I'm telling you, if xenon emits ultraviolet light,
我告诉你 如果氙能放射出紫外线
then those dark matter discoveries must be wrong.
那些有关暗物质的发现都会是错的
Yes, well, if we lived in a world
那是 如果我们住在一个
where slow-moving xenon produced light,
缓慢运动的氙原子能放出光子的世界
then you'd be correct.
那你就是对的
Also, pigs would fly,
与此同时 猪能飞
my derriere would produce cotton candy,
我也能拉出棉花糖来
and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.
而《幽灵的威胁》也将成为永恒的经典
Oh, you're so arrogant.
你也太傲慢了
If you were a superhero,
如果你是超级英雄
your name would be Captain Arrogant.
那你的名字就该叫傲慢上尉
And you know what your superpower would be?
你知道你的超能力是什么吗
If my superpower were arrogance,
如果我的超能力是傲慢力
my name would be Dr. Arroganto.
我的名字应该是至傲博士
I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
我太喜欢看拉杰和谢尔顿一块儿工作了
Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided
没错 就好比异形和铁血战士决定
to go partners in a Jamba Juice.
合作开一间Jamba Juice一样
(Jamba Juice: 美国著名连锁冰沙奶昔店)
Has it occurred to you you're missing the big picture?
你难道没注意宏观的状况吗
- If you look at neutron scattering data... - Oh, Penny?
-如果你看了中子分布数据 -佩妮
- Penny? - What's up?
-佩妮 -怎么了
Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
没事儿 我只是想让拉杰闭嘴而已
He won. Suck it up.
他赢了 憋着吧
Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert,
我想问问你们是否需要甜品
but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays.
但我知道谢尔顿周二不吃甜品
And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me.
而拉杰就算想要什么也开不了口
Howard won't order anything,
霍华德什么都不会点
but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment
但他会迸出来一些跟派或者芝士蛋糕
involving the words pie or cheesecake.
有关系的恶心话
And Leonard's lactose intolerant,
而莱纳德有乳糖不耐
so he can't eat anything here
所以除非他想让自己的肠子
without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
涨得跟动物气球似的 否则是什么都吃不了的
I could have the fruit platter.
我可以点水果拼盘的
You want the fruit platter?
你想要水果拼盘
- Does it have melon on it? - Yeah.
-上面有甜瓜吗 -有
No, I can't eat melon.
呃 我不能吃甜瓜
Oh, Howard, heads up.
霍华德 注意了
Your ex-girlfriend just came in for her shift.
你的前女友来上班了
When was the last time you saw her?
你上次见她是什么时候
Oh, not since we broke up.
分手之后就没见过了
Wow. How am I going to play this?
嗯 我该怎么表现呢
Sophisticated and relaxed?
优雅而自然的
Friendly, noncommittal?
还是友好而含糊的
Cold and distant?
或者冷淡且陌生的
I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
看来你决定用悲剧和惊恐来面对了
It's one of his best moves.
这是他的拿手好戏
So, my dear, we meet again.
亲爱的 我们又见面了
I've missed you, Katee Sackhoff.
我也想你了 凯蒂·萨克霍夫
- One question. - Anything.
-问个问题 -随便问
Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed?
为什么我会在床上穿着《太空堡垒卡拉狄加》的战斗服
Why are you in bed with me?
那你又为什么你会和我同床呢
If we start to question this, it all falls apart.
如果我们开始质疑这个 那就太崩溃了
Oh, ravish me, Howard.
噢 强力地占有我吧 霍华德
My loins ache for you.
我愿为你尽折腰
Okay, if you insist.
好吧 既然你如此坚持的话
Howard, have you seen my girdle?!
霍华德 你看到我的束腹紧身裤了吗
I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting!
我找不着了 而且减肥族大会就快要迟到了
Maybe it committed suicide!
也许它自杀了
Now, where were we?
好了 刚才到哪儿了
I believe you were about
我觉得你想要
to rip off my uniform with your teeth.
用你的牙齿扒下我的制服了
What are you doing here?
你在这儿干嘛
Well, if I had to guess, I'd say I'm here
我猜的话 估计是
because you saw me earlier this evening,
因为你今晚见到我了
and you're still hung up on me.
而你还对我有留恋
Otherwise, based on past experience,
否则根据以往经验
we'd be done by now.
我们现在都该完事儿了
Okay, I'm a little confused here.
