Raj, your tag is sticking out.
拉杰 衣服标签跑出来了
Thank you. That was the closest I've come to sex
谢谢 这是我大概两年来
in, like, two years.
离做爱最接近的一次了
Now I feel a little gross.
现在我觉得有点恶心了
You're only making it seem more real for me.
你这话更让我觉得像做爱了
Hey, that's my wife.
那是我老婆好吗
If anyone's gonna make her feel gross about sex, it's me.
如果有人让她觉得做爱很恶心 那也只能是我
Can we please talk about something
我们能聊点除了
other than my depressing love life?
我悲催的情场之外的事情吗
How about Penny's depressing acting career?
那聊聊佩妮悲催的演艺事业吧
I mean, it's been a little tough,
现在是有些不顺遂
but Penny's following her dreams,
但佩妮是在勇敢追梦
and in my book, that is not depressing.
在我心中的小本子里 那才不悲催
Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
你的小本子书名是《撒谎骗炮大全》吗
Is that a real book?
这书是真的吗
I would totally read that book.
如果真有 我一定拜读啊
Can I borrow it when you're done?
等你看完能借我也读读吗
Well, I'll have you guys know
姐就跟你们分享一下
I turned down a part in a movie last week.
其实我上周才推掉一部戏约
Why would you do that?
你为什么要推掉
Because it was crap.
因为那角色太狗屎了
It's a sequel to that awful
是我以前演过的
killer gorilla movie I was in.
杀手猩猩电影的续集
I thought you died in that.
你不是在电影里被砍死了吗
while showering topless,
当时她正裸身淋浴
16 minutes after brief side butt
就是跟其他学生会女生打完枕头仗
during a pillow fight with her sorority sisters.
还小露了一下侧屁的16分钟后被杀
I have an eidetic memory.
我有过目不忘的记忆力
I don't know what his problem is.
但他忘吃什么药我就不知道了
Okay, well, there are no shower scenes in this one.
这集里没有淋浴戏
They just try to clone me from my corpse,
他们试图从我遗体中克隆出新的我
but my DNA gets mixed with the ape's DNA
但我的基因跟杀人猩的基因混到了
and I end up running around with giant gorilla hands and feet.
所以我得用猩猩的巨手巨脚到处跑
Am I missing something,
是我漏掉什么点了吗
or isn't that the part she was born to play?
这角色不就是完全为她而设的吗
So are you really not gonna do this movie?
你真的不去演这电影吗
Well, I don't think it's the kind of part
我觉得这个角色对我的演艺生涯
that's good for my career.
没有丝毫帮助
Well, but don't a lot of famous actors
可是很多知名演员刚出道时
get their start doing bad movies?
不都是从垃圾电影开始演的吗
Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say...
但梅丽尔·斯特里普应该没碰到过
"must keep gorilla hands from killing again!"
"得制止这双猩猩手再去杀人"的电影吧
If she did, it would be amazing.
如果她真演了 一定也很赞
That woman can do no wrong.
这女人真是演什么像什么
I-I don't know anything about show business,
我对演艺界完全不了解
so if you think it's reasonable to turn down paid work
所以如果你觉得推掉有酬工作
and just burn through your savings,
继续花光自己的积蓄是正确的
I'm sure you know what you're doing.
我绝对相信你脑子没抽风
I think we're gonna go.
我觉得我们该走了
We were making fun of failed careers.
我们不是在取笑别人失败的事业吗
We didn't get to tap the juicy vein that is Howard's.
都还没聊到真正的大笑点霍华德身上呢
Hey, I work at the same university you do.
我跟你不是在同一间大学工作吗
Yes, and Hawkeye's in the avengers,
是 但就像鹰眼侠也在复仇者联盟中
but no one ever says, "Help, Hawkeye!"
你有听过人喊"救命啊 鹰眼侠"吗
Can I ask you something?
我能问你个问题吗
Why do you constantly feel the need to put down my husband?
为什么你总是要吐槽贬低我老公啊
Oh, I'm sure he does it out of love.
他一定是吐槽出于情 贬低更是爱吧
The same way my boyfriend makes me feel terrible
我男朋友不也这么对我 好让我对
about my life choices.
