You work the lunch shift?
Yeah. I've got eight pounds of salmon that's about to go bad.
Do you know how to cook it?
- Not really. - Damn it.
Should have liberated the iffy chicken.
What are you and Professor Fussyface up to tonight?
Star Wars on Blu-ray.
Haven't you seen that movie, like, a thousand times?
Only twice on Blu-ray.
I know, it's high-resolution sadness.
Well, I'm going to take myself out to a movie tonight.
Really? Do we do that?
You know, we haven't spent time alone together
since we broke up.
Oh, it's not a date, Leonard.
It's just a man and a woman hanging out,
not having sex at the end of the night.
Sounds like most of my dates.
Oh, dear Lord, get away from me, you monster!
老天呐 离我远点 你个怪物
What is that about?
Well, he's smart and crazy enough,
he may have actually created a monster.
Shoo, shoo! Be gone!
去 去 快走
What the hell is going on?
There's a bird outside the window, and he won't go away.
That is the hell that is going on.
We have no worms or seeds here.
Really? On top of everything else, you're afraid of birds?
不是吧 这世界那么险恶 你怕的却是小鸟
It's called ornithophobia.
And someday it will be recognized as a true disability,
and the landlord will be required by law
to put a giant net over the building.
Which is unfortunate, because I have a fear of nets.
So movies, yes or no?
Great. I'll see you later.
And remember, he's more afraid of you than you are of him.
That doesn't help.
No, I was talking to the bird.
Go away, bird. Go away, bird. Go away, bird.
小鸟快走 小鸟快走 小鸟快走
Sheldon, just ignore him.
Good idea. Attention is what birds want.
Oh, much better. All right.
啊 好多了 好
Now I'll just get along with my life.
Make a pot of tea, Leonard. It's going to be a long night.
泡壶茶 莱纳德 今晚要跟它抗争到底了
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The bird's still there?
Quick, what does a hawk sound like?
Please, that's a seagull.
If you're not going to help, don't help.
Sorry. Do you think I'm overdressed?
It depends on the activity.
For a prostate exam, yes.
If you're playing Vegas, I'd add sequins.
I'm going to the movies with Penny.
I don't want her to think that I think it's a date.
Do you think it's a date?
No, but she might think I think it's a date
even though I don't.
Or you might think she thinks you think it's a date
even though she doesn't.
- Are we overthinking this? - Not at all.
You're right. I'm fine. I'm wearing this.
你说得对 算了 我就这么穿吧
Really? A blazer? All right.
不是吧 西装? 好吧
This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue.
I'd like to report a dangerous wild animal.
I'm sorry, this is Animal Control.
I don't understand the laughter.
No, the bird is not in my home.
If he was in my home, I obviously would have called 911.
Sir, I have no doubt that there are things that you're frightened of.
Being stuck in a dead-end public service job.
Or your wife stepping out on you
because you're stuck in a dead-end public service job.
Don't you think I tried making cat noises?
For an audience with the queen, yes.
For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine
around a flaming trash can, you look great.
What am I thinking? Whiskers.
Oh, hey, if we hurry, we can make the new Jennifer Aniston movie.
There's also an amazing documentary
about building a dam on a river in South America.
Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston movie has Jennifer Aniston,
and she's not building a dam.
Can't argue with that.
- I'll get the tickets. - Okay.
Actually, you know what?
I think it's about time I picked a movie we see.
You pick plenty of movies.
No. You always picked,
and it was always the same.
An hour and a half of beach houses in the rain
until the woman turns around
and realizes love was here all along.
Come on, that is a great movie, and it starts in ten minutes.
拜托 那电影很棒 而且还有10分钟就开演了
I hate those movies.
- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.
The only reason I went is because you wanted to see them,
and I wanted to have sex.
To this day, I can't see a Sandra Bullock movie poster
without getting both bored and aroused.
Okay, so while we were going out,
how often would you pretend
to like things just to have sex with me?
Does this sound familiar?
I'd love to go shoe shopping with you.
Hiking? It's great.
It' 2 a.m., of course I want to go
to Korea Town and sing karaoke with your friends.
Okay, we were going out.
- You were going to get sex anyway. - Really?
You would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams?
No. No woman would.
See? Now, that's the great thing.
