All right, Professor Proton fans,
好的 各位《质子教授》粉丝们
get ready to meet Dr. Sheldon Cooper
准备好迎接谢尔顿·库珀博士
and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler,
与艾米·菲拉·福勒博士吧
a pair of real-life scientists
这对夫妇可是真实的科学家
who may win the Nobel Prize.
还很有可能赢得诺贝尔奖呢
That's like the Kids' Choice Award,
那是一个类似儿童选择奖
美国某儿童台所举办 由14岁以下儿童投票选出的杰出电视电影音乐人 还会被绿油漆灌顶
but with more science and less slime.
但是更有科学含量 也没有那么多绿油漆
Hi, thanks for having us.
你好 感谢贵节目邀请我们
Kids' Choice Award?
儿童选择奖
Why would they let kids choose anything?
为什么会有人让儿童选任何东西啊
They're basically human larvae.
儿童基本就是人类的幼虫啊
Well, they are kind of our target audience.
他们算是本节目的目标观众群呢
Greetings, children.
你们好啊 孩子们
Toys, am I right?
玩具超棒 我没说错吧
He is. He has hundreds of them.
是的 他就有几百个玩具
So you two have discovered something
所以你们俩发现了某些
that a lot of people are really excited about.
让很多人都十分感兴趣的东西
Now, before you explain it,
在你们开始解释之前
keep in mind that our average viewer is this many.
请记得 我们的平均观众年龄只有这么大
Okay, imagine you're looking in a mirror.
好的 请幻想一下自己看着镜子
The image you see looks just like you.
镜中的画面看起来与你一模一样
That's called symmetrical.
这就叫做对称
Now imagine you have a billion mirrors,
现在请幻想你有几十亿个镜子
and each of them reflects one thing about you correctly
每一面镜子都正确反照出了一部分的你
and a billion things about you incorrectly.
但也错误反照出了一部分的你
And imagine the set of incorrect things
再幻想一下那些被错误反照的部分
are floating in an abstract n-dimensional hyperspace.
在一个抽象的N维超空间里漂浮着
Now imagine there was never a mirror to begin with.
现在再幻想一下那些镜子从开始就不存在
Oh, was that a doorbell?
那是门铃声吗
I didn't hear anything.
我没听到啊
Huh, there it is again.
又有一声了
Sheldon, why don't you answer it?
谢尔顿 你去开门吧
But I don't know who it is.
但我不知道是谁来了啊
Maybe it's a special guest who I invited just to surprise you.
或许是某个我邀请来给你惊喜的特别来宾
Why don't you open it up and find out.
你去开门查明真相吧
This is a terrible message to send to children.
这是给孩子很不好的示范
Children, you never open the door
孩子们 永远不能在
if you don't know who's on the other side.
不知道门后是谁的情况下给人开门
You always make your mommy or daddy do it
你一定要让爸爸或妈妈去开门
while you hide under the bed and try to imagine
而你躲到床底下开始想象
what your superhero name will be when you avenge their deaths.
你以后成为超级英雄去报杀父母之仇时的名字
But it can't be The Silver Shadow-- that's mine.
但你不能叫银影 这名字是我的
Captain on the bridge! Captain on the bridge!
舰长驾到了 舰长驾到了
You're William Shatner.
你是威廉·夏特纳
曾饰演《星际旅行:初代》及其的七部衍生电影中进取号星舰舰长詹姆斯·T·柯克的角色
You can call me Bill.
你可以叫我比尔
- Ooh, can I call you Captain? - No.
-我能称你为舰长吗 -不能
- Please? - No.
-拜托了 -不行
And w-will you call me Science Officer Cooper?
那你能叫我库珀科学官吗
This has got to stop.
别再闹下去了
I think you know how to make it stop.
你知道怎么样让我停下来
Put her there, Science Officer Cooper.
握个手吧 库珀科学官
Put her there, Science Officer Cooper.
握个手吧 库珀科学官
Poor Shatner? I have to eat lunch now.
还可怜的夏特纳 我现在要吃午饭更可怜
Look, Sheldon's pretty embarrassed,
听我说 谢尔顿觉得挺羞耻的
so when he gets here, we should...
所以等一下他来了 我们...
