Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, happy Valentine's Day.
So, Fratelli's tonight?
Hello, cannoli canoe.
I like it. Nice fit.
Jay, you look so strong and sexy.
Like an Olympic wrestler, but with money.
- Your turn. - Okay.
This is my favorite day in America.
Happy Valentine's Day, gorgeous.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah, those will work.
-我的天啊 -是啊 肯定好看
- Beautiful. - You can wear 'em tonight.
I have a surprise.
Don't tell me you're finally taking me salsa dancing!
And who's David Brenner?
Only a Vegas legend.
Is he a magician? 'Cause I love magicians.
A comedian? It's Valentine's Day.
I thought we were going salsa dancing, not to watch a comedian.
You're gonna love him. Trust me.
The guy's hilarious.
Okay, tell me one of his jokes.
He doesn't do jokes.
- Does he have a mallet? -No.
So then how does he get hit in the head?
He doesn't get hit in the head.
He- He makes observations.
He tells the truth in a funny way.
Come on. He's been on Johnny Carson a hundred times.
Who the hell is Johnny Carson?
Gloria and I are from different generations.
And I won't lie- It isn't always easy.
I mean, last week she thought
Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers.
Maybe that's because there's no mallet.
Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.
...was to stay in Northern California.
Did you indicate to her how long that you were gonna take?
- Happy Valentine's Day. - Happy Valentine's Day.
- Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy. - Happy Valentine's Day, Lily.
-情人节快乐 爹地 -情人节快乐 莉莉
Notice anything different?
- Oh, that is cute. - Cute?
We spent a lot of time on this.
You just cut up one of your boas.
Uh- Actually, no. We repurposed it.
It was sort of a Bob Mackie meets Martha Stewart project.
Okay. Well, we just thought it would be a nice surprise.
It's hardly a surprise. I mean,
you dress her up for every holiday.
I was giving her a bath last night,
and I still saw traces of Martin Luther King behind her ear.
All right. Not in the spirit. We get it.
好吧 你不喜欢 我们懂了
No, I'm-I'm sorry.
No. It's adorable. I just-
不 你弄得很好看 只是我
I'm really nervous about my closing argument.
Oh, you've been rehearsing for weeks.
You're gonna be great.
Hey, and I was wondering-
since you're gonna be in court all day-
You can open the chocolates.
Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs. Dunphy.
Oh. Dylan, thank you. That is so sweet.
迪兰 谢谢啊 你真贴心
You know, all women should look as tasty as you when they're old.
Hey. Take this sweet gift as a token of my affection,
my unending love and admiration-
Oh, my God. Yay, it's big!
I love it. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Seriously, you gotta put a black light on it.
It'll blow your mind.
Wow! Dylan, I didn't know you could paint.
Oh, I didn't. I just took a photo
and I put it through this program
that turns it into a painting.
So you two actually did...
- that. - Uh-huh.
Let's go put this over my bed.
You don't need to be in the bedroom at all.
Did he trump me? D-Money.
You tell me. He made a painting out of a photograph one time.
I have hand-picked a card,
drawn a heart in the steam on the medicine cabinet,
and taken Claire to Fratelli's,
a family-style Italian restaurant,
for 17 years in a row.
Yeah, he got me. He got me.
- Bye, honey. - See you later.
-再见 宝贝 -待会儿见
Phil, what is that?
You know, we don't have to go to Fratelli's tonight.
Okay, what do you have in mind?
Well, I thought you might enjoy a night at a hotel.
I would, but would you and the kids be okay?
- I meant together. - Yes, I know.
-我也和你去啊 -好的 我懂了
Oh. I know. I know. I got it.
So, what do you think?
I think you're not getting any sleep tonight,
so you might want to take a nap at work today.
As long as we're talking about being a little bit naughty,
what would you say to a little role-playing?
- Role-play? - Mm-hmm.
I'll set up sleepovers for the kids.
And I'll swing by after work to pick you up.
No, no. Why don't you meet me in the hotel bar
and see if you can pick me up there.
Careful, lady. You're gonna wake up a sexy sleeping giant.
小心点 小姐 你会唤醒一头沉睡的"雄"狮哦
Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby,
an English gentleman in town for a polo match.
Or...Honorable businessman from Hong Kong.
Kinda wrecking it.
It's not a big deal, Claire.
I just train tigers for a living.
Are these rose petals?
Yes, to commemorate our love.
I had to settle.