We're out as friends. This is not a date.
Sex is off the table.
So, let's go learn how hydroelectric power
might not be the environmental bargain you think it is.
Sorry. Spoiler alert.
Tickets are 11 bucks.
Come on, Sheldon, Star Wars.
快点 谢尔顿 来看《星球大战》
I'm pushing play. I mean it.
If we don't start soon,
George Lucas is going to change it again.
This would go a lot faster
if you put your trade school diploma to work
and helped me set up this high-frequency tone generator.
I have a Masters degree from M.I.T.
Yeah, but you've got a can-do attitude
and that's what's important.
I really don't get your problem with birds.
The question you should be asking is what is their problem with me?
My first memory: A hummingbird dive-bombing my stroller
to get at the apple juice in my sippy cup.
Hummingbirds are pretty.
Hummingbirds are the vampires of the flower world.
Still my first choice for an ankle tattoo.
Or a dolphin-- I go back and forth.
Age seven, a blood-thirsty chicken chases me up a tree.
Age 12, a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth.
Age 16, a parrot in a pet store calls me fat ass.
Yes, please. This is way better than the movie.
All right, Sheldon,
your bird death ray is ready.
It's not a death ray.
It's just a little ultrasonic blast to scare him off.
Trust me, if I had a death ray,
I wouldn't be living here.
I'd be in my lair enjoying the money
the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.
All right, and in three,
That is one tough birdie.
Come on, you enjoyed the movie.
I saw you tearing up when the village got flooded,
and everyone had to relocate.
No, I was thinking how come they get to leave and I can't.
I'm going to get some fries.
- Uh, no, thanks. - Are you sure?
-不 谢了 -你确定吗
You always say no, and then you eat half my fries.
I just eat the little crispy ones you don't like.
No, I love them. I save them for the end,
不 我超喜欢 我只是留到最后吃
but they're gone because you ate them.
And why did I let you eat them?
- To get sex. - Exactly.
But this is not a date.
So I ask again, would you like anything?
All right, I'd like an order of fries.
Great. That'll be five dollars.
I am having the best time.
I'm so glad you suggested we do this.
What you writing there?
It's about a guy whose roommate is having sex
and tells him to go to a bar and work on his screenplay.
"I Hope Alex Gets Crabs: The Movie."
It's a working title.
- I'm Kevin. - Oh. Penny.
I'll let you get back to your date.
Oh, no, no. This isn't a date, no.
不不 我们没在约会 完全不是
So have you written anything I might have seen?
That depends. How much time do you spend on Yelp?
This is ridiculous.
I'm a grown man from Texas.
This isn't a terrifying bird like a swan or a goose.
It's just a blue jay.
That's a pretty big blue jay.
Go! Shoo! Am-scray, ird-bay!
去去 死鸟 快走开
Bird in the apartment!
Bird in the apartment!
So it is an amazing documentary.
They need the electricity from the dam, but at the same time,
they want to preserve the environment.
You're kidding me.
Uh, can I see you for a sec over here?
Oh, yeah. Sure. Just one sec?
- I know what you're doing. - What am I doing?
You're going out of your way to talk to that guy
because I said we weren't on a date.
No, I'm talking to him because he's cute.
- Come on, he's not that cute. - Yes, he is.
-拜托 他哪有那么帅 -不 他就是很帅
With his dorky T-shirt and his little hipster glasses.
I wear dorky T-shirts and glasses.
Yes, but when you're tall and have great cheekbones,
you're doing it ironically.
If that's so, what if I start talking to a girl?
I'm serious. I'll do it.
Good! Go! There are some girls right over there.
去啊 快去啊 那边有好几个漂亮妹子
What are you waiting for?
They're in a group. I'm scared.
Sheldon, what do you expect us to do?
Biology is the study of living things.
That's a living thing; get cracking.
I specialize in microorganisms,
and Amy studies brains.
Yeah, neither of us minored in bird-shooing.
Your undergraduate work must have included
a varmints and critters class.
Come back in, Sheldon, he's not going to hurt you.
进来吧 谢尔顿 他不会伤害你的
He looks friendly.
I think he might be someone's pet.
No, Bernadette, don't be a hero!
不要 伯纳黛特 别逞英雄
Yes. It's very sweet.
