So what kind of cruise is this you're going on?
It's called the Born Again Boat Ride.
Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating--
five thorny crowns.
I do wish you'd come with me, Sheldon.
Well, Mom, if I did, it would be conclusive proof
that your God can work miracles.
You're missing out.
It's gonna be wall-to-wall fun.
There's Jonah and the Whale watching.
All-you-can-eat Last Supper Buffet.
And my personal favorite, Gunning with God.
What's Gunning with God? I'm afraid to ask.
Oh, it is a hoot and a half.
You write your sins on a clay pigeon,
they fire 'em up in the air,
and you pulverize them with a 12-gauge shotgun
full of our Lord's forgiveness.
Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see
老实说 妈妈 我很高兴看到
how advanced your group has become--
you are willing to sail out into the ocean
without fear of falling off the edge.
if Shelly was aboard, he'd write,
"Smart mouth" on his pigeon,
The Lord giveth and the Lord bloweth away.
Well, Mom, according to my itinerary for our weekend together,
- the fun begins with fried chicken. - Sounds delicious.
Good, 'cause I got you everything you need to make it.
You are in for a treat.
My mother's fried chicken
is why we had to buy my dad the extra large coffin.
Sheldon, she just got off the plane.
She doesn't want to cook.
Of course she does.
Making me food is her way of saying "I love you""
Making me food when she's too tired to cook
is her way of saying "I really love you."
Actually, I wouldn't mind going out for a bite, Sheldon.
Won't that spoil our appetites
for the chicken you're going to make me?
All right, that settles it, we're going out.
好了 就这么定了 我们出去吃
Do you like sushi? There's a great little place down the street.
I've never had it,
but there's no harm in trying something new.
There's a lot of harm in trying something new.
That's why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits.
Sheldon, you're talking like a crazy person.
Actually, I had him tested as a child.
Doctor says he's fine.
Although, I do regret not following up
with that specialist in Houston.
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I'm not happy about this.
What's the last thing you were ever happy about?
The prospect of fried chicken.
Back home, the diner on Route Four serves sushi,
but it's just cut up fish sticks
and a side of Uncle Ben's.
They put it on the menu in those kung fu letters,
but that don't make it sushi.
Uh, kung fu letters might not be politically correct.
ching chong:外国人模仿中国话发音 变相对亚洲人的种族诋毁的词语
Oh, I thought the one we couldn't say was "ching chong"
Yeah, yeah, that, too.
额 对 那个也不能说
what's up with you and your friend Amy,
if you don't mind a mother prying a bit?
Well, there's actually big news on the Amy front.
She's been studying
the neurobiology of addiction in lower animals.
She's this close to getting a starfish hooked on cocaine.
Do you have any idea what's going on with those two?
It's kind of like the Loch Ness monster.
Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't.
We'll probably never know.
But sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it.
How are you doing on the young lady front?
I hear you're in some sort of a long distance situation?
Yeah, it's Raj's sister.
It's kind of tough. She's in India.
Also, her parents aren't happy she's dating someone white.
Oh, that's a funny turn, isn't it?
You never think about it going the other way.
Well, you can't force things.
You need to figure out if you're in a relationship
or if you're just calling it one.
It's like they say--a cat can have kittens in the oven
but that don't make 'em biscuits.
And that reminds me of another saying.
You can lead a chicken to Crisco,
but you can't make your mother fry it.
Sheldon, you pester me one more time about chicken,
I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant.
Please pester her. Please, for me.
So, Mrs. Cooper, what did you think of the sushi?
The only thing that would have made it better
is if it was cooked
and if it was beef.
Sheldon, when is your landlord going to fix the elevator?
Lately we've been talking about
converting it into a missile silo.
Your son seems to think
we need to launch a preemptive strike on Burbank.
Get them before they get us.
Hey, look who decided to show up.
Raj, what are you doing?
I couldn't find you guys so I bought six new friends.
Three, sadly, are dead.
Mom, you remember Rajesh?
- Rajesh, my mother. - Of course.Mrs. Cooper.
-拉杰 这位是我妈妈 -当然记得 库珀夫人嘛
So nice to see you again.
Well, it's so nice to see you, too.
I thought it was our Indians
that had the occasional alcohol problem.
We don't say that, either.
I'll make you a list.
Oh, that would be mighty white of you.
So, Raj, what pain are you trying
to cover up with alcohol?
Nothing, I'm fine.
- Are ya? - No.
-是吗 -不 我不好
Now tell me what's bothering you.
Oh, yes, born alone, die alone.
当然了 孤单的出生 孤独的死去
It's a tragic human condition.
if you'll excuse my mother,
she's about to make a pecan pie
I'll almost forget how she blew it with the fried chicken.
Sheldon, your friend is hurtin'.
What do we do when someone's hurtin'?
Offer them a hot beverage.
And when they're drunk as a skunk,
what beverage do we offer?
And what do we do it with?
