I recently read that during World War Two,
我最近读到在二战期间
Joseph Stalin had a research program
约瑟夫·斯大林曾有一项研究计划
to create supersoldiers
为了制造超级士兵
by having women impregnated by gorillas.
要让女人怀上大猩猩的孩子
What a sick use of science.
太变态的滥用科学了
Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
只要孩子健康就没事啦
I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
不知道斯大林有没想过使用其他动物
Hippos are the deadliest creature.
河马是杀伤性最高的动物
A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
半人半河马应该会是狠角色吧
Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry,
但当它们饿饿的时候
you can stop them with marbles.
你用弹珠就能阻止它们了
Yeah, the correct animal
是的 制造跨族超级士兵的
for interspecies supersolider is koala.
最佳选择是考拉
You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
你可以做出一个超可爱 让人无法下手的军队
But half-man, half-owl could fly...
但半人半猫头鹰可以飞...
The answer is cuddly soldiers with big flat noses.
正解就是让人想抱的大扁鼻子士兵
So, Penny, when's the new job start?
佩妮 新工作什么时候开始
Did you get a chance to look over the materials I gave you?
你找时间看了我给你的材料了吗
Uh, not yet, but I will.
还没 但我会看的
I said I'll get to it.
我说了我会去看
I'm sensing awkwardness, am I right?
我好像感觉到场面有些尴尬 是吧
I don't want to be pushy,
我不想一直逼你
but you've never done pharmaceutical sales before.
但你之前从未接触过医药销售
It seems like you could use this time to get a head start.
你可以用这段时间领先其他人啊
Well, the first few weeks will be all training.
前几周都是在培训
They'll tell me everything I need to know.
他们会教我一切需要了解的信息
But imagine how impressed they'd be if you showed up
但你想象一下 你去的时候已经对材料很熟
already familiar with the material.
他们肯定会对你刮目相看
Okay, so what, you want me to be like a teacher's pet?
所以是怎样 你想让我当老师的小马屁精吗
Who here has ever been hurt
在座这里有谁
because they were the teacher's pet?
因为当老师的马屁精被欺负过
It was like the rest of the class wanted Ms. McDonald
感觉就像班上其他同学想要老师
to forget the quiz.
忘了有考试
That's right, good job.
没错 干得好
Uh, you wanted to see me?
你想见我吗
Yes. Uh, welcome back.
是的 欢迎回来
I assume you'd like to reopen our dialogue
我想你想要再开始
about the university forcing me to continue with string theory?
大学逼我继续研究弦理论的谈话是吗
You mean the dialogue that went,
你是指谈话过程只有
"Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No."
"拜托""不行"这两个词来回重复的那次吗
I believe you went last, so, uh, please?
我记得上一次最后是你回的 所以... 拜托
Dr. Cooper, while you were away, we came up with a solution
库伯博士 在你不在的时候 我们想出了
that would allow you to change your field of study.
让你可以改变研究领域的方法了
Pouting and running away actually worked.
撅嘴逃跑真的管用啊
Yeah, I must say, that may not be a lesson
不得不说 你可千万记得
you want to reinforce with me.
不要再逼我干嘛了
So, um, what is the solution?
所以解决方式是什么
Currently, you're being paid under a grant
目前大学给你的研究基金是
to specifically research string theory.
只能做特定领域研究的
If we promote you to junior professor,
如果我们将你升为初级教授
you'll be able to choose
这样你就能
whatever field of research you'd like.
想研究什么就研究什么
But if I'm a professor, then I'll have to teach a class.
但如果我是教授 我就得带学生了
So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money
所以你的解决方法就是 给我升职 给我加薪
so that I can impart my knowledge
然后让我能把我的学识
to the next generation of scientists?
传授给下一代的科学家们吗
You people are sick.
你们这帮人真变态
Hey. Ready to go to lunch?
准备好去吃午饭了吗
Just give me a minute.