我做的人生决定感到难受吗
I think we're gonna go.
我们真的要走了
No, no, no. This is not a fight.
不用不用 这不是吵架
I-I was just excited that someone offered you a part
我们只是本来很高兴有人给你戏约嘛
and a little surprised that you'd rather sit at home
但后来有点惊讶你居然
and do nothing than take it.
宁愿在家闲着 也不愿意去演
Well, with that sorted out,
他们那边说清楚了
I'm happy to answer your question, Bernadette.
我也很乐意来回答你的问题 伯纳黛特
Howard started it.
是霍华德先开始的
I didn't do anything. I was just sitting here.
我什么都没干好吗 我就坐着而已
I wasn't referring to this evening.
我不是指今晚
Ten years ago, upon first seeing me,
10年前 我与他初次相见时
your husband claimed that I looked like C-3PO
你老公说我长得像《星球大战》里的C-3PO
上世纪80年代的喜剧电视 电影角色与谢尔顿外形有些神似
and Pee-wee Herman.
与皮·威·赫尔曼
And he called me C-3P-wee Herman.
而且他还叫我C-3P威赫尔曼
That was ten years ago.
那都是10年前了
Nine years, 11 months and three weeks ago,
在9年11个月又3周前
he followed that up by replacing the slides for my lecture
他随后又偷偷换掉了我教课的幻灯片
with photographs of nude fat women bending over.
改成了一张裸身肥女人弯腰露屁股的照片
The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds.
他那堂课在教宇宙的气体云嘛
That's funny!
胖子放屁成宇宙云 超好笑
I was there. It was funny.
当时我在 真的超好笑
In any event, that began a decade-long progression
而在那之后 他开始了长达10年的
of insults, pranks and unwanted magazine subscriptions.
各种羞辱 恶整 还给我订各种奇怪杂志
To this day, I still get a monthly copy
一直到现在 我还每个月都收到
of Granny on Granny.
《老奶奶床战老奶奶》
Which, other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page,
除了出乎意料好玩的智力游戏页面之外
is complete filth.
整本都龌龊不堪
Thanks for walking me to my car.
谢谢你陪走到停车位那
Actually, it's for both of us.
其实我也想谢谢你
Last night, I watched West Side Story,
昨晚我看了电影《西区故事》
and I'm a little freaked out by street gangs.
现在有点害怕街头帮派
Why can't Raj find a girl?
为什么拉杰找不到女友
The mystery continues.
看来这问题找不到答案啦
I don't appreciate your sarcasm,
虽然我不喜欢你挖苦我
but we've still got two blocks to go, so I'll put up with it.
但还有两个街区 所以我唯有忍忍了
Whatever happened with your online dating?
你网上交友进行得如何
No one was writing me back, so I stopped checking my profile.
没人回复我 所以我也懒得登上去看了
Before I met Sheldon, I was ready to give up, too.
在遇见谢尔顿前 我也准备要放弃
Once, I even dropped in on my OB/GYN
我还曾去拜访过我的妇产科医生
just to get some human contact.
只为寻求跟人类有肉体接触的机会
It has been a while since I got my prostate checked.
貌似我的前列腺也好久没检查了
Then I met Sheldon and look at where we are now.
然后我遇见了谢尔顿 你看我们现在进展多快
What? You've kissed, like, once in three years.
有吗 你们交往三年才接过一次吻
That's true. Do whatever you want.
那倒是 你爱干嘛干嘛吧
Listen, I was thinking you and I could
我一直在想 或许你和我
probably try to be better friends.
可以试着成为更好的朋友
I was thinking what we have now is a bit much.
我觉得我们现在就好得有点过分了
Seriously, I was talking to Bernadette last night and...
说真的 我昨晚和伯纳黛特谈过了
she made some great points.
她说得很有道理
You and I have known each other a long time,
我们都认识彼此这么长时间了
and I didn't hear the rest 'cause she took her bra off.
后面的我没听进去 因为她把胸罩脱掉了
How do you propose we move forward?
那你觉得我们应该如何增进友谊
Uh, for starters, we could stop insulting each other.
首先我们可以停止羞辱对方
That's a great idea.
