Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
Can you believe our little lamb is finally getting married?
He can't believe it.
And neither can I.
Hi, Dad. How you doing?
Then by the power vested in me...
...I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Good morning, wife.
Good morning, husband.
I can't believe we're actually married.
It's official. According to tradition,
we should hang the bedsheets outside
so the villagers can see that we consummated.
I don't think that that's appropriate,
considering where we're starting our honeymoon.
Well, I suppose you're right.
Although, when you think about it,
Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress.
Two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap.
Oh, that's the sound you were making.
Oh, I almost forgot.
While you were sleeping, I ordered room service.
You thought it was going to be food, didn't you?
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall, We built the pyramids♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
Is it nice having Sheldon and Amy away on their honeymoon?
Yeah, because now Leonard and I get all this alone time.
But you're not alone. We're here.
Yes. Yes, you are.
Would you like us to leave so you and Leonard can talk about
all the things you have in common?
Ha, ha, she called your bluff.
So, something pretty cool happened.
Channel 3 asked me to be on the news tomorrow night
to talk about the meteor shower.
- Oh, that's great. - Hey! Congratulations.
You know, that's how Neil deGrasse Tyson got his start.
美国知名天文学家 常上电视节目科普算是天文科普界的红人 也是海顿天象馆的馆长
He went from the Hayden Planetarium
to guesting on the local news
to ruining everyone's favorite movies on the Internet.
Now it's happening to me.
Ooh, I should probably make a list
of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.
You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?
Hey, your husband's the one who took me.
Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.
Sounds like someone's in there.
My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
Or worse, what if they're back early?
They're not; they just posted a picture
in front of the Statue of Liberty.
- Real or Lego? - Lego.
So, what should we do? Should someone go check it out?
I would, but I got to be on TV tomorrow.
Got to protect the money.
Oh, yeah, someone's definitely in there.
Okay, let's go into our apartment.
We'll lock the door, we'll call the pol...
Hello?! Anyone in there?!
- Yes? - Oh, uh, Mr. Fowler.
Sorry, we didn't know you were here.
We-we actually thought someone was breaking in.
And we were ready to take them down.
Amy asked me to water her plants.
She doesn't have any plants.
Well, you caught me in a lie.
That was weird, right?
Was it? I-I honestly can't tell anymore.
Hey, did you even see Mamma Mia 1?
Didn't need to. The sequel stands on its own.
If you need any recommendations while visiting New York,
please don't hesitate to contact me.
Well, it is our honeymoon.
So we are going to be quite busy.
Harry Potter play, parts one and two.
And tomorrow, a tour of the sites
where Nikola Tesla lived, worked and slowly went crazy.
And, of course, coitus.
Well, enjoy New York. And, I guess, coitus.
You want to do it again?
Don't act surprised.
It's clearly marked on the schedule.
shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes,
or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love?
Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.
Socially sanc-- Oh, wow. Yeah, there it is right there.
社会认... 哇靠 还真的写了
Uh, hurry. Raj is on next.
All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries
but they'll show this.
And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires.
What is your point?
Larry? I know you're in there!
Is that Amy's mom?
Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.
Mrs. Fowler, are you okay?
Oh, I'm okay. It's my husband you should worry about.
I don't think he's in there.
I mean, he came by to water the imaginary plants,
but then he left.
Blondie here is gonna chew you up and spit you out.
Well, don't tell him.
Come on, you have an extra key. Open it up.
快点 你们有备份钥匙 把门打开
All right, but I'm telling you
I can smell his Axe body spray.
He wears Axe body spray.
You happy? You smell like Amy's dad.
Larry? Ooh, come on.
Ah, shouldn't we mind our own business?
Wow, sometimes it's like you don't know me at all.
See, he's not here.
You don't know him like I do.
To be fair, we don't know either of you.
Oh, yeah, now I smell him.
Man, that is one hot weather girl.
How come if I say that I get in trouble?
You want to say it? You can say it.
You're gonna have to find some other way
to not have sex with me tonight.
And it's not weather girl, it's weather woman.