再给我一分钟
I'm stimulating the pleasure cells of this starfish.
我在刺激海星的快感细胞
I just need to turn it off.
等我关了就行了
What happens if you don't?
如果你不关掉会怎么样
Then I have to sit through lunch
那我就得边吃午饭
knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.
边想着这海星过得比我还"爽"
Is Bernadette meeting us at the restaurant?
伯纳黛特会在餐厅跟我们碰面吗
Uh, no. Actually, I didn't invite her.
不会 其实我没叫她
Well, ever since she helped me get this job,
自从她介绍了我这份工作
she won't stop bugging me.
她就一直不停地烦我
Well, I think she just wants you to do well,
她只想你能做好这份工作
and she's worried that you won't
而且她也担心你会失败吧
'cause you were just a stunningly poor waitress.
因为你真是个超烂的服务员
I'm still waiting on my mini corndogs from two years ago.
我到现在都还在等两年前跟你点的玉米热狗呢
I told you, they'll be right out.
我跟你说了 很快会给你上
Okay, so no Bernadette.
好吧 没有伯纳黛特
Well, you saw her the other night. Am I wrong?
那晚你也看见她那个样子啦 难道是我错吗
I feel kind of uncomfortable talking about her like this.
我觉得这样说她有点不好
Usually when someone's being talked about behind their back,
通常有人在背后说其他人坏话时
it's me and it's right in front of my face.
都是说我的坏话 而且还当着我的面说
I-I'm sorry. I just need a little break from her.
抱歉 我只是想躲开她一阵子
You know, there is some research that indicates
你知道吗 有些研究显示
that sharing negative attitudes about a third party
分享对第三方的负面看法
can be a powerful bonding force between two friends.
能够加深两个朋友之间的友谊吗
So, what are you saying?
所以你是什么意思
I'm saying, in the spirit of science,
我的意思是 为了科学
what is that little skank's problem?
那个小婊砸到底有啥好不满的
So, I've been trying to come up
我一直想给
with a cute couple's nickname for me and Emily.
我和艾米丽取一个可爱的情侣昵称
What do you like better--
你觉得哪一个好
or Koothrapemily?
还是库萨帕米丽
Why is it your last name and her first name?
为什么一定是你的姓和她的名的组合
Oh, well, her last name is Sweeney,
她姓斯威尼
and something just didn't seem right about Koothrapeeney.
库萨帕威尼听起来不大对劲儿
Hey, how'd it go with human resources?
跟人力资源部谈得怎么样了
Yeah, they're allowing me to move on from string theory,
虽然他们同意让我研究其他理论
but they made me a junior professor
但是他们升我当初级教授
and are requiring me to teach a class.
这样我就必须给学生上课
I don't understand. Why is it bad that you have to teach?
我不明白了 上课有什么不好
What a stupid question.
愚蠢的问题
The kids are gonna love him.
学生们绝对会"喜欢"他
I can't believe I have to waste my time
我不敢相信我得浪费我的时间
babysitting a bunch of grad students
照顾一群研究生
who probably think dark matter is what's in their diapers.
他们可能觉得暗物质就是尿片里的屎尿
This might not be that bad.
没那么糟糕
Uh, you like telling people they're wrong.
你喜欢指出别人的错误
Just because I enjoyed that one doesn't mean I always do.
我喜欢这么做 并不代表我会想整天这么做
You enjoy giving people grades.
你喜欢给别人打分
A valid point, but unoriginal-- B-minus.
观点正确 但是非原创 B-
And you love the sound of your own voice.
你喜欢你自己的声音
Yeah, well, of course I do.
对 没错 我喜欢
It's like an earful of melted caramel.
就像听到了融化的焦糖
Look, most importantly,
最重要的是
this will let you move on and study dark matter.
这样你才能继续研究暗物质
It is true that many of my heroes have taken students
我有很多偶像倒是都曾给予过
under their wings:
学生帮助[放在翅膀下]
Feynman, Einstein, Professor X.
