖 赏你个饼干
Hey, fellas, what's going on?
大家伙在干嘛呢
Mummies and zombies again.
又在辩木乃伊跟僵尸呢
Oh, they're not the same thing.
他们不一样好吗
You get a cookie, too.
也赏你个饼干
Guess who picked up his new car this morning?
你们猜谁今早弄了台新车
- Does it have that new car smell? - Yep!
-里面有新车味吗 -有的
For as long as I can keep my mother out of it.
只要不让我妈上车就有
If you want to check it out later,
你们想看一下的话
it's parked right out front, space 294.
就停在外面哦 294号位
I'm sorry-- 294?
等等 294号位吗
- Yeah. - That's my parking spot.
-是的 -那是我的停车位
Why do you have a parking spot?
你怎么会有个停车位
You don't have a car. You don't even drive.
你都没车 你连车都不开
Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
可能是看你从不停车 就重分配给人了吧
Well, I'm not using my nipples, either.
我也从不用我的乳头啊
Maybe they should reassign those.
他们也要帮我重分配吗
Sheldon, someday, if you get a car,
谢尔顿 哪天你买车了
I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
他们肯定还会再给你个停车位的
I don't want another parking space.
我不要别的停车位
I want my parking space.
我要我那个停车位
It's a corner spot,
那车位是在角落
cutting the risk of door-dings in half.
车门被旁车门撞凹的机率少了一半
It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance.
而走到楼入口处也只需仅仅28步
The nearby tree provides shade on hot days
旁边的树能在热天提供遮阴
and is also home to a delightful squirrel.
而且那树还是一只可爱小松鼠的家
Which is fortuitous
这很难得呢
because most squirrels are real jerks.
毕竟大多数的松鼠都是讨厌鬼
Meanwhile, you still don't have a car.
但你就是没车啊
Don't try to change the subject.
别想转移话题
This is about a parking space.
我们是在谈停车位
It has nothing to do with cars.
跟有没有车毫无关系
Are you listening to yourself?
你有听到你自己说的话了吗
I always listen to myself.
我当然都有听啊
It's one of the great joys of my life.
这是我人生中最美好的事之一呢
Now, get your car out of my spot.
快把你的车开离我的宝位
You leave me no choice.
那就别怪我不义了
What are you looking at, you stupid squirrel?
看个屁啊 你个白痴松鼠
President Siebert, listen to reason.
塞伯特校长 请听我的理由
Yeah, I understand I don't use the parking spot,
我知道我没有在使用那个停车位
but that's not the point. I...
但这不是重点 我...
Yes, I'm aware you told me not to call you at home.
我知道你说过别打去你家
But you didn't answer the door!
但这是因为你不应门啊
And I know you were there,
我知道你在家
because I saw you through the mail slot.
我当时从信件投递口看到你在里面了
Well, that's some salty language.
你这话够掉身份啊
May I remind you that you're the president of a major university,
您别忘了您重点大学校长的身份啊
not the president of the Potty Mouth Club.
而不是个脏话俱乐部的主席
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
你也是用那张嘴亲你母亲的吗
Oh, well, I'm sorry for your loss.
好吧 请节哀顺变
Oh...! Good night, sir.
晚安
He says Wolowitz deserves my spot
他说我的停车位给沃罗威茨不为过
because he's a high-profile asset to the university.
因为他是学校的重要资产
Well, he's not wrong.
他也没说错啊
Howard did go to the International Space Station.
霍华德好歹也上过国际太空站了
Yeah, that was five weeks ago.
那都是五周前的事了
How much longer is he gonna milk that cow?
他还想靠那件事占便宜多久啊
Sheldon, let it go.
算了啦 谢尔顿
It's not a big deal.
也不是什么大事
No, no, this is a slippery slope, Leonard.
莱纳德 不反抗只会令他更予取予求
It starts with a parking space.
先是占了我停车位
Where does it end?
食髓知味了以后呢
It's like my dad always said,
就像我爸说过的一样
"First they say you can't drink and drive.
"一开始只说不能酒后开车
Next thing you know, you can't let your 10-year-old
才刚同意 就立刻再进一步说
take the wheel while you sleep one off in the backseat."
不许让10岁儿子开车 而自己去后座睡觉"
All that story does is make me feel bad for your mother.
你这故事只让我更心疼你妈
Leonard, you're my best friend.
