我爱上的人是奇葩第三季双语台词对白剧本

Jimmy, if you're thinking of getting into ski porn,

吉米如果你是想去拍滑雪黄片

it's a niche audience and the work is seasonal.

这种片受众面小而且季节性太强

I have it all worked out, Gretchen--

我全都理清楚了格雷琴

what I saw from my tree house last night:

昨晚我在树屋上看明白的东西

my father is no longer a force in my life,

我父亲已经不再对我的生活有任何影响

thus, everything I am and have is suspect,

因此我这个人的特质和所拥有的一切都不可信

acquired or decided, as it all were,

不管是后天习得的还是先天决定的

in the context of being "Ronny's son,"

都被置于"罗尼的儿子"这一框架之下

Which I am no longer, thus, reevaluation.

但我从今以后不再是那样了因此需要重新评估

It's all up for review.

一切都需要重新审查一遍

So, I'm making a pros and cons list of everything in my life

所以我正在将我人生中的一切列成利弊表

to work out whether I still need it or not.

来决定我是否还需要那东西

- Oh, boy. - It's the perfect post-emotional analytic tool

-天啊 -用这种后情感主义的分析工具

to determine the inherent,

来确定事物本身所具有的

unsullied qualitative value of anything.

未受污染的定性价值实在是完美

To whit. Stapler.

比如订书机

Pros: petite, efficient, comely.

利小巧便携好用好看

Cons: literally no place for you in the digital world.

弊如今数字化时代真是用不着它

Good-bye, old girl.

再见老伙计

Tough one.

这个真难以抉择

Pros: strong tassels, I look fantastic in it.

利流苏质量不错我系着超好看

Cons: I saw Moby wearing the same one on the cover of Yoga Life.

弊我看见《瑜伽生活》封面上的莫比系过一样的

And there's the answer.

答案显而易见

Right. My stuff...

好了这是我的东西

there's your stuff...

那是你的东西

Fine! Jesus Christ!

够了我的天

Fine, Jimmy. Do your insane, idiotic thing and get this over with.

行了吉米继续发疯发傻吧赶快完事

Gretchen pro-con list, go.

格雷琴的利弊表快开始

Well, okay.

好吧

You and your stupid tree house.

你和你那个破树屋

I swear, I wish

我对天发誓我真希望

I'd never mentioned Dead Poets Society in front of you.

我从没在你面前提起过什么《死亡诗社》

You literally just did the standing on the desk thing,

你真的照搬了站在桌上那一套

but higher.

但却站得更高

The quicker we do this, the quicker we can move on with our lives.

快点折腾完我们就能继续过日子了

I have stuff to do for Shitstain and Jaclyn's elopement party.

我还得负责筹备施斯坦和杰奎琳的私奔派对

Bet your ass he's not making a list.

我敢说他肯定没列什么表

Okay, fine.

好吧

Here are two things to start off your pro list.

先把这两条写到利的那一栏

Bam! Carpe those diems.

瞧有容奶大及时行乐

Aw, man.

妈的

I slept in gum again?

我又睡在口香糖上了

Just know that, uh,

要知道

this is gonna be a waste of your time.

你这是在浪费时间

The end result is gonna be, "Damn, she's awesome."

最后的结论肯定会是"妈的她太棒了

That list was pointless.

根本就没必要列这个表

"Wasted all that paper and ink.

可惜浪费了这么多纸和墨水

Sorry trees. Sorry squids."

对不起了树们乌贼们"

Wait, is that how you think we get ink?

等等你以为墨水是这么来的吗

From squids?

乌贼喷的吗

No.

不是

Aw, damn it!

该死

翻译大叔酱 TVyoung 洗七里

■

翻译梅菜扣肉泽生

时间轴阿包加森后期加森

校对 Ethan-泽生总监 Ethan-泽生

我爱上的人是奇葩第三季第十一集

Ceviche?

给我一份柠汁腌鱼生

I don't get it. A pros and cons list about you?

我没懂一张关于你的利弊表

What's on it?

