What's the key to being a great dad?
Ah, that's a tough one.
Giving them the freedom to be whatever they want to be.
- Right. Exactly. - Whether that's a painter,
-对 没错 -不管是画家
a poet, a pilot, a president-
诗人 飞行员 总统[董事长]
And for us, we're gonna
of a company or of a country.
Well, be their buddy.
- That's your answer? - And stay in school.
- No. - And don't do drugs.
- Just give me the answer. - 0h, God.
- Hi, Claire. - Hey.
-嗨 克莱尔 -嘿
- Hey. - Oh, okay.
Hi. Um, this is my husband, Phil.
嗨 这位是我老公 菲尔
- Hi. - And, uh, that's my son, Luke, right there.
-嗨 -那是我儿子 卢克 就那个
- This is - Desiree.
- Desiree, right. Sorry. - Oh, hi.
-德希蕾 对 抱歉 -你好啊
- Desiree just moved in down the block. - Fun. Where?
-德希蕾刚搬过来 -赞啊 哪户
The two-bedroom cottage with the indoor-outdoor family room.
Very good. How did you-
Bet you're lovin' that steam shower.
Phil, that's creepy.
0h, sorry. I'm a- I'm a real estate mogul.
哦 抱歉 我是 我是个房产大亨
"What?" No, I'm a- I am a real estate agent.
什么! 不 我是个房产中介
We caravanned that house. Great, uh, deck.
Thanks. I'm just there till my divorce is final.
No, who is coconuts enough to divorce you?
We gotta go, but we'll see you around.
We'll have to have you over sometime.
- I'd love it. - All right.
- She's awesome. - No, we are never having her over.
-她真不错 -滚 我们不可能请她做客
Heard she already slept with two dads from the school.
- What? - Mm-hmm.
- Dad, watch out! - Whoa! Watch it, buddy!
-爸爸 小心 -小心点呀 伙计
- Grandma. - I'm sorry.
That still looks like a girl's bike.
We'll add more black tape.
My son has been riding his sister's old bike.
Until he's responsible enough to take care of his own bike.
Look, he spilled a soda on my computer,
he ruined our digital camera
taking pictures of himself underwater.
It's a girl's bike. I'm all for teaching him a lesson.
But I worry about the ridicule he might get from some loudmouth bully.
Hey, hey, hey. Nice bike, Sally.
嘿嘿嘿 车很漂亮啊 小姑娘
Come on. He looks like Little Bo Peep on that thing.
拜托 他骑女式车 像洋娃娃一样
Actually, not for long. He's getting a new bike this afternoon.
- I am? - Mm-hmm.
Sometimes a man's gotta put his foot down
and do what a man's gotta do.
And if the old lady don't like it-
That's too damn bad.
Yes. Who's excited, huh?
Cam, come on. Hurry up. We're gonna be late.
小卡 快点 要迟到了
It's a toddler play class, not a flight to Cabo.
We're gonna be judged enough as the only gay parents there.
I don't wanna be the late ones too.
Wow! Paisley and pink.
Was there something wrong with the fishnet tank top?
Obviously not. I'm wearing it underneath.
Kidding. Just chill, please. Here.
开玩笑的 放松 给你
I'm sorry. I just wanna make a good first impression.
You wanna fit in and not terrify the villagers?
Today is about Lily, all right?
Her future best friend might be in that class,
and I don't wanna rub anyone the wrong way.
Can you please just change your shirt?
Fine. You know what?
I'll just go put on a pair of khakis,
maybe a polo shirt, and everybody will think
we're a couple straight golfin' buddies...
who just decided to have a kid together.
Hey, I called that place in Napa and
got us upgraded to a villa with a hot tub.
So pack whatever you wear in a hot tub.
I usually wear nothing when I'm in a hot tub.
And my college roommate's wife just had to get a new hip.
Manny's father is taking him for a couple of days to Disneyland,
so we're gonna go to the wine country.
We're gonna drink some wine, eat some good food.
You know, we would do something like this
a lot more often if it wasn't for, you know, Manny.
但是 因为曼尼 就少了很多
- He's good. He keep us grounded. - Yeah.
-他很好 他让我们过着朴实的生活 -是啊
Like fog at an airport.
Limo gets here at 4:00.
This morning, I thought I'd go to the club, hit a few balls.
No! What about the fan in Manny's room?
0h, yeah. Call a guy.
No! You're supposed to do it with him.
It's important that we teach him how to do things for himself.
In my culture, men take great pride in doing physical labor.
I know. That's why I hire people from your culture.
I'm gonna share that one with my next husband
when we're spending all your money.