这个主意真棒
And in the spirit of our new arrangement,
本着我们休战新协议的友好精神
I will mask my surprise that you came up with it.
我会掩饰我对你想出这主意的惊讶之情
Anyway, I got invited to do a little talk at NASA
总之 这周末太空总署邀请我去休斯顿
in Houston this weekend.
做一个小演讲
They gave me two tickets. Bernadette can't go.
他们给我提供了两张机票 但伯纳黛特去不了
You want to come with me?
你想跟我一起去吗
You can visit your mom,
你可以顺便去看看你妈
and I'll show you around the space center.
我也可以带你参观太空中心
I have one question.
我有个问题
Is this a prank...
这是个恶作剧吗
where we land in Houston
会不会我们一到达休斯顿
and you've made up wanted posters
那里会张贴着你做好的通缉令
that have my face with a mustache and a Spanish name
上面是我长着小胡子的照片 和一个西班牙名
and then I get arrested and deported to South America?
于是我会被逮捕并被遣送回南美洲
I'm glad because I would not have seen that coming.
那我就放心了 因为我肯定料不到你会这么玩
Amy, I could use some help.
艾米 我想请你帮忙
Oh. Let me guess. There's an...
我猜猜 是不是有位
undergrad in a leather jacket
穿着皮衣的男大学生
snapping his fingers by the water fountain.
在饮水机那里打着响指[西区故事中的混混]
I thought about what you said last night,
我认真想过你昨晚说的话
and I went back on the dating Web site
于是我再次登上交友网站
and I was looking at this girl's profile.
我看见了这个女生的个人资料
And smart. Phi Beta Kappa.
还很聪明 美国大学优等生荣誉学会会员
And judging by her lack of Adam's apple,
从她没有喉结这点可以判断出
she's been female her entire life.
她这辈子一直都是女人
I like that in a woman.
我喜欢女人这一点
Great, so what do you need me for?
很好 你需要我帮什么忙
Well, I was up all night trying to write to her,
我一晚没睡给她写了一封信
but I wanted to run it by you first.
我想先听听你的意见
your face is like a precious dew-kissed flower..."
你的脸颊就像被露珠吻过的花朵那么娇嫩"
I know. Powerful stuff, huh?
我知道 很有震撼力吧
You're supposed to be yourself, not all...
你应该做自己 而不是像个
desperate and creepy.
饥渴又吓人的变态
Okay, I'm getting some mixed messages here.
我就是那样的变态啊 那到底还要不要做自己
Just say something normal like, "I saw your profile.
就写一些普通的东西 比如"我看了你的资料
Looks like we have a lot in common;
似乎咱俩有很多共同之处
- let's get a cup of coffee sometime." - Yes.
-有空一起去喝杯咖啡吧" -对
"Where I can be jealous of the cup
"喝咖啡时 我会嫉妒咖啡杯
touching your ruby lips."
它能碰触你红宝石般的双唇"
Or you just write it for me.
或者干脆你帮我写吧
I'm not gonna pretend to be you.
我才不要假扮你呢
I don't want you to pretend to be me.
我不是要你假扮我
You can be like my, uh, online wingman.
你可以当我的网络泡妞搭档
Like if we met her at a bar and you talked me up.
好比如果我们是在酒吧遇到她 你就在一旁使劲夸我
Well, what would I say to her?
那我应该跟她说什么
Just tell her what I'm really like.
告诉她我是个什么样的人
And, if you think it'll help,
如果你觉得有帮助的话
that you saw me changing once
可以说你曾见过我换衣服
and my package reminded you of the muscular tail of a jaguar.
我的鸡鸡让你想到美洲虎肌肉发达的尾巴
Use your own words.
用你自己的话去表达吧
Thanks again for taking me to the pharmacy.
谢谢你载我去药房
Oh, it's no problem. Is everything okay?
别客气 你还好吗
Oh, I'm fine. It's just some, uh,
我没事 这只是
stomach medication for my trip.
为我的旅行准备的胃药
There's the remote yet distinct possibility
虽然可能性极小 但不排除
that I may end up in South America.