费因曼 爱因斯坦 X教授
费因曼 美国著名物理学家X教授 即查尔斯·塞维尔 X战警学校的校长及创办人
in the case of Professor X,
对于X教授来说
some of his students actually had wings.
他的一些学生还真的有翅膀
I'll use that one to lighten the mood
等全班学生在期中考试挂科之后
after my entire class fails the midterm.
我会用这个笑话来逗笑他们
Measuring starfish serotonin levels in response to
通过使用1.2摩尔的快感细胞刺激
one point two molar stimulation of pleasure cells.
测量海星的血清素等级
You like that, don't you?
你喜欢这样对吧
That's right, say my name.
没错 说我的名字
- Hey, what's going on? - Not much.
-还好吗 -还行
You want to get a drink later?
等会儿要去喝一杯吗
Not tonight. I'm a little frustrated with her.
今晚不叫她 我对她有点失望
Because you got her the job and you think
因为你帮她找到工作
she should be working harder to prepare for it?
你觉得她应该好好准备
So it's not just me. You see it, too!
原来不光是我 你也看到了
It's driving me crazy.
快把我逼疯了
Just this afternoon, I saw on Instagram
今天下午 我在她的相册里看见
that instead of studying, she went out to lunch
她没有好好学习 还跑出去吃午餐
and got a manicure.
还去做了美甲
If she doesn't do well,
如果她做不好
th-this could reflect poorly on you.
也会坏了你的名声
Exactly. Does she not realize it or does she not care?
是啊 她是不知道 还是不在乎
The important thing is I am here for you
重要的是 我支持你
so we can mutually disparage this unpleasing third party.
所以我们可以一起鄙视这个讨厌的第三方
Hey. We just wanted to see how your class was going.
我们来看看你的课上得怎么样了
Did you send everyone to the principal's office already?
你这么快就把所有人都送去校长办公室了吗
Well, that's not your fault.
这不是你的错
I called the department secretary to see what happened.
我打电话问学院秘书是怎么回事
Apparently, I have a reputation for being obnoxious.
显然 全校的人都认为我很讨厌
Hey, Sheldon, I'm sorry.
谢尔顿 真是抱歉
Now I can devote all my time to dark matter.
现在我可以全身心投入到暗物质的研究中了
Aw, you brought cookies for everyone?
你还给大家带了饼干
Oh, yes. Fig Newtons.
对 "无花果牛顿"饼干
I was going to ask them: which scientist both helped
我本来打算问他们 哪个科学家
to develop calculus
既对微积分有贡献
and had a famous cookie named after him?
又有一款饼干以他命名
And then after someone said "Newton,"
等有人回答"牛顿"
I was going to tell them they're wrong.
我就告诉他们错了
The cookies are named after a town in Massachusetts.
这个饼干是用马萨诸塞州的一个镇命名的
And then I'd throw the cookies away.
然后我再把饼干扔了
Hey, what if I took your class?
我来听你的课怎么样
Why would you do that?
你为什么这么做
- Yeah, why would you do that? - What's wrong with you?
-你为什么这么做 -你脑子出什么问题
I'm thinking about getting my doctorate,
我想拿到博士学位
and he wants to teach-- why not?
他想要教课 正好啊
I appreciate the gesture,
感谢你的提议
but this is a graduate-level physics class.
但这是研究生阶段的物理课程
I don't think you'd understand
我觉得你根本无法理解
a single thing I was talking about.
我所讲的任何内容
Ask why not again; I've got an answer.
再问一遍为什么不能来 我有答案了
Sheldon, I'm more than smart enough to take your class.
谢尔顿 我的智商来听你的课绰绰有余了
How would you determine the ground state
在没有精确解的情况下
of a quantum system with no exact solution?