好吧 我现在有点混乱了
Oh, my. Can I help?
亲爱的 我能帮什么吗
Not that kind of confused.
又不是那方面的困惑
What's George Takei doing here?
武井乔治在这儿干嘛
Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?
霍华德 你有隐性的同性恋倾向吗
George, let me ask you something.
乔治 我问你个问题
How did you deal with being typecast as a science fiction icon?
作为科幻人物象征你是如何应对连续出演同类角色的
You try and stretch as an actor--
作为演员你想拓展戏路
do Strindberg, O'Neill,
尝试下斯特林堡 奥尼尔什么的
but all they want is, "Course laid in, Captain."
但他们想要的只是"航线已设定 船长"
It's frackin' frustrating.
这太让我抓狂了
Wait. Katee, why are you leaving?
等等 凯蒂 你怎么走了
She's leaving because you really want to be with me.
她走了是因为你内心深处想和我一起啊
Howard, I found my girdle!
霍华德 我找到我的束腹紧身裤了
It was in the dryer!
原来在烘干机里
I think it shrunk!
我觉得它缩水了
I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!
我的赘肉就跟面团宝宝似的
And with that mental picture,
一想到那个画面
I think we're done for the evening.
我想今晚的精神治疗到此为止了
You never told me what happened between you and Bernadette.
你从没跟我说过你和伯纳黛特当初为何分手
I did a stupid thing.
我做了件蠢事
Yeah, I guessed that.
我猜也是
It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
像是那种现在难以面对她的蠢事
That covers anything from farting in bed
你说的这范围广的可以从被窝里放屁
to killing a homeless guy.
延伸到杀害流浪汉
You ran over a hobo.
你真碾死过流浪汉啊
All right, fine. So you want to get back together with her,
好吧 你想跟她重归于好
but you're too ashamed to face her
但却羞于面对她
because of whatever it is you did.
就因为你曾经做了某件难以启齿的事
- In a nutshell. - Okay.
-差不多 -好吧
Well, how about this?
那这么做你觉得怎样
Kidnap Bernadette from the opera
你戴上诡异的面具从剧院里
wearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.
把伯纳黛特劫走 这样她就认不出你了
Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not.
这么说吧 我不知道你是在跟我开玩笑还是怎么着
You're being unreasonable.
你开始蛮横无理了
Why can't I have a desk?!
为什么我就不能有张桌子
Our collaboration is a work of the mind.
我们的合作研究是思维上的工作
We don't need desks.
我们用不着桌子
- Correct. - But I can't have one.
-是的 -但我就不能有了是吧
You're two for two.
你说中要点了
Why can't he have a desk, Sheldon?
为什么他不能有桌子 谢尔顿
Oh, Lord, will this day never end?
天呐 这一天怎么过不完了
As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali,
我已经再三向库萨帕里博士解释过了
whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him
以他对美国俗语的理解能力 是不能明白
when it's convenient.
什么叫做时机妥当的
There's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture.
我的预算中绝没有添置额外办公家具的那份了
Oh, but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines,
那你就有预算来买一抽屉的红蜡糖
a marshmallow shooting rifle,
一把棉花糖步枪
and a super executive ant farm with glow-in-the-dark sand?
以及带有夜光沙土的超级蚂蚁工坊[玩具]吗
Okay, what if he buys his own desk?
好吧 那他出钱买自己的桌子呢
Yeah, what if I buy my own desk?
是啊 要是我买我自己的桌子呢
- That's ridiculous. - Why?
-那太荒谬了 -为什么
- Sheldon. - All right, all right.
-谢尔顿 -好了 好了
He can buy his own desk.
他可以买他自己的桌子了
And I can put it in your office?
而且我可以放进你的办公室里
Well, you really want to dot the I's and cross the T's, don't you?
你还真的想得寸进尺了 是吧
Why would you want a glow-in-the-dark ant farm?
为何你要买带夜光沙土的蚂蚁工坊呢
They do some of their best work at night.
因为蚂蚁有些工作晚上做更出色
Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
如果知道是我敲门你还会开吗
Not since I found out
自从我发现
the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.
你给我的泰迪熊安了摄像头之后就不会了
I just have a question.
我只是有个问题想问
Does Bernadette ever talk about me?
伯纳黛特有跟你提起过我吗
- She does? - Yeah, sure.
-她提过吗 -当然
Just yesterday, she asked,
就在昨天 她还问我
"Why is Howard hiding under the table?"