And with us today to talk about
the upcoming meteor shower and the best places to view it,
Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali.
- Thank you for being here. - Thank you for having me.
I guess Neil deGrasse Tyson was unavailable.
What do you mean, "Yeah"?
So, what can we expect to see from this meteor shower?
Well, I think you can count on a lot of flaming gas,
which is what you would have gotten
from your first choice, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Pull up, Raj, pull up!
停下来 拉杰 快刹车啊
Sounds like there's no love lost between you and Dr. Tyson.
Oh, no, I love Neil.
I mean, not as much as Neil loves Neil, but who does, right?
I want to look away, but I can't.
Oh, you know, I'm told we are out of time,
having learned nothing about meteor showers
and too much about Dr. Koothrappali.
Do you know what I love about Broadway theater?
It's so interactive.
You're so close to the actors. It's like you're in the play.
I mean, you yell, "Harry, watch out,"
he looks right at you.
And not just Harry, everyone onstage.
At the risk of sounding redundant, uh-huh.
All right, well, it's a bit late,
but I did block out the rest of the evening
for conjugal relations.
I mean before, not during.
That's how you fall and break a hip.
You know, I'm a little jet-laggy.
Maybe we can revisit this in the morning.
Oh, no can do. If we miss tonight,
it's not scheduled until Thursday at 6:00.
And that'll have to be "No frills,"
'cause we've got a 6:30 reservation at Benihana.
Sheldon, do we really have to do this on a schedule?
Are you suggesting spontaneity?
So, now that we're married, sex can occur at any time?
Like, we can be brushing our teeth,
and suddenly your minty-fresh tongue is in my mouth?
Really? Would it be so bad to mix it up a little?
Mix it up? Who are you, Betty Crocker?
还炒饭呢 你谁啊 妙厨贝蒂[食品品牌]吗
Where are you going?
Uh, to take a shower.
Now that sex can happen at any time,
I always have to be ready.
Should probably live under a waterfall.
Well, you don't have to worry about sex happening tonight.
Well, thanks, but I'm still gonna rinse off.
I touched a lot of stuff in the gift shop.
No message, no note. Who would do that?
没有留信息 没有留字条 谁会这么做
What kind of husband would...
If you let him talk, maybe you'll find out.
Well, there you go. What more can he say?
I think I'll stay.
Well, if you're going to stay, then I'll stay.
All right, well, you know who doesn't need to stay?
I don't think those two are gonna make it.
Poor Mr. Fowler, I really feel sorry for the little guy.
I know. After they had Amy,
she should've just eaten him and been done with it.
Look at you retaining facts from a nature show.
I know, really, what did he ever see in her?
He's so, so sweet, and she's such a ballbuster.
Some guys think strong women are sexy.
Yeah, but they seem to have nothing in common.
Yeah, well, sometimes opposites attract.
Wait, are-are you saying we are like them?
I don't know, maybe a little.
So you're the sweet, quiet one and I'm Amy's mom?
Is that what you're saying?
Hey, check out what Neil deGrasse Tyson just tweeted.
"I've been informed that some random,
took a cheap shot at me on the local news."
That's me. Guys, he's talking about me!
是我耶 各位 他说的是我耶
You know, I cut you a lot of slack
'cause you come from another country,
but you've been here a long time.
Raj, you need to apologize to Dr. Tyson.
Why? This could be good for me.
Everybody loves a good Twitter feud.
Neil and I could be like
the new, uh, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift.
Come on, Raj, you're better than this.
拉杰 别这样 你没这么下作吧
Oh, leave room for dessert
'cause I'm gonna make you eat those words.
"Dear Dr. Tyson,
much like epithelial tissue,
it appears I've gotten under your skin."
but I won't 'cause I don't have AppleCare.
"Nice try, genius. The skin is epithelial tissue."
"加油啊 天才 皮肤本身就是上皮组织"
He's Katy, I'm T-Swift.
What are you gonna do? He's from another country.
And here we have the former hotel where Tesla
perfected the three-phase alternating current motor.