- Dad, this is the coolest bike ever. - Awesome.
-爸爸 这是全世界最酷的车 -必须的
Certain members of this family
don't think you can take care of this bad boy.
- You mean Mom? - Your words, not mine.
-你是说妈妈吗 -你说的 我可没说
Look, uh, your mom and I are a team,
and she- we feel like this is a chance
而她 我们 觉得这是个好机会
for you to show some responsibility.
Don't make us look like jerks here.
- I won't. - Okay.
- One more rule. - What?
Have, like, three butt-loads of fun.
- So let's do this. - 0kay, but I need to be done by 3:00.
That's when my dad's picking me up.
Hey, if we're not done by 3:00,
I'm gonna tie a noose on this thing.
In Colombia there's a saying:
"If you have two stubborn burros that don't like each other,
you tie them to the same cart."
The ceiling fan is the cart.
My dad's taking me on Space Mountain.
It's supposed to be really fast, but he's not scared of anything.
He doesn't even wear a seat belt when he drives.
Wow. How 'bout that?
- Killed a bear once. - Really?
Was the bear sittin' in the passenger seat?
Read me the instructions.
"Safety tips. Warning: To reduce the risk of electrical shock"-
We can skip that.
Uh, "Failure to heed these warnings
can lead to serious injury or death."
You know, you worry too much. You know that.
Nobody's gonna get shocked.
One time my dad was struck by lightning.
That's why he can drink as much as he wants.
Manny thinks his dad is like Superman.
The truth? He's a total flake.
In fact, the only way he's like Superman...
is that they both landed in this country illegally.
I can't believe I'm so nervous.
They're gonna love us. Let's just be ourselves.
0r a slightly toned-down version of ourselves.
I just don't want this to become an episode of "The Cam Show."
- 0h, my gosh. People love "The Cam Show." - Yes, I know.
-天呐 大家都喜欢"小卡秀" -我知道
- You watch "The Cam Show." - I do watch it.
- It's appointment viewing. - Okay.
- Hi! - Hi! Are you here for Toddler Time?
-你好 -你们好 是参加亲子课的吗
Yes. I-I'm Mitchell. This is Cameron.
是的 我是米奇尔 这是卡梅隆
- And this here is Lily. - Hello.
0h, well! Welcome.
We're all over here taking turns blowing bubbles.
Well, how nice for... the babies.
This is gonna be really difficult.
Ten minutes after making a promise to me,
he leaves his bike unlocked.
All I can hear is Claire's voice in my head-
"He's not responsible.
You never should have given him a bike."
I know. I do a pretty good Claire.
So I decided to teach him a lesson...
and let him think his bike was stolen.
And I know that sounds kind of rough,
but sometimes it's a dad's job to be the tough guy.
Excuse me! Thank you.
On your left! My left. Your right!
左边 我的左边 你右边
Everyone, we have a new family joining us today.
Hi. I'm, uh, Mitchell, and I am a lawyer.
大家好 我是米奇尔 一名律师
I- I'm Cameron, and I'm currently not working,
which gives me more time to grill and shoot baskets and-
所以我有很多时间烹饪 打篮球 还有
Okay, we're gonna start with the Hello Dance,
and then we're gonna move on to blocks, then finger painting,
and then we're gonna do our Family Dance.
All right. Who wants to start us off?
Dance us in, P. J.!
- She's adorable. - Oh, thank you.
- Seven months? - Uh, eight.
0h! Is she grabbing or scooting yet?
噢 会抓东西了吗 会走路了吗
I mean, when she's not grabbin', she is- she is scootin'.
我是说 她不是手在乱抓 就是脚在乱走
Dance us in, Tyler!
Are you ready? Okay. Here we go.
准备好了吗 好的 来吧
Cam, Lily is not grabbing or scooting yet.
Well, she's not doing it yet, but she will eventually.
No, but, see, a lot of these other kids,
不 你看 那么多小孩
they're- they're grabbing.
I-I just- Here. Come-
我只是 给 拿着
Lily. Look at the block, huh?
Grab the block, Lily.
- Grab the "H." - Dance us in, Lily!
- Okay. I got this. - Cam, just-
-好的 我来搞定 -小卡
Yes, I know. Tamp down my natural gifts
and dance like a straight guy.
No slapping your own butt.
But that's how I make my horsey go.
- 0h, hey. - Hey! Hi.
-你好 -嘿 你好
Uh, this is really embarrassing,
but I locked myself out of my house.
0h! Pssh! I do that all the time. Don't be embarrassed.