莱纳德 你是我最好的朋友
Why don't you ever take my side?
为什么你从不跟我同一阵线
Because I can never understand your side!
因为我从没懂过你那阵线
but could you be more specific?
您是指...
My Iron Man helmet.
我的钢铁侠头盔
Koothrappali saw you take it. Give it back.
库萨帕里看见你拿了 还回来
Well, see, I wanted it,
听我说 这东西我想要
and you weren't using it.
你又不用 我就拿了
Apparently, those are the rules we live by now.
我们现在生活规则好像是这样哦
it truly is the B word, isn't it?
还真是让人想骂脏话 不是吗
Sheldon, that is a $500 limited edition collectible,
谢尔顿 那可是价值500美元的限量珍藏品
I'd love to help you out, but unfortunately,
我也想还给你 但很遗憾的是
I'm taking your diploma.
那我把你的学位证拿走
That's the only doctorate you'll ever get.
你这辈子唯一"拿到"博士学位的机会哦
It smells funny in here.
里面闻起来怪怪的
We're so proud of you, Amy.
我们真以你为傲 艾米
- Your first bikini wax. - Yeah.
-你的初次比基尼蜜蜡脱毛呢 -对啊
A little sensitive, but not bad.
有点小敏感 但还好
Does it always take that long?
一般都需要这么长时间的吗
Uh, no, they usually don't have to go out and get more wax.
不 他们一般不需要跑去多拿点蜜蜡
I feel like I'm five pounds lighter.
除完我感觉都轻了5磅
Really? Only five?
真的吗 你确定只有5磅吗
Hey, anybody want a drink?
谁想来一杯
So, did you spend last night hearing
你昨晚是不是也得听他
about this silly parking space fight, too?
抱怨那场白痴的停车位大战
Fortunately, I couldn't understand most of it
幸好 因为谢尔顿戴着那个白痴面具
'cause Sheldon was wearing that stupid robot mask.
他说的话我大部分都听不懂
Howard was so angry
霍华德气得要死
I had to mash up Benadryl in his ice cream
我不得不把过敏药混在他的冰淇淋里
Benadryl是儿童抗过敏药一般小朋友吃了都会想睡觉
to get him to fall asleep.
才能让他消停睡觉
I guess this is what we get
我猜这就是我们
for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males.
跟两个荷尔蒙爆棚的雄性霸主在一起的后果
they're bound to lock horns.
他们总有一天得角斗分生死
I'm assuming these are some kind of horns
我猜你说的"角" 是他们从动漫展
they bought at Comic-Con?
买的什么号"角"之类吧
I'm really sorry they took Sheldon's spot away.
我很抱歉学校收回谢尔顿的车位
He shouldn't have to suffer
他不该因为霍华德
just because Howard's such a big deal now.
现在是个大咖 而蒙受苦难啊
I know, Sheldon should just let Howard
是啊 谢尔顿应该大度点
have his little moment in the sun.
也让霍华德有一次受瞩目的短暂机会
What's that supposed to mean?
你这话什么意思
Well, Howard's never gonna go to space again,
霍华德这辈子不会再上太空了
but Sheldon will always be a genius.
但谢尔顿一辈子都会是个天才
And I'm sure Sheldon will get a fancy parking spot again,
谢尔顿肯定有机会重获个好车位啊
if and when he makes a worthwhile contribution to science.
假设他哪天真对科学做了有价值的贡献就行
Okay, maybe we should change the subject.
好了 或许我们该换个话题
Amy, how are your lady parts?
艾米 你"小妹妹"那里感觉如何
Still chilly down there?
还凉飕飕的吗
None of Sheldon's theories
谢尔顿所有的理论
have ever been definitively proven.
都未获得最终证实
My husband actually went to outer space.
而我的老公可是真正上过太空
That's an impressive accomplishment.
那的确是一项令人赞叹的成就
He's now an inspiration to millions of Americans
他现在成功鼓舞了百万美国人
who know you don't have to be special
就算你不特别 甚至不够格
or even qualified to go into space.
也都可以登上外太空
You know, I remember the first time I got a bikini wax.
我还记得我第一次尝试比基尼脱毛
My sister did it with melted Crayolas and duct tape.
我姐姐是用熔化的蜡笔和胶带帮我
It's a bad idea...
那主意蠢透了...
I'm sensing a little hostility.