为什么霍华德要躲在桌子底下
She saw that, huh?
她看见了是吧
Oh, no, not at first.
没 没 一开始没有
Right after I pointed it out.
但在我告诉她后就...
Let me ask you something else.
我问你点别的吧
Is she seeing anybody?
她有跟谁交往吗
Oh, not that I know of.
据我所知没有吧
Hey, while we're on the subject,
既然说到了这个话题
why did you guys break up anyway?
我想了解你们当初为何分手了
Oh, I'd rather not say.
我觉得还是不说为好
Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened.
霍华德 你如果想得到我的帮助 就得让我知道
But it's embarrassing...
但说出来有些尴尬
Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Spill.
是啊 我就期待着这个呢 进来吧
Okay. Well, you know World of Warcraft?
好吧 你听过魔兽世界吧
Um, the online game? Sure.
那个网络游戏吗 当然
Well, did you know
那你可否知道
that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?
游戏中的角色是可以互相发生性关系的
Oh, God. I think I see where this is going.
哦天呐 我想我有点头绪了
Her name was Glissinda the Troll.
她叫巨魔葛林新蒂
Bernadette walked in on me
当伯纳黛特来找我的时候
while we were doing the cyber-nasty under the Bridge of Souls.
我们正在灵魂之桥下翻云覆雨呢
Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing.
你说的没错 这是够糗的了
Would you talk to her?
你能跟她说说吗
Bernadette or the troll?
伯纳黛特还是巨魔
Bernadette. She was so mad at me,
伯纳黛特 她太生我气了
she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story.
她甚至都没听我的解释
Well, what was your side?
那你的解释是什么
Well, for all we know, Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman.
那个巨魔葛林新蒂只是个虚拟的女人
I mean, she could've been a 50-year-old truck driver in New Jersey.
我是说 她也可能是个年届50在新泽西开卡车的人呢
Really? And that didn't make her feel better?
真的假的 那这么说没让她消消气吗
Will you talk to her, see if there's any chance at all
你能帮我去问问看吗 看看我们还有没有
we could get back together?
重归于好的可能性了
Oh, gee, Howard, I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
天 霍华德 我真不想趟你俩这趟浑水
No. Why would you?
别啊 你怎么忍心呢
I'm just another lonely nerd, living with his mother,
我这个孤单的书呆子 和老妈相依为命
trying to find any scrap of happiness he can.
努力寻求哪怕是一丝丝的幸福
You know, maybe to make up for
也许是为了弥补
the fact that his dad left him when he was 11.
11岁时父亲就离开他的缺憾吧
Okay, I will think about it.
好吧 我会考虑的
You know, I've always blamed myself
我一直在为父亲的出走
I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted.
我一直觉得那是因为他根本不想要我这个儿子
Yeah, I said I'd think about it.
行了 我说了我会考虑的
I wasn't athletic, yeah, I was kind of sickly...
我体育不好 又有点病怏怏的
Okay, fine. Look, look, I'm calling her now! See?!
行了 好了 我在给她打电话了 看见没
So anyway, Howard asked Penny to talk to Bernadette,
总之 霍华德请佩妮帮忙牵线伯纳黛特
and Bernadette agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee.
接着伯纳黛特同意跟他见面 一起喝杯咖啡
- One question. - Yeah?
-我有个问题 -问吧
Why on earth are you telling me all this?
你干嘛跟我说这些
Sometimes your movements are so lifelike,
有时候你的动作如此栩栩如生
I forget you're not a real boy.
我都忘了你其实不是人
You said I could buy a desk.
是你说我可以买张书桌的
This isn't a desk.
这东西压根不是书桌
This is a... Brobdingnagian monstrosity.
这是个...硕大无朋的怪物
Is that the American idiom for "Giant, big-ass desk"?
这是美国俗语里面对"巨大的书桌"的叫法吗
It's actually British.
其实是英式英语的说法
Can you say it again for me?
能给我再说一遍吗
Now three times fast?
来个三倍速的
Brobdingnagian, Brobdingna...
硕大无朋 硕大无...
How did you even get it in here?
你怎么把它给弄进来的
That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know
秘诀只有我 拉蒙和胡里奥 耶稣还有罗德里格知道
and you to find out.
自己想哦
All right, you've made your point.
好吧 你的立场明摆着了
A fine prank, very amusing.