噢 我总做这种傻事 别不好意思
I was- I was hoping you could help me.
There's a window open, but I can't reach it.
- Yeah. Yeah. Sure. - Great.
-好的 没问题 -太好了
0f course. You know what they say-
"Every time God closes a door, he opens a window."
0r I guess in this case, every time he locks you out.
Okay, what do we got here?
I mean, am I attracted to her? Yes.
Would I ever act on it? No. No way.
我会趁机发展一下吗 不 不可能
Not while my wife is still alive.
Are you sure I can't get you something to drink?
Yeah. No, I'm- I'm fine. Really.
是 不用了 我很好 真的
If I knew a man was gonna climb into my bedroom window,
I would have cleaned up a bit.
Are you kidding me? It smelled great in there.
Like lotions and oils...
for... dry skin and, you know, calloused hands.
那个 保湿用的 预防干裂
Yeah, it's a candle.
- Uh-oh. - What's wrong?
- The bike's gone. - Oh, no.
- Can I help you find it? - That's all right. Thank you.
So, to teach him a lesson, I took his bike,
and then- crazy thing-
I put it down for one minute, and someone swiped it from me.
Maybe that was your dad teaching you a lesson.
So, any chance I could, uh, get a break on this one?
- I can throw in a bell. - Deal.
- For five dollars. - No, sir.
So, you wanna go for the insurance this time,
or is it still for suckers?
Well played, milord.
I will take some insurance. Thank you.
What's going on in there?
- That's not step four. - Don't worry about it.
- It says right here that you should- - That's worrying about it.
I thought you guys might need a drink.
0h, you have no idea.
Manny, miamor, I have to go get some stuff for our trip.
Ay! But have some fun with your father, okay?
And I'll see you Monday. Mwah!
It makes me so happy to see my two boys working together.
- Jay shocked himself twice. - 0kay, Manny.
- Well, I warned him. - Yep, he's been a big help.
-我警告过他了 -是啊 他真会帮忙
Look at you two with your private jokes already.
You're a regular Salazar and El Oso.
It's a very big comedy team in Colombia.
El Oso is always hitting Salazar in the head
with the ladder and things.
And sometimes they wear dresses. Hmm.
They make you laugh, but they also make you think.
You blew it. You made me look bad.
No, you made your mother and I look bad. We are a team.
不 你让你妈和我都没面子 我们是个整体
- Luke, you in there? - Hey, Dad.
That was, uh- That was pretty fun today, huh? Getting a new bike.
- Yeah, it was awesome. - So, uh, what happened after I took off?
- Anything you want to share with me? - Not really.
So, if I, uh, went out to the garage,
took a picture for a scrapbook, there'd be no surprises?
I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it. I just made a mistake.
对不起 我不是故意的 我犯了个错
Yeah, a big mistake!
You're making me look really bad here.
I told Mom you were ready for this.
It's just a scratch, Dad.
That's not the point, Luke! What?
那不是重点 卢克 什么
I scratched it on my way into the driveway. I'm sorry.
So, it's not stolen?
'cause... there are bad people out there who would steal a bike.
You sit there and think about the scratch part.
That's not good either.
I gotta fix that step.
So don't scratch anything while I'm gone,
unless it itches. That's different.
The good news is, Luke has his bike.
I taught some random kid a valuable lesson by stealing his bike.
Best news- Claire knows nothing.
So, I figure I'll just dump the new bike
where I stole the first bike.
That way, random kid gets his back,
and this new bike doesn't raise a lot of embarrassing questions...
like why I had it
or who boosted who through a bedroom window.
So, everybody's happy.
Ah, son of a- You gave me the wrong screwdriver.
Maybe you're just using it wrong.
My dad's great with tools.
He can get the wheels off a car in less than a minute.
Just get me to wine country. Just get me to wine country.
- I think my arm is broken. - Relax. It's not broken.
-我想我胳膊断了 -放松 没断
How do you know? You don't know anything.
You have no concern for safety.
- Because it didn't hit you that hard. - Why don't you just say it?
- You don't want me around. - You know what? Right now, I don't!
-你不想我在身边 -你猜怎么 你说对了
I don't wanna be with you either. I'm gonna go wait for my dad.
0h, but- but if you leave, how will I ever finish?
You know what? I wish you never married my mom.
- I hate living here. - You think I like this arrangement?
I got a two-seater parked in the driveway!
I mean, I don't understand.
Why are you trying to sneak around and hide things from me?
- I actually think it's pretty funny. - You do?
I mean, you steal a bike from some poor kid,
and then the bike gets stolen from you.
- Classic me, right? - Yeah!