我感觉到了一丝敌意啊
Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work,
是不是因为 你们的性生活
your sex life is also theoretical?
跟谢尔顿的研究一样纯属"理论"啊
Yeah, well, at least when we do make love,
是啊 至少等我们开搞了后
Sheldon won't be thinking about his mother.
谢尔顿脑子里不会想着他妈妈
And yes, that is a cleverly veiled reference
没错 我就是在明嘲暗讽
to Howard's lifelong obsession
霍华德他这辈子痴迷着想
to crawl back into her spacious womb.
爬回他妈宽敞无比的子宫的心里
Anyway, to this day, I still can't see
时至今日 我一看见蜡笔
a box of crayons without crossing my legs.
还是会吓得赶紧夹紧双腿
I don't have to take this.
我没必要听你冷嘲热讽
I'm gonna go home and have sex with my husband right now.
老娘现在就回家跟我的老公做爱
Maybe I'll let him do it to me in the parking spot.
可能还让他干我"停车位"呢
Which sounds dirty, but I didn't mean it that way!
虽然听起来很淫荡 但我不是那个意思
Okay, here's another one
好吧 另外一个问题
If a zombie bites a vampire,
如果僵尸咬了吸血鬼
and the vampire bites a human,
然后吸血鬼咬了人类
does the human become a vampire or a zombie?
那那个人类会变成吸血鬼 还是僵尸
Well, I'm not giving it away.
我才不无偿帮你
He's in my spot.
他坐在我的专位上
Leonard, make him stop being naked in my spot.
莱纳德 让他别裸体坐在我的专位上
Howard, what are you doing?
霍华德 你这是干嘛
He wasn't using it.
他又没在坐
And I needed a nice cool piece of leather
而我刚好需要一块冰凉的皮革
to wiggle my naked ass on.
来[摩]擦我的光屁屁
Give me back my Iron Man helmet.
把我的钢铁侠头盔还给我
Give me back my parking space.
把我的停车位还给我
You don't need a parking space.
你又不需要停车位
You don't have a car.
你连车都没有
You don't need an Iron Man helmet.
你又不需要钢铁侠头盔
You're not Iron Man.
你又不是钢铁侠
Well, we appear to have reached an impasse.
看来我们陷入僵局了
And you know, I have to say, I thought
不过我得说 我原以为
you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
把你笔记本放我的大雕上 你会更生气呢
I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.
我刚还没发现 这招不赖啊
This is so exciting.
人家好激动
I'm feeling all tingly.
都感觉有点刺痛了
Although that could just be
但也有可能是因为
my newly defoliated bikini zone.
我才把比基尼部位除了毛哦
This place is swarming with campus security.
这地方有一大堆校园保安
They will not hesitate to scold us.
他们会骂死我们的
pull your car into the spot and let's get out of here.
把你的车开进来 我们就可以走人了
Wait, I'm leaving my car here?
等等 我得把车留在这里吗
Yes, and be sure and put on the emergency brake.
对 记得拉手刹
Really makes these things tough to budge.
这样要拖走你车都得废很大劲
Before I park, come in the backseat.
在我停车以前 你到后座来一下
I want to show you something I had done today.
我给你看看我今天做的事
All right, color me intrigued.
好啊 我都好奇起来了
What do you think?
你觉得怎么样
I think you're high on paint fumes.
你喷漆味吸高 嗨过头了吧
And boy, that's a lot of Band-Aids.
老天 好多创口贴啊
Okay, Howard's mother is in, like, every one of your wedding photos.
你每一张结婚照里都有霍华德的妈妈
What can I tell ya? She's a big girl.
我能说什么呢 她可是"大"姑娘
Wherever you look, there she is.
不管看哪 她都赫然在目
No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture,
不了 莱纳德要带我去听物理讲座
and coffee'll just keep me awake.
咖啡会害让我睡不着
Oh, looks like someone's on Team Bernadette.
看来某人和伯纳黛特是一队的啊
He's not here. What's wrong?
他不在 怎么了
He had my car towed.
他让我的车被拖走了
It cost me $200 to get it back.
花了我200美元才弄回来
Where was it parked?
车本来在哪停着的呢
In Sheldon's spot.
在谢尔顿的停车位
That doesn't make sense. Sheldon doesn't have a spot.
不对啊 谢尔顿没有车位
Was it maybe in Howard's spot?
