Hey, do me a favor and take Table Seven.
嗨 帮我个忙 去七号桌点菜吧
You mean the one with my 118-pound
你是说有我那个118磅重的
rock-hard stud of a fiance
性欲旺盛的最近可能得了
who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye?
口腔溃疡和红眼病的未婚夫的那桌吗
Nah, I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-boyfriend
不对 我更愿意看作是有我的前男友
and his gorgeous, successful and sophisticated girlfriend,
和她那美丽成功而知性的女友的那桌
who makes me feel like a toothless Okie.
那女孩让我觉得自己就像个没用的乡巴佬
Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?
你想让我往她身上洒热汤吗
Oh, please-- you're not that kind of person.
拜托 你不是那种人
But if she orders something low-fat
但如果她点了低脂食物的话
I'll totally give her the full-fat version.
我绝对可以给她端上全脂的
Uh, that's my water.
这杯水是我的
My water. You're drinking it.
我的水 你喝的是我的水
Have you been drinking it?
你喝过吗
Yes. It's my water.
肯定啊 都说了是我的水了
Well, that's it then.
那完蛋了
I'm sorry, do I really need to connect the dots for you?
不好意思 但非得让我把话挑明了吗
The backwash into this glass
流回到这个杯子里的
is every pathogen that calls your mouth home, sweet home.
是在你那所谓温暖的家的嘴里待过的每一个病原体
Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue
更别提那些来自你那次大陆女友的
of your subtropical girlfriend.
舌头上的外来病原体了
Hey! That's my sister
喂 你这是在诋毁
and my country you're talking about.
我妹妹和我的祖国
Leonard may have defiled one,
莱纳德也许玷污了其中一个
but I won't have you talking smack about the other.
但我绝对不允许你再侮辱另外一个
You guys ready to order?
你们准备好点菜了吗
Yes, I'd like a seven-day course of penicillin,
准备好了 我要七天疗程的青霉素
some, uh, syrup of ipecac-- to induce vomiting.
一定量的吐根糖浆 催吐用的
I don't understand.
我没听明白
He drank from Leonard's glass.
他喝了莱纳德杯子里的水
"He drank from Leonard's glass"--
"他喝了莱纳德杯子里的水"
the words they'll be carving into my tombstone.
这句话得刻在我的墓碑上
That's actually my napkin.
这餐巾其实也是我的
Oh, this is a nightmare!
坑死爹了
- Where are you going? - To the bar,
-你要去哪儿 -去酒吧
to sterilize my mouth with alcohol.
用酒精给口腔消毒
Gang way! Dead man walking!
快让开 行尸走肉来了
All right. Here you go.
好的 拿好了
and a root beer for Priya.
还有普丽娅的一杯根汁汽水
- Is it diet? - That's what you ordered.
-是无糖的吗 -这就是你点的
Hey, have you and Howard
嗨 你和霍华德
started planning your wedding yet?
开始计划婚礼了吗
Yeah. We're thinking of having it on a cliff
嗯 我们想在一个能俯视大海的
overlooking the ocean.
悬崖上办婚礼
Nothing soothes those pre-wedding jitters
没什么能比担心摔下去溺死
like the thought of falling and drowning.
更能缓解婚礼前的紧张了
What did your mother say
你跟你妈妈说
when you told her you were getting married?
你俩要结婚的时候 她说啥了吗
He hasn't told her yet.
他还没跟他妈妈说
He's waiting for the right time.
他在等合适的时机
I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.
其实我想把这事儿编进悼词里
Howard, you've got to tell your mother.
霍华德 你必须告诉你妈妈
Hey, have you told your parents you're dating
喂 你跟你爸妈说了你在
this short glass of skim milk here?
跟这一小杯"脱脂牛奶"约会吗
Uh... that's different.
呃 这不一样
First of all, we're not engaged;
首先 我们还没订婚
and second, Indian parents
其次 印度父母
are very protective of their children.
都对孩子很不放心的
Right, right, whereas Jewish mothers
是啊是啊 而犹太母亲
take a casual, la-di-da approach to their sons.
一般都任自己的儿子自生自灭的
I gargled with tequila and may have swallowed a teeny bit.
我在用龙舌兰酒漱口的时候貌似咽下了一点点
- You all right? - Fine.
-你没事吧 -没事
Thank you for asking.
多谢关心
I love you so much.
我好爱你哦
Sheldon's turning up the heat...