上面写了什么

Oh, who cares? We all have negative shit

谁管啊我们对生活中的所有人

we think about everyone in our lives.

都有些消极的想法

Yeah, but writing it down makes it real.

没错但写下来就是实实在在的

Like Web sites or fortune cookies.

就像网页啊幸运饼啊

So, how'd Paul react to the news that you're leaving him?

保罗对于你要离开他这个事是什么反应

Ain't told him yet.

我还没跟他说

First I got to set myself up, get my own place.

首先我得自立自己找个地方

And it'll be so phat

生活会很美好

because I'll be getting those sweet monthly checks from the prenup.

因为婚前协议我每个月都能收到支票

Wait, what? You have a prenup?

等等什么你签了婚前协议

Yeah, Paul was like, "Oh, honey, we don't need one."

是啊保罗当时说"亲爱的我们不用签"

But uh-uh, I didn't fall for that shit.

但老娘才不上当

So, like a boss, I made him.

所以我强迫他签了

Lindsay, you ding-dong.

琳赛你傻到家了

A prenup protects the wealthier person, him,

婚前协议保护更有钱的人保护他

in a divorce from giving his money to the poorer person, you.

以防离婚时他的钱会落到你这个穷鬼手上

Are you goddamn kidding me?

你他妈在逗我吧

And you let me get an abortion?!

那你还让我去堕胎

I had a ticket to 18 years of dough

我原本可以坐收18年的钱

and you let me flush my ticket?

你却让我连这个机会都没了

Hey, just focus.

嘿冷静下来

Do the most important thing first: tell Paul.

先做最重要的事告诉保罗

Once you do that, you can figure out your life.

告诉他之后你就能理清你的生活

Now I have to get a stupid job.

我现在还得找工作

Can I have a job?

我找得到工作吗

That's gonna be a hard no.

绝逼找不到

So, I got a bunch of ideas about that restaurant concept.

关于餐厅的事我有一肚子好主意

You know, savory cereal?

比如美味麦片

Two words: Beefy Pebbles.

两个词卵石牛肉

We'll talk later.

我们过会儿再说

Ooh, excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?

打扰下打扰下打扰下

Did-did you call him?

你给他打电话了吗

Yes, I called him. I can't believe he's late, man.

是的打过了难以置信他迟到了

I can. He's been the worst best man ever.

我早想到了他是最最糟糕的伴郎

He lost the ring at the Monterey Aquarium tide pool.

他在蒙特雷湾水族馆的潮水潭弄丢了戒指

Said a sea anemone took it.

说被一只海葵抢走了

Does that even sound plausible to you?

你觉得这可能吗

Do you know how slow a sea anemone is?

你知道海葵有多迟缓吗

- There he is. - Where's the navy suit?

-他来了 -那套蓝西服呢

Oh, nah, blood, this is it.

该死只有这套

I just got the pants hemmed and the jacket taken in.

我把裤子缝好边把上衣改小

Then it still was a total piece of shit,

但还是丑得不行

so I lit it on fire and bought something dope instead.

所以我把它烧了买了套酷炫的

That's it!

我受够了

You're fired as best man.

你不再是伴郎了

Nutz, you're giving the toast tonight.

蜜蛋今晚你来发表祝酒辞

Seriously?

不是吧你

Okay, idiot, good luck with this mush-mouth.

好吧白痴让这口齿不清的人当伴郎祝好运了

Fool can't even leave a simple voice mail.

他连个留言都留不好

Always be like, "Uh... Call me back. Uh..." Click.

老是"呃...回我电话呃..."时间就到了

Y-Yo, you know public speaking is one of my greatest fears.

你你知道我最怕当众讲话了

It's public speaking, heights and waking up

当众讲话在高处清晨醒来

with a scorpion in my mouth.

都能让我舌头转不动

You'll be fine.

你不会有事的

We're professional public speakers.

我们可是专业的公众演讲家

That-that's different.

那不一样

Look, Honey Nutz is a persona.