Well, your mom might think so,
but a lot of people think I'm a catch.
No. The case. I- I was this close to nailing it,
不 我是说那案子 我差点儿就要成功了
and then my client gets scared and settles.
I'm sorry. Maybe you'd like a chocolate.
Notice that I have not eaten any of the chocolates.
There were two levels. You know it and I know it.
This is so frustrating.
I had one of the greatest closing arguments of all time-
all about the big government rolling over the little guy,
and I even had this great moment at the end...
where I would point to the state seal and I'd say, "Shame!"
Oh, that's what you were doing in the shower.
I was a little worried.
I said we would watch him tonight. I hope you don't mind.
I didn't know you were gonna be going through all this.
No, it's fine. It might be nice to have him around.
He always make me laugh.
The universe is cold and loveless.
Uh-oh. Bad Valentine's Day?
I went for the gold- Fiona Gunderson.
I poured my heart and soul into a poem, left it on her desk.
I even burned the edges to make it look fancy.
And she didn't like it?
But this kid Durkas told her he wrote it.
Well, Manny, why-why didn't you just tell her the truth?
She was already gone.
And she's on a date with him at my favorite restaurant,
How do you know all this?
I invited her in the poem.
Right after the line of,
"My love is deeper than the Great Lakes."
Okay, well, this is unacceptable.
Oh, boy. Here we go.
No, it's not that big of a deal.
This is what we're gonna do.
We're gonna shoot over to Great Shakes, get a table.
Manny can reclaim the love of his life.
You and I can get a couple Mudslides.
Durkas is gonna be there.
I've seen the kid do a pull-up.
Hey, Manny, it's Valentine's Day.
It's not the day you run away from love.
It's the day you track it down, tie it up and take it home.
Now, if we can pull this off,
you and your little lady friend will be belly up to a ice cream counter
having a milk shake with two straws.
Thank you. Thank you.
Scientists- They don't know why this is true,
Women with big rear ends live longer.
Man who tell 'em that don't.
Did you read about this man,
a 91 -year old bank robber in Texas?
He goes into a bank-
"The hell did I want?"
They had over 4,000 photos of him escaping from the bank.
See? He's funny, huh?
是吧 他很逗 对吧
Mind if I join you?
I'm Clive. Clive Bixby.
Yes, I can see that. I'm Juliana.
So, Clive, you in town for a convention,
or do you just forget your name a lot?
Pretty kitty has nails.
I'm in town for a trade show.
I design high-end electroacoustic transducers.
Wow, that is very...
It's a fancy way of saying I get things to make noise.
So, what's your story?
Miss America Pageant in town?
You're a pretty smooth talker, Clive.
I'm pretty smooth all over.
Sir, there's no smoking in here.
Oh, that's fine. I'm not actually a smoker.
You're quite the Boy Scout, Clive.
Tell me, would you be interested in
earning a merit badge tonight?
Do you know anything about tying knots?
I probably shouldn't be talking to you.
I'm a married man.
Well, I just so happen to like married men.
Tell me about your wife.
Well, she's beautiful, of course.
Really? Well, if she's so very beautiful,
why are you here with me?
Because she's always so tired...
and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Oh no. She can make list for days.
But back to your mouth and how sexy it is.
Mm-mmm. I wanna go back to these alleged lists
and your nagging wife.
I'm not talking about you.
I didn't mean that. Can we try this again?
So if your wife is so beautiful,
why are you here with me?
I respect her too much...
to do to her...
what I'm going to do to you?
I'll be right back, Clive.
Do you have eyes on her? Is she here?
Two o'clock- blonde at the back table.
Yep. I have a visual.
Let's not talk like that anymore. Over.
Okay, this is it. I'm off to win the heart of my beloved.
好 就这么干 我要去赢回我的爱人
Well, this is nice.
I mean, if we can't have our own Valentine's Day,
it's nice that we can give somebody else one.
All right, Cam. I'm sorry.
好吧 小卡 对不起
I'm sor- I'm sorry I have not been attentive.
I've been spending the last five months...
pouring my core beliefs
into the greatest speech that I will ever write,
and then that moment gets taken away.
Hey, buddy. How'd it go?
I can't do it, not while Durkas is there.
He has the natural confidence. I admire it and fear it.
We will deal with him directly. We need a plan.
Could you be more dramatic?
the state legislature ratified a, uh, bill...
it is a crime to have sex in Oregon with a farm animal.
