Oh, damn, they canceled my Visa.
靠 我的维萨卡被撤了
Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!
哦也 新的万事达卡
I was going to get my mail.
我本来想拿信件
Are... are you hoping to get it telepathically?
难道你想通过心灵感应来拿吗
I think you mean telekinetically.
你是说意念取物吧
I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol
我只是不确定用哪种社交礼节
now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.
因为你和莱纳德如今不交媾了
God, can we please just say "no longer seeing each other"?
老天 你就不能说"不再见面交往"吗
Well, we could if it were true.
那得真的不见才行
But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time.
可你们住在同一栋楼里 低头不见抬头见
The variable which has changed is the coitus.
唯一改变的变量是交媾
Okay, here's the protocol: you and I are still friends, and you stop saying "coitus."
咱来定个协议 你我继续做朋友 还有你别再说"交媾"
I'm glad we're still friends.
我很高兴我们还是朋友
Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life.
当然 适应你出现在我日常生活中 可花了我不少功夫
I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.
而我很讨厌白费功夫
Just to be clear, do I have to stop saying "coitus" with everyone or just you?
再问清楚 我不能跟所有人说交媾 还是只是不能跟你说
But all right-- I'll just substitute "intercourse."
不过没关系 我可以用"性交"代替
Or "fornication."
或者用"私通"
Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I'll hold that in reserve.
但这个带有批评色彩 还是作为备用吧
Well, my existence is a continuum,
我的存在是个连续统一体
so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
所以在指定期间的每个时间点都是一样的
You're just coitusing with me, aren't you?
你就是逗我玩 是吧
How's Leonard doing?
莱纳德好吗
He seems all right.
他表面很好
Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time
但他花了很长时间
looking at photographs of you
盯着你的照片
and smelling the pillow you slept on.
嗅着你枕过的枕头
Oh, but now that I think of it,
我想起来了
he asked me not to tell you that.
他叫我不要告诉你
I'll pretend I didn't hear it.
我会假装没听见
I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it.
我宁愿你假装我没说过
I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce.
你买了意大利妈妈大蒜意粉酱
That's the sauce my mother uses.
我妈妈也用这种酱
She likes cooking Italian because according to her,
她喜欢意式烹饪
that's what the Romans made Jesus eat.
她说罗马人也这么做给耶稣吃
I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.
我改天晚上叫你过来吃
Why don't you give me an hour and come over?
那一小时后过来吧
Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?
能不能切点热狗丁 加到酱汁里
I don't have hot dogs.
我没有热狗
Oh, it's all right; I do.
没关系 我有
Oh! You're in for what my mother calls "a real Eye-talian treat".
你就要做我妈妈所说的"美意大餐"
Hey, where you been?
你去哪了
I was talking with Penny.
我刚刚和佩妮聊天呢
What's wrong with you?
你怎么能这样
You can't hang out with your roommate's ex.
你不能和室友的前任一起玩
That's totally uncool.
这未免太逊了
No, it's fine. I don't care.
没关系 我不在乎
Yeah, he's over it; that's why he's been whining all day
对 走出来了 所以他整天都在怨念
about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
要发明《黑超战警》里的洗脑装置
Is he making any progress?
他有进展了吗
Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
因为我想忘掉本·阿弗莱克居然演过《超胆侠》
So would Ben Affleck.
本·阿弗莱克也会想洗脑的
The point is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides.
重点是 面对这种情况 你得做出选择
You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
要么选莱纳德队 要么选择佩妮队
Which one picks last?
哪个是选剩下的
Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last.
我通常都只能在选剩下的那队
Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair.
除非有坐轮椅的孩子一起玩
Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken.
谢尔顿 我给你买了陈皮鸡丁
I hope you're hungry.
你应该饿了吧
Well, of course I'm hungry.
我当然饿了
And as I have no plans to eat with any other team,
而且我没打算跟别的队吃饭
I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto.
我会津津有味地 吃光陈皮鸡丁
Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?
只是出于好奇 我们还有热狗吗
I don't know. Why?
不知道 怎么了
Just making dinner conversation.
吃饭时随便聊聊而已
Oh, God, this is good.
啊 太好吃了
Let me ask you a question.
我问你个问题
Do you believe you're going to go to hell
你觉得你会因为
for eating sweet and sour pork?
吃糖醋排骨而下地狱吗
Jews don't have hell.
犹太人不相信有地狱
We have acid reflux.
我们相信有胃酸倒流
Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?
你要吃最后一只饺子吗 谢尔顿
It's not like I have to moderate my food intake
我又没有因为很快要吃第二餐
because I'm planning on eating again very shortly.
而故意限制食物摄入量
So, you guys want to do something tonight?
大家今晚想玩什么
Nah, I can't. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class.
我不行 我要去水中有氧运动班接我妈
18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool.