- Make fun of him? - A lot.
-疯狂嘲讽他吗 -暴风吐槽
Guys, don't you think that's a little mean?
两位 你们不觉得这样有点损吗
- Yeah. - Okay, just so we're all on the same page.
-是有点 -我就确定一下我们都想耍贱
- Hello. - Hey.
-各位好 -你好啊
So, Sheldon, did you get William Shatner's autograph,
谢尔顿 你收到威廉·夏特纳的签名
or maybe his dry cleaning bill?
或是他的干洗账单了吗
Very funny, get it all out.
好好笑 要吐槽快吐
Like you did on William Shatner?
就像你吐在威廉·夏特纳身上那样吗
Raj, do you have something to add?
拉杰 你还有什么要补充的吗
You brought shame upon yourself and your family.
你丢了你自己与你全家人的脸
It's not funny, but it's true.
这不好笑 但这是真的
I will admit the meeting did not go the way I wanted.
我承认那次见面没有按我预想中发展
Because you barfed where no man has barfed before?
因为你吐在了无人吐过之处吗
Well, the next time I meet him, it will go better.
下一次我再见到他 情况会好很多的
Next time? What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
下一次 你凭什么觉得人家还会再见你
Wil will give me another chance. He thinks the world of me.
威尔再给了我一次机会 他十分仰慕我
Aw. One of the reasons I love you
我爱你的其中一个原因
is you actually believe that.
就是因为你真会信这种话
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall, We built the pyramids♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
威尔·惠顿 威尔·惠顿
Now's not a good time, Sheldon.
现在不太方便 谢尔顿
- For what? - You.
-不方便干嘛 -见你
I need to apologize.
我需要来道歉
- Apology accepted. - Wil, come on,
-接受你的道歉 -威尔快点啊
you need to roll your dexterity save.
你得来掷骰决定敏捷调整值
I'll be right there.
我马上来
Are you playing Dungeons & Dragons?
你们在玩《龙与地下城》吗
- No. - Would you hurry up, man,
-没有 -你能不能快点啊
the map says this dungeon's full of dragons.
地图上写着这地下城里到处都是龙
- Still no. - Who are you playing with?
-真的不是 -你在跟谁玩啊
Ugh... it's just some friends, you don't know them.
我的一些朋友 你不认识他们
Wheaton, get back here.
惠顿 快回来
Hobgoblins are at the gate,
大地精冲到大门啦
and you're at the door buying Girl Scout Cookies.
而你却在门口买女童子军的饼干
- Is that William Shat...? - Nope.
-那是威廉·夏... -不是
Hey, you guys want to read my fan fiction mash-up,
你们想不想读一下我写的同人小说
"Captain Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"?
《了不起的麦瑟尔队长夫人》
- Nope. - Certainly not.
-不要 -敬谢不敏
You don't even know what it's about.
你们都还不知道内容如何呢
Is it about a superhero
是不是关于一个
who finds her voice by doing stand-up?
通过脱口秀实现超能力的超级英雄呀
That's so much better than what I had.
你这创意可比我写得好多了
Mine is just a Jewish girl that flies.
我笔下只是一个会飞的犹太姑娘
Guys, guys, Wil Wheaton
各位 威尔·威顿
hosts a secret celebrity D&D game.
在家里办了秘密《龙与地下城》的名人局呢
- How do you know? - Who was there?
-你怎么知道 -都有谁参加呢
Why are you damp?
你怎么浑身湿漉漉的
I was trying to peek in Wil's window,
我想从威尔的窗户偷窥来着
and he turned the sprinklers on.
结果他打开了花园洒水器喷我
Oh, that means they must be really famous.
这就代表那些人一定很出名了
I'm almost positive I heard William Shatner.
我基本确定我听到了威廉·夏特纳的声音
I wonder who else is playing.
我好奇还有哪些人也参加了
I-I bet we can use graph theory to determine who Wil knows
我想我们可以用图形理论来分析威尔认识谁
- and who is likely to play D&D. - Yes.
-和谁有可能来玩《龙与地下城》 -没错
Okay, obviously he's connected to the whole Next Gen cast...
他肯定和《星际旅行: 下一代》的演员都熟啦...
