This is the worst cobbler I've ever eaten.
It tastes like it's made of actual ground-up shoemaker.
Amusing. A play on the two meanings of "cobbler."
Hey guys. Guess who I found at LAX?
My baby sister Priya.
Excuse me I object.
You propose a guessing game
yet you don't give me enough time to guess.
For the record I was going to say:
"Your sister Priya."
Oh Sheldon. You haven't changed a bit have you?
谢尔顿 你一点都没变 对吧
Why would I change?
The hope has been that
you'd eventually bend to public opinion.
So Priya what brings you back to L.A.?
I have a one-day layover on my way to Toronto.
Can you believe it?
Little Priya's one of the lead attorneys
for the biggest car company in India.
Given that when we met her she was finishing law school
and planning an internship at a large Indian car company
it's actually extremely plausible.
And your poll numbers just keep dropping.
I want to catch up with all of you
but first I really must visit the loo.
I'm going too; I'll show you where it is.
All right this goes without saying
but I'm just going to say it anyway.
Hands off my sister.
Why would I touch her? She's covered with airplane germs.
I'm so not talking to you. I'm talking to him.
- Hey. I've got a girlfriend now. - Oh please.
-喂 我都是有女朋友的人了 -拜托
My sister's much hotter than your girlfriend
Let's just agree they're both hot.
But dude that's my sister you're talking about!
Okay forget who's hotter.
The first time Priya came to L.A. Leonard and I made a pact
out of respect to our friendship and to you
that neither of us would hit on her.
Did you pinky-swear?
Cobbler. I'm still laughing.
It's really nice to see you again Leonard.
Yeah. It's good to see you too.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!
哇哦 哇哦 哇哦
So you got any special plans with your sister?
Oh not really. Just hang out.
I always tell people "If you have only one day
in Los Angeles make it a train day."
The fun starts with brunch at Carney's in Studio City
a hotdog stand in a converted railroad dining car.
Next stop Travel Town
下一站 Travel Town
an outdoor museum featuring 43 railroad engines
cars and other rolling stock from the 1880s to the 1930s.
铁路引擎 汽车 和其他轨道车辆
And finally we're off to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood
for dinner at--that's right-- the Hollywood Carney's
a hotdog stand in a different converted railroad dining car.
I don't think we're going to do that.
Well then apparently you hate fun.
Priya's not back yet?
Well I guess that's not unusual.
Women men the whole sitting-standing deal.
女人 男人 一个蹲着一个站着
So what are we talking about?
Uh my plans with Priya.
He rejected Train Day.
Did you make it clear that it's two different train cars
turned into hotdog stands?
I guess he just hates fun.
That's what I said!
Okay so... what's new with you guys?
I have a girlfriend now.
Yeah I just want to put it out there
in case I inadvertently
squirt any pheromones in your direction.
So Priya what are your plans while you're here?
I don't know. I just have the one day.
Do you like trains?
You might as well just wait at the airport for your flight.
"You are in a forest.
"There is quicksand to the west
a path leads to the east."
"An iron gate blocks your way."
Well so much for that.
It's getting pretty late. How come you're still up?
I found an emulator online that lets you play classic text-based
computer games from the 1980s.
Oh yes. It runs on the world's most powerful graphics chip:
You've really got to get out more.
"You can't go that way."
"A troll blocks your passage."
Okay. Fasten your seatbelts.
"You don't have the sword."
Good golly it's as if it's actually happening to me.
Raj finally went to bed.
Sheldon's still up.
You said he goes to bed at 9:00.
Yeah he does but he got caught up in a computer game and...
Hit troll with axe!
Hit troll with axe!
Hit troll with axe!
My this is one tough troll.
Can't you get rid of him?
If the past is any indication no.
Leonard I'm trapped in quicksand!
The axe is dragging me down!
Drop axe brilliant!
- Sheldon. - Hold on.
Trying to figure out how to get the bucket
so I can carry the mud past the dragon.
- Sheldon you need to work in the morning. - I know!
-谢尔顿 你还得早起工作呢 -我知道
Well then bed mister!
Five more minutes!
You're going to risk getting sleepy in the middle of your
thermodynamic fluctuations seminar?
You know what happens when you yawn in public.
Everyone will see my oddly shaped uvula.
You don't want that do you?
But it's a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated.
Who was at the door?
Uh building manager.
They have to fix a pipe
so the water'll be off tomorrow from noon to 2:00.
We're supposed to be given written notice.
Well no it doesn't matter-- we'll be at work.
What if I spill tomato soup on my shirt
and have to come home to change
only to find there's no water for an enzyme soak?
