All I'm saying is, if they took all the money they spent
我只是想说 一部像样的《绿巨人》
trying to make a decent Hulk movie,
让电影公司砸了不少钱
they could probably just make an actual Hulk.
他们完全可以拿这笔钱 造一个真正的绿巨人出来
That is apt and amusing.
这观点真是聪明又有趣
I think I shall share that with Amy Farrah Fowler.
我应该跟艾米·菲拉·福勒分享
She'll appreciate the witticism.
她一定会欣赏你的妙语连珠
It'll also help improve her initial impression of you.
这同时也能改善你在她心目中的最初印象
So what's going on with you two?
你们俩最近如何
Well, the status is as it always was.
状态一直维持不变
She's a girl. She's a friend.
她是位女生 她也是位朋友
please forgive me for doing this--
请原谅我做这个动作
So you're still just texting and emailing?
所以你们一直保持在发短信和发邮件的阶段吗
You don't feel any need to hang out with her, you know--
你难道一点也不想跟她呆在一起吗 比如
be in the same room?
呆在一个房间也好啊
Leonard, you are my best friend.
莱纳德 你是我最好的朋友
I've known you for seven years,
我认识你整整七年了
and I can barely tolerate sitting on the couch with you.
而我却还难以忍受 咱俩同坐在一个沙发上这个事实
Imagine my attitude regarding
你就可以想象得到
prolonged physical proximity to Amy Farrah Fowler.
我对与艾米·菲拉·福勒长时间身体接触的态度了
I sense judgment on your part.
我感觉你有意见
Maybe a little.
或许有那么一点儿吧
May I suggest that your criticism is based on jealousy.
我可以认为你的批评是基于嫉妒吗
Jealousy? What do I have to be jealous of?
嫉妒 有什么值得让我嫉妒的
I have a functioning and satisfying relationship with a female.
我与一位女性有一段运行良好且令人满意的关系
Jealousy is an ugly green-eyed monster--
嫉妒是一个丑陋的 眼发绿光的怪物
not unlike the Hulk--
跟绿巨人浩克一样
who, by the way, also has a girlfriend.
随便说一下 人家也是有女朋友的
In this iteration, Jennifer Connelly,
在这段重播里 妮弗·康纳利
whom you may recall as the girlfriend of Russell Crowe
或许你记得的版本是《美丽心灵》里
in A Beautiful Mind,
罗素·克洛的女朋友
a feel-good romp if there ever was one.
说不定都和绿巨人共赴巫山了
Leonard not jealous.
莱纳德一点儿也不嫉妒
You know, it just occurred to me,
我刚想到一件事
if there are an infinite number of parallel universes,
如果存在千万个平行宇宙
in one of them, there's probably a Sheldon
在其中的一个 那里很可能有一位谢尔顿
who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.
他根本不相信有平行宇宙的存在
Probably. What's your point?
很可能 你的重点是什么
It's just one of the things
这只是让千万个我中的某我
that makes one of the mes chuckle.
发笑的理由之一
What makes you chuckle, Leonard?
莱纳德 什么事会让你发笑
Is it because of the conflict that arises
是因为那场争端吗 起因于
from your desperate need to pair-bond with a woman,
你极其需要与一个女人建立对偶关系
and the apparent collective decision of all womankind
而显然所有的女性做出的决定
to deny you that opportunity?
都是否决了你
You know, when my grandfather died,
当我爷爷过世之后
and Meemaw was alone, my mom arranged for her
剩奶奶独自一人 我妈妈就安排
to visit a center three times a week
让她一周去三次活动中心
where she could socialize with other lonely people.
在那里 她可以与同样孤独的人交流
They discuss current events, play bridge, get a hot meal.
他们讨论时事 玩桥牌 吃热乎乎的饭
That sounds lovely.
听起来不错
It is if you like bridge.
如果你喜欢玩桥牌的话
Do you like bridge, Leonard?
你喜欢玩桥牌吗 莱纳德
Sheldon, I'm just not dating someone right now.
谢尔顿 我只是现在没有人约会而已
I don't need to go to a senior center.
不用把我送到老年活动中心吧
Meemaw resisted at first, but now she loves it.
奶奶一开始也是拒绝 但后来她欲罢不能
Fine. If I don't meet someone soon,
好 如果我最近还没碰到合适的人
you can put me in a home.
你就把我送去养老院得了
It's a senior center.
是老年人活动中心
We'd never put Meemaw in a home!
我们绝不会把奶奶送到养老院
All right, I'll bow to social pressure: Hey!
