Your hypothesis is completely disconfirmed by all the data.
You're just clinging to it out of intellectual stubbornness.
No, you're displaying a shocking ignorance
of the subject matter.
Mummies and zombies are the exact same thing.
Mummies are wrapped in bandages.
That's called a fashion choice.
All right, you brought this on yourself.
Sheldon, get him.
If a zombie bites you,
you turn into a zombie.
However, if a mummy bites you,
all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite.
So, like a zombie,
that's been eaten from the waist down,
you, sir, have no leg to stand on.
Good boy. Here's a cookie.
Hey, fellas, what's going on?
Mummies and zombies again.
Oh, they're not the same thing.
You get a cookie, too.
Guess who picked up his new car this morning?
- Does it have that new car smell? - Yep!
For as long as I can keep my mother out of it.
If you want to check it out later,
it's parked right out front, space 294.
I'm sorry-- 294?
- Yeah. - That's my parking spot.
Why do you have a parking spot?
You don't have a car. You don't even drive.
Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
Well, I'm not using my nipples, either.
Maybe they should reassign those.
Sheldon, someday, if you get a car,
I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
I don't want another parking space.
I want my parking space.
It's a corner spot,
cutting the risk of door-dings in half.
It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance.
The nearby tree provides shade on hot days
and is also home to a delightful squirrel.
Which is fortuitous
because most squirrels are real jerks.
Meanwhile, you still don't have a car.
Don't try to change the subject.
This is about a parking space.
It has nothing to do with cars.
Are you listening to yourself?
I always listen to myself.
It's one of the great joys of my life.
Now, get your car out of my spot.
You leave me no choice.
What are you looking at, you stupid squirrel?
President Siebert, listen to reason.
Yeah, I understand I don't use the parking spot,
but that's not the point. I...
Yes, I'm aware you told me not to call you at home.
But you didn't answer the door!
And I know you were there,
because I saw you through the mail slot.
Well, that's some salty language.
May I remind you that you're the president of a major university,
not the president of the Potty Mouth Club.
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Oh, well, I'm sorry for your loss.
Oh...! Good night, sir.
He says Wolowitz deserves my spot
because he's a high-profile asset to the university.
Well, he's not wrong.
Howard did go to the International Space Station.
Yeah, that was five weeks ago.
How much longer is he gonna milk that cow?
Sheldon, let it go.
It's not a big deal.
No, no, this is a slippery slope, Leonard.
It starts with a parking space.
Where does it end?
It's like my dad always said,
"First they say you can't drink and drive.
Next thing you know, you can't let your 10-year-old
take the wheel while you sleep one off in the backseat."
All that story does is make me feel bad for your mother.
Leonard, you're my best friend.
Why don't you ever take my side?
Because I can never understand your side!
but could you be more specific?
My Iron Man helmet.
Koothrappali saw you take it. Give it back.
Well, see, I wanted it,
and you weren't using it.
Apparently, those are the rules we live by now.
it truly is the B word, isn't it?
Sheldon, that is a $500 limited edition collectible,
I'd love to help you out, but unfortunately,
I'm taking your diploma.
That's the only doctorate you'll ever get.
It smells funny in here.
We're so proud of you, Amy.
- Your first bikini wax. - Yeah.
A little sensitive, but not bad.
Does it always take that long?
Uh, no, they usually don't have to go out and get more wax.
I feel like I'm five pounds lighter.
Really? Only five?
Hey, anybody want a drink?
So, did you spend last night hearing
about this silly parking space fight, too?
Fortunately, I couldn't understand most of it
'cause Sheldon was wearing that stupid robot mask.
Howard was so angry
I had to mash up Benadryl in his ice cream
to get him to fall asleep.
I guess this is what we get
for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males.
they're bound to lock horns.
I'm assuming these are some kind of horns
they bought at Comic-Con?
I'm really sorry they took Sheldon's spot away.
He shouldn't have to suffer
just because Howard's such a big deal now.
I know, Sheldon should just let Howard
have his little moment in the sun.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, Howard's never gonna go to space again,
but Sheldon will always be a genius.
And I'm sure Sheldon will get a fancy parking spot again,
if and when he makes a worthwhile contribution to science.
Okay, maybe we should change the subject.
Amy, how are your lady parts?
Still chilly down there?
None of Sheldon's theories
have ever been definitively proven.
My husband actually went to outer space.
That's an impressive accomplishment.
He's now an inspiration to millions of Americans
who know you don't have to be special
or even qualified to go into space.
You know, I remember the first time I got a bikini wax.
My sister did it with melted Crayolas and duct tape.
It's a bad idea...
I'm sensing a little hostility.
Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work,
your sex life is also theoretical?
Yeah, well, at least when we do make love,
Sheldon won't be thinking about his mother.
And yes, that is a cleverly veiled reference
to Howard's lifelong obsession
to crawl back into her spacious womb.
Anyway, to this day, I still can't see
a box of crayons without crossing my legs.
I don't have to take this.
I'm gonna go home and have sex with my husband right now.
Maybe I'll let him do it to me in the parking spot.
Which sounds dirty, but I didn't mean it that way!
Okay, here's another one
If a zombie bites a vampire,
and the vampire bites a human,
does the human become a vampire or a zombie?
Well, I'm not giving it away.
He's in my spot.
Leonard, make him stop being naked in my spot.
Howard, what are you doing?
He wasn't using it.
And I needed a nice cool piece of leather
to wiggle my naked ass on.
Give me back my Iron Man helmet.
Give me back my parking space.