是不是在霍华德的车位呀
Don't play dumb with me, sister.
别装傻了 丫头
You tell your husband he owes me $200.
告诉你丈夫 他欠我200块
Well, that doesn't make sense, either.
这也说不通啊
Because I'm the one who had it towed.
因为车是我拖走的
Didn't see that one coming, did ya?
没想到姐这招吧
Well, you're not gonna see this coming.
那你想得到姐这招吗
Oh, my God, are you okay?!
天啊 你没事吧
What the hell do you have in there?!
你包里装了什么鬼东西啊
Just my wallet, keys and a coffee can full of change
只有钱包 钥匙和一个装满硬币的咖啡罐
I've been meaning to take to the bank.
我正准备到银行存呢
Don't move. I'll get some ice.
别动 我去拿点冰块
Get away from me or I swear to God
离我远点 不然我发誓
I will rip out what's left of your pubes!
我会把你"那块"撕烂
- Here. - Thanks. Ah!
-给 -谢谢
Amy, you think maybe this has gotten a little out of hand?
艾米 你不觉得这事有点失控吗
Gee, you think?!
老天 你才觉得吗
Penny, Bernadette and I are sorry.
佩妮 我和伯纳黛特很抱歉
You hit her! What did I do?
打她的是你 我做啥了
You had my car towed.
你拖走了我的车
You were parked in Howard's spot!
谁叫你在霍华德的车位停车的
I was parked in Sheldon's spot!
我是停在谢尔顿的车位上的
Sheldon doesn't have a spot!
谢尔顿根本就没有车位
Guys, I think I need to go to the emergency room.
姑娘们 我觉得我得去趟急救室
- Okay, let's go. - I'll drive.
-好 我们走 -我来开车
You can see where the tow truck scratched my car.
你可以看看拖吊车把我的车刮成什么样了
The tow truck didn't scratch your car.
拖吊车根本没刮到你的车
- How do you know? - 'Cause I did it!
-你怎么知道 -因为是老娘亲自拖的
Morning, Professor Stevens.
早啊 史蒂文斯教授
Don't look at that whiteboard.
别盯着白板看
That's my math, not your math.
那是我的数学公式 不关你的事
Keep walking, nosey.
继续走你的路 事儿妈
What the hell are you doing?
你又搞什么鬼呢
You said I'm not using my space, so...
你说我没有使用我的车位 所以
Okay, you need to move now.
你得闪边了
You can't stay there forever.
你总不可能一直占着那里吧
Actually, I have a plastic baggy strapped to my leg that says I can.
事实上 我腿上绑的塑"尿"袋说是可能的
Give up, Wolowitz.
放弃吧 沃罗威茨
You've chosen to tangle with a superior intellect you can't defeat.
你的对手比你足智多谋 你赢不了的
There is nothing you could possibly do to...
你没有任何招能...
Those aren't gonna help you, Sheldon!
那玩意没用的 谢尔顿
I'm warning you, Sheldon!
我警告你 谢尔顿
Your threats are empty!
你吓唬谁啊
Nothing can move me!
我是赶不走的
Get out of my spot!
滚出我的车位
I am calling campus security!
我要叫保安了
You prepare for the scolding of your life!
你准备好被骂得狗血淋头吧
What are you idiots doing?!
你们两个蠢货干嘛呢
He's trying to kill me, Leonard!
他要谋杀我 莱纳德
Video games and rock music
电玩游戏与摇滚乐
have desensitized him to violence!
令他变得对暴力麻木不仁
Would you please talk some sense
拜托你好好劝几句
into your lunatic roommate?
你的疯子室友行吗
You're both acting like lunatics.
你俩都像疯子似的
- It's just a parking spot. - It's not just a parking spot!
-一个停车位而已 -不仅仅是停车位
He can't handle the fact that
他无法接受现在
I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
我比他还大咖的事实
I have been solely responsible
我全权负责
for this university's six-loop quantum gravity calculations;
这间大学的六回圈量子引力计算
I have changed the way we think
我改变了世人
about Bose-Einstein condensates,
对玻色-爱因斯坦凝聚体的想法
and I am also the one who got Nutter Butters
而且是我让咱学校的食堂贩卖机
in the cafeteria vending machine.
出售花生酱三明治饼
Maybe you missed that news while you were
也许你不知道这些
floating around like a goof in outer space.