Bifurcated uvula Sheldon!
I'll have the chicken noodle. Good night!
We're going to have to be very quiet.
I know how to get the bucket!
I can turn the axe around
and use the handle to reach it.
"You are in a forest."
"You are in a forest."
"You are in a forest." Oh dear I believe I'm lost.
你还是身处森林 天呐 我想我迷路了
Well I'll just have to get a fresh start tomorrow.
No no no! You just took a wrong turn.
You just need to map it out.
Come on I'll help you.
So you stopped at the stream and you turned north three times?
You're right. You're lost. Good luck.
你说对了 你是迷路了 祝你好运
I don't know. When I'm in bed with a girl it's just--
it's my go-to response.
It's 6:00. I have to get back to Raj's
before he wakes up and realizes I'm gone.
I wish you could stay in L.A. a while longer.
You know I was thinking
there are some great research facilities in India.
Where are you going with this Leonard?
Well I'm just saying you know I don't have any real ties here
so if I were to move to New Delhi we could you know--
我也可以搬去新德里[印度城市] 我们可以一起 你懂得
Leonard didn't we have this conversation five years ago?
Well yes but...
things have changed.
You know you're older I'm older--
Look no more superhero bed sheets.
just because we have fun when I come to town doesn't mean
I want to have a serious relationship.
- It doesn't? - Mm-mm.
And besides I could never bring a white boy home to my parents.
They'd have a cow.
Which is a much bigger deal in India.
I'm not that white.
My great-great-grandmother was half Cherokee.
I know that's not the right kind of Indian but it is something.
I heard a woman laughing.
Oh uh yeah. I was trying to see if I could laugh as a woman.
Oh! Well good job. Quite convincing.
哦 那做的不错啊 很真实啊
And is that lipstick on your cheek and neck?
Rash. That's a bad rash.
I'm no stranger to the crimson scourge that is dermatitis.
Can I interest you in a topical steroid
from my lotion and unguent collection?
Uh yeah yeah that sounds great.
好啊 好啊 这主意不错
Very well. I'm sure I can find something
that will help you ditch that itch.
Okay he's in the bathroom. Let's go.
好了 他去洗手间了 我们走
Do you prefer ointment or cream?
With or without a numbing agent?
There are no heroes when it comes to dermatitis.
Prescription or non-prescription strength?
Use your best judgment.
Well I think I have a nice 2009 AnaMantle HC.
It's usually indicated for acutely inflamed hemorrhoids
but it also goes nicely with non-mucosal body parts.
Okay hurry hurry hurry.
好了 快点 快点 快点
Come on come on come on.
快走 快走 快走
Good morning Sheldon.
For shame Leonard for shame.
羞耻呀 莱纳德 羞耻
And to think I was ready to waste
the last of my good hemorrhoid cream on you.
Making pretty good time huh?
Is that really what you want to talk about Leonard?
What do you want to talk about?
Please don't tell anyone
I spent the night with Raj's sister.
What if someone asks?
No one's going to ask if I spent the night with Raj's sister.
Perhaps but they might ask me something else.
- Like what? - Like
"Has Leonard betrayed any of his friends recently?"
Priya and I are both adults.
I didn't betray Raj.
In fact you did but I was referring to Howard.
What are you talking about?
April 12 2005.
Bob's Big Boy Toluca Lake.
Raj had just introduced us to Priya for the first time.
She was enjoying the sweet taste of Hindu rebellion
in the form of a Bob's Super Big Boy hamburger.
In order to preserve your friendship
you and Howard made a pinky swear
that neither of you would attempt to woo her.
I had a patty melt.
Okay fine I betrayed Howard.
- And Raj. - All right and Raj.
-还有拉杰 -好的 还有拉杰
Violation of the Roommate Agreement's
overnight guest notification clause.
Okay fine I-I'm a horrible human being.
I'm the Darth Vader of Pasadena.
You're far too short to be Darth Vader.
At best you might be a turncoat Ewok.
My point is: Priya's gone and it would be much better
if no one else found out about us.
You mean you want me to keep a secret?
You know I can't keep a secret.
You can if you try.
Think about it this way:
um if I were Batman and you were Alfred
you'd keep that secret right?
Why do you get to be Batman?
Because Batman has the secret.
Alfred has secrets too.
- Like what? - Alfred knows
that Barbara Gordon is Batgirl.
Which I've now just told to Batman.
See I cannot keep a secret.
Kind of busy here Sheldon.
I know that's why I shortened it.
I came to go over your alibi for last night.
You've asked me to lie on your behalf and as you know
I am deeply uncomfortable with impromptu dishonesty
so I've provided you with an ironclad alibi.