我可能会沦落到南美洲
Remember the old days when I would've said something dumb
还记得以前我会问你一些蠢问题吗
Uh, that doesn't sound good.
这声音听起来不妙
Remember the old days when I used to point out
还记得以前我会指出你上车后
that your check engine light was on?
应该检查发动机警示灯是否亮着吗
- Yes. - Well, get ready to stroll down memory lane:
-记得 -少女 准备重温旧梦吧
Penny, your check engine...
佩妮 你检查发动机...
Yeah, I know it's on, Sheldon!
我知道灯是亮着的 谢尔顿
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
别别别 不要啊
I cannot afford this right now.
我现在可付不起修车费
Maybe it's just something minor.
或许只是小问题而已
Ooh, good news, the light just went out.
好消息是那警示灯灭了
Are we playing individual or teams?
我们是各玩各的还是组队玩
Oh, in that case, I'd like to be partnered
这样的话 那我希望和我的好朋友
with my good friend Howard.
霍华德组队
But I'm always on Howard's team.
可霍华德从来都跟我组队
We're best friends.
我们才是最好的朋友
The kind who finish each others...
那种默契好到能完成对方的句...
- I really don't think we do tha... - ...do that! See?
-我不觉得我们有做这.. -这种事 你看
Oh, how'd it go at the mechanic?
修车行怎么说
Not great. Can I talk to you for a sec?
不太妙 能借一步说话吗
Maybe I can go with you guys to Houston?
我能跟你们一起去休斯顿吗
Isn't it a little late to get plane tick...
现在买机票是不是有点...
...plane tickets? Yeah.
...有点晚吗 没错
Will you please sto...
求求你别再闹...
...stop that? Okay.
...别再闹了 好的
I don't know what to do.
我真不知道该如何是好
My car threw a rod and it's totaled.
我的车坏了 彻底报废了
I can't afford a new one, I have no job,
可我工作也没了 又买不起新车
and now I can't drive to auditions.
现在我连试镜都没办法去
I know it's a sensitive subject,
我知道这件事你不爱听
but can you reconsider that part in the movie?
可你能重新考虑一下那个电影角色吗
I did. I called them. The part's gone.
我考虑了 我打了电话 人家不要我了
They gave it to someone else.
那个角色已经被别人抢走了
Now that girl's gonna get discovered and become famous
现在那姑娘马上就要一夜成名
and go on Letterman and talk about
然后去访谈秀大聊特聊她是如何
how she got her big break on a cheap monkey movie
从一部廉价的猴子电影中一举成名的
all because some dumb girl thought it was beneath her.
这都多亏了某个傻妞当初不屑去演
At least they talked about you on Letterman.
这样你至少还在访谈秀上被提起了啊
Come on, I can drive you wherever you need to go.
别这样 你想去哪儿 我都开车载你
How? Unlike me, you have a job.
怎么可能 你和我不一样 你有工作呀
I'm just gonna have to go back to being a waitress...
我唯有回去当我的服务员
...like I will be for the rest of my life.
这将成为我一辈子的工作
Leonard, would you wrap it up?
莱纳德 你麻利一点好不好
We're waiting on you.
我们都在等你呢
I'm sorry, is the fact that my life's falling apart
对不起 是不是我苦难的人生
interfering with your board game?
打扰到您崇高的桌游了
You were wrong, friend Howard.
你错了 吾友霍华德
She completely understood.
她完全能理解我们的状况
Have you heard back from Emily?
艾米丽回信了吗
And I'm afraid she doesn't think you're right for her.
恐怕她觉得你俩不合适
I give you one simple thing to do--
我给了你一个这么简单的任务
contact a complete stranger
联系一个素未谋面的陌生人
and make her fall in love with me--
让她爱上我
and you blow it!
你却连这都办砸了
I told her what a good guy you are, but
我把你的好都告诉她了 可是
she thought it was a bad sign
她觉得你不肯亲自给她写信
that you didn't write to her yourself.
这就不是什么好兆头
She thought it made you seem too shy and passive.
她觉得你显得太害羞 太被动了
I'm not too shy and passive.
人家才不害羞和被动呢
You write her back and tell her I said that.
你马上回信给她 把我的话告诉她
You know, when you have a second.