So this is the rest of our night, huh?
我们今晚接下来就是这内容了吗
this is the rest of our lives.
是我们此生接下来都是这些了
And Josh Brolin gets you to every Avenger.
乔什·布洛林[灭霸]和每个复联成员都认识
Kevin Smith's in this article
这篇写哪些名人会玩《龙与地下城》的文章
about celebrities who play D&D.
提到了凯文·史密斯[美国导演]
Oh! A-And he was on Wil's podcast,
而且他也上过威尔的播客
so they know each other.
所以他们互相认识
G-Go on his Instagram,
快去他的照片分享网看看
see if you can find anything.
有没有任何线索
Yeah, he-he posted something an hour ago:
他一个小时前发了点东西
That looks like Wil's house.
这看起来很像威尔的家
Kevin Smith-- who else could be there?
凯文·史密斯 还会有谁呢
Do you see what I see over his shoulder?
你有看到我在他肩膀后看到的东西吗
I think it's Stuart.
我看着像斯图尔特
That is Stuart. What-What's he doing there?
还真是斯图尔特 他在那里干什么
Maybe he died in Wil's house
也许是他死在威尔的家里
and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.
在破解自己的谋杀案之前都无法离开
Why would Wil invite Stuart and not us?
为什么威尔会邀请斯图尔特而不是我们
- I know the answer. - Yeah.
-我知道答案 -没错
We all know the answer.
我们都知道答案
You're home late.
今天回来有点晚啊
I had a crazy night. I went to the pharmacy.
我今晚过得可疯狂了 我去了药店
I like to be there when the new decongestants drop.
我喜欢在新款鼻塞药上架时在那等着呢
Cut the crap. We know where you were.
少胡扯 我们知道你去了哪里
We know what you were doing.
我们知道你干了什么
Yeah, I just told you. I was at CVS breathing my ass off.
我跟你们说啦 我去药店狂吸鼻塞药了
Oh, you were breathing, all right.
你的确是去狂吸了
You were breathing the rarefied air of celebrities.
你吸的是稀薄的名人之气
I don't know what you're talking about.
我不懂你在说什么
Then why are you trembling?
那你抖个什么劲
I'm always trembling.
我不是时刻都发抖吗
We know you were at Wil's D&D game.
我们知道你参加了威尔的《龙与地下城》游戏
We saw you on Instagram.
我们在照片墙上看到你了
We just want to know how you got invited.
我们想知道你是如何被邀请的
I can't talk about it or they won't invite me back next week.
我不能说 否则他们下周就不带我玩了
So there's another game next week.
所以下周还会举办一次对吧
I didn't mean to say that.
我没想泄露这个
- Who's in it? - I can't tell you!
-都有谁参加了 -我不能告诉你们
- How do we get invited? - I don't know!
-我们怎么才能受邀请 -我不知道
How many hit dice are they playing the wereboar as having?
他们给野猪人多少生命骰
12D8 + 24-- I mean, I don't know!
12D8 + 24 我是说 我不知道
I don't want to play anymore. It's too much pressure.
我不想再玩了 压力太大了
- Why, what happened? - I've-I've said too much.
-怎么了 出什么事了 - 我泄露了太多东西
You haven't said anything.
你什么都还没说呢
- Not to you, to them. - Who's them?
-不是对你 是对他们 -他们是谁
Ah! Now I have said too much!
现在我泄露太多了
But y-you blocked your number, right?
你隐藏了你的号码吧
this is not my first creepy phone call.
这又不是我第一次打骚扰电话了
It's like riding a bike...
这就像骑自行车...
slowly past a girl's house.
缓缓经过一个女孩的家
Bill Shatner here.
我是威廉·夏特纳
Of course not. It-It's Shatner.
当然不是 我是夏特纳
If you don't believe me, ask my good friend, Christopher Walken.
不信你问我的好朋友克里斯托弗·沃肯[演员]
Hello, Bill and I are just hanging out...
你好 比尔和我正在...
at The Polo Lounge.
马球酒吧呢
Mr. Shatner, Mr. Walken, here are your martinis.
夏特纳先生 沃肯先生 这是您二位的马丁尼
What are you doing?