Now, slowly and carefully,
好 现在慢慢地 小心地
flush him down the toilet.
Sheldon, the only way to get past this fear
is to interact with it.
Just like you did with the mailman.
Every year tens of people around the world are killed by birds.
I'm not going to be another statistic.
Look how sweet he is. Come over and say hi.
Oh, just pet the bird, you big baby!
I actually did it.
Okay, now flush him.
So, Leonard, what do you do for fun?
I'm... let's see.
Karaoke in Koreatown.
Any Jennifer Aniston movie.
Hey. Sorry I ditched you.
- No, it's fine. You can ditch away. - Oh, no, no.
-没事没事 你去忙你的吧 -没事 不忙了
We said we were going to hang out, let's hang out.
It's cool. Go back to Kevin.
So now that he's gone, you want to hang out with me.
- This must be Penny. - Yep.
I totally get it.
Huh? I'm sorry, get what?
Don't worry about it. You know, there's some guys over there.
You should go talk to them.
No, no. I want to know what you told her.
That's kind of between me and...
- Laura. - Laura.
So while he was telling you things,did he mention he owns,
not one, but two Star Trek uniforms?
- Really? - Yeah. Wears them.
-真的吗 -真的 还经常穿
Not just for Halloween.
You didn't see me telling Kevin that
you thought cold wars were only fought in winter.
Okay. Then I'll return the favor, and I won't tell...
好吧 那我就还你人情 不告诉...
- Laura. ... - Laura
that half the dirty movies you own are animated.
When you were telling Kevin about your acting career,
did you mention your long-running role as "Waitress"
in a local production of The Cheese Factory?
Did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler?
Oh, yeah? Spell "asthma."
Maybe I'm not done hanging out with...
You're right, it's getting late.
All that time spent in fear.
I just realized I haven't offered you a beverage.
Oh, it's just like my grandma with her parrot.
And after she lost her marbles with her remote control.
My phone's on the desk over there.
Take a picture of us together.
Make it good enough to go on a mug, a mouse pad, and a calendar.
拍好点 我要贴上马克杯 鼠标垫和日历
If you were a dove, I'd call you Lovey-Dovey.
Oh. Who am I kidding?
This isn't a moment for strict adherence to the literal.
You're just my little Lovey-Dovey, aren't you?
Guess you gotta have hollow bones
to get some sugar around here.
I still think he looks like someone's pet.
Maybe we should put up posters.
Yes. It should have a big picture of him,
and the words, "Is this your bird? Not anymore."
We're going to have so much fun together.
You can carry messages to all my enemies.
I can tie a string to your leg and fly you like a kite.
If you're keeping him, I've got a cage you can borrow.
One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel
and broke his neck.
It was both tragic and hysterical.
No. Lovey-Dovey doesn't sleep in a cage.
No. Lovey-Dovey sleeps in his very own nest,
which I'm going to get off the windowsill and put in my room.
Isn't that right, LD?
Where are you going?
Come back, Lovey-Dovey!
This is your home now!
I already ordered 20 pounds of bird feed off of Amazon!
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
How could he do this to me?
Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you!
回来 笨鸟 不然我的爱给谁去
Okay. So... we went out,
saw a movie, met some nice people,
said horrible things about each other in public...
all in all, a pretty magical night.
Okay, I'm not innocent in all this,
but you basically called me stupid, you asthmatic dumbass.
I know, I-I-I crossed a line.
No, no, no, hang on. I really mean it.
别走 等等 我是真的很抱歉
And it's not like when we were going out,
I'd just apologize for everything so we could end up in bed.
This is a 100% sex-is-off-the-table "I'm sorry."
All right. Thank you.
Just to be clear, sex is off the table, right?
我再确认下 滚床单没戏 对吧
Maybe we're not ready to hang out as friends.
I don't know. Up until the last part,
I was kind of enjoying take-charge Leonard
with a little backbone.
Picking the movie, knowing what he wants,
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, then, I'm putting sex back on the table.
What do you think about that?
- Ooh. Maybe I like it. - You do?
Because if that's what you like, I can be that guy.
真的 要是你喜欢 我可以恢复原样
I swear, I'll be anything you want me to be.
Good night, Leonard.
I am such an asthmatic dumbass.
I had a weird night.
I'm going to be a mommy!