当然 等你有空的时候
Look, I'll see if I can change her mind tomorrow night.
明晚我会试着改变她的想法
What's happening tomorrow night?
明天晚上有什么事
I'm meeting her for coffee.
我要和她出来喝咖啡
Well, we just... we e-mailed back and forth a bit,
我们后来发了几次邮件
and we kind of hit it off.
发现我俩还挺合拍的
- I find a girl I like, and you're stealing her?! - No.
-我找到了梦中情人 你却要把她抢走 -才不是
We just ended up having a lot in common.
我们只是发现两人有很多共同点
We went to Harvard, we like Chaucer,
我们都是哈佛毕业 我们都喜欢乔叟[英国作家]
we're both hardcore into quilting.
我们都疯狂喜欢缝花被子
Your words fall like acid rain
你的一字一句都像是冷冷的酸雨
on the wounded petals of my heart.
在我破碎的心上胡乱地拍
He says he'll be down in a minute.
他说他马上就下来
What are you doing?
你在干什么
Oh, he's not coming out until he sees proof
他不确认你车里没有空气清新剂
you don't have an air freshener in your car.
他就不会出来
This is gonna be a long weekend for you.
这个周末你肯定度日如年了
You're the reason I'm doing it!
明明是你要我这么做的
I said to stop insulting each other.
我只是让你们不要再互相攻击了
I didn't tell you to take him on a romantic getaway.
又没叫你和他一起共度浪漫周末
How do I know what you said?
我怎么知道你都说了什么
Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.
都怪你和你那对"化言语为无声"的大咪咪
- Hi. - Hey, buddy.
-你好啊 -你好
You excited for Texas?
要去德克萨斯了 开心吗
It's not every day you get to tour NASA with a real astronaut.
能和真正的宇航员去太空总署 千载难逢啊
Who's the real astronaut?
那个真正的宇航员是谁呀
Buzz Aldrin.
巴斯·奥尔德林[传奇宇航员]
I have to go to the bathroom.
我要去上厕所了
You just went to the bathroom.
你不是刚去了吗
I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe.
我没上 因为感觉不太安全
Despite all my e-mails, the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
尽管我曾多次发邮件 马桶还是没加装安全带
Well, it still doesn't.
现在也还是没有啊
I realize that, but safety concerns went out the window
我知道 前面贪杯喝苹果汁时
two apple juices ago.
就把安全问题抛之脑后了
Why are you getting annoyed?
你为什么这么心烦
I'm trying to be a better friend,
我努力当一个更好的朋友
but you constantly say and do irritating things.
但你不断说些烦人的话 做些烦人的事
- Like when? - When?!
-什么时候 -什么时候
How about in the car?
之前在车里时
I'm an astronaut, and you know it.
我是宇航员 你知道的
You just don't like admitting it, because you're jealous.
你只是不愿承认 因为你嫉妒
as a child, I did dream of going to space.
我小时候的确梦想过上太空
Those astronauts were my heroes.
那些宇航员是我的英雄
when you got to go, it was hard for me.
你也上太空了 我挺难接受的
Because it made me realize
因为这让我意识到
they'll just send anyone up there.
是个人就能被太空总署送上去
- Aren't you going to let me out? - No.
-你不打算让我出去了吗 -不
But I still need to use the bathroom.
但我还是需要上洗手间
Here you go. Be creative.
给你 发挥创意吧
What's the matter? Scared of a little turbulence?
怎么啦 害怕小小的乱流吗
No, turbulence is just the equalization
不害怕 乱流只是大气中
of diurnal temperature variations in the atmosphere.
昼夜温差的均衡
I'm not scared at all.
我一点也不怕
Oh, apple juice, stay where you are.
苹果汁 别出来啊
Oh, this is nothing.
这算什么啊
I experienced way worse
我以"假宇航员"身份
when I was plummeting back to Earth,
乘飞船垂直降落重返地球时
apparently not being a real astronaut.
那滋味才叫一个难受
Okay, that was a big one.
好吧 刚才那下挺严重的
I take it back. I'm scared of turbulence!
我收回刚才的话 我害怕乱流
I'm gonna need that bag back.