因为当时你像个傻子一样在太空里瞎飘
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
恕我失陪 我要工作了
Can you believe this guy?
你相信他说的是人话吗
What I don't believe is that you tried to run him over.
我不相信你居然想碾死他
Oh, like you've never thought of doing that.
别装得好像你没想过这么做一样
Don't hate me just because I lived the dream.
别因为我实现梦想而恨我
Hey. Sweet ride!
嘿 真是辆好车哦
What are you doing in there?!
你在车里干什么
Just breaking in your new car.
闯入你的新车玩玩啊
Stop that! You stop that!
别这样 快住手
You know what they say?
知道常言怎么说吗
Revenge is a dish best served nude.
君子报仇 裸着才完
Oh, of course, come in.
当然 请进
This is an authentic Chinese throwing star,
这是枚货真价实的中国飞镖
and I must warn you,
我得警告你
I have seen many people throw them in movies.
我在电影里见过很多人扔这个
Howard has something he wants to say to you.
霍华德有话跟你说
Sheldon, when this whole thing with the parking space started,
谢尔顿 这场停车位之战开始后
I had no idea just how much of a crazy bastard...
我不知道你是个如此疯狂的混...
that's not how we practiced it.
跟着练习时的剧本走
I had no idea how much that spot meant to you.
我不知道那个停车位对你来说这么重要
Anyway, I called President Siebert
总之 我打了电话给塞伯特校长
and told him it's not worth fighting over the spot,
我跟他说争停车位不值得
so you keep it, and I'll park
你留着吧 我就停在
in the structure across the street.
街对面的停车场好了
Well, Howard, thank you.
霍华德 谢谢你
It's quite a gesture on your part.
你这样做很有风度
You've shown yourself to be the bigger man.
你证明了你是豁然大度的汉子
Which I find totally unacceptable.
我完全不能接受这结果
I must be the bigger man.
我一定得比人大度才行
Therefore, you may use my spot until such time
因此 你可以用我的停车位直到
as I learn to drive or get a Batmobile.
我学会开车 或是有了蝙蝠车
I don't know what to say.
我不知道说什么好了
There is nothing to say.
没什么好说的
Except I'm the bigger man.
除了"你才是大度真汉子"
I'm not kidding. Say it.
我没开玩笑 快说
You're the bigger man, Sheldon.
你才是大度真汉子 谢尔顿
And I believe this is yours.
我相信这个是你的
FYI, if you wear that into a bank,
告诉你 如果戴着这个进银行
they will tackle you to the ground.
保安会把你摁倒在地
I'd like to propose a toast--
大家来干一杯吧
to burying the hatchet.
敬恩怨一笔勾销
To burying the hatchet.
敬恩怨一笔勾销
You know, I'm kind of glad this happened.
我有点开心发生这样的事
In some weird way, I kind of feel like it brought us closer.
虽说有些怪异 但我感觉让我们更亲近了
Yeah, everybody's happy. Great!
皆大欢喜 好耶
Yes. According to information
是的 根据我从商户点评网上
I gleaned from Yelp,
了解到的信息
you had great success when a santeriasuzy37
网友圣塔拉苏茜37
brought you a pair of leather slacks
拿来沾有鸡血的皮裤
stained with chicken blood.
而你成功处理了
I believe I may have a similar problem.
我可能有着同样棘手的问题
This cushion experienced a nude revenge wiggle.
这张座垫 经历了复仇裸蹭
A naked man sat on it.
一个裸男坐在了上面
Now, here's my concern:
我担心的问题是
His diet is rich in fatty deli meats.
他的饮食成分富含脂肪过多的肉食
What test do you have to detect lipid residue?
你这里有哪些脂质残留的检验测试呢
A colon calling card, if you will.
叫结肠名片也行
We may be dealing with befoulment
玷污程度可能已经达到
on a molecular level.
分子级别了
Let me write you a ticket.
我给你开取货单
Looks like that laptop's seen better days.
看起来那个笔记本已经用了一段时日了
If you're interested, I'm selling this.
有兴趣的话 我在出售这个
It's only two years old,
只用了两年
16 gigabytes of RAM,
16G内存
Intel core, i7 processor,
英特尔芯片 I7处理器
and I can personally guarantee
而且我可以担保
it has spent less than 20 minutes resting on
它放在一名男性宇航员性器官上的时间
an astronaut's penis.
少于20分钟