I'm going out tonight, I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout
De-de-de, de-de-de-de-de, uh
No.. Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.
不 早安 谢尔顿 和我一起跳舞吧
Penny, while I subscribe to
The "many worlds" theory which pots the existence
Of an infinite number of sheldons
In an infinite number of universes,
I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.
Are you fun in any of them?
The math would suggest
That in a few I'm a clown made of candy.
But I don't dance.
Alright, want some French toast?
It's oatmeal day.
Tell you what, next French toast day, I'll make you oatmeal.
这样吧 下个法式吐司日 我给你煮燕麦粥
Dear lord, are you still going to be here on French toast day?
Penny made French toast.
Sorry I haven't given her your schedule yet.
It's an iCal download.
She can put it right in her phone.
And I thought we agreed
That you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment.
We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.
Did her abysmal housekeeping skills
Finally trump her perkiness?
No, her bed kind of... Broke.
That doesn't seem likely.
Her bed's of sturdy construction.
Even the addition of a second
Normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure,
Much less a homunculus such as yourself.
Perfectly formed miniature human being.
Oh, you're my little homunculus.
Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?
I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass.
I'm sure that will happen soon enough.
But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.
You know what, I give up.
I can't be impossible, I exist.
I believe what you meant to say is,
"I give up, he's improbable."
Sheldon, you really need to find a better way
Of dealing with penny.
What am I supposed to do--
Eat french toast on a Monday?
Now, that would be impossible.
I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey
You can catch even more flies with manure.
What's your point?
Boy, that does smell good.
Too bad it's Monday.
Okay, Kim the night manager went on maternity leave
And her husband's name is Sandy, right?
Her replacement is a woman named Sandy
Whose husband's name is Kim.
What are the odds?
We begin by identifying a set of married couples
We then eliminate those unqualified
For restaurant work--
The aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example,
比如说年老的 坐牢的 残疾的
- Next we look at... - Sheldon--
It's an amazing coincidence.
Can we leave it at that?
Ooh, Penny. It's as if the cheese-cake factory is run by witches.
Ooh, Sheldon, it's as if you don't think I'll punch you.
Come on, you guys, let it go.
行啦 你俩 别吵了
Would you like a chocolate?
You said be nice to Penny.
I believe offering chocolate to someone
Falls within the definition of nice.
But in my experience, you don't.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy
Obnoxious and insufferable.
What's going on, day dwellers?
Oh, man, did the kiss army repeal "don't ask, don't tell"?
Raj and I are going to a goth club in Hollywood
To hang with the night people.
Anybody want to come along?
Oh, wow, you're actually going out like that?
I'm going out like this...
Howard, what did you do?
They're called tattoo sleeves.
I go them online! Raj got a set, too..
Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl
With her business pierced, take them off,
I can still be buried in a jewish cemetery.
You know, I've always wanted
To go to a goth nightclub.
None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?
Okay, how about you two?
Look, I've got some extra tatoo sleeves.
Why are you carrying extras?
In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring.
Uh, yeah, I think we'll pass.
Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?
In this case, you bet she is.
Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped,
是啊 她很强势 他受压迫
But that's not the expression.
Come on, I want to stop at walgreens
And pick up some more eyeliner.
They're gonna get beaten up at that club.
They're gonna get beaten up at walgreens.
Oh, sorry, Sheldon.
I almost sat in your spot.
Did you? I didn't notice.
Have a chocolate.
I think we're fitting quite nicely.
It did help if you weren't drinking light beer.
What's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?
Hello? It looks like blood.
Did you even read the "wiki how" link
I sent you on being goth?
No, I'm behind on my wiki-reading.
I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now.
I finished reading The Pelican Brief
And loved it so much, I dived right into the client.
He was a lawyer himself,
So his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.
Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.
要记住 我们是浪荡子 暗夜之子
Great. Lost boys, children of the night.
好的 浪荡子 暗夜之子
Can you pass the chex mix please?
I'm actually much more lost than he is.
Can we buy you ladies a drink?
Light beers. "Wiki how" about that?
-I'm Howard. Raj. -I'm Bethany.
-我叫霍华德 拉杰 -我是贝萨妮
Nice to meet you, Bethany.
Nice to meet you, too.
Not that anyone cares.
Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?
What's this cartoon called again?
Oshikuru: Demon samurai.
Demon it's not a cartoon.
You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May.
Anna May Fletcher.
She was born with one nostril.
Then she had this bad nose job
And basically wound up with three.
You're here a lot now.
Oh, am I talking too much?
You know what,hold on.
Let me take this in the hall.
You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work.
Okay, I know what you're doing.
Yes, you're ung chocolates as positive reinforcement
For what you consider correct behavior.
No, I don't want any chocolate!
You can't train my girlfend like a lab rat.
Actually, it turns out I can.
well, you shouldn't.
There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard?
