"The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door.
通往地下城的入口是一道布满苔藓的大门
"You manage to open it only to find yourself
你设法打开门 结果发现自己
"Face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling,
面对着一个丑陋恶臭
moss-covered ogre."
布满苔藓的食人魔
I say, "Hey, Ma, what's for dinner?"
我会跟他说"老妈 今晚吃点啥呢"
The ogre is amused by your joke and allows you to pass.
食人魔被你的玩笑打动 允许你进入了
By the by, I liked it, too.
顺便说一句 我也喜欢
How go the wedding plans, Howard?
婚礼筹备得如何了 霍华德
Great. We spent five hours last night
很好啊 我们昨晚花了五小时
at Macy's registering for gifts.
在梅西百货挑选礼物
Looks like I'm finally going to have
看上去我终于能够品尝到
that darling little earthenware asparagus dish I've always wanted.
我那梦寐以求的小巧可爱的陶盘芦笋菜肴了
See, this is the good thing
看吧 这就是
about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away.
女友远在天边的好处了
I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
我起码可以在晚上为所欲为
You mean like playing nerd games with us
你指的是跟我们玩完书呆子游戏后
and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
再去冲个可疑的长时间热水澡吗
We enter the dungeon.
我们进入了地下城
Really? So we're playing Dungeons & Dragons
不是吧 我们玩的这叫《龙与地下城》
and we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon?
然后进入地下城就看见一条龙
Isn't that a little on the nose?
不觉得有点太直接了吗
When you play Chutes and Ladders, do you complain
当你玩梯子滑道游戏时 你抱怨过
about all the chutes and all the ladders?
所有的滑道和梯子吗
Are you gonna eat that whole pie?
你要把整个馅饼都吃了吗
Who do I have in my life to watch my figure for?
我的人生又有谁值得去为之奋斗呢
Oh, God, did you watch Bridget Jones again?
天哪 你是不是又看了一遍《BJ单身日记》
No, it's just that everybody's got someone.
不是啊 因为大家都有了归属
Sheldon's with Amy, Howard's getting married,
谢尔顿和艾米在一起 霍华德要结婚了
you're dating my sister.
你在跟我妹妹约会
Now that Howard's getting married,
既然霍华德要结婚了
maybe he'll inflate one of his old girlfriends for you.
他可能会在众多充气娃娃中 挑一个前女友送你
You know who I blame for my loneliness?
你知道我的孤独是谁的错吗
The United States of America.
就是美利坚合众国
Your movies and your TV shows promised streets paved
你们的电影和电视剧承诺这里的街道
with beautiful blonde women with big bazongas.
满是漂亮的金发巨乳美女
Eat another pie, you'll have your own bazongas.
再吃个馅饼 你就能拥有自己的巨乳了
You know it goes straight to my hips.
你知道我的肥肉只会长在屁股上
Gentlemen, please focus.
先生们 请专心点
You're facing a fire-breathing dragon.
你们现在面对着一条喷火龙
I don't know if I want to play anymore.
我不想玩下去了
Because you don't have a girlfriend?
就因为你没有女朋友吗
Well, good Lord,
我的亲娘七舅老爷
if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons & Dragons,
如果因为这就不玩《龙与地下城》
this game's in serious trouble.
那这游戏算走到头了
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 翻译制作更多美剧原创翻译 请登陆 www.YYeTs.net
Now, I assume we use this same wax later on
等会儿我们还用这些蜡剂
to neaten up each other's bikini regions.
来互相清理我们的比基尼部位
Yeah, my bikini region is fine.
我的比基尼部位很干净
Who's shocked? I'm not.
谁震惊到了 我没有
So, Bernadette, how's the wedding planning going?
伯纳黛特 婚礼筹划得怎样了
And I'm not asking as a prospective bridesmaid.
我这么问可不是想成为伴娘候选人哦
Pick me! Pick me!
快选我吧 选我吧
We went cake-tasting yesterday.
我们昨天去试吃婚宴蛋糕了
He cried and ate half the samples.
他痛哭流涕 还吃掉一半的蛋糕样品
Oh, the poor guy's so lonely.
那可怜的家伙太孤独了
We should set him up with someone.
我们应该给他找个伴儿
You know, I met a really cute girl at work.
我工作时遇到了个可爱的女孩儿
She's married to a guy in one of our drug trials.
她嫁给了我们那儿一位药品临床试验者
Yeah, but her husband is in
是啊 但她老公目前
serious congestive heart failure,
处于充血性心脏衰竭状态
安慰剂:并不能使病人得到有效治疗,但却"预料"或"相信"治疗有效,而让病患症状得到舒缓
and a little birdie told me he's in the placebo group.