谢尔顿开始引爆游戏热度了
Check it! Howard pulls one out
看啊 霍华德从流氓团伙里
from under the bridge. Nice!
拽出了一只巨怪首领 漂亮
Oh, yeah, she's got puddles
哦也 她的"那个地方"
in all the right places.
充满了粘液
Could you please play the game
劳驾您能在打牌的时候
without commenting on every card?
别老是打一张解说一句吗
I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood.
我是运动的树 我在散步
Okay, the Eagle has landed.
好吧 终于还是发生了
Bernadette and my mother are having
伯纳黛特和我妈妈正在
a get-to-know-you lunch at the Old Town Deli.
老镇餐厅第一次共进午餐
Oh, that sounds lovely.
听起来不错啊
Of course, if history is any indication,
当然 根据以往的经验
my mother will swallow her whole
我老妈会把她囫囵吞了
and spit out her bones like an owl.
然后像猫头鹰一样把骨头吐出来
Have you met Bernadette's parents?
你见过伯纳黛特的父母了吗
You mean Adolf and Eva?
你是说希特勒和爱娃吗
(阿道夫·希特勒曾疯狂地屠杀过犹太人 爱娃是他的老婆)
One goose step at a time.
一步一步来嘛
Sheldon, that's my water.
谢尔顿 这杯水是我的
That's not your water.
那杯水不是你的
Where's the mouthwash?!
我的漱口液在哪儿呢
No, I mean lunch, today, with Bernadette!
我是说你跟伯纳黛特的午饭吃的怎么样
I had a pastrami sandwich.
我吃了个五香熏肉三明治
She had eggplant lasagna.
她吃了个茄子肉酱千层面
Like that's what a person orders in a Jewish deli.
就好像在犹太餐馆就该点这种东西吃
Besides food, did you get along?
除了吃的以外呢 你们相处得怎么样
Oh, sure! Did you know she's going to school
当然了 你知道吗
to become a microbiologist?!
她正在读微生物学呢
No, she never mentioned it.
不知道 她还真没提过
I bet she did and you didn't listen!
她肯定提过 是你没注意听
Yeah, that's probably it. So, what do you think?
没准吧 那你觉得她怎么样
Do you like her? She's great, huh?
你喜欢她吗 她是个好女孩对吧
She's a lovely girl!
她是个挺可爱的
That's good to hear, 'cause I've got some news.
听你这么说我就放心了 因为我有事要跟你说
I hope it's good news,
最好是好事
because I've got nothing but disappointment in here!
因为我在厕所里进展可不怎么样 都快郁闷死了
Bernadette and I are getting married.
我要跟伯纳黛特结婚了
You too busy bearing down?
你正忙着使劲呢吗
Oh, my God, Ma? Ma? Ma?
天啊 妈 妈 妈
Stand back, I'm gonna break the door down!
退后点 我要撞门了
Son of a bitch! Ma, help!
该死的 妈 救我
Haven't seen you in a while.
好久不见了
Oh, other than waiting out the exponential growth period
除了等着那些致命的有机物
of the virulent organisms
沿着我的绒毛组织
trooping through my microvilli
侵入我的血液循环系统外
into my circulatory system -- hunky-dory.
就没啥特别的了
Did I say something amusing?
很好笑吗
I don't know, maybe, I have no idea what you said.
不知道 也许吧 我完全没听懂你在说什么
So your mirth is merely a discharge of nervous energy
这么说你刚才的欢笑声只是为了释放你的紧张情绪
with no semantic content at all?
没有任何实际意义咯
My mirth. Classic.
我的欢笑声 还真是谢尔顿的经典语录啊
Is there a station coming up
我啥时候才能理解
where I can board your giggling train of thought?
你这些奇怪的笑声呀
It's not a big deal, Sheldon.
这没啥大不了的 谢尔顿
It's just, ever since Leonard's been dating Raj's sister,
只是 自从莱纳德跟拉杰的妹妹在一起之后
I've had to keep my distance.
我就得跟你们保持距离了
I don't get to hear all your jibber-jabber.
我就没机会听你的这些胡言乱语了
I don't jibber-jabber.
我才不会胡言乱语呢
What are you doing at work these days?
你这段时间上班都忙什么呢
Oh, I'm working on time-dependent backgrounds
我在研究弦理论的
specifically quantum field theory
尤其是量子场论
in "d-dimensional" de Sitter space.
在德西特时空d维空间中的应用
Okay, come on, even you have to admit that's jibber-jabber.