Now you listen to me.
I know you feel like you can't find someone,
but there's a lock for every key.
Back home, there's a girl works at the Wal-Mart.
Woman could hunt geese with a rake.
Thought she'd never find a man,
then one day, wouldn't ya know,
Harlem Globetrotters 哈林环球旅行者篮球队
Harlem Globetrotters come to town.
today that woman travels the world
with a semi-professional basketball player
and two beautiful mixed-race babies.
I didn't get a lot of that because of your accent,
but the general tone was soothing
and somehow I feel better.
I'm not going to get my pecan pie, am I?
You want some Oreos?
- Double Stuf? - No, regular.
-混合夹心的吗 -不是 普通的
Nice. Kick a man when he's down.
I'm glad we're finally getting to do something together,
- just the two of us. - Sure.
One thing you really miss when you're on vacation is laundry.
Careful, you're using too much Downey.
You know if my clothes get too soft it makes me sleepy.
Well, this takes me back.
Me doing your laundry, you next to me criticizing.
It is nice, isn't it?
Oh, hello, darlin'.
Sheldon, you didn't tell me your mom was coming.
It was in my weekly e-mail blast.
Right between "Beet season is finally here"
and "Uh-oh, red stool from beets leads to cancer scare."
So, how've you been?
I hear that Leonard has a new girlfriend.
How are you doing with all that?
Oh, fine. You know, it's been a while.
I'm getting back out there.
Let me ask you, when you get back out there,
are you wearing this?
Well, it's super cute on.
That top has paid for itself in free drinks
like ten times what it cost.
Yes, Penny has a lot of her money tied up in promiscuity futures.
Hon, you think maybe the reason
why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with
is because you're letting them ride the roller coaster
without buying a ticket?
Oh, they don't always get to ride the roller coaster.
Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.
Now I'm going out tonight.
Would it be crazy to ask you
to look at the outfit I'm going to wear?
Oh, not crazy at all.
And don't beat yourself up.
When I was your age, you could have me for a car ride
and a bottle of strawberry wine.
That will not be in this week's e-mail blast.
I get to go to the International Space Station.
Oh, my word, a trip to the heavens.
If you ever want to live there eternally,
I've got a good book you could read.
Thanks, but I watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special every year,
so I get the gist.
- I bet your mom is really proud of you. - Nope.
She says if I don't back out
she's going to go on a hunger strike.
It would take years before
she'd be in any kind of danger, but still.
I've got a treat for us tomorrow, Mom.
Saul Perlmutter 2011诺贝尔物理学家得主
to see Saul Perlmutter give a lecture
about his Nobel Prize-winning work in cosmology.
And the best part is,
at the Q and A afterward,
I've worked up a couple of "Q's"
that will stump his sorry "A."
I don't know, Shelly.
I thought we could do a little sightseeing.
What sight is better than your little boy
embarrassing a Nobel laureate?
Come on, Sheldon, we'll take your mom
别这样 谢尔顿 我们可以带你妈
to see the Hollywood sign,
the wax museum, the Walk of Fame.
Ooh, maybe a little Rodeo Drive.
Well, I can't spend $12,000 on a handbag,
but it's free to look upon those
who do with righteous condemnation.
I say you people need to stop ruining my mom's visit
with your sushi, and your sadness
and your slutty shirts.
He's not talking about your shirt. Your shirt is fine.
These are delicious.
The trick to pancakes is bacon grease.
I cook everything in it.
Everything? Aren't you worried about your health?
Oh, doctors are always changing their mind.
One week bacon grease is bad for you.
The next week we're not getting enough of it.
Good morning, Shelly.
Mom, I want to apologize for my behavior last night.
- Apology accepted. - Great.
Now, you're going to love the Perlmutter lecture.
Look, he will be stating that the universe is older than 6,000 years,
but I thought you could stick your fingers in your ears
and hum "Amazing Grace" during those parts.
I am still going out with your friends.
But I apologized.
And that was hard for me because I didn't do anything wrong.
Shelly, I hung out with you in enough dusty lecture halls
谢利 从小到大 那些枯燥无味的演讲
while you were growing up.
I want to go sightseeing.
So why don't you have some pancakes,
get dressed and come with us.
I'm not going, and you can't make me.
You're right, I can't. Have a nice day.
你说得对 我不能逼你 你自个儿玩得开心点
Well, I'm going to stand here until you change your mind.
Well, then you are going to stand there all day.
I'm just gonna take my bacon grease and slide over there.
I can't believe my own mother is abandoning me.
I am not abandoning you.
Sheldon, abandoning you is leaving you in a basket
谢尔顿 要抛弃你 我早把你放篮子里
on a church doorstep.
I am going to Hollywood and thank a wax Ronald Reagan
for his service to our country.
We appear to be at a crossroads in our relationship, Mother.
Well, I guess we are.