很有意思的恶作剧
I have three brothers and two sisters, Sheldon--
我有仨兄弟俩姐妹 谢尔顿
I can do this all day.
磨嘴皮子你休想赢我
All right, if you're not going to remove it,
好吧 既然你不搬
I'll remove it for you.
我来给你搬
Help me move my desk.
帮我搬一下我的书桌
No. It's too Brobdingnagian.
不 这也过于硕大无朋了
Why do you even want this here?
你怎么会想把这东西弄来这儿
Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose.
它的大小与用途完全不成比例
Well, seeing as its purpose was to piss you off,
要说它的用途就是让你不爽的话
I'd say it's spot-on.
我看真是恰到好处
All right, I see what's going on.
好了 我明白怎么回事了
This is the opening salvo in what will be
你就是公开对我宣战
an escalating series of juvenile tit-for-tat exchanges.
接下来就是一系列越演越烈的幼稚的针锋相对
Stand by for my upcoming tat.
你给我走着瞧
See what I did there? I turned it around.
发现没 我把这两句话给转过来了
Sorry, I had to clock out.
抱歉 我得打卡下班
Oh, no, that's okay.
没事 没关系的
How have you been?
你过得怎么样
Okay. You know, busy, school, work. You?
还好了 就是忙着读书上班什么的 你呢
Same. I took a scuba-diving course over the summer,
一样 夏天时我选了一门戴水肺潜水的课程
but it turns out I'm terrified of the ocean.
结果发现我很怕海
You wouldn't know anybody
你有没有认识的人
who wants to buy a wet suit, boy's large?
想买大号儿童潜水衣的
Yeah, forget it. Not important.
算了 这不重要
So, are you seeing anyone?
你有跟人交往吗
- Well, to be honest, I... - Hey, how are we doing over here?
-说实话 我 -嗨 在忙什么呢
Can I get you something to drink?
要不要给你们点杯饮料
- Not for me, thanks. - I'm okay.
-我不用 谢谢 -我也不用
Are you gonna want to order food?
要不要点些吃的
- Maybe later. - Okay.
-待会再点吧 -好的
So, are you seeing anybody?
那么 你在跟人交往吗
That's what I told him when he asked me.
他问我的时候我也是这么说的
I hope that's not out of line.
希望这不算太冒昧吧
- No, it's fine. - Penny, can we have a little privacy?
-不 没事 -佩妮 能让我们独处一会儿吗
What about you, have you been seeing anybody?
你呢 你有没有跟其他人交往
Well, you know how it is with guys.
你知道 男人嘛
I mean, we have needs and...
总是有需要的
So you've been seeing other girls?
这么说你在和其他女孩交往
Well, not real girls.
不是真实的女孩
Does that mean slutty trolls?
你是说那个风骚的巨魔吗
You know, you look thirsty.
你们俩看起来很渴
- I brought you some iced tea. - Thank you.
-我给你们拿了冰茶 -谢谢
It's passion fruit, new on the menu.
这是百香果 本店新品哦
- I know. I work here. - Oh, sorry.
-我知道 我在这上班呢 -抱歉
Yeah, you're right. Doy.
你说得对 这不明摆着嘛
So, Howard, trolls yay or nay?
霍华德 巨魔那事儿说不说
Isn't there somewhere else you can be?
别老杵在这儿行吗
Not where I can hear you guys.
那样我就听不着你俩聊天了
I'll admit, there are dark, sordid little corners of the Internet
我承认 在互联网的某些黑暗肮脏的角落
where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones.
确实有人在喃喃呼唤沃罗法师这个名字
The only reason I go there,
我去那些地方不过是因为
the only reason I've ever gone there
我曾那样做的唯一原因
is because I don't have a real woman in my life.
是因为我生命中一直没有真正的女友
- You happy? - Yeah, that'll hold me for a while.
-这下你爽了 -对 能放过你们一小会了
Howard, you did have a real woman.
霍华德 你有过真正的女友
I was right there in the next room
我当时就在隔壁房间
while you were clicking that troll's brains out.
而你却疯狂地撸着鼠标跟巨魔进行剧烈运动
Yeah, but we weren't...
对 但我们从未...
I-I mean, you and I never...
我是说 你我从未...
Well, whose fault was that?
那又是谁的错呢
Complimentary nachos!
免费赠送的墨西哥玉米片
What do you mean, whose fault was that?