拜托 这下你总得承认那是胡言乱语了吧
Interesting, do you know
有意思 你知不知道
where the phrase "jibber-jabber" comes from?
胡言乱语这个词是怎么来的
Oh, my God, you're about to jibber-jabber
天啊 你就要说一堆关于胡言乱语的
about jibber-jabber.
胡言乱语了
Howard and his mother are at the hospital.
霍华德和他妈进医院了
- Come on, we gotta go. - Oh, my God! What happened?
-快点 咱们走 -天啊 出什么事了
I don't know, I just got a text. Come on, hurry.
不知道 我只是收到短信而已 快点 快走
Sheldon, let's go!
谢尔顿 走啦
Full of sick people?!
那个满是病人的地方
Oh, I don't think so.
我才不去呢
Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there,
你朋友和他母亲都进医院了
Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of germs.
别跟我说你怕细菌啊
Just the ones that will kill me.
我只怕那些会让我病死的细菌
It's the same way I'm not afraid of all steak knives --
就像是我并不是害怕所有的餐刀
just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.
我只怕那些会捅死我的餐刀
Fine, I'll tell Howard you didn't come
好吧 那我就跟霍华德说
because you're more concerned
你没去医院是因为比起他的健康
about your own well-being than his.
你更担心你自己的身体
I would think he would know that.
我想他是很清楚这一点的
Okay, you know what? You are unbelievable.
好吧 算了吧 你简直不可理喻
You buy all these superhero T-shirts,
你买了那么多超级英雄的恤衫
but when it's time for you
可是到了你该挺身而出
to step up and do the right thing,
做点正确的事的时候
you just hide in the laundry room.
你就只会躲在洗衣房里
Just for the record,
不过事先声明
my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital.
我的舅妈露丝就是死在医院里的
She went in to visit my Uncle Roger,
她去医院探望我舅舅罗杰
caught something and bit the dust a week later.
结果却染上了病 结果一周后就挂了
The two of them now share a coffee can
他俩现在都被装在我妈壁炉架上的
on my mother's mantel.
同一个咖啡罐里
So I knocked down the bathroom door,
于是我撞开了洗手间的门
picked up my poor unconscious mother,
抬起我那不省人事的母亲
carried her to the car,
把她抱上车
and drove like a madman to the emergency room.
然后像个疯子一样开来了急诊室
You're a real hero, Howard.
你真是个英雄 霍华德
No, I did what any son would do.
不 我只是尽了一个儿子应尽的义务而已
Hang on a second -- you picked up your mother?
等一下 你抱起了你母亲
Her own legs are barely able to do that.
她的体重连她自己的双腿都支撑不住
I was filled with adrenaline.
都是肾上腺素的作用
It happens to be how women lift cars off babies.
就像是母亲为了救出车下的婴儿 可以把车抬起来一样
Yeah, I'm saying, it'd be easier to lift a car.
我就是这个意思 抬车都比抬你妈容易
What can I tell you? After I found the courage
怎么说呢 在我鼓足了勇气
to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable.
提上她的裤子之后 人类就阻挡不了我了
They're running tests-- I don't know.
还在作检查 我不知道
It may have been a heart attack or heart-attack-like event.
可能是心脏病发作或类似心脏病发作
What's the difference?
有何区别
A heart-attack-like event
类似心脏病发作
is an event that's like a heart attack.
就是指类似发作心脏病的症状
Thanks for clearing that up.
谢谢说明
Regardless, coronary problems are eminently treatable.
当然 冠状心脏疾患是可治的
What's more likely going to kill Howard's mother
真正害死霍华德妈妈的
are the antibiotic-resistant super-bugs
是在这医院每条沟沟壑壑里
festering in every nook and cranny of this hospital.
溃烂着的耐抗生素的超级臭虫们
Okay, you're not helping.
拜托 你别添乱了
Go sit over there.
去 那边坐着去
I'll sit over there-- it looks cleaner.
我要坐那里 看着更干净
Is there a history of heart disease in your family?
你们家族有心脏病史吗
My family is the history of heart disease.
我的家族史 整个就是一心脏病史
There's a cave painting in France
法国有处洞穴壁画
of one of my ancestors doing this:
画的就是我一老祖宗在这样
So it's probably genetic.
那这可能是遗传的咯
Mom also had just gotten some news that might have upset her.
妈妈还听到了些可能让她心烦的消息
Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife.
说吧 霍华德 我将是你妻子
You can share anything with me.