你搞什么呀
- I'm filling out the world. - You're ruining it.
-我在帮你增加可信度 -你毁了我的表演
Sheldon, why are you walking everywhere? Just get a horse.
谢尔顿 你为什么要徒步走 骑个马啊
I had a horse. It got hit by a train.
我有匹马 它被火车撞死了
I can't just replace Chauncey.
我不能就这样把昌西换掉
I'm still in the grieving process.
我还在哀悼期呢
Hey, Leonard, I have an opening in my D&D game next week,
莱纳德 我本周《龙与地下城》的局有个空位
and I was wondering if you were interested in playing.
我想问你有没有兴趣来玩
Well, yes, thank you.
当然有啦 谢谢邀请
Now, here's the thing, you can't tell anyone.
有个条件 你不能告诉任何人
I'm serious, not Howard, not Raj,
我是认真的 不能告诉霍华德 拉杰
and certainly not Sheldon.
尤其是谢尔顿
I'm really sorry to put you in a position
很抱歉让你不得不
where you have to lie to your friends...
对你朋友们说谎
You come face to face with a massive monster
你面前有一只巨大的怪物
with a gaping maw
正朝你张开血盆大口
full of teeth, three huge legs, and flailing tentacles.
它有满嘴利齿 三条巨腿 触手乱舞
Fellas, it looks like we're facing a, an otyugh.
各位 看样子我们遇到的是食腐怪
Here's the plan...
我打算这样对付它
Hold on there, Bill.
等等 比尔
Now what, Kareem?
又怎么了 卡里姆
How do we know it's not a neo-otyugh?
我们怎么知道它不是新式食腐怪
Same way I know the difference
跟我判别枭熊和熊地精
between an owlbear and a bugbear.
是同一个方法
Does that answer your question?
这回答你的问题了吗
Look, there's one way to settle this:
只有一个办法能解决这问题
we chop it up and look at the pieces.
把怪物分尸 观察它的尸块
Oh, come on, why do you always got to attack everything?
拜托 你为什么每次都要攻击所有生物
Why can't we just try talking to it?
就不能试试跟它沟通吗
Big surprise, Podcast here wants to talk.
真不意外 播客主持人选择谈话
What do you think, Leonard?
你觉得呢 莱纳德
I think this is the greatest day of my entire life.
我觉得今天是我人生中最幸福的一天
It's all right, buddy, one day you'll meet a girl.
没事的 兄弟 有一天你会遇到一个妹子
Hey, how was your lecture?
你的讲座进行得怎么样
Oh, it was so good.
棒得不得了
I-I-I mean, it-it started great,
一开始就很棒
and then the, the middle was great,
然后中间也很棒
and then the ending was like...
到结尾时 简直
Leonard, if you went to House of Pies again, just say it.
莱纳德 如果你又去了派之家餐厅 直说就好
Wait, if you think I'm lying,
等等 如果你觉得我在说谎
why do you think I'm eating pies?
你为什么觉得我是去吃派了
Why don't you think I'm... having an affair?
你为什么不怀疑 我是有小三了
Listen, I-it's fine, just next time, bring me a slice.
真的没关系啦 下次给我也带一块就好
Okay, well, if you really want to know,
好吧 如果你真心想知道
I'll tell you where I was.
我就告诉你我去哪了
I was at Wil's D&D game, but that's all I can say.
我去威尔家玩《龙与地下城》了 其他的不可说
Oh, fun. Were there famous people there?
真好玩 现场有名人吗
Ah, sorry, I-I-I can't tell you that.
抱歉 我不能说
but I-I-I-I can't tell you who.
但我不能告诉你有谁
Well, no, I-I can tell you Shatner,
不对 我能告诉你有夏特纳
but that's only because you already knew that one.
但只是因为你已经知道有他了
- Well, I'm glad you had fun. - Yeah.
-你玩得开心很好啊 -嗯
Ugh, I wish I could tell you who else was there.
我真希望能告诉你还有谁在
I can't, I promised.
但我不能说 我答应过他
Yeah, if it makes you feel better, I couldn't care less.
不知道这话能不能让你好过些 老娘不在乎
you don't care, so there's no harm in telling you.
你不在乎 所以告诉你也无妨
Okay, you really don't have to.