You couldn't have spent last night with Priya
because you were with another woman.
Oh I'm so sure I'm gonna regret this
but who was I with?
The fun-loving and morally loose Miss Maggie McGarry.
You met her at Pasadena's most popular
Irish watering hole Lucky Baldwin's
where Maggie spends her nights tending bar
with a head full of curls and a heart full of dreams.
"Leonard call me if you are interested in coitus.
Sincerely Maggie McGarry."
And if anyone were
to actually call that number they will hear this.
Top of the morning to you.
You've reached Maggie McGarry.
Leave a message after the wee little beep.
It's pretty convincing huh?
That wasn't even a real person.
And here is the clincher:
a lock of Maggie's flaming auburn hair.
Where'd you get that?
From an orangutan in the primate lab.
Well no one's going to run a DNA test on it Leonard.
Honestly you overthink everything.
Sheldon I don't need an alibi.
Nobody's going to ask about last night
as long as you just zip your lip.
Now don't worry everything is going to be fine.
Hey Leonard will you please tell Howard
my sister has never been attracted to him?
how am I supposed to know
who she is attracted to or was attracted to
or who she might be attracted to in the future?
And I have nothing to contribute
to this conversation.
Because I too know absolutely nothing
about Priya's preferences in male companionship.
And with that I will re-zip my lip.
Hey so what did you guys think
of the new episode of Caprica last night?
What were you doing?
What on Caprica night?
Yeah I uh went for a drink.
Where w-where'd you go?
Oh I've heard of that place.
Isn't that Pasadena's favorite Irish watering hole?
anyone interesting there
perhaps a promiscuous redheaded barmaid?
As a matter of fact... I-I-I-I-I can't I can't
Sure you can you're doing fine it's very believable.
你当然可以 你做得很好 相当令人信服
I'm sorry Raj but the truth is
我很抱歉 拉杰 但事实上
I was with Priya last night.
Don't listen to him.
He's still light-headed from all the Irish whiskey
and pickled eggs in his system.
What were you doing with Priya?
I believe they engaged in coitus
but more importantly
if Leonard had not abandoned his story
would you have found it plausible?
You slept with my sister?!
How could you? We had a pact.
Excuse me I think "How could you? She's my sister"
不好意思 我认为"你情何以堪 她可是我妹妹"
takes precedence over a five-year-old pinky swear.
in a parallel universe your friends are saying
"Maggie McGarry-- she sounds lovely."
Look I-I admit it I may have crossed a line here
听着 我承认 我是越线了
but come on Raj your sister is a grown woman
但是拉杰 得了 你妹妹都成年了
and to her I'm a forbidden piece of white chocolate.
I don't believe it.
This is a terrible betrayal of my trust.
No w-w-would it help if I told you
that I offered her my heart and she kind of stomped on it?
How hard did she stomp?
I just want to say that I'd never betray your trust.
Unlike Leonard I respect you.
Was it out of respect that you didn't tell Raj
about the time you dropped his iPhone in a urinal?
Dude I put that thing on my face!
I think a more amusing violation of Raj's trust
is when Howard convinced him that foreigners give presents
to Americans on Thanksgiving.
Hey I didn't see you giving back
your Snoopy snow cone maker.
That was all a lie?
This year's gifts are already wrapped.
And as long as we're talking about betraying our friends
how about the month Sheldon spent grinding up insects
and mixing them into Leonard's food?
That was not a betrayal.
That was an experiment to determine
at what concentration food starts tasting "mothy."
You put moths in my food?!
I can't believe you kissed my sister with moth mouth.
Well I can't believe you used Sheldon's toothbrush.
You used my toothbrush?
Not the brush part just the little rubber thing
to pick food from my teeth and massage my gums.
Okay I-I think it's safe to say
that we've all done some things
we're not particularly proud of.
But come on we're friends.
Friends overlook each other's minor lapses.
For the record Howard I'm sorry that I broke our pact.
所以 霍华德 我很抱歉背叛了我们的约定
And I'm sorry about your phone
And while we're at it
you don't have to wash our clothes on the Fourth of July.
As long as we're apologizing
Sheldon I'm I'm sorry I used your toothbrush.
And I'm sorry...
but that behavior is beyond the pale
and cannot be tolerated.
We are no longer friends.
I got you a talking Thomas the Tank Engine for Thanksgiving.
With real puffing smoke?
But I'm watching you.
Hey you've got Snoopy out.
Can I have a snow cone?
This is pretty good.
What flavor is this?
- Guava? - You're so close.
What are you doing?!
You said you liked it.