十八个超重妇女在游泳池里 甩着肥大的手臂
Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.
就像海洋世界里的海牛
What about you, Raj?
你呢 拉杰
now that you don't have a girlfriend,
你没有女朋友了
you want to hang out with me again.
就又想跟我玩了
- I never stopped hanging out with you. - Oh, please,
-我什么时候没跟你玩了 -少来了
we all know I'm the friend you call when you have no other options.
大家都清楚你没有人了 才会来找我
If we were the Justice League, I'd be Aquaman.
如果我们是正义联盟 我就是海王子
I wish you were Aquaman.
我倒希望你是海王子
Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank.
我就能派你去老人池里把我妈舀出来
Excuse me, I'm thirsty, so I'm going to go to the refrigerator
抱歉 我渴了 我要去冰箱里
and get myself a refreshing beverage.
拿点清凉饮料喝
You know what? I'll just spend the evening alone.
算了 我今晚就一个人过吧
What, suddenly I'm not good enough for you?
怎么 我突然就不配陪你了
I do so love beverages.
我最爱饮料了
Now I think I'll take my after-dinner walk.
我现在要去饭后散步了
Since when do you take after-dinner walks?
你什么时候开始饭后散步了
Yeah, since when do you take walks?
你什么时候开始散步了
I read a study online that walking after a meal
我在网上看过一篇论文 饭后百步走
not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin,
不仅有助于消化 还能增加5-羟色胺的含量
and you know me, if there's one thing I like
而且你们也知道的 如果说相比提神饮料
more than a refreshing beverage, it's serotonin. Bye-bye.
我更喜欢什么 那肯定就是5-羟色胺了 拜拜
Hold on. I'll walk down with you.
等等 我和你一起走
That's not necessary.
没那个必要吧
Or we could go together.
要么咱俩一起走
I can't think of a reason why not.
我想不出什么理由拒绝你
Nope, no reason.
没事 我还是想不出什么理由
All right, say hello to your mother for me.
行了 代我向你妈妈问好
You said you were going for a walk.
你刚说你要去散步的
I didn't say outside.
我又没说要去外面散步
So what, you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs?
然后呢 你就打算来来回回地跑楼梯吗
No, of course not.
不会 当然不会
That would be odd and suspicious behavior.
那样的话就太可疑了
Here, Russell! Here, boy!
到这儿来 拉塞尔 过来呀 宝贝儿
Which way are you going?
你往哪边走
Which way are "you" going?
"你" 往哪边走
I parked my scooter down the block.
我把摩托车停在街那边了
I'm going the other way. Bye.
我走另一边 拜拜
Actually, I'm this way.
其实是停在这边
Do I smell hot dogs?
这是热狗的味道吗
No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.
不是 我是说 我不知道你闻到了什么
I definitely smell raw hot dog.
我绝对闻到了生热狗的味道
Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor.
估计是你的脑子里有肿瘤吧
All right, have a nice walk.
好了 散步愉快
I shall. Have a nice scoot.
我会的 祝你开车愉快
You might want to stand back.
你最好站开点儿
I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here.
寡人的坐骑有13马力呢
Oh. Hello, doggie.
你好啊 狗狗
I bet you think you smell hot dogs.
估计你是闻到热狗的香味了
I had to trade the others for my life.
剩下的热狗被我拿去保命了
I haven't had sex in a year.
我有一年没做爱了
Where you going with this, Raj?
你想干嘛 拉杰
Don't flatter yourself, dude.
别自作多情了 老兄
I want to go out and meet a woman.
我想出去找个女人
- So, go. - Well, I need a wingman.
那就去呗 -我要找个帮手
I don't want to come off like a lonely loser.
我不想让自己看着像个失败的剩男
And you think "my" presence will help with that?
你觉得我跟你去你就不剩了吗
Next to you, I'll look like a catch.
有你在旁边 我有更有把握了
I'm not going out tonight, Raj.
我今晚不会出去的 拉杰
Would you mind if I went to your room
你介意我到你房间去
and downloaded some Asian pornography?
下载几部亚系A片看吗
Doesn't have to be Asian.
我可以不看亚系的
Don't worry. You'll meet a girl someday.
别担心 总有一天你会遇见一个好姑娘的
- No, I won't. - Yes, you will, and she'll be beautiful.
-不可能的 -绝对可能 而且还很漂亮
And kind and sexy and funny
善良 性感 幽默
and everything you ever wanted in a woman.
绝对是你梦中情人的样子
You really think so?
你真这么觉得
I do, and you'll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart.
没错 你会一发不可收拾地 爱上她 向她敞开心扉
And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.
然后她会拿走你的心 残忍地撕成碎片
But we'll have sex first, right?
但我们到时候会先上床 对吧
That's Eye-talian.