-我的风格 是不是 -是啊
So, where were you when it got stolen?
Oh, I was getting some gas.
Uh-huh. You don't stand near the car when you get gas?
Yep, but, uh, I went inside to get a soda
在啊 可是 我进去拿了瓶汽水
because I was thirsty,
and if I had a soda, I wouldn't be thirsty anymore.
So I bought one, then I drank it all right there,
which is why I don't have the can.
Well, honey, please, let's try to remember
亲爱的 请你 慢慢回忆
that I'm your wife, not your mom.
So in the future, you don't need to hide things from me. Okay?
- 0kay. - Oh! Oh, yeah.
-好了 -噢 太好了
- You get back here, you! - What are you doing, Phil?
-再继续抱抱 没够呢 -菲尔你做什么
I just love ya so darn much!
- I know. I love you too, but that hurts. - Let's get you inside.
-我知道 我也爱你 你弄疼我了 -进去吧
- Hi. - I know. That's hurting a lot.
-嗨 -我知道 好疼啊
- This is a hot one. - Hello! Hi there!
-性感熊抱 -嗨 你们好啊
- Hi again. - Oh, hi.
I, uh, found your bike.
- At the gas station? - No, at my house.
-是在加油站的吗 -不 在我家
One of my neighbors saw it and put it in my garage
when you were in my bedroom, so-
Come on, honey. Grab the block.
See, like he did. You gotta do that.
看 就像他那样 加油啊
- You gotta grab it like him. - So, seen any movies lately?
You know, my husband and I just rented,
uh, Mamma Mia! Which I liked,
but I don't know that Meryl Streep was the right choice.
Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice.
whether she's divorcing Kramer, whether she's wearing Prada.
Don't even get me started on Sophie's Choice.
I get emotional thinking about it.
She couldn't forgive herself.
I guess she was okay.
Grab the blocks, sweetheart.
- You're not even interested in it. - Is Henry stacking?
Not so high. Wow!
- That is a big moment for her. - Yeah.
Would you like a videotape?
Uh, you know, I don't-
I don't know if I can actually get her to do it again, so-
Well, we tape all of our classes.
We don't like parents bringing cameras in.
It keeps them out of the moment.
I'll get you a copy after class.
That's super. Yeah. Great. Thank you.
太棒了 好的 谢谢你
Cam. Cam, let's go.
小卡 小卡 快走
I don't know what's happened to me,
but I just stole a baby's intellectual property.
- What? - You'll see it tonight on the news.
- Come on. Let's just go. - Oh, look who's here!
- Anton and Scott! - Sorry we're late!
Don't look at me. The eye candy here can't leave the house...
without spending 20 minutes in front of the mirror.
Are you kidding me?
Look at those queens. I would have killed with this crowd.
But you had to clip my wings-
which you used to be the wind beneath.
This class has turned me into a complete monster.
I'm- I'm just- I'll make it up to you. Let's just go.
我 我只是 我会补偿你的 走吧好不
Okay, it's time for Parents Dance.
Everybody dance for your baby!
You wanna do it, don't you?
I wanna dance for my baby.
- All right. Go on. Get in there. - You sure?
-好吧 上吧 去吧 -真的吗
Make that horsey move. Go ahead.
0h, I think I hurt myself.
Hello. Hey, Javier.
Manny's waiting for you outside.
His son's sitting on a curb, waiting to go to Disneyland,
and Superman can't drag himself away from a craps table,
- Sorry, but I got some bad news. - What?
-很抱歉 我有坏消息 -什么
Your dad couldn't make it.
The plane was full,
and this old lady needed to get home, so he gave up his seat.
- You're making that up, aren't you? - No.
-你瞎编的 是不是 -不是
He just didn't want to come.
Are you kidding me? He was very upset. He was dying to see you.
开什么玩笑 他很难过 他很想见你
In fact, look what he sent.
- A limo? - Yeah.
He wanted me and your mom to take you to Disneyland.
- I told you he was an awesome dad. - Yeah, he's a prince.
-我跟你说我爸爸超赞的 -是啊 他是个王子
Okay. The key to being a good dad?
Sometimes things work out just the way you want.
Race you to the end.
That is not a good idea... for you.
Sometimes they don't.
You gotta hang in there.
Because when all is said and done,
90% of being a dad...
is just showin' up.
Hey! That's my bike!
- You- - I was giving it back!
She couldn't forgive herself.
she had to choose.
I think because now I have-
we have- we have-
it's so hard to imagine being put in that position.
If I had to choose Lily or Mitchell,
I mean, I would choose-
I don't know! I don't know!