我屈服于社交的压力 跟你们打声招呼吧
Excuse me. That's my girlfriend, Bernadette.
抱歉 我女朋友伯纳黛特打来的
I assigned her her own ringtone--
我给她设了专门的铃声
"Bernadette," By The Four Tops.
用的“四顶尖”唱的《伯纳黛特》
Hello, Bernadette.
伯纳黛特 你好啊
When I call him, his phone plays "Brown Eyed Girl."
我给他打电话时 铃声是"褐眼女孩"
Which, now that I think about it, is not so good.
现在回想起来 好像不是那么好了
You realize he's just rubbing our noses in the fact
你应该意识到 他是在炫耀他有女朋友而咱们没有
that he has a girlfriend, and we don't.
故意让咱们不爽
You mean, you don't.
你是说 你没有吧
You have a girlfriend?
连你都有女朋友了
How could you have a girlfriend?
你怎么会有女朋友呢
You can't even speak to women.
你在女人面前连话都说不出来
Two words-- deaf chick.
送你两个字 聋女
It doesn't matter if I can't talk,
所以我说不说话都没关系
because she can't hear me.
因为她根本听不见
That's what she said.
这是她的原话
Great. You have a girlfriend, Howard's got a girlfriend,
很好 你有女朋友 霍华德有女朋友
- Sheldon's got a girl... - No, no, no, no!
-谢尔顿有女 -错错错错
What about you, Stuart?
你呢 斯图特
You have a girlfriend yet?
你有女朋友了吗
I met her at Comic-Con,
我们是在动漫大会上相遇的
the one place in the world where saying
那里是全世界唯一一个地方
"I own a comic bookstore"
可以用"我有一家漫画书屋"
is an actual pickup line.
作为真正的开场白
Oh. Well, good for you.
哇哦 恭喜你
Not really. She's horrible.
其实她很可怕
When she wants to have sex,
当她想做爱的时候
she puts on her plus-size Wonder Woman costume and shouts,
她会穿上她超大号的神奇女侠装 然后大喊
"Who wants to take a ride in my invisible plane?"
"谁想坐一下我的隐形飞机"
Why don't you just break up with her?
你为什么不直接跟她分手呢
'Cause then I'd be alone, like you.
因为分手后 我形影单只 像你一样
Dude, why don't you just invoke
兄弟 你为什么不让沃罗威茨
your girlfriend pact with Wolowitz?
履行女友条例呢
Because I don't need his girlfriend
因为我用不着他女朋友
to set me up with one of her girlfriends.
介绍一个女朋友给我
I'm perfectly capable of finding a girl on my own.
我完全有能力自己找一个女朋友
Oh, Leonard, you remind me
莱纳德 你让我想到
of the funny old story about a man
一个古老的搞笑故事
who walks into a women's correctional institution
是讲一个男人拿着一叠
with a stack of paperwork
女囚犯的释放许可
that will allow the female convicts to go free.
走进女子监狱
You're saying I couldn't get laid
你是想说 我即使拿着赦令
in a women's prison with a handful of pardons.
走进女子监狱 也没人会跟我上床
Are you going to let me tell the story or not?
你到底还让不让我讲这个故事了
Are you still depressed
你还为你的寂寞和无人疼爱
because you're alone, and no one loves you?
而郁郁寡欢吗
I don't know. Maybe.
不知道 也许吧
I want you to know that I'm genuinely concerned
我想让你知道 我由衷地关心
about your well-being.
你的身体健康
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
-谢谢 -不用客气
But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot.
但是你还是没有理由把脚放在我的位子上
May I offer an observation?
我可以说说我的看法吗
What the hell? How long has she been here?
搞什么 她在这多久了
Since we got home from the comic bookstore.
打我们从漫画店回来开始
That was two hours ago.
那是两小时前的事了
As per your suggestion,
根据你的建议
we're hanging out.
我们正在相处
Quite frankly, I don't see
老实说 我都不知道
what all the hoopla's about.
你有什么好大惊小怪的
From a neurobiological standpoint, Leonard,
从神经生物学的角度看 莱纳德
because your psychological state is causing
可能是由于你的心理状态
an actual pheromone-based stink of desperation.
导致你的身体散发出绝望的味道
Did you know that, Leonard?
你知道这个理论吗 莱纳德
- No. - I did.
-不知道 -我就知道
I understand that some people find mates
我知道有些人在公共聚集场所
in social gathering places such as bars or taverns.
像是酒吧或是小酒馆里寻找伴侣
Have you tried a bar or tavern?
你到酒吧或是酒馆试过吗
No, I'm not gonna try to pick up a woman in a bar.