真正的美意大餐
So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?
莱纳德不介意你过来吧
In fact, he said, "I'm fine. I don't care."
其实他说了 "我没事 我不在乎"
And he in no way said it in a manner
而且他的语气绝对不会
which would lead one to believe that he was covering up
让人觉得他在掩饰心中的
feelings of anguish and betrayal.
痛苦与背叛
- Well, good. - I'm also
-很好嘛 -我还要
pleased to report that he's all cried out over you.
很高兴地告诉你他曾为你大声痛哭
Oh, I believe that was something else
我又漏说了一件
I wasn't supposed to mention.
不该跟你提起的事
Oh, God, I feel terrible.
哦 天哪 我好难过
Do you have a stomachache, too?
你也胃疼吗
No. Why, do you?
没有啊 怎么了 你胃疼吗
Why did you ask if I had one, too?
那你为啥问我是不是也胃疼
Just making polite dinner conversation.
就是吃饭的时候随便聊聊
So, what's new in your life?
那你最近有啥新鲜事儿吗
Well, my new shoes are not made for running.
我的新鞋不适合跑步
Have you been running?
你去跑步了
It's just a suspicion I have.
这只是我的怀疑
- I'm so glad you like it. -I do.
-我很高兴你这么喜欢我的手艺 -没错
Leonard never cooks for me.
莱纳德从来没给我做过饭
Well, maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook.
估计是因为莱纳德不会做饭吧
You can't cook and you made me this.
你也不会做饭 但是你为我做了这些
Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
对了 还有芝士蛋糕在冰箱里
Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell.
天 我要下犹太人的地狱了[胃酸倒流]
Do you think she's really doing that
你觉得她这动作是真的呢
or is it PhotoShop?
还是PS出来的
I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked
我很确定玛莎·斯图尔特绝对不会光着身子
with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.
和一屋子的日本大胖子呆在一起
You don't know that.
你又不知道
Prison changes people.
监狱能改变一个人的
Hey, where you been?
你刚去哪儿了
I told you, walking.
跟你说了嘛 散步啊
For an hour and a half?
你散了一个半小时的步
How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.
你怎么会迷路的 你的手机上有GPS啊
Satellites are down. Solar flares.
卫星出故障了 有太阳风暴
There are no solar flares right now.
这会儿没有太阳风暴
Dude, I'm an astrophysicist.
老兄 我是搞天体物理的
If there were solar flares, I'd be all up in it.
要是有太阳风暴的话 我绝对会知道
I'm sorry. I misspoke.
抱歉 我说错了
What I meant to say was my battery died.
我刚才其实想说我手机没电了
What the hell was that about?
他到底是怎么回事啊
Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?
你觉得这真的是希拉里·克林顿在和欧普拉嘿咻吗
Oh, we really need to get you a girl.
哦 我们真得给你找个小妞了
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
谢谢你这么痛快地让我进来了
What do you want, Sheldon?
你想干嘛 谢尔顿
Maybe this isn't a good time.
可能现在不是时候
Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.
快说你干嘛吵醒我 不然我对天发誓我会杀了你
Do you really think death threats
你真觉得用死亡威胁我
are an appropriate way to begin this conversation?
是展开谈话的恰当方式吗
Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.
有时候 你的社交能力少得简直让我震惊
You may want to sit down.
你最好先坐下
You may want to sit up.
你最好先坐起来
I've been seeing Penny behind your back.
我一直在背着你见佩妮
When you say "seeing Penny," what exactly does that mean?
你说你"见佩妮" 到底什么意思
We had dinner last night.
我们昨晚一起吃晚餐了
She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it.
她给我做了意粉加热狗丁
Well, little hot dog.
虽然热狗丁很少
I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog.
因为还有五根热狗我都给那条真的狗狗吃了
A real, big dog.
很大只的真的狗狗
Tangential to the primary story.
我好像离题太远了
How about I circle back to it?
等下再绕回来说如何
Why did you have dinner with Penny?
你为什么要跟佩妮一起晚餐
I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs.
我说过了 她做了意粉加热狗丁
I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.
我喜欢吃意粉加热狗丁
Then why did you have Chinese food with us?
那你为什么还跟我们一起吃中餐
I didn't want to upset you.
我是怕你不高兴
Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be
霍华德说得很清楚 我应该先效忠于
to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
男同志 而不是为钱卖身的女人们
Is it possible he said, "Bros before hos"?
莫非他说的是 兄弟比妓女重要
Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.
对 我改了下措辞 避免提到妓女这个词
Sheldon, I don't care if you want to be friends with Penny.
谢尔顿 你跟佩妮做不做朋友我都无所谓
Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that's been keeping me
这么说 一直困扰我让我噩梦连连的
from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?