你可以跟我分享任何事
You'd think that. But no.
你这么想 但并不是的
You told her we were going to get married
你告诉她我们要结婚
and she had a heart attack?
然后她就心脏病发作了吗
You can't take that personally.
你千万别多想
How else is she supposed to take it?
那让她还能怎么想
What you've got to keep in mind is that
你只要记住的是
ever since my dad left,
我爸去世后
I've been the whole world to my mother.
我就是我妈妈的整个世界
I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman
她会觉得其他能做到她所不能的
who can give me what she can't.
任何女人 都是威胁
You mean sexual intercourse?
你是指性爱
Well, when you say it like that you make it sound creepy.
你这么一说 就显得怪怪的
Howard's mother had a heart attack
霍华德妈妈心脏病发作
because I have sex with him and she can't.
是因为我跟他上床 而她自己不能
I'll give you $1,000 if you'll drive me home.
你载我回家 我就给你一千块
Nice of you to come for Howard.
你能来医院看霍华德真好
Well, he's my friend. It's what you do.
他是我朋友嘛 应该的
I'm sorry, did I miss something?
抱歉 怎么了
It's just so weird.
只是觉得怪怪的
Howard Wolowitz is my friend.
霍华德·沃罗威茨是我朋友
You know, once he tried to stick his tongue down my throat
有次他想深吻我
and I broke his nose.
被我打破了鼻子
That's a little easier to believe than he's your friend.
这比他是你朋友更容易相信点
Yeah, tell me about it.
是啊 谁说不是呢
You know, my brother had a group of friends like this in India.
我哥在印度有一大群像他一样的朋友
They dressed up in leotards and goggles
都穿紧身连衣裤戴护目镜
and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.
并自称"新德里恐龙战队"
You mean when he was little.
你是指他小时候吗
Not as little as you'd want him to be.
没你想的那么小
You know, this stuff is horrible.
这咖啡太难喝了
You want to see if we can find the cafeteria
想去找看看有没餐厅
- and get real coffee? - Sure.
-买杯好咖啡吗 -当然
We're going to the cafeteria to get some coffee.
我们要去餐厅买咖啡
That's nice that they're getting along.
她们能合得来真好
Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend are hanging out together?
你现任和前任女友一起玩
Oh, yeah, that can only be good for you.
没错 对你来说只可能是好事
What are you talking about?
你什么意思啊
One of them broke up with you.
其中一位跟你分手了
Do you really want her telling the other one why?
你真想她告诉另一位为什么吗
I don't have anything to hide.
我又没什么藏着掖着
Then you have nothing to worry about.
那你就没什么好担心的了
You are a mean little man.
你这个卑鄙小人
You'd think it'd be because my parents didn't love me,
你这么以为是因为我父母并不爱我
but actually they loved me a great deal.
但事实上他们非常爱我
Bernie, it's not you.
妮妮 绝不是因为你
She's just set in her ways.
那只是她自以为是
How can we be together if the thought of us
那我们还怎么能在一起 如果
getting married might kill your mother?
我们结婚可能会害死你妈啊
It's the circle of life, sweetie.
这就是生命的轮回啊 亲爱的
One day our son will marry someone and it will kill you.
未来有天我们儿子结婚 会害死你
Howard, I have to go to the bathroom
霍华德 我得上洗手间
and no one will take me home.
但没人肯载我回家
What's wrong with the bathroom here?
这里的洗手间怎么了
Pneumococcus, streptococcus, staphylococcus
这里有肺炎球菌 链球菌 葡萄球菌
and other assorted coccuses.
和其他各种球菌
Sheldon, my mother is on her deathbed
谢尔顿 我妈生命垂危
and my fiance is grief-stricken over putting her there.
而我未婚妻正极度悲伤于害她入院
I'm not taking you home.
我才不要载你回家
Will you at least go with me to the restroom here,
那你至少能陪我去厕所吗
so you can open the door and flush the urinal?
好帮我开个门 冲个尿池
This might be a good time to point out, Howard,
现在或许是指出真理的最佳时期 霍华德
that friendship requires a certain give and take.
友情在一定程度上是需要相互忍让的
- Is she okay? - It wasn't a heart attack.
-她还好吗 -您母亲不是心脏病突发
She's awake, she's resting comfortably--
她现在醒了 在安稳地休息呢
we're still running tests.
我们还在为她做身体检查
Actually, she said, and I quote,
其实她有吩咐 原话是这样的
she'd "like to see the little Catholic girl first."