你如何确定量子系统的基态
I would guess a wave-function and then vary its parameters
我会任意猜测一个基态波函数 通过更改其参数
until I found the lowest energy solution.
找出能量最低的量子态
Do you know how to integrate X squared times E
你知道怎么不查书也能求出
to the minus X, without looking it up?
x平方乘e到负x的积分
I'd use Feynman's trick--
我会用费曼的秘诀
differentiate under the integral sign.
积分符号内取微分
What is the correct interpretation of quantum mechanics?
量子力学的正确诠释是什么
Since every interpretation gives exactly the same answer
每一种诠释对于每一次测量
to every measurement, they are all equally correct.
给出的答案都一样 所以它们同等正确
However, I know you believe in the Many Worlds Interpretation,
但是我知道你支持的是多宇宙诠释
so I'll say that. Now do you think I'm smart enough?
所以我会顺着你说 现在你觉得我够聪明了吗
Oh, come on. You might've gone to school
拜托 你也许就比我
for a couple more years than me, but guess what--
多上了几年学 但是
engineers are just as smart as physicists.
工程师和物理学家一样聪明
You take that back!
你把这话收回去
So, after drinks with Bernadette,
和伯纳黛特喝了几杯后
I get home, and Penny calls to complain about her.
我刚到家 佩妮就打来电话抱怨伯纳黛特
And then while I'm talking to Penny,
我正和佩妮说着呢
I get a text from Bernadette.
伯纳黛特又发来短信
Wh... I'm trying to prepare my lesson plan for Howard.
我正为霍华德准备教学计划呢
Why are you telling me this?
你干嘛告诉我这些废话
Because it's taken 15 years,
因为虽然晚了15年
but high school is finally awesome!
但高中生活终于开始精彩了
I love them both,
虽然我爱她们俩
but I'm in the center now, and I love that even more.
但现在我成了团体中心 我更爱这种感觉
Amy, please. I am trying to figure out a way
艾米 拜托 我正努力寻找
to intellectually emasculate a dear friend of mine.
一种用智力阉割我好友的方法
- But I'm just... - Not now.
-可人家... -别烦我了
You better watch that attitude, buddy.
注意你的态度 老弟
You're dating the popular girl now.
你女朋友现在可是校园红人呢
Oh, I'm working on my lesson plan for Wolowitz.
我在为沃罗威茨量身定制教学计划
He is going to be so lost.
保证他跟听天书一样
Look at this section over here.
快看这部分内容
Even I don't really understand it.
连我都不懂是什么
Sheldon, why are you doing this?
谢尔顿 你为什么要这么做
I'm a teacher, Leonard.
我是一名教师 莱纳德
why are you going to so much trouble
你为什么要费尽周折
to prove that you're smarter than Wolowitz?
来证明你比沃罗威茨聪明呢
Oh, it's no trouble; it's actually a pleasure.
完全不费劲 我高兴着呢
You want to know what I think?
你知道我怎么想吗
I think the idea that someone could be as smart as you,
我觉得一想到某人可能和你一样聪明
or even smarter, scares the pants off you,
甚至比你聪明 你就怕得要死
and you can't deal with it.
你接受不了这个事实
Wh... You're suggesting
你是在暗示
that I have emotional issues below my consciousness
潜意识里我的情绪
which drive my behavior,
影响了我的行动
thus causing me to lash out at anything or anyone
导致我大肆打击任何
that threatens my intellectual superiority.
威胁到我智商优势的人或事吗
Might be something to think about.
你好好思考一下吧
- Leonard? - Yeah.
-莱纳德 -什么
Howard's allergic to peanuts.
霍华德对花生过敏
How can I use that against him?
我怎样才能用这个对付他
Okay, now that everyone's here, we can begin.
既然大家都来齐了 我们可以上课了
Before we do, I just talked to Leonard.