这种情绪波动 真的是完全不应该啊
Well... then as my meemaw would say,
要是我奶奶肯定会说
"Looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon."
我们在这宰猪待客 可居然没人想吃培根[都不领情]
And now, as promised, the tangent.
现在 之前我承诺过的 那个题外话
Sheldon and the Hell Hound.
谢尔顿大战猎狗记
Or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.
或者说"谁动了我的热狗"
I, I can come back.
我还是回头再来吧
We're going to run into each other.
抬头不见低头见
May as well get used to it.
还是早点习惯的好
Yeah, I guess you're right.
嗯 你说得对
You used to it yet?
你习惯了吗
- Nope. - Me neither.
-还没 -我也是
Oh, Sheldon seemed to think that I would be upset
谢尔顿好像认为他跟你出去
about you hanging out with him.
我会不高兴
But I just want you to know it's fine.
我只是告诉你 没事的
Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.
太好了 因为他妈妈打电话给我了
Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.
对 她想让我带他出去买床单和毛巾
I was going to do that.
我本来打算带他去的
Oh, well, then you... you do it.
是吗 那还是你带吧
No, I don't want to do it. You can do it.
不 我根本就不想带 还是你来吧
Okay, you can take him for shoes.
好 那你可以带他去买鞋
I just took him for shoes.
我刚带他去买过鞋
Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.
我只知道他说那鞋子挤脚
Fine. I'll take him for shoes next Saturday.
好吧 下周六我会带他去买鞋
Oh, no, no, no-- a bunch of us from work
不行不行 我们一帮同事
are going to Disneyland next Saturday
下周六要去迪斯尼乐园
and Sheldon wants to come.
谢尔顿也想一起去
You're taking him to Disneyland?
你们要带他去迪斯尼乐园
Well, he heard me making plans on the phone.
我讲电话订计划的时候他正好听到
Was I going to say "no"?
那我还能拒绝吗
But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food.
你们让他塞一堆垃圾食品前 记得先跟我说下
I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.
我可不想帮他打包回一顿美餐 结果只能浪费掉
We're going to Disneyland.
我们是去迪斯尼乐园玩
He's going to eat junk food.
他肯定会吃垃圾食品
All I'm saying is give me a heads-up.
我只是说 事先跟我打个招呼
And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats.
还有别让他吃饱了再去玩太空山
He'll say he can handle it, but I promise
他会说没问题 但我敢肯定
you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes.
他绝对会把油条都吐你鞋子上
All right, got it. Is there anything else?
好的 明白 还有什么提醒的吗
Yeah, don't let Goofy near him.
有 别让他靠近高飞狗
He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it.
他会噩梦连连 到时候还得我处理
What's the problem with Goofy?
高飞狗有什么问题
Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto.
我也想知道 不过让他靠近布鲁托没事
Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles
你觉得《超人总动员》里那个弹力女超人
needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?
需要用避孕套吗 还是她自己就能变成套子
We're officially out of things to talk about.
能聊的话题正式都谈完了
It's 10:00.Where have you been?
都晚上十点了 你们去哪了
We stayed for the California Adventure water show.
我们留在那看加州冒险乐园的喷泉秀
It was pure Disney magic.
纯粹因为迪斯尼魔力太大
I was going to see that with him.
我准备跟他一起去看的
How was I supposed to know that?
那我怎么知道
It's all right. I'll see it again with you.
没事的 我会跟你一起再去看一遍的
And I have food here. You said you were going to call.
我还帮他带了吃的 你说过你会先打电话的
No, you already threw up once.
不行 你已经吐过一次了
Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
去换上睡衣刷牙
Okay, but just don't fight
好吧 但你们俩别吵架
- We're not fighting. - Just go.
-我们没在吵架 -快去
Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland?
你不谢谢佩妮带你去迪斯尼乐园玩吗
You're welcome, sweetie.
不客气 亲爱的
Want a cup of coffee?
想来杯咖啡吗
Oh, um, I should probably get going.
我还是先走吧
Come on. It's just a cup of coffee.
好了 就一杯咖啡而已
Uh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too.
我也觉得这整件事有点扭曲
What am I smelling?
这是什么气味
Sheldon's churro on my shoes.
谢尔顿吐在我鞋子上的油条
He's such an angel when he's asleep.
他睡着的时候 看着真像天使
Shame he has to wake up.
可惜他还会醒来
I think we can do it.
我觉得我们能做到的
Smother Sheldon in his sleep?Wouldn't that be wrong?
趁谢尔顿睡着时闷死他 那不合适吧
No, be friends. You and me.
不 你跟我 做朋友
Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there:
我有个主意 我就随便说说
friends who have sex.
当炮友如何
Good night, Leonard.
晚安 莱纳德
Just a couple of friends Goofing around.
只是朋友间玩笑打混而已