她想"先见那个天主教的小妞"
Jews have been asking that for centuries.
这个问题犹太人扪心自问了好几个世纪了
There's no real good answer.
至今没什么好答案
Okay, well, wish me luck.
好吧 祝我好运
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
别担心 没事的
Let's just hide Mr. Cross.
先把十字架藏起来
If it touches her, it burns.
如果那玩意儿碰到她 会烧伤的
- You brought a Catholic girl home to your mother? - Yeah.
-你带一个天主教的女孩回家见你妈 -是的
(在犹太人遭受的千年大迫害中 十字军东征曾掀起迫害犹太人的高潮)
Why don't I write you a prescription for Xanax.
那我给你开点镇静剂吧
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
这又是哪门子新玩意儿
Wait, you can't leave here, you've been exposed.
等等 你不能离开这儿 你已经被感染了
You want to talk about crazy mothers,
你想聊极品老妈这个话题吗
Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up.
莱纳德的妈妈对他没表示过半点的认可
Oh, the poor thing.
可怜的小家伙
It makes him desperate to please women.
所以他才会这么渴望取悦女人
That's why the foreplay goes on and on.
也正是他的小前戏耍不停的原因
It does, doesn't it?
的确 对吧
It's like he's trying to win a prize.
他好像为了要获得奖励一样
A word of advice-- don't doze off.
佩妮贴心小建议 千万不要打瞌睡
You will never hear the end of it.
不然你都听不见何时结束
There are a couple of things I did with Penny
我跟佩妮一起做过一些事
that might be a little silly, but...
听上去可能有点傻 但是
Every once in a while, before we'd go to bed,
偶尔 在我们上床前
I'd put on a little show for her.
我会为她表演点小节目
What do you mean "a show"?
你的"小节目"是指什么
Well, you know, the way I took my clothes off.
这个嘛 就是我脱衣服的方式
I'd look pretty stupid if there was no music.
如果没音乐 那我看起来不很傻啊
So you'd do a striptease?
那你跳的是脱衣舞咯
I wasn't swinging around a pole.
我又不是抱着根钢管搔首弄姿
There was one time I put body glitter on.
不过有次我往身上擦了闪粉
Well, I don't think you have to worry
我觉得你不必为了佩妮会不会
about Penny telling my sister that.
把这事告诉我妹妹而担心
No, she wouldn't.
对 她不会说的
Your big problem is me telling her.
你的问题在我会不会告诉她
You really are a mean little man.
你还真是个卑鄙小人
Oh, God, that's so true.
天啊 的确如此
Yeah, I know, right?
的确 我懂 对吧
Hey, what took you guys so long?
你们俩怎么去这么半天
Oh, we were just chatting.
我们聊天来着
That's nice. What about?
不错嘛 聊什么了
We were just comparing notes
我们只是对你的床上功夫
about how you are in the sack.
交换下意见而已
- That's funny. - Yeah.
-真有趣 -就是
What if she wasn't kidding?
如果她不是在开玩笑呢
I'm the king of foreplay.
哥可是前戏小王子
You know what that means?
你知道这是什么意思吗
Your mother just taught it to me.
你妈刚教我的
She thinks she got food poisoning from that deli
她觉得她在那家餐厅食物中毒了
and she just wanted to make sure I was okay.
想确认下我是否没事
No, because I'm engaged to a putz.
有 因为我跟个2B订婚了
You let me believe I was the reason she had a heart attack.
你让我误信她心脏病发是因为我
Well, based on the available evid--
那是基于现有证据嘛
She said I'm a wonderful girl
你妈说我是个好女孩
and that you're lucky to have me.
能娶到我是你的福气
Where are you going?
你要去哪里
Is that okay with you?!
你有意见啊
or does she sound sexy when she's angry?
还是她生气的时候 声音是特别性感啊
He takes the elf from off the shelf.
这精灵不是高山的 是现成的
Hell Hounds-- who let the Satanic dogs out?
地狱猎犬啊 谁把撒旦的狗放出来了
I got a colossal serpent right here.
我裤裆里面也有条神勇的巨蟒
Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.
抱歉 我只是想让你高兴点
Sheldon's new Facebook photo.
谢尔顿校内新头像
Zandor, Wizard of the North.
赞多 北方巫师
If you skip the part about being
如果硬要省略掉
under a two-week quarantine
你因为接触到致命疾病
because you were exposed to a deadly disease,
而被隔离两周这件事