How ugly are the women in Oregon?
- I can tell you're not- you're not from Oregon. -No.
-我看得出来 你肯定不是从俄勒冈来的 -不是
- You are gorgeous. - Thank you.
Thank you for bringing your father to the show.
Oh, no. I'm her husband, Dave.
不对 我是她丈夫 大卫
- No kidding. - Yeah.
What's it like to be married to someone
who was there when the Bible was written?
What was it called then? Just "The Testament"?
That's, uh- That's- That's good stuff.
Oh, now he's trying to turn out the light.
Phone call. Over there.
- Hello? - Uh, yes. Hello.
-喂 -喂 您好
- Mr. Durkas? - Yeah.
This is Don Jolly...
with the Great Shakes corporate office,
and I have good news for you.
You have been selected to take part in a random survey...
that you could win cash and prizes.
Does that sound like something you'd be interested in?
Okay, just a few simple questions for you.
Would you please rank your favorite ice creams
at Great Shakes from least favorite to favorite?
I don't know 'em by heart.
There should be a menu right there to your right.
To your right. Mm-hmm. There you go.
在你右边 好了 开始吧
Hi, Fiona. Can I join you?
你好 菲奥娜 我能坐下吗
- I guess so. -Thanks.
And you don't have to worry about him cheating. That's for sure.
Because if he does, you'll catch him...
when he comes home with two sets of teeth in his mouth.
So tell me, on the wedding night, what-what did he do?
Did he say he wanted to change into something comfortable
and go into a coma?
- Listen, I gotta use the men's room. - Nuh-uh.
I gotta use the men's room. I'll be right back.
Where you going? Wait a minute.
I'm only joking. That's what I do.
You know, you're way younger than I am.
You just don't look it.
Clive, I have a little something for you.
- My bra. - Oh, my g-
- My God. - Yeah.
What do you say we take this upstairs?
This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread.
- Chocolate. - Uh-huh. Go on.
-巧克力味 -好的 继续
- Vanilla. - I'm taking copious notes.
Keep goin', Mr. Durkas.
So, why would Ted say he wrote the poem if he didn't?
Maybe because you're the cutest girl in school,
and you have a laugh that makes science lab seem like recess.
Would you be more or less inclined
to visit a Great Shakes establishment...
if you knew your satisfaction was guaranteed?
- That's a dumb question. - Excuse me.
It is not a dumb question, Mr. -
- Tarnation! He hung up. - Then you can drop the accent.
-该死 他挂了 -那你不必装那口音了
Delgado. What are you doing here?
Discussing poetry. Maybe you'll like to recite some of yours.
I'm not gonna recite anything.
Just admit you didn't write the poem.
I don't know what he's talking about.
Get out of here before you get your butt kicked.
- I'm going over there. - No, I got this.
-我要过去一下 -不 我来吧
Whoa! Whoa, sir! Sir? Turn around.
喂 喂 先生 先生 转回去
Sir, you have no right
to claim ownership of another person's work.
You have a lawyer?
It is one thing to lie,
but then to bully this young man- it's unforgivable.
And this is what's wrong with the world today.
thinks that he can roll right over the little guy...
until the little guy says, "Enough."
And that's what this little guy's doing-
right here, right now.
Can we stop calling me "Little guy"? I'm in the 40th percentile.
Ted Durkas clearly did not write that poem.
I know it. He knows it.
Deep down in your heart, Fiona-
Fine! Whatever. I stole his stupid poem.
好吧 随便了 我是偷了他的傻逼诗
- You did? - I told you.
I only did it because I had the feelings,
I just didn't know how to show 'em.
Really? That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.
You've gotta be kidding me.
- Let's get out of here. This chick's crazy. - Seriously.
-走吧 这妞儿是个二逼青年 -绝对的
I've never seen you like that.
You have no idea how good that felt.
Well, happy Valentine's Day, counselor.
This is all happening so fast, Juliana.
I know, and I have to be home to my husband by midnight.
Phil! Phil, my coat is stuck.
菲尔 菲尔 我的外套卡住了
- Who's Phil? - No, not now! Seriously.
-菲尔是谁 -不 别闹了 认真点儿
- My coat is stuck. - Oh, oh. Honey, take off your coat!
-我的外套卡住了 -宝贝 快把外套脱掉
- Are you kidding me? Pull it. - Oh, my goodness.
-开什么玩笑啊 快拔 -我的天啊
Pull it. Come on. Come on.