上课之前我要说 我刚和莱纳德谈过了
And if you're gonna
如果你准备
spend all your time trying to belittle me
刻意让这门课难到超乎常理
by making this class unnecessarily hard,
以此来贬低我的智商的话
But if you're interested in making
但如果你真心想要
a sincere effort to be a good teacher,
做一个好老师
then I'm willing to give this a shot.
那我也愿意给你个机会
I suppose that's a fair request.
这个提议很合理
There's no reason we both can't benefit from this experience.
我们俩都可以从这件事里受益
Well, then, uh, first things first.
那我们先上课
Um, are you familiar with the Brachistochrone problem?
你对最速降线问题熟悉吗
And how it relates to the calculus of variations?
那它和变分法之间的关系呢
It's an inverted cycloid.
是一条翻转摆线
Now, what about Euler-Lagrange theorems?
那么 你了解欧拉拉格朗日定理吗
That's where I'm a little fuzzy.
这我就有点小困惑了
Ha! I knew it! All right.
我就知道 好了
We have a lot of information to cover before your first test.
在第一次考试前 我们需要大量补充这方面的知识
Which, by the way, is in eight minutes.
对了 考试就在8分钟之后
The good news is I'm grading on a curve,
好消息是我的评分标准是曲线评分
so you're pretty much guaranteed a C.
所以你卷子上肯定有个"C"
* All I do is win, win, win *
* 老子这辈子只想赢 *
* DJ KHALED - All I Do Is Win
* No matter what *
* 无论如何 *
What are you doing?
你这是在干什么
* Everybody hands go up, up... *
* 大家一起高举双手 *
* And they stay there! *
* 保持别动 *
What are you doing?
你在干什么
If you're gonna be a crappy teacher,
如果你要当个烂老师
then I'm gonna be a crappy student.
那我就当个烂学生
* Ludacris going in on the verse *
* 路达克里斯来唱副歌 *
*'Cause I never been defeated and I won't stop now..*
* 我无所不胜 永不停止 *
This is a classroom.
这是教室
This is not American Bandstand. Okay.
不是《美国大舞台》 好了
Now, where was I?
好了 我说到哪里呢
Oh, yes. Over here.
对了 就是这里
What are you doing now?
你又在干什么
So I can shoot you with a spitball.
我就可以用口水球射你了
You're not going to do that, and I'll tell you why.
你不能这么做 我来告诉你为什么
This is an institution of higher learning,
这里是高等学府的课堂
I am your professor,
我是你的教授
and you're going to treat me with the prop...
你对待我的态度应该是...
You shot your spit in my mouth!
你的口水吐进我的嘴里了
Is that gonna be on the test?
考试会考这个吗
Because I don't think I can do that again.
我想我没法再做到一次了
Can I get a what what?
可以来个那啥啥吗
Um, I was just calling to see what you were up tonight.
我打来想问问你今晚有什么安排
Thought maybe we could hit up Color Me Mine,
咱们可以去整整"自己动手做彩陶"
maybe sneak in some Pinot Greej. Whatevs.
偷偷带进去一些葡萄酒 随便啦
Uh, thanks, but I think I'm gonna stay in
多谢了 但我要留在家
and go over the stuff Bernadette gave me.
学习伯纳黛特给我的资料
Oh. Oh, I hear you.
哦 这样啊
Try and get that nag off your back, right?
好让唠叨鬼不再烦你对吧
I mean, you're not a bicycle;
你又不是单车
why's she riding you like that?
她凭什么这样"骑压"你
No, I think she was just trying to help.
不 我想她只是想帮忙
Plus, I really want to do well at this job. So...
而且 我想做好这份工作
Okay, good luck. And call me later,
那祝你好运 晚点打给我
you know, if you decide she's a bitch or something.
如果你要抱怨她是个贱人什么的
Tonight. You, me, Color Me Mine.
今晚 你和我 "自己动手做彩陶"
Maybe we sneak in some pinot-- make it Color Me Wine.