听着蜜蛋只是一重人格面貌

Uh, when I'm not rapping, I'm just Zachary from Reseda,

我不说唱时我只是来自莱斯德的普通人扎克瑞

that likes hard cider

喜欢烈性苹果酒

and losing myself in a graphic novel.

然后沉浸在连环画里

I don't mean no disrespect, by that.

我没有不敬的意思

I don't, I don't. I'm just saying...

没有没有我只是说...

Nice look.

造型不错

Shouldn't you be trying to shoot down Snoopy?

你是要模仿打史努比的红衣男爵吗

I went a little crazy with the purge.

我干大清除工作干得疯狂过头了

Got rid of all my outerwear and my underwear.

我把所有外衣和内衣都扔掉了

I'm currently wearing one of Edgar's bathing suits.

现在我穿的是埃德加的一套泳衣

Jimmy, I've thought about your pros and cons list,

吉米我考虑过你的利弊清单了

and I think it's only fair that you show it to me.

我觉得你有必要给我看看才算公平

Gretchen, I'm undergoing

格雷琴我正在经历

a really painful process of reevaluation.

一个很痛苦的自我审视过程

Now, if you could just respect my privacy,

你能不能尊重下我的隐私

I'd really appreciate it.

我会感激不尽的

Fine, I hear you. You have my word.

好吧懂了我保证

Oh, yeah. Ooh, a zipper!

天啊拉链拉起来了啊

I can't get through that.

这下我拿不到了

Fine.

好吧

I'm gonna go shake gifts, see if anything sounds expensive.

我去晃一晃礼物盒看有没有值钱的

Jimmy.

吉米

This is my wife, Jaclyn.

这是我妻子杰奎琳

Hi!

你好

- What a dick. - Don't worry, he's an asshole.

-真是个混蛋 -别在意他是个混球

Priscilla!

普莉希拉

Look at you!

瞧瞧你

- What do you think? - Amazing!

-好看吗 -美极了

Oh, thank you.

谢谢

Shitstain in the house!

施斯坦驾到

I love weddings.

我喜欢婚礼

Friends coming together.

好朋友欢聚一堂

Old couples falling in love again.

老夫妻重拾爱的滋味

Plus, you can totally steal a chair at a wedding.

而且你完全可以借机偷把椅子

I've done it so many times.

我试过很多次了

Most of my chairs are wedding chairs.

我家很多椅子都是婚礼用椅

What's going on?

怎么了

It's Doug Benson.

是道格·本森

He wants me to come up with five sketch ideas by tomorrow.

他想让我明天之前想出5个喜剧创意

I guess I better start brainstorming.

我最好开始集思广益了

Wait, you're gonna work at a wedding?

什么你要在婚礼上工作

I don't have a choice, Dorothy.

我别无选择多洛希

I mean, this is a huge opportunity.

这是一个绝好的机会

I-I got to nail it.

我必须抓住

Okay, let's see.

让我看看

Weddings, weddings.

婚礼婚礼

Bride. Groom. Broom.

新娘新郎扫帚

Here comes... the broom?

扫帚闪亮登场

This might not take long after all.

也许不用花多少时间

Cool. So just go do your very important work,

好去做你重要的工作吧

and I'll just wander around by myself, like a loser.

我自己四处游荡像窝囊废一样

Hey! Lindsay!

嗨琳赛

He has a job.

他有工作

How'd he get that?

他是怎么得到的

All right, I fired him to hire you.

好吧我开除了他选择了你

These aren't your words you're writing.

你写的不是你真心实意的词

What is that?

都是些什么鬼

- How'd you get that? - What?

-你是怎么得到的 -什么

I-I don't know what you're talking about.

我我不知道你在说什么

Listen one more time.

再仔细听一遍

My client wants 100% ostrich feathers.

我的客户要纯天然的鸵鸟毛

I don't care. Just wait until they stick their heads in the ground

我不管就等它们把脑袋扎进沙子里

and then slit their throats.

然后割破它们的喉咙

Hey, how'd you get that?

你是怎么得到的

My job?

工作吗

Well, I started a fashion blog.

我建了一个时尚博客

Then Tavi Gevinson retweeted me.