没有 我才不要去酒吧里泡妞呢
Wise decision. You see, Amy,
明智的决定 听我分析 艾米
success at a bar is based on classic male attributes
想要在酒吧成功找到伴侣 是要靠
such as height, strength, attractiveness,
典型的男性特质的 像是身高 力量
the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts --
魅力 还有喝酒和投飞镖的能力
separately or together.
或是边喝酒边投飞镖的能力
Leonard has none of these attributes,
而莱纳德不具备其中的任何一点特质
That's not true of all bars.
并不是在所有吧都要这样的
Juice bars, for example.
比如说果汁吧
Oh! Good point, Amy.
说得好 艾米
Yeah, building on your premise,
在这个前提下
Leonard could frequent sushi bars,
莱纳德可以经常光顾寿司吧
salad bars, oyster bars,
沙拉吧 生蚝吧
the Apple Genius Bar...what are you doing?
还有苹果天才吧 你在干吗
Keep going. I'm listening.
继续说吧 我听着呢
He does it all the time.
他总是这样
He's a cornucopia of social awkwardness.
他就是社交无能的集合体
What a mellifluous word.
多么甜美流畅的词呀
Let's make that our word of the day.
就把这个词定为今日美词吧
Agreed. And we'll use mellifluous tomorrow.
同意 明天开始用"甜美流畅"
Well, I have to void my bladder.
我要去排空一下我的膀胱
It was nice spending this time with you.
跟你一起相处很愉快
I'd like you to meet my mother.
我想让你见见我的母亲
Can I get back to you on that?
我回头答复你好吗
Certainly. Good night.
当然可以 晚安
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard,
莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard, Leonard...
莱纳德 莱纳德
Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother.
艾米·菲拉·福勒让我见她母亲
What does that mean?
这是什么意思
Well, you know how you're always saying
你不是总是说
that Amy is a girl who's your friend,
艾米只是你的女性朋友吗
and not your girlfriend?
而不是你的女朋友
- Uh-huh. - You can't say that anymore.
-嗯 -你以后就不能再这么说咯
Look, she obviously wants
她很显然
to take your relationship to the next level.
想要你们的关系更进一步
I don't want the next level.
我不想更进一步
I like this level.
我喜欢现在这步
Well, how am I supposed to fix it?
我怎么帮你搞掂啊
Simple! You want a girlfriend,
很简单 你想要女朋友
Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend.
艾米想要当别人的女朋友
Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.
我把她给你 我会祝福你们的
You're right. It would never work.
没错 不会成功的
Amy finds you tedious.
艾米觉得你很乏味
Wait! What am I supposed to do?
等一下 我该怎么办啊
Well, have you considered telling her how you feel?
你有没有想过跟她分享你的感受
Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.
莱纳德 我是物理学家 不是嬉皮士
All right, well, let me see
好吧 让我想想
if I can explain your situation using physics.
看我能不能用物理现象解释给你听
What would you be
如果说你被绑在
if you were attached to another object
一个围绕轴心成螺旋状的
by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?
倾斜平面上的话 你的下场会是什么
Howard, get the door!
霍华德 去开门
Why can't you get it?
你干嘛不去
You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy!
你知道我在为准备结肠镜检查浣肠
I'm like an upside-down volcano here.
我这里就像个大头朝下的火山
I hope you didn't hear that.
但愿你没听到
The volcano thing? No.
火山什么的吗 没听到
What's with the T-shirt?
怎么穿了这么一件T恤
You working at the Apple store now?
现在在苹果专卖店打工了吗
No, it's just something I threw on.
不是啦 就是随便穿的
I know all your shirts.
你的衣服我都认得
That's not one of them...
你没这件
You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar
你假装在天才咨询吧工作
to pick up women, weren't you?
借机泡妞是不是
Turns out, they guard the iPods,
我发现原来他们只管看着iPod
but they don't guard the shirts.
没人管这些T恤
It was going well.
本来挺顺利的
I was showing this super hot girl
我给个辣妹展示
how to boot up in Safe Mode.
怎样从安全模式启动
The manager got suspicious, and, well, long story short,
经理起了疑心 长话短说吧
they really do have a little jail in the mall.
那商场里真的有个小号房
Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake mustache.
听哥句劝 千万别贴上假胡子接着回去装
I mean, they may not really be geniuses,
他们虽然不天才
but they see right through that.
却能立马看出你是装的
I want to invoke the girlfriend pact, Howard.
我申请调用女友约定 霍华德
You that desperate?
你这么饥渴
No, I just... I want what you have.
也不是 我就是想像你一样
You know, I want a woman in my life.