That's wrong. I'm gonna say something.
Well, then how will everyone know I'm the smartest boy here?
Is everything all right?
You seem testy this morning.
I'll have to take your word for it.
There's no test for testy.
Is it possible that you're sexually frustrated?
Okay, now I'm testy.
If you had adhered to my coital schedule,
your brain would be floating on a sea of oxytocin right now.
Don't talk to me about my brain. I'm a neurobiologist.
Then you should know the benefits of the special hug
that grown-ups give each other.
Sheldon, everybody's listening.
Of course they're listening; we're interesting.
I-I'm walking away from you.
I'm only recently married.
Do I stay here? Do I follow? Say something useful.
我该留在原地 还是追上去 说点有用的
So I see you're making espresso.
Just need that extra jolt
for a successful day of ballbusting.
Really? I don't, I don't think you do.
You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know,
and we know Amy and Sheldon,
Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his twitchy little dog.
I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
Because it wasn't nice or because it wasn't true?
Mrs. Fowler is an angry, vindictive woman,
whereas you are warm and-and loving,
quick to forgive.
I-I'm serious. And I'm nothing like Amy's dad.
He's a mousy little man who can't stand up for himself.
My point is you're not like her, so we're not like them.
Well, 30 years from now, are you gonna hide from me
because I'm so scary?
Hey, I-I don't think you're scary.
Yes, I flinch when you make sudden moves, but...
...that says more about my childhood than you.
Hang on, I'm checking to see if Neil replied
to my latest smackdown.
Really? Don't you think this Twitter feud is a little silly?
It's-it's two respected scientists
debating opposing views in a public forum.
You called him Mike Tyson's little sister.
Yeah, and now Mike Tyson's mad at me, too.
Raj, you're not going to impress anyone by attacking him.
Oh, Bernadette, you sound so old right now.
He said he needs a break, and I'm too much for him.
Oh. I'm sure he didn't mean that.
He said I'm overbearing!
Oh, please, you're just the right amount of bearing.
Look, I know he loves you.
If you just give him some space, I'm sure he'll come back.
You really think so?
You're a good person, Penny.
I hope we get to spend lots of time together.
- Yes? - Hit the road.
- But... - Now!
Can I get my stuff?
- Hello. - Hello.
I brought you two hot dogs.
A-Aren't you gonna eat one?
From a street cart? Are you crazy?
I'm amazed that I'm holding them.
I'm not really hungry.
You realize that I'm not a particularly physical person.
- I know. - When I was little,
and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up,
I'd always say, "A brain in a jar."
Yeah, but I want to be a good husband to you,
and intimacy is a part of that.
Please put those down.
I'm just worried that if I don't schedule
our bedroom endeavors, then I may not think about them,
and you'll grow cold and distant
and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled longshoreman.
Where would I find a longshoreman?
Along the shore. It's in the name.
Sheldon, I could never be with anybody but you.
谢尔顿 除了你 我无法跟其他男人相好
That's good to know.
I wouldn't want to fight a man
who's brave enough to touch a fish.
How's this for a compromise?
Make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them.
I'll create an algorithm that'll generate
a pseudo-random schedule. Yeah, and do you know why
it won't be a true random schedule?
Because the generation of true random numbers
remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
- Where are we going? - To the hotel room.
And when we get there, I'm gonna need you
to say that again, except naked.
Is this Rajesh Koothrappali?
Yes. Who is this?
Neil deGrasse Tyson.
How fun is this Twitter thing, huh?
You think you're funny?
I'm-I'm not Seinfeld funny,
but I did an open mic night once.
Yeah, that's what they said at the Chuckle Hut.
I've got a book signing at Vroman's in Pasadena next week.
Why don't you come by and say some of those things to my face.
but thanks for the invite.
Smart move, and the next time you pick up your phone,
remember, I'm the guy who kicked Pluto out of the solar system.
And it deserved it, sir. Thank you. Bye-bye.
是冥王星活该 先生 谢谢 再见
Let's see who else needs a deGrasse kickin'.
Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Hey, Bill. Neil Tyson.