据称 他现在已经被安排到安慰剂组了
Okay, so future grief-stricken widow
好吧 未来又多一位悲伤的寡妇
is the one to beat.
亟待他人的抚慰了
Are we ready to order?
我们准备点菜了吗
I'm conducting an experiment.
我现在正在做一个实验
With Dungeons & Dragons dice?
用《龙与地下城》的骰子吗
Yes. From here on in, I've decided
是的 从这刻起 我决定
to make all trivial decisions with a throw of the dice,
以后不重要的决定都通过掷骰子决定
thus freeing up my mind
这样可以为我的头脑腾出时间
do what it does best-- enlighten and amaze.
做它最擅长的事儿:启迪思维 震惊世界
Page 14, item seven.
第14页 第7条
So, what's for dinner?
那么我们到底吃什么
A side of corn succotash.
一份豆煮玉米
Um, Howard, can I see you for a minute, please?
霍华德 我能找你有点事儿吗
I don't want to show any more of your friends
我不想再给你的朋友们表演
how I can fit in the booster seats.
我是如何坐进幼儿加高座椅里了
Uh, no, that's not it. Just come with me, please.
额 不是让你做这个 请跟我来吧
Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with.
我们看看喝点什么来配豆煮玉米
A pitcher of margaritas.
一大壶玛格丽特鸡尾酒
Do you really want that?
你真想这样吗
That's the great thing.
这才是最精彩的地方
It doesn't matter.
选什么无所谓
My mind is freed up to think about more important things.
我的头脑能够有更多时间思考更重要的事情
What's it thinking about now?
那你的头脑现在想什么呢
Hamburgers and lemonade.
汉堡和柠檬水
Um, Raj, there's someone I want you to meet.
拉杰 我这有个朋友想介绍给你认识
This is my friend Emily. I know her from my spin class.
这是我的朋友艾米丽 我在健身课上认识的
Raj, relax. She can't hear you. She's deaf.
拉杰 淡定 她听不见你说什么 她是聋人
Emily, this is our friend Raj.
艾米丽 这是我们的朋友拉杰
Look at you guys just hitting it off.
看你俩多合得来呀
She says, "it's nice to meet you""
她说"很高兴认识你"
Does she really mean that
她是认真的
or was she signing it sarcastically?
还是在损我呀
Raj says it's nice to meet you, too.
拉杰说他也很高兴认识你
She says she has to go back to her family,
她说她得回去陪家人了
but Penny has her number if you want
但你若想发短信给她 约她出来聚聚的话
to text her and get together.
你可以找佩妮要她的电话
Okay, I'm going to play it cool.
好吧 我决定扮酷
Tell her, "Maybe. Whatever, babe."
跟她说"再说吧 到时候再看 宝贝儿"
Look at that. I have a date.
瞧瞧 我有约会了
I love America again.
我又开始热爱美国了
And now for dessert...
现在到甜点了
Come on, hot fudge sundae, come on, hot fudge sundae.
拜托 朱古力新地 我要朱古力新地
Bam! That's what I'm talking about!
哦耶 这就对了
Okay, as soon as she gets here,
好吧 等她一到
so she knows I'm cool with it,
既然她知道我很淡定
I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf.
所以我要就她的耳聋开个玩笑
I was thinking, "Hey, did you hear the one about...?
比如说 嘿 你听说过那个什么没有
Oh, no, I bet you didn't."
对哦 我忘了你听不见了
Maybe we should revisit your lonely fat guy plan.
你还是老老实实当回你的单身肥男好了
She says she's sorry she's late.
她说她很抱歉来迟了
Tell her it doesn't matter.
跟她说没关系
Tell her, her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies
跟她说她的眼睛就像是天女宫
in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens.
湖中乳白色百合一样闪烁
That's the first thing you want to say?
你一上来就要说这句话吗
I worked on it all night. Use it.
我想了整晚了 就这么说
Look, I don't know the sign for opalescent.
我不知道"乳白色"的手语
I don't know how to spell it.
我不会拼
You're blowing this for me!
你就非要给我搞砸了
He likes your eyes.
他喜欢你的眼睛
You're making me sound like a caveman.
这下好了 我听上去就像是个山顶洞人
She says, "Thank you. You have nice eyes, too."
她说 "谢谢 你的眼睛也很漂亮"
Really? Ask her how many children she wants,
真的吗 问她想要几个孩子
and whatever number she says, say, "Me, too."