把呕吐袋还给我
You sure you want to do this?
你确定要这么做吗
Yeah. Why wouldn't I want to get my old job back?
对 我为什么不想要回原来的工作
It'll be fun to see everyone.
看到大家一定"很有意思"
I haven't talked to them since I said,
我最后一次跟大家说的是
"I quit. See you at the Oscars, bitches."
"姐辞职了 奥斯卡颁奖礼见 贱人们"
Come on, let's just get this over with.
快点 早搞完早收工
"Let's get this over with."
"早搞完早收工"
Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory,
我这是要开车送你去芝士工厂
or are we having sex?
还是我们要做爱啊
I'm just... I'm trying to lighten the mood.
我只是想逗你乐一下
- I know. Thank you. - Sorry.
-我知道 谢谢 -抱歉
It's just so humiliating.
真是太丢人了
Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory...?
我这是要开车送你去芝士工厂还...
I'm sorry. I'll-I'll stop. I'll stop.
对不起 我不说了 我不说了
Come on, don't look so sad.
拜托 别这么伤心
You never know what's gonna happen.
你永远不知道未来会发生什么事
Maybe tonight will be great.
也许今晚会非常棒
Sweetie, I know you're trying to make me feel better,
亲爱的 我知道你在努力安慰我
and I love you for that,
我喜欢你这么体贴
but it's making me feel worse, and I kind of hate you.
但这让我更难受了 而且我有点讨厌你
This isn't your car.
这不是你的车啊
I know. I thought we'd take yours.
我知道 我想我们开你的车去
It's nothing fancy, but it'll get you to auditions,
虽然不是豪车 但至少你去试镜能有代步工具
and at least for now, you don't have to go back to waitressing.
至少现在 你不用回去做服务员了
I don't know what to say.
我不知道该说什么
Don't say anything.
什么也不用说
I mean, you could say, "thank you."
你可以说"谢谢你"
I did just buy you a car.
我的确送了辆车给你
Look, I admit that it's odd
我承认拉杰什
that Rajesh didn't write to you himself,
不亲自写信给你是有些奇怪
but if you get to know him,
但如果你了解他
you'll see he's just a sweet, regular guy.
你就会知道他只是个亲切的普通人
As a counterpoint, here he is,
作为有趣的对比 他来了
uninvited and visibly sweaty.
不速之客兼大汗淋漓
- Hello, Emily. - Hello.
-你好 艾米丽 -你好
Amy told me you were concerned that
艾米告诉我你担心我
I might be too passive and shy.
可能太过被动与害羞
Let me ask you something.
我问你个事
Would a passive guy barge in here
一个被动的人会闯进这里
to look you in the eye and say,
看着你的眼睛说
"Hey, dew-kissed flower, what's up?"
"嘿 露水吻过的鲜花 你好啊"
No, but a weird guy with no boundaries might.
不 但没有下限的变态可能会说
Uh, okay, that's a separate issue.
好吧 这是另外的问题
Let's put a pin in that and just focus on the passive thing.
咱们先把这问题摆一边 专注于"被动"
Are we still going to go to that Chaucer reading Friday?
我们周五还去乔叟读书会吗
You know, I think I'm just gonna go by myself.
我想我还是一个人去吧
Not my best first date.
算不上是我最棒的初次约会
Yeah, but not my worst, either.
也算不上是最差劲的
I'm sorry for every mean thing I ever did or said to you!
我就以前对你说过的刻薄话做过的刻薄事道歉
I'm sorry, too! It's all my fault!
我也道歉 全是我的错
If you weren't my friend,
如果没有你这个朋友
there'd be a hole in my life!
我的人生会若有所失
Thank you, Sheldon.
谢谢你 谢尔顿
Kind of like when Firefly was cancelled.
就好像剧集《萤火虫》被砍了
But not as big.
但失落感没那么严重
The captain has turned off the fasten seat belt sign.
机长已经关闭了安全带指示灯
You're now free to move about the cabin.
各位可以在机舱内走动了
- It's over. - Yeah.
-结束了 -是的
Should we stop holding hands now?
我们是不是应该松开对方的手了
- In a minute. - Okay, good.
-等会吧 -太好了