你懂的 身边有个女人
how much liquid can be in one tokus?
菊花到底能灌进多少液体啊
To be clear, I meant like Bernadette, not your mother.
明确一下 我说的是伯纳黛特不是你妈
Yeah, I know what you mean.
我明白你的意思
Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend.
我要去见伯纳黛特的朋友了
As if one of the plants
就好像《人体异形》里
from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way,
某植物复制出来的你
only with an absurd amount of hair gel.
不过是海量发胶版的
What are you working on?
你在干嘛呢
I'm removing my digital footprint from the Internet
我在清除我的网络足迹
so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me
这样艾米·菲拉·福勒就找不到我了
and compel me to meet her mother. Ah.
也就没法逼我见她妈了
You're going off the grid.
你是在玩儿失踪啊
The old Unabomber approach. Kudos.
早年炸弹客的做法啊 不错嘛
(16岁进哈佛 25岁成伯克利教授 后隐居邮寄炸弹)
I've also sent Amy a relationship termination notice
我还发给了艾米一封关系终止通知
and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address.
并更换了手机号和邮箱地址
What if she just comes over?
她直接过来怎么办
We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles.
我们已经不住Los Robles 2311号了
We now live at 311 Los Robles.
我们的现住址是Los Robles 311号
You changed the address on the building?
你把门牌号给改了
Oh, no worries-- I explained my predicament
放心吧 我跟咱的邮差解释了
to our letter carrier.
我当前的囧境
He was sympathetic.
他很是同情
His exact words were:
他的原话是
"Got your back, Jack.
"哥们挺你 兄弟
Bitches be crazy."
妞儿们都疯了"
Amy Farrah Fowler.
艾米·菲拉·福勒
Darn! She found me!
我去 被她逮到了
She's been here before.
她来过这里好不好
The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan.
智者千虑必有一失
Now, get my back, Jack.
现在你得挺我 兄弟
- What do you want to do? - Tell her I'm not here.
-你想让我怎么办 -跟她说我不在
- Okay, where are you? - I don't know.
-那你在哪儿 -不知道
You'll have to devise a scenario
你得自己设计个情节
that plausibly explains my absence,
合理地解释我的不在场
keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details.
要记得 说谎的秘诀在于善于编织细节
Sheldon's not here.
谢尔顿不在
Way to go on the details.
细节编织得可真到位呀
Thanks again for doing this, Bernadette.
再次感谢你帮我 伯纳黛特
Oh, I take pacts very seriously.
我向来恪守约定
One time at my lab,
有一次在实验室
a petri dish of genetically modified super-virus went missing.
一个转基因超级病毒培养皿不见了
That day we made a pinky swear never to admit
那天我们都拉钩发誓绝不承认
we crossed Ebola with the common cold.
我们曾让埃博拉病毒和伤寒病毒结合
would you cross Ebola with the common cold?
让埃博拉病毒和伤寒病毒结合
That would be a terrible, terrible thing.
那样就太可怕了
Hi. Sorry I'm late-- I was at the gym.
大家好 抱歉迟到了 我从健身房来
Spin class-- worked up quite a sweat.
动感训练课 真出了不少汗呢
Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy.
乔伊 这是莱纳德 莱纳德 这是乔伊
You don't look like a genius.
你真没有天才相
Go ahead, say something smart.
来 说点有才的给姐听听
Uh... Aah! Time's up.
啊哈 时间到
First thing you need to know about me:
你需要了解我的第一件事就是
So, Bernadette tells me
伯纳黛特告诉我
she knows you from self-defense classes?
你们是在自卫课上认识的
Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga.
没错 以色列格斗术
Basically, a hundred different ways
基本上是学了一百种不同的
to rip a guy's nuts off.
扯下男人蛋蛋的方式
Wow. Wouldn't think there'd be that many.
天呐 没想到这么多啊
Proxima Centauri's the nearest star.
比邻星是最近的星星
The celestial bodies that follow are
接下来的天体顺次是
Alpha Centauri A, Toli,
半人马座艾尔法A星 托里星[B星]
Sirius A, Sirius B,
天狼星A 天狼星B[双星]
BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti,
鲸鱼座BL星 鲸鱼座UV星
Oh, darn, that's wrong!
见鬼 错了
Those are the stars that are nearest to me.
这些是离我最近的恒星
Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee.
一闪一闪那么地亮晶晶
They really do be crazy.
妞儿们真是疯了
This lobster's good on the way down
这龙虾口感十足
Should be-- it's $30 a pound.
应该的 一磅要30大洋呢
Hey, this is a date, right?