快拔 用力 用力
Oh, boy. Not good. Not good.
天呐 这回完了 这回完了
Okay. Okay. Okay.
好了 好了 好了
Come on up. Treat 'em like they're regular stairs.
- It's okay. - Come on through.
Happy Valentine's Day. You look lovely.
- So do you. Not in a weird way. - Yeah.
-您也美 我没别的意思 -我懂
- How are you? Hi. - Hi.
-你好 嗨 -嗨
- Happy Valentine's- - Let me just get in here.
Let me get in here.
- Hey, Tom. - Hi.
-嘿 汤姆 -嘿
How are you? Honey
Claire, you remember Tom Mickleson from the office
- and his wife, Susan. - I do. Hey.
-还有他妻子 苏珊 -记得 你们好
Is your coat stuck?
It is. It really is. It's in there pretty darn good.
Why don't you take it off?
Um, I'm freezing cold.
At least let me give it a shot.
- Oh, I don't think... - No, no, no. I got it.
-不必了吧 -没事没事 看我的
- Mr. And Mrs. Dunphy? - Hey.
-邓菲先生 夫人 -嗨
- Principal Balaban. - Hey, how are you?
Who's Clive Bixby?
Oh, uh, he makes speakers.
- He's actually in town for a trade show. - Phil.
My, are you stuck?
Yeah, I am. A little bit.
Why don't you take off that coat?
It's really jammed in here.
- Let me in there. I'll get you. - No, I think we're okay.
-让我过去试试 我帮你 -不必了 我们没事
Are you kidding me?
Hi! Luke's math teacher, Ms. Passwater.
嗨 这位是卢克的数学老师 帕斯沃小姐
Ah, Jay, papi, don't pay attention to what he's saying.
He's just being funny.
Because he points out the truth.
Those people were laughing because they saw it too.
- What do you care what they think? - I don't.
I care what you think.
I love you. You're my valentine.
But what about when I'm 80
and I'm in a wheelchair, on oxygen?
You still gonna want me?
Do you think I'm so shallow
that I'm gonna leave you when you're old?
What if I gain a hundred pounds? You gonna leave me then?
- No. - What's with the pause?
Well, it's not exactly fair.
I mean, I have to get old. You don't have to get fat.
If I want to get fat, I get fat.
Okay, fine. And if you do,
I'll be there. You'll see.
Yeah, watch me. Watch me, how I get fat.
- I can get fat. - And I'll be there.
- You wanna go back in? - No.
I got a better idea.
Let's go salsa dancing. This guy's not that funny.
We're good! We're good! I talked to Maintenance.
好了 好了 我打给维修部了
They're- They're- They're coming, so go on ahead.
他们 他们马上就来 大家忙去吧
See you guys. See you later.
See you in school. Good to see you guys.
Maintenance is gonna take care of it.
- So we're fine. - Okay. Okay, how long till they get here?
-我们得救了 -好吧 好吧 他们要多久才到
I was faking it. No one's coming for us.
Well, then, go and get them! Hurry!
That was the most embarrassing moment of my life.
What, did you get your belt stuck?
Take your coat off. Here, let me help you.
- No, no, Dad. Dad, I'm fine. - Come on!
-别别 老爸 我没事 -得了吧
What are you, naked under there?
- Aw, geez. - It's okay.
- I got this. - Okay.
- Claire, follow my lead. - Okay.
-克莱尔 照我说的办 -好的
- Thank you. - It has happened to me before.
That was impressive.
Take it down a notch, Clive.
- You okay? - Yeah. I'm good.
-你还好吧 -嗯 挺好
- All right. - I'm good.
- Happy Valentine's Day. - Happy Valentine's Day.
- Chao. - Okay. See ya.
Sorry. See you, guys.
Hey, I just wanted to tell you how great you were last night.
嗨 我就是想告诉你 你昨晚真棒
- Uh, Phil... - Sorry I got the, uh- the oil everywhere, but, hey"
-菲尔 -对不起 我把油弄得到处都是
- Uh, sweetie. - They're not our sheets, right?
Honey- Honey, remember when the salesman told us...
that the Sienna was built with the whole family in mind?
Yeah. Well, the whole family just heard that.
I guess the Bluetooth works.
- Mmm. - Why did you have oil?
Because, buddy, we were making French fries.
因为啊 小弟 我们在做炸薯条啊
Why don't you guys just pop in a DVD?