也许带点葡萄酒进去 整个"自己动嘴喝彩酒"
That sounds fun, but I promised Penny
听起来很好玩 但我答应了佩妮
I'd come by and help her study.
过去帮助她学习
Oh. Well, good luck getting her to do that.
那只能祝你好运逮到她
She's probably off getting another manicure.
她可能又出去修指甲了
You remember when she did that?
你记得她那次这样做吗
I was probably being too hard on her.
我可能对她太严厉了
We talked, we're good.
我们谈过了 没事了
I'm happy for you guys.
我为你们高兴
You know, when the two of you aren't getting along,
你俩合不来时
it puts me in a really weird position.
我夹在中间 好难做人啊
Well, don't worry-- everything's back to normal.
不用担心 一切恢复正常了
You mean, like, where she's nice to your face?
你是指她表面上又跟你好了吗
Can't talk. Spitball.
没时间说话 口水球
Sheldon, I-I promise.
谢尔顿 我发誓
Your uvula does not have an STD.
你的小舌没得性病
It just doesn't feel as innocent as it used to.
感觉没有以前那么纯洁了
You reported me to human resources?
你把我告到人事部去了吗
You violated the sanctity of my mouth.
你亵渎了我口腔的圣洁
Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy.
我不上你的课了 希望你开心
I told you you weren't smart enough to take it.
我跟你说过 你不够聪明 不能上我的课
I'm smart enough, Sheldon.
我够聪明了 谢尔顿
Asking me a bunch of questions
问我一大堆
about a topic I'm not familiar with
我不熟悉的课题的问题
doesn't prove anything.
并不能证明什么
I could do the same to you.
我也可以问你
You enjoy making fun of engineering so much;
你非常享受取笑工程学
how do you quantify the strength of materials?
那么你如何量化材料强度
- Is that right? - Yeah.
-对吗 -对
Okay, how do you prevent eddy currents in a transformer?
你如何预防变压器中的涡流损耗
Laminate the core material.
层压芯材
Come on, give him a hard one.
拜托 问个难的
That was a hard one.
这就是难的
How does the flow rate in a pipe depend on its diameter?
管直径如何决定流量
You don't know, do you?
你不知道 对吗
What's the matter, smart guy?
怎么啦 聪明人
Don't know Poiseuille's law?
不知道泊肃叶定律了吧
Thank goodness I got it!
谢天谢地出来了
Now I can quit checking my stool.
现在我不必再检查我的粪便了
Okay, what are the potential side effects
我们的壮阳药有些什么
for our erectile dysfunction drug?
可能的副作用
Headaches, dizziness and nausea.
头痛 头晕 恶心
Those are also the side effects
一个勃起的75岁老男人
of having a 75-year-old man with an erection climb on top of you.
趴在你身上 你也会出现这些副作用
- Want to stop here? - Uh, no. I can keep going.
-要不要停下来 -不用 我可以继续
Nah, you got this.
不必了 你能行的
Let's go for a drink. I'll call Amy.
我们去喝一杯 我打给艾米
Okay, good. She seemed like she really wanted to go out tonight.
好的 她似乎今晚特别想出去玩
Okay, next question, for the Butterfinger:
下个问题 奖品是金手指黄油饼干
how long is a galactic year?
银河年有多长
250 million years!
两亿五千万年
Okay, this one is for a Cadbury Creme Egg.
这个的奖品是吉百利蛋
It's not even Easter time.
复活节都没到呢
Which Archimedean solid has 20 regular triangular faces,
哪种阿基米德多面体有20个规则的三角面
30 square faces, 12 pentagonal faces,
30个四角面 12个五角面
60 vertices and 120 edges?
60个顶点和120条边
The Rhombicosidodecahedron!
小斜方截半二十面体
Why didn't girls like us in high school?
高中时为什么女生不喜欢咱们
Because we were awkward and weird
因为我们呆滞怪异
- and couldn't play sports! - Right again!
-而且运动无能 -又答对了