你真的不用说没关系
All right, I'll tell you. Uh...
好啦 人家就告诉你啦
Kevin Smith was there,
有凯文·史密斯
and-and, uh, this really tall guy named Kareem.
还有个个子很高的人 叫卡里姆
Wait-wait, K-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
等等 卡里姆·阿卜杜·贾巴尔吗[篮球巨星]
I don't know, it was, uh, Kareem something Jabbar.
我不知道 反正是叫卡里姆什么什么贾巴尔
How do you know him?
你怎么会认识他
How do you not know him?
你怎么会不认识他
Well, I know him now 'cause he was there.
我现在就认识啦 因为他也去了
Oh, a-and that, uh, the guy that played
对了 还有在《真爱如血》里
the werewolf on-on True Blood,
演狼人的那个演员
- he was there. - Wh-- Joe Manganiello?
-他也在 -乔·曼根尼罗吗
- Uh, yeah. - From Magic Mike?
-对 -演《魔力麦克》那个吗
did he look... like this?
他是不是 长这样
He had his clothes on, but, yeah.
他今晚有穿衣服 不过是他没错
I can't believe you met Joe Manganiello.
你居然见到乔·曼根尼罗了
- Is he nice? - Oh, he's so nice.
-他人好不好 -他人超好
I-I-I rolled my dice underneath the couch,
我把骰子滚掉到沙发底下了
and he just lifted it up, one hand.
他用一只手就把沙发抬起来了
Hi. Okay, can you guys keep a secret?
姐妹们 能帮我保守一个秘密吗
Good, 'cause I can't.
很好 因为我保守不了
Leonard played Dungeons & Dragons
莱纳德跟《魔力麦克》里
with the hot guy from Magic Mike.
那个翘屁猛男一起玩《龙与地下城》
- I never got to see that movie. - Seriously?
-我没看完那部电影 -真的吗
Yeah, Howie made us leave
真的 霍华德发现
as soon as he realized it wasn't about magic.
电影不是讲魔法之后 就让我们走了
Well, I have seen that movie one or seven times,
那部电影我看过一遍或七遍
and trust me, it is magic.
相信我 绝对充满"魔法"
- Which guy? - That one.
-是里面哪一个 -这个
Hey, you know what was fun?
你们知道什么好玩吗
That time we played Dungeons & Dragons.
我们那次玩《龙与地下城》
That was fun. We should play that more.
确实很好玩 我们应该多玩
Sorry, what now?
抱歉 你们说什么了
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
你们怎么会来
Oh, I, uh, think Sheldon might have left something.
谢尔顿好像落了点东西在这里
Oh, you mean, besides his lunch?
你是指除了他的午餐之外的东西吗
You are so funny, Wil.
你太搞笑了 威尔
We were just talking about how funny you are.
我们刚刚还在说你有多幽默
Yeah, Leonard told you, didn't he?
莱纳德告诉你了 对吧
It's Manganiello?
喜欢曼根尼罗吗
- Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.
-是的 -当然
Feel good about yourselves?
自我感觉良好吗
Oh, we're going with no? No.
要说没有吗 没有
What are you smiling about?
你笑个什么劲儿
What? This is my regular face.
怎么了 我平常表情就这样
Y-Your regular face is more like this...
你平常的表情是这样的
No, no, I-it's-it's more in the eyebrows, like this...
不 重点在眉毛 是这样的
Okay, make your jokes.
想开玩笑尽管开
I'm still in a great mood.
我心情依然很好
Oh, come on, but...
拜托 但是
Huh, Raj was right, it is more in the eyebrows.
拉杰说得对 重点在眉毛
What was that all about?
什么事
Wil kicked me out of his D&D game.
威尔把我踢出了他的《龙与地下城》游戏局
You were in Wil's D&D game?
你参加了威尔的《龙与地下城》游戏吗
- With William Shatner? - And you didn't tell us?
-和威廉·夏特纳一起 -你居然没告诉我们
I'm sorry, Wil made me promise not to.
对不起 威尔让我发誓不说出去
I thought we were friends.
我以为我们是朋友
Oh, come on, you guys would do the same thing.