不管她说多少 你就说"我也是"
Fine. Tell her I have a deep, sexy voice
好吧 那就跟她说 我的声音低沉性感
like James Earl Jones.
就像詹姆斯·厄尔·琼斯一样
She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like.
她哪知道詹姆斯·厄尔·琼斯的声音什么样啊
Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.
正好 那她就不会知道我在骗人了
Let's see, what else can I tell you about me
让我想想 我还能跟你说点我的什么
that would make you like me?
来让你喜欢我呢
Do you love music?
你喜欢音乐吗
You really want to ask her that?
你真的要问她这个吗
You're right. Everyone loves music.
也对 是人都热爱音乐啦
She says, "Do you play an instrument?"
她问 "你会弹奏乐器吗"
but when I was six years old,
但是我六岁的时候
I tried to start a boy band called
曾经想要成立一个男生乐队
Frankie Goes to Bollywood.
叫"法兰基到宝莱坞"
模仿Frankie Goes To Hollywood英国老牌乐队
But I couldn't get any other boys to join,
但是我找不到其他男生肯跟我组队
so my parents asked the servants
于是我父母就只好叫我家的仆人
to be my backup dancers.
来做我的候补舞者
Wait, when you sign "servants",
等一下 你比划"仆人"的时候
don't sign it like I'm bragging.
别比划得好像我在炫耀一样
Sign it in a way that I sound humble
要比划成我很谦虚
with just a hint of "That's right, I had servants."
同时又透露出"没错 我有仆人"那种感觉
Do you hear yourself?
天啊 你还真是满嘴胡话呀
Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.
怕啥 反正她又听不见 快比划呀 长臂猿
I think I wrote a letter to Santa Claus every day.
我每天都给圣诞老人写一封信
And then on Christmas morning,
终于到了圣诞节的早上
under the tree is a little puppy
我在圣诞树下找到一只
with a red ribbon.
系着红缎带的小狗
Texting Bernadette that I'm gonna be late.
给伯纳黛特发短信 告诉她我今晚要晚点回去
Dude, what is she saying?
哥们儿 她说什么呢
It's a funny story about a puppy.
她在讲一个关于狗狗的搞笑故事
Just smile and laugh.
你就跟着笑就对了
- Quick, quick, stop smiling. - What? Why?
-好了 好了 不要笑了 -怎么了
The puppy died -- it choked on a doll head.
小狗后来死掉了 它吞了一个娃娃的头
Sad face, sad face!
表情悲哀 表情悲哀
It's a little hard to see with the city lights,
在城市闪耀的灯火下有点看不清楚
but that W-shaped constellation is Cassiopeia.
但是那个W形状的星座就是仙后座
And she was the mother of Andromeda who's over there.
旁边的是仙女座 也就是仙后座的女儿
Look, pretty stars.
看呀 一闪一闪亮晶晶
She hopes she can see you again sometime.
她希望下次能再见你
Does she want me to kiss her or not?
她想不想让我吻她
I speak sign language, I don't read minds.
我只会打手语而已 又不会读心术
If you were me, would you kiss her?
如果你是我的话 你会不会吻她
Yeah, but I'm a make out king.
会 但哥是调情高手呀
I was so smooth on that date.
哥真是太会泡妞了
You? I made you smooth.
就你 是我帮你泡的好不好
You were an idiot.
你就是个蠢货
Whatever, dude. She kissed me.
随便你咋说 反正她亲的是我
It might've been on your lips,
也许她亲的是你的嘴唇
but it was my kiss.
但其实她亲的是我
Oh, fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us.
好吧 那就当她亲了我们两个
Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon.
小胡子不错啊 谢尔顿
Don't thank me. Thank the dice.
别夸我 夸骰子吧
They told me what percentage of my face to shave.
骰子告诉我该刮多少比例的胡子
Why are you still doing this?
你怎么还在搞这个
Because it's working.
因为这很有用
In the past few weeks,
这几周
unburdened by trivial decisions,
因为不用做琐碎的决定
I've co-authored two papers
我已经和别人合作在著名
in notable peer-reviewed journals,
同行评审期刊上发表了两篇论文
and I'm close to figuring out why
我也就快搞清楚
the Large Hadron Collider has yet
大型强子对撞机
to isolate the Higgs boson particle.
是如何分离出希格斯玻色子的
You left out, got chafed testicles
还有个你没提 你蛋蛋擦破了
because you no longer wear underpants.