You don't need a parking space.
You don't have a car.
You don't need an Iron Man helmet.
You're not Iron Man.
Well, we appear to have reached an impasse.
And you know, I have to say, I thought
you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.
This is so exciting.
I'm feeling all tingly.
Although that could just be
my newly defoliated bikini zone.
This place is swarming with campus security.
They will not hesitate to scold us.
pull your car into the spot and let's get out of here.
Wait, I'm leaving my car here?
Yes, and be sure and put on the emergency brake.
Really makes these things tough to budge.
Before I park, come in the backseat.
I want to show you something I had done today.
All right, color me intrigued.
What do you think?
I think you're high on paint fumes.
And boy, that's a lot of Band-Aids.
Okay, Howard's mother is in, like, every one of your wedding photos.
What can I tell ya? She's a big girl.
Wherever you look, there she is.
No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture,
and coffee'll just keep me awake.
Oh, looks like someone's on Team Bernadette.
He's not here. What's wrong?
He had my car towed.
It cost me $200 to get it back.
Where was it parked?
In Sheldon's spot.
That doesn't make sense. Sheldon doesn't have a spot.
Was it maybe in Howard's spot?
Don't play dumb with me, sister.
You tell your husband he owes me $200.
Well, that doesn't make sense, either.
Because I'm the one who had it towed.
Didn't see that one coming, did ya?
Well, you're not gonna see this coming.
Oh, my God, are you okay?!
What the hell do you have in there?!
Just my wallet, keys and a coffee can full of change
I've been meaning to take to the bank.
Don't move. I'll get some ice.
Get away from me or I swear to God
I will rip out what's left of your pubes!
- Here. - Thanks. Ah!
Amy, you think maybe this has gotten a little out of hand?
Gee, you think?!
Penny, Bernadette and I are sorry.
You hit her! What did I do?
You had my car towed.
You were parked in Howard's spot!
I was parked in Sheldon's spot!
Sheldon doesn't have a spot!
Guys, I think I need to go to the emergency room.
- Okay, let's go. - I'll drive.
-好 我们走 -我来开车
You can see where the tow truck scratched my car.
The tow truck didn't scratch your car.
- How do you know? - 'Cause I did it!
Morning, Professor Stevens.
Don't look at that whiteboard.
That's my math, not your math.
Keep walking, nosey.
What the hell are you doing?
You said I'm not using my space, so...
Okay, you need to move now.
You can't stay there forever.
Actually, I have a plastic baggy strapped to my leg that says I can.
Give up, Wolowitz.
You've chosen to tangle with a superior intellect you can't defeat.
There is nothing you could possibly do to...
Those aren't gonna help you, Sheldon!
I'm warning you, Sheldon!
Your threats are empty!
Nothing can move me!
Get out of my spot!
I am calling campus security!
You prepare for the scolding of your life!
What are you idiots doing?!
He's trying to kill me, Leonard!
Video games and rock music
have desensitized him to violence!
Would you please talk some sense
into your lunatic roommate?
You're both acting like lunatics.
- It's just a parking spot. - It's not just a parking spot!
He can't handle the fact that
I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
I have been solely responsible
for this university's six-loop quantum gravity calculations;
I have changed the way we think
about Bose-Einstein condensates,
and I am also the one who got Nutter Butters
in the cafeteria vending machine.
Maybe you missed that news while you were
floating around like a goof in outer space.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
Can you believe this guy?
What I don't believe is that you tried to run him over.
Oh, like you've never thought of doing that.
Don't hate me just because I lived the dream.
Hey. Sweet ride!
What are you doing in there?!
Just breaking in your new car.
Stop that! You stop that!
You know what they say?
Revenge is a dish best served nude.
Oh, of course, come in.
This is an authentic Chinese throwing star,
and I must warn you,
I have seen many people throw them in movies.
Howard has something he wants to say to you.
Sheldon, when this whole thing with the parking space started,
I had no idea just how much of a crazy bastard...
that's not how we practiced it.
I had no idea how much that spot meant to you.
Anyway, I called President Siebert
and told him it's not worth fighting over the spot,
so you keep it, and I'll park
in the structure across the street.
Well, Howard, thank you.
It's quite a gesture on your part.
You've shown yourself to be the bigger man.
Which I find totally unacceptable.
I must be the bigger man.
Therefore, you may use my spot until such time
as I learn to drive or get a Batmobile.
I don't know what to say.
There is nothing to say.
Except I'm the bigger man.
I'm not kidding. Say it.
You're the bigger man, Sheldon.
And I believe this is yours.
FYI, if you wear that into a bank,
they will tackle you to the ground.
I'd like to propose a toast--
to burying the hatchet.
To burying the hatchet.
You know, I'm kind of glad this happened.
In some weird way, I kind of feel like it brought us closer.
Yeah, everybody's happy. Great!
Yes. According to information
I gleaned from Yelp,
you had great success when a santeriasuzy37
brought you a pair of leather slacks
stained with chicken blood.
I believe I may have a similar problem.
This cushion experienced a nude revenge wiggle.
A naked man sat on it.
Now, here's my concern:
His diet is rich in fatty deli meats.
What test do you have to detect lipid residue?
A colon calling card, if you will.
We may be dealing with befoulment
on a molecular level.
Let me write you a ticket.
Looks like that laptop's seen better days.
If you're interested, I'm selling this.
It's only two years old,
16 gigabytes of RAM,
Intel core, i7 processor,
and I can personally guarantee
it has spent less than 20 minutes resting on
an astronaut's penis.