When you're at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum,
if they have an exhibit about a mother who threw away a chance
to spend the day with the world's most wonderful son,
believe it, because it's true.
That lecture was a waste of time.
I made more accurate diagrams
of the expansion of the early universe on the nursery wall
with the contents of my diaper.
Are you getting sick?
No, I'm just allergic to people
who get Nobel Prizes for no good reason.
Sheldon, is it possible that your foul mood--
or, to use the clinical term, bitchiness--
is because your mother isn't making you a priority?
No. Or to use the clinical term, "nuh-uh""
不是 或者用临床术语说 我呸
Are you sure? The infant-mother pair-bond
is the building block of primate psychology.
It always comes back to monkeys with you.
Just monkeys, monkeys, monkeys.
Sheldon, we're all animals.
And granted, there are aspects of you that are extraordinary,
but when it comes to emotions and relationships,
you're just like everybody else.
Are you trying to suggest that my emotional problems
are no different than those of a stupid person?
Actually, some research indicates
that by not overthinking,
the less intelligent handle emotions better.
Sure you're not coming down with a cold?
Oh, yes, the common cold.
Just like everyone else.
You'd love that, wouldn't you?
Oh, this one's sweet.
You know, for your rosary rattlers.
Mrs. Cooper, we say "Catholics" not "rosary rattlers".
库珀太太 那些是天主教徒 不是"拿着念珠念经的人"
My goodness, it's a wonder you people in California
can talk at all.
This is like the worst Hollywood tour ever.
What are we gonna do? She wanted to see churches.
Hey, they have wine here, don't they?
None of our gods have abs like that.
Yep, that's the last Jew who did sit-ups.
And look where it got him.
Hey, while we're here, why don't we all do some praying?
Let's put a little church in this church.
Oh, I'm not sure we should...
It's easy. I'll show you how.
Lord, Mary Cooper here.
Coming to you from Gomorrah, California.
I want to thank you
for the blessing that is my little Shelly.
I also want to thank you for the continued strength
not to coldcock him with my Bible.
All right, Penny, your turn.
好了 佩妮 到你了
Um, I'm good, but, uh,
it would be a big help to my family
if you could get my brother to stop cooking meth.
But no cops. Be cool.
She also goes a little overboard
on the "love thy neighbor" .
Could probably use that chat you had with Mary Magdalene.
Leonard, you're up.
Wasserman, you're on deck.
Okay. I don't know...
it's probably a little late to ask you to make me taller.
Oh, um...if you could help out with me and my girlfriend.
She's all the way in India. That would be great.
Hear that? Girl trouble.
Turns out we were both wrong on that front.
- How about you? - Oh, me?
No. Thanks, I'm good.
I'm really just trying not to burst into flames.
He says he's having trouble
dropping those last five pounds.
Huh, I might have gone with the talking-to-girls thing.
No, you only get one wish.
Look at the two of us.
Me, a highly regarded physicist.
The kind of mind that comes along once,
maybe twice in a generation.
You, the common man,
tired from your labors as a stockbroker,
or vacuum cleaner salesman, or bootblack.
But deep down inside...
apparently we're just two peas in a pod.
A regular pea,
and the kind of pea that comes along once,
maybe twice in a generation.
Another great equalizer.
Falling on the head of the brilliant
and the unremarkable alike.
Oh, Mrs. Cooper, it smells so good.
You take notes, darlin'.
The real way to get a man is with melted cheese
and cream of mushroom soup.
He'll die at 50 but his love will be true.
I need a tissue. This one got wet.
Thank you. Yeah, I've learned something today.
You and I, in so many ways,
other than intelligence and what counts,
- Sweetheart, are you sick? - I hope so.
-亲爱的 你生病了吗 -但愿如此
because if this is well, life isn't worth living.
Oh, sugarpie, you are burning up.
- We've got to get you to bed. - Okay.
Don't worry. Mama's here to take care of her baby.
And just to be clear, only her baby
and not these other people.
Can I have tea with honey
and toast with the crust cut off?
You can have whatever you want.
Thanks, Mom. You're the best.
Boy, last time I put VapoRub on you,
you didn't have hair on your chest.
I know, it filled in last year.
I didn't get to spend a lot of time with you on this visit.
And whose fault was that?
Shelly, you're not eight years old anymore.
We have to have a different relationship.
The one we have works great.
Sweetheart, you are a grown man.
Or maybe I'm part of a new species,
that lives for hundreds of years,
which means I'm still basically a toddler.
Oh, I so should have taken you to Houston.
Does this mean you're not going to sing "Soft Kitty"?
No, I will always sing you "Soft Kitty".
Soft kitty，warm kitty
Little ball of fur...
Mrs. Cooper, were we supposed to take that pie
- out of the oven? - Get out!
Well, that was rude.
Well, I know, but he means well.
Happy kitty,sleepy kitty
What are you trying to pull, Mom?
This is what I'm talking about.
Soft kitty，warm kitty
Little ball of fur...