就因为骰子告诉你不用再穿内裤了
The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.
成也骰子 败也骰子
Is Raj out with Emily again?
拉杰又和艾米丽出去了吗
Yeah, every night for the last month.
嗯 这个月来每晚都出去
Wow, can't believe he has a girlfriend.
真难以置信他有女朋友了
Here's some other fun news on the Raj/Emily front.
我来爆点杰丽恋的料吧
He gave her a pair of diamond earrings and leased her a car.
他送了她一对钻石耳环 还给她租了一辆车
You think she's taking advantage of him?
你觉得她在占他便宜吗
She wouldn't do something like that.
她不会做这种事
聋女就不会是拜金女吗NDeaf women can't be gold diggers?
Handicapped people are nice, Leonard.
残疾人都人很好 莱纳德
Everyone knows that.
地球人都知道
Yeah, I actually have information about Raj
我知道一些关于拉杰的事
that would be helpful with this discussion.
也许对你们的讨论有帮助
Could you tell us?
你能告诉我们吗
Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
两点 不好意思了
Doubles. Roll again.
双人赛 再掷一次
It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts,
他给她买再多礼物也无所谓
because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy.
因为库萨帕里家超有钱
What do you mean "Vastly wealthy"?
你说超有钱是什么意思
Well, "Wealthy" Means a lot of money.
有钱就是指有很多钱
"Vastly" Means even more.
加上个超就是有很多很多钱
I'm not sure what's tripping you up.
这有什么听不懂的啊
Look, I know they have money. I don't think it's that much.
听着 我知道他们有钱 但没这么有钱吧
As you know, a few years ago, I achieved one of
几年前 我实现了其中一个小梦想
my lesser dreams and became a notary public.
做了一名公证人
Well, from time to time,
时不时地
I notarize banking documents for Raj.
我要替拉杰公证一下账户记录
The Koothrappalis aren't just rich, they're Richie Rich rich.
库萨帕里家不仅是有钱 而是超超超有钱
Well, so how much is that?
那是有多有钱
前者是蝙蝠侠 超有钱后者是《圣诞欢歌》主人公 超有钱也超小气
About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.
差不多介于布鲁斯·韦恩和斯克鲁奇之间
The last time we went to the zoo,
我们上次去动物园
that son of a bitch made me buy him a churro.
那丫的还让我给他买西班牙油条
Listen, guys, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude,
听着 伙计们 不好意思 我也不想这么无礼
but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much.
但我得打个电话给拉杰的妹妹 我超爱的那个
Okay, so he's got money, and it's a few gifts and a car.
好吧 他是很有钱 买了很多礼物...还有车
And she got him to pay off all her credit cards.
她还让他付了她所有的信用卡账单
What? He paid off her credit cards?
啥 他还帮她付信用卡账单
Damn it, I could've dated Raj for a couple months.
我靠 我怎么就没和拉杰约会几个月呢
But I-I wouldn't have, because I'm not that kind of girl.
好吧 我不会这样 我不是这种人
We should really talk to Raj.
我们得和拉杰谈谈
He's not going to listen, he's in love.
他听不进的 他坠入了爱河
Can't figure out what to do?
不知道该怎么办吗
I remember those days.
我也有过这种日子
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to...
而现在 请原谅 我不得不...
Yeah, this is a bad idea.
这个主意太烂了
- We should go. - No.
-我们还是走吧 -不
I'm the one that introduced him to her.
是我介绍她给拉杰的
I've got to say something.
我得说点什么
You're engaged to my friend.
你和我朋友订婚了
Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind where I get my motor running,
伯纳黛特又不介意我在哪儿变得性致勃勃
as long as I park in the right garage.
只要别出轨 意淫也无妨
I can't believe you're engaged to my friend.
你居然和我朋友订婚了
Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick can't hear you.
真聪明啊 小声说 让那聋女听不见
Um, can we talk to you about Raj?
我能和你谈谈拉杰吗
She says, "Sure, what about him""
她说 当然 他怎么了
Okay, um, gosh, how do I start?
好吧 哎 我该怎么说呢
Um, see, Raj is kind of naive.
那个 拉杰其实蛮天真的
I mean, he hasn't dated a whole lot of women.
我是说 他没怎么和女人约会过
And I'm concerned that, without meaning to,
而我只是有点担心 没别的意思
you might be taking advantage of him.
你会不会可能在利用他
You know, by letting him buy you a bunch of expensive things.
比如 让他给你买了很多奢侈品
- Tell her what I'm saying. - Right.