得了 你们也会这样做的
No, we wouldn't! I told you when I was
不 我们不会 我在动感单车课上
in spin class with Scarlett Johansson.
碰到斯嘉丽·约翰逊 我就告诉你了
It didn't even turn out to be Scarlett Johansson.
结果根本不是斯嘉丽·约翰逊
Well, that's her fault, not mine!
那是她的错 不关我事
because Penny blabbed about it and now I'm out.
因为佩妮到处大嘴巴 现在我出局了
So there's an open seat.
所以说空出来一个位置
Wil! Wil Wheaton!
威尔 威尔·惠顿
Look, we know Leonard is out. You need to fill a seat.
我们知道莱纳德出局了 你需要有人补上
It should be one of us.
应该是我们中的一个
Or give me another chance.
或者再给我一次机会
I think me and Joe Manganiello were really hitting it off.
我觉得我和乔·曼根尼罗真的一拍即合
- Joe Manganiello was there? - From Magic Mike?
-乔·曼根尼罗也在吗 -演《魔力麦克》的那个
Agreed. You guys suck. Let's go, Wil.
同意 你们真烂 我们走 威尔
You're just trying to use me
你们只是利用我
to get close to my famous friends.
来接近我的名人朋友
Do you know how that makes me feel?
知道这让我有什么感觉吗
I was gonna guess that.
我本来打算猜这个
One of the worst things about being a celebrity
做名人最糟心的一点就是
is you never know if people like you for you.
你永远不知道人们是否是因为你而喜欢你
Well, thanks for letting me know.
感谢你们让我知道
You're right, that was really crappy of us.
你说得对 我们这样真的很烂
Yeah, I guess we just got caught up in the excitement.
是啊 我们一时兴奋晕了头
We're sorry, Wil. We do like you for you.
对不起 威尔 我们喜欢的就是你
And if it makes you feel any better,
希望这话能安慰到你
I don't even really consider you a celebrity.
我甚至不觉得你是名人
Should we go or do you want to wait for the sprinklers?
我们要走吗 还是等着花园洒水器喷水
Guys, I-I still feel a little bad about Wil.
各位 威尔的事我还是有点过意不去
Yeah. We should invite him to come play with us.
是 我们应该邀请他和我们一起玩
Ask him to bring some chips
叫他带点薯片上来
because we're all out.
我们的吃完了
Hey, Wil, this is Leonard.
威尔 我是莱纳德
No, no, no, no, no, pretzel sticks.
算了算了 要椒盐脆饼干棒
No, no, no, Bugles.
不不 还是妙脆角
We're gonna play some D&D
我们要玩《龙与地下城》
and thought you might want to join us.
想着也许你想一起玩
Thank you, Leonard, but actually I can't do it tonight.
谢谢你 莱纳德 但是我今晚不能去
Uh, how about another time?
要不改天吧
Okay, great. Thanks. Bye.
太好了 谢谢 拜拜
Okay, where were we?
好了 到哪里了
I was about to go all Wrath of Khan on the ogres.
我正准备对食人魔施"可汗的愤怒"
Put another dollar in the Star Trek jar, Bill.
再放一块钱到《星际迷航》梗罐子里 比尔
Speaking of putting dollars in things...
说到把小额钞票塞进某处
I loved you in Magic Mike.
我喜欢你在《魔力麦克》中的表现
Switch places with me.
和我换位置
Are we playing musical chairs or Dungeons & Dragons?
我们是在玩抢椅子游戏还是《龙与地下城》
Yeah, let's teach that ogre what my broadsword tastes like.
对 让那个食人魔尝尝我大刀的厉害
I like your moxie.
我欣赏你的武勇
I like your grandpa words.
我喜欢你的爷爷辈用语
My dad and I watched you win back to back championships.
我和爸爸看了你连赢两年总冠军
And I watched you sniff Joe's hair when he wasn't looking.
我看到你趁乔不注意时偷闻他的头发
Thanks again for inviting us.
再次感谢邀请我们
And don't worry, we won't tell the guys.
别担心 我们不会告诉那几个男生
You know what? Why don't you tell the guys.
不如你去告诉他们
In fact, let's all take a picture and sent it to them right now.
干脆我们合影一张 现在发给他们