你什么意思 问我那是谁的错
Well, we could've been having sex,
我们本可以上床的
but you never made the move.
但你从未主动采取行动
I didn't think you wanted me to make the move.
我以为是你不想我采取行动的
Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you,
霍华德 女孩才不会跟你这样的人约会
with your looks, your fancy patter and your tight hoochie pants
就你那长相 说话那德性 还有那小紧身裤
if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move.
除非她是想让你主动采取行动的
Hey, this is a little awkward,
我真有点说不出口
but my manager says I can't actually give nachos away.
但经理说我无权免费赠送玉米片
So... just take that when you're ready.
所以 谈好了记得买单啊
Yeah, we had a really great talk,
对 我俩谈得很愉快
and we're gonna start seeing each other again.
决定重新开始约会
Oh, congratulations.
恭喜你们
Have you broken it to the troll yet?
那你跟那巨魔分了吗
Did Penny tell you about that?
是佩妮告诉你的
No. Steve Patterson told me.
不是 史蒂夫·帕特森说的
The greasy old fat guy in Facilities Management?
设备管理部那恶心的老胖子
- Yeah. - How'd he know about it?
-对 -他怎么知道的
He's Glissinda the troll.
他就是巨魔葛林新蒂
Sorry, dude, the thermostat's on my side of the room,
抱歉兄弟 温度调节器在我这边
so it stays Mumbai hot in here
温度就定在跟孟买一样热
until you turn off that stupid Indian music!
除非你关了那愚蠢的印度音乐
I'll turn off the music
我自然会关了音乐
when you get rid of that salmonella-ridden parakeet!
只要你处理掉那只携带着沙门氏菌的鹦鹉
Oh, too bad! Sheldon's pathologically afraid of birds!
太糟了 原来谢尔顿病态地怕鸟
Hey, look, Sheldon! Birdie, birdie, birdie!
来看啊 谢尔顿 小鸟小鸟小鸟
That's it! Prepare for marshmallow death!
我受够了 看我的棉花糖子弹 受死吧
That's great news about you and Bernadette.
你跟伯纳黛特能和好真是太好了
Yeah. I think I'm gonna take her to miniature golf.
是啊 我想带她去打迷你高尔夫
Ah. I guess for you guys that's like regular golf.
对你们来说 那就相当于正常的高尔夫了
Short jokes? Really?
笑我矮 真的吗
You're, like, a quarter of an inch taller than me.
你也就比我高那么1/4英寸罢了
Yeah, and don't you forget it.
对 记得我比你高就好
I had a good time.
我过得很愉快
Kiss her good night.
跟她吻别
All right, now a little tongue.
好了 该来点舌吻了
We've only just rekindled the romance.
我们才刚刚重燃爱火
Let's not sully the moment with the exchange of saliva.
别让过早的唾液交换 破坏了这美妙一刻
Don't listen to him.
别听他的
Now make the move.
该主动出击了
Trust me, she's ready.
相信我 她准备好了
A lady wants to be wooed,courted slowly.
女士都想被好好追求 慢慢献殷勤
How would you know?
你怎么知道的
Listen to me, Howard, it's time.
听我的霍华德 是时候了
Make the move, now.
主动出击 快
You said... well, the "Move," Remember?
是你让我主动行动的 记得吗
We're starting a new relationship.
我们才刚重新开始
I need to get to know you again.
我还需要重新了解你
The lusty charmer with the fancy patter
说话这副德性 还身穿小紧身裤的
and the hoochie pants.
风流小可爱
Be patient; we'll get there.
耐心点 总有那么一天的
Oh, God, what's that smell?
天 这什么味
What are you doing in there?
你们在那里面干嘛呢
I'm making hydrogen sulfide and ammonia gas.
我正在制造硫化氢和氨气
Just a little experiment in pest control.
只是个防治害虫的小实验罢了
It's not gonna work, dude; I grew up in India--
对付我没用的 兄弟 我可是在印度长大的
an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street,
那整片次大陆上 牛儿满大街乱窜
and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
就没个人能有过正常的"肠胃运动"
Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.
那就看看你还能坚持多久
Well, we'll just see how your noxious gas
那我们就来看看你的有害气体
fares against my cinnamon-apple-scented aroma therapy candles.
跟我的肉桂苹果芳香蜡烛 哪个更厉害
Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas?
你不是说你在制造硫化氢气体
- Yes. - Isn't that flammable?
-没错 -那不是很易燃的吗