-告诉她我说了什么 -好
Are you a gold digger or not?
你是拜金女在找冤大头吗
Oh, uh, something, something,
此处省略不礼貌用语[以下something=fucking]
who the something do you think you are?
你他妈以为你是谁
Mind your own something business
我的事关你屁事
and go something yourself.
滚你妹的
Wait, I got this now.
好吧 我总算懂了
I'm so mad at you!
我非常生你的气
How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym!
你怎么敢在健身房偷袭我女朋友
We didn't mean for it to be an ambush.
我们不是想偷袭她的
Just, it's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people.
只是对聋子 想不偷袭都不可能
And hey, since when are you so chatty?
你什么时候这么健谈了
This girl is trouble.
她是个大麻烦
I mean, what kind of relationship is it
你们这算哪门子关系
where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex?
你送礼物给她 她用性爱做回礼
The best one I ever had!
那是我收过最好的回礼
You know you can do better.
你知道的 你还有更好选择
I see what's going on here.
我知道怎么回事了
You and I had our crazy night together,
你我共度了疯狂一夜
and now you can't stand to see me with another woman.
现在你受不了我和别的女人在一起了
I can't get mad at your feelings.
我不会因为你吃醋而生气的
I don't have feelings.
我才没有吃醋呢
Keep telling yourself that.
继续自欺欺人吧
He is cuter now that I know he's rich.
自从知道他是有钱人 他可爱多了
I have a surprise for you.
我有个惊喜送给你
It's a real ruby.
是天然红宝石的
It was a little expensive,
有点贵
but no one can put a price on love.
不过真爱是无价的
Although, the people at Cartier took a pretty good shot at it.
虽然卡地亚公司让真爱变得好昂贵
What a nice surprise.
真是意外之喜
No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise.
不 不是意外之喜 是意外之怒
Penny called us.
佩妮打电话给我们了
She told us you're spending all our money
她告诉我们 你把我们的钱
on your new girlfriend.
都挥霍在新女友身上了
I just got her a couple of things.
我只送了她几件东西
She gives me things, too.
她也有回礼呀
Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynecologist.
是 我是妇科医生
I know exactly what she gives you.
非常清楚她回的什么礼给你
You need to find a nice Indian girl from a good family.
你得找个门当户对的印度姑娘
If you keep seeing this woman, you're cut off.
你要是继续跟她好 就拿不到我们的钱
What? You're going to make me choose between the woman I love
什么 你们让我在深爱的女人
and the money I... have very strong feelings for?
和强烈吸引我的金钱之间做抉择
Well, I choose love.
好吧 我选爱情
Love doesn't last.
爱情好比昙花一现
Well, he's going to find out eventually.
他最终会发现的
My parents are making me choose between money and you.
我父母让我在钱和你之间作选择
No, I think we'll have to return the car.
不 那车得退回去
And that necklace, yeah, that, too.
那项链 也得退
But none of those things matter,
但那些都不重要
because we have something better.
因为我们有更好的
Oh, Penny, I hurt so bad.
佩妮 我心都碎了
Sometimes I put the TV on mute
有时候我会把电视静音
just to pretend she's still with me.
就为了假装她还和我在一起
But I can't watch the closed captioning without crying.
但我一看那隐藏字幕 就忍不住哭
I wish I could make you feel better.
真希望能让你心情好点
I'm heartbroken and you're hitting on me?
我心都碎了 你还要勾引我
Look, Penny, you're great,
佩妮 你是个好人[著名的好人卡]
but I had a long talk with my parents,
但我跟父母长谈了一番
and they said if I date an Indian girl,
他们说只要我跟印度女孩约会
I get a Maserati.
就送我辆玛莎拉蒂
you're just as good as a woman,
你跟女人一样美味
even though I can't have sex with you.
即便我不能跟你上床
Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds.
放微波炉里热几秒再试试[然后再捅进去]
Should I use the rest room or wait until we get home?
我该现在上厕所呢 还是等回家再上
Come on, papa needs to void his bladder.
小乖乖 爸爸需要排空膀胱
Oh, that's not what you want to see after three buttermilks.
喝了三杯酸奶之后 可不想看到这结果
Here you go, boys.
账单来了 各位
I'll pick it up when you're ready.
把钱准备好了 我再过来
Thanks for dinner, buddy.
谢谢请客 兄弟
Yeah, real big of you.
是啊 你真是大方
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
快点 快点 快点
Oh, and don't cheap out on the tip.
小费可不准少给了啊
We all know you're loaded now.
我们都知道你是阔少