莱纳德 就是没法让你满意 是吧
With my previous approach to dealing with her,
So I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques,
Building on the works of thorndike and B.F. Skinner.
By this time next week,
I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool,
Balancing a beach ball on her nose
No, this has to stop now.
I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool.
I thought the "bazinga" was implied.
We're just tweaking her personality.
Sanding off the rough edges, if you will.
No. You're not sanding Penny.
Are you saying that I am forbidden
From applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol
That will make our lives better?
Yes. You're forbidden.
So, what do you guys do?
Oh, you know, goth stuff.
Goth magazines, goth music.
Uh. Blackened salmon?
No, I meant what do you do for jobs?
Oh, we're scientists.
Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.
What are the dark sciences?
Well, I am an astrophysicist,
And a lot of that takes place at night.
When there are vampires
And miscellaneous undead out and about.
That sounds really cool.
Does it? Okay. If you like space stuff,
真的吗 好吧 要是你喜欢宇宙那类的
I design components for the international space station,
Where, as I'm sure you know, no one can hear you scream.
So, what do you gals do?
I work at the gap.
Really? How about that? I've been to the gap.
真的 可真有趣 我曾经去过盖普啊
I've been there, as well.
I like your t-shirts with the little pocket.
I work the, too. Not that anyone cares.
You know, this place is boring.
Yeah why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun?
Sure we like fun.
We are fun people.
Come on. I know a place you'll really dig.
Did you bring the black condoms?
In my fanny pack.
My god, she didn't!
What could she possibly be talking about for so long?
Obviously, waitressing at the cheesecake factory
Is a complex socioeconomic activity
That requires a great deal of analysis and planning.
You know, using positive
Reinforcement techniques, I could train that behavior
Out of her in a week.
If you let me use negative reinforcement,
I can get it done before we go to bed.
You're not squirting her in the face with water.
We're talking very mild electric shocks.
No tissue damage whatsoever.
Oh, come on. You can't tell me
That you're not intrigued out the possibility
Of building a better girlfriend.
Well, and Penny's qualities, both good and bad,
Are what make her who she is.
You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?
You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle?
You're not changing how Penny laughs.
No, that would be incongruous.
I was going to lower the whole voice
To a more pleasing register.
Ugh. Sorry, guys.
That girl is freaky.
Are you seriously going to damage your body
Just for the possibility you could have cheap sex
With a strange girl you met in a bar?
What is your mother going to say?
She's not going to see it.
She takes my temperature orally now.
What are you going to get, Howard?
Well, I can't really decide
Between a screaming devil, this mean little skull,
Or kermit the frog.
Kermit the frog? You know.
Hi-ho. I'm on Howard's butt.
Get the mean little skull,
And I'll see if I can make him smile.
Yeah, I'd like the mean little skull, please.
What are you going to get, Raj?
With my luck, hepatitis.
Okay, here we go.
That's just rubbing alcohol.
I know, but it was cold.
I'm putting on the stencil.
What comes after the stencil
No needle. No pain. No tattoo.
不刺针 不痛苦 不纹身
What's the big deal? You've done this before.
I'm sorry. I'm a fraud.
We're both frauds.
Yeah, I think I covered that.
But I was summing up.
We're not Goth. We're just...guys.
Very, very smart guys.
So you were totally scamming us?
And I wouldn't blame you if you
Walked out of here and never wanted to see us again.
Unless, of course,our bold honesty
Has suddenly made us attractive
I'm leaving, too. Not that anyone cares.
When we tell this story, let's end it differently.
What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?
Well, I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in.
I trust if you two are planning on engaging
In amorous activities,
You'll keep the decibel level to a minimum.
Mmm. These are so good.
I-I was just thinking
We should probably turn in, too.
Well, you know, my new bed got delivered. If you come over
And put it together, you can stay at my place.
Really? That's a lot of work, and it's kind of late.
是吗 但得花不少时间 而且现在有点晚了
Yeah, but if we stay there, we won't have tbe quiet.
Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior.
I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
Okay, wait. How about this?
We say there were four goth girls.
The two girls in the club have two friends.
I like it, I like it.
Did they smell good despite their goth-like nature?
What's that got to do with the story?
Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.
Fine, they smelled good
Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle
And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic
Hokey pokey for us.
No, no. Ok, let me just say my story all the way through
And then you can say yours, and then we'll pick.
I'm sorry. Go on.
Okay. We got tattoos,
- And then the four girls took us to their place - But we don't have tattoos.E.
What if someone asks to see our tattoos?
We say they're in a very intimate area.
Oh, we're bad boys, aren't we?
So, we go back to their place
And then the six of us end up in a hot tub.
But we just got tattos.
Wouldn't we be concerned about bacterial infection?
True. Okay. Forget the hot tub.
The point is, we each had a ménage with sexy goth girls.
What a great night.
Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night?
Maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.
I wonder how they smell.