这算是约会吧
Excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room...
不好意思 我要去一下洗手间
and take a wicked whiz.
好好地通体舒畅一下
Fair warning-- I had the asparagus.
友情提醒 我刚吃了芦笋
My pea is gonna stink up the place.
我排泄出来的芦笋宝宝们会让这地方臭气熏天
I think she likes you.
我觉得她喜欢你耶
Excuse me, madam.
借过一下 女士
I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred
我请你去见我母亲这事
when I asked you to meet my mother.
我想你可能有点误会
No misunderstanding.
我没误会
I've learned what that request actually means,
我了解到那个要求意味着什么
and I don't want to be joined to another object
我不想变成一个斜面绕轴
by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
螺旋状转上几圈之后的样子
In what way are you screwed?
谁说你完蛋了
All I want to do is present you as my boyfriend to my mother
我只是想把你当作男友介绍给我妈
so she'll be satisfied that I'm in a relationship.
让她相信我在恋爱 好让她放心
So we'd be perpetrating a ruse?
这么说我们是要做戏咯
And you haven't fallen hopelessly in love with me?
你没有无可救药地爱上我吗
I find the notion of romantic love
在我看来 爱情关系
to be an unnecessary cultural construct
是种毫无必要的文化构造
that adds no value to human relationships.
对人类关系毫无价值可言
Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing
艾米·菲拉·福勒 这是我听过的
anyone has ever said to me.
最务实的话了
I trust this clarification allows us to return
既然误会已经澄清了
to boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend status.
我们该回到男性朋友和女性朋友关系了吧
Would you like to join me for Chinese food?
想和我一起去吃中餐么
Sheldon, please, you're suffocating me.
拜托 谢尔顿 别逼我
- Good night, Amy. - Good night, Sheldon.
-晚安 艾米 -晚安 谢尔顿
Come on, just give her a chance.
别这样 给她个机会
Maybe she'll grow on you.
也许你会慢慢喜欢上她
or maybe she'll finally succeed in ripping my nuts off.
也可能她最终成功扯下了我的蛋蛋
There are still 93 ways she hasn't tried yet.
毕竟还有93种办法她没尝试过呢
Look, H-Howard, I appreciate the effort,
听着 霍华德 谢谢你的好意
but this is, like, the worst date of my life.
但这是我经历过的最烂一次约会了
I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on J-Date,
我被个在犹太交友网上的准变性人给抢了
and that didn't even crack my top ten.
这种约会甚至都排不进我的最烂前十
I guess the difference is, I have some self-respect.
我觉得区别在于 我懂得自重
Not that I've ever seen.
我怎么不记得你有
It's relatively new.
最近才有的
I'm not gonna spend time with someone I don't like
我不想就为了能有个女友
simply to have a girlfriend.
而和不喜欢的女生在一起
I'm okay on my own.
我一个人也挺好
Good news-- I made lots of room for dessert.
好消息 我的胃腾够空间来吃甜食了
Look, uh, Joy, it was nice to meet you, but...
听着 乔伊 很高兴认识你 但...
Yeah, you, too. Hey, you got anything for next weekend?
我也是 你下周末有空么
I need a date for my cousin's wedding.
我表兄结婚 我要带个伴去
You're asking me out?
你在约我出去吗
And it's an open bar,
酒啊什么的免费畅饮哦
so I'll probably be giving it away.
说不定可以酒后那什么一下
I look forward to it.
我很期待
It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon.
我也很高兴认识你 谢尔顿
I honestly didn't believe Amy
艾米告诉我她有个男友时
when she told me she had a boyfriend.
我真的难以置信
I assure you I'm quite real.
我向你保证 我是有血有肉的真人
and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
我和你女儿有着常规性交行为
We're like wild animals in heat.
我们就如同发情期的野生动物
It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.
我们居然还完好无损 真是奇迹
Amy... what is he saying?
艾米 他在说什么
You wanted me to have a boyfriend, Mother.
你希望我交个男友 妈妈
Well, here he is.
这就是我的男友
Have to sign off now.
现在我得下线了
My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
我对谢尔顿的欲望已让我的花径颤抖
Oh, yes, it's time for me to make love
是的 我是时候该去
to your daughter's vagina.
你女儿的阴道里做爱一番了
Thank you, Sheldon, that went very well.
多谢 谢尔顿 效果不错
Amy, I find myself wondering
艾米 我禁不住这样想
if we should actually engage in coitus
我们在交往过程中
at least one time in our relationship.
至少该真的性交一次试试
Bedtime. Please show yourself out.
该睡觉了 你也该走了