后来泰薇·盖文森转发了我的文章

Then I dressed Parker Posey for the Good Wife premiere.

我又为帕克·波西设计了《傲骨贤妻》首映礼服

Before I knew it, I was a stylist.

不知不觉我竟成了造型师

- I love your jacket, by the way. - ‭Thanks.

-顺便说下我喜欢你的外套 -谢谢

My trick is I just buy a cheap jacket,

我的秘诀是买件便宜的外套

replace the buttons with doper ones,

然后把扣子换成更屌的

and tell everyone I got it in Italy.

再跟别人说是在意大利买的

But not Little Italy. The big Italy.

不是"小意大利" 是正经的大意大利

That's brilliant.

太厉害了

I really like your pocket square, too.

我也很喜欢你口袋里的方巾

Thanks. Those are my panties.

谢谢那是我的内裤

I'm not joking.

我没开玩笑

What's up with you?

你们干什么呢

Hi, Gretchen.

嗨格雷琴

Got fired as the best man.

不让我当伴郎了

Not that I care.

我又不在乎

Group's turning into a bunch of pussies anyway!

反正这帮人都快成一帮孬种了

Honey Nutz is getting his knuckles waxed

蜜蛋为了上《深夜扑克》好看

for his appearance on Poker After Dark.

要给手指做除毛

Shitstain getting married

施斯坦就要结婚

with no thought to how it will affect our careers.

完全不考虑这会对我们的事业有怎样的影响

I ain't trying to rap about kids or poker!

我才不想说唱关于孩子或扑克的歌

Ain't nothing rhyme with "Poker."

也没有词能和"扑克"押韵

So what are you gonna do?

那你打算怎么办

What can I do? He went and changed his whole life,

我能怎么办他要去改变整个人生

and I don't even got a say in it.

我对此却连一点发言权都没有

Hey, you guys are a team.

你们是一个团队啊

If you feel like you're losing control of your future,

如果你觉得无法掌控你的未来

just talk to him.

就找他谈谈

Your actions affect each other.

你们的行为会相互影响

Yeah.

是啊

My actions do affect each other.

我的行为确实会互相影响

I don't like how you just repeated that verbatim

我不喜欢你眼里放光

with a glint in your eye, but, yeah,

重复这句话的样子但没错

you got to take charge of your... future.

你必须掌控自己的...未来

Now you have the glint, too, bitch.

你眼里也放光了贱人

Bitch, I ain't got no glint!

贱人我才没放光呢

Okay, how's this for a sketch idea?

听着这个喜剧小品创意如何

A guy who takes everything literally.

有个家伙只会理解每句话的字面意思

That's kind of the first sketch that everybody comes up with.

那差不多是每个人最先想到的喜剧创意

That or 50-hour Energy.

那个或是50小时超持久能量饮料

Oh, man. That'd be so much energy.

我的天那能量可真是太劲爆了

Hey, look. It's Brian Posehn.

快看是布莱恩·波塞恩

That is not Brian Posehn.

那才不是布莱恩·波塞恩

I took tickets for Brian Posehn's one-man show,

我买过布莱恩·波塞恩单人秀演出的票

like, a decade ago.

大概10年前吧

I used to party with all those comics.

我过去经常和那些喜剧演员一起玩

The one thing I know is who is who in comedy,

喜剧界演员我是能分清的

and I know that that is not Brian Posehn.

我知道那不是布莱恩·波塞恩

Oh. I guess it is him.

好吧好像就是他

Haircut.

那个发型

I should go talk to him.

我该去找他搭个讪

Maybe I could bounce some ideas off him.

没准能让他帮我的段子把把关

Excuse me. Champagne?

不好意思能再来点香槟吗

I'll leave it in the bathroom later under the soap.

我一会儿放到洗手间的香皂下面

Soap.

香皂

Excuse me, where's the restroom?

不好意思请问洗手间在哪

Can I help you?

有什么需要帮助的吗

Yeah, um, uh, my boyfriend

是的我男朋友

left his heart attack medication in his coat.

把治心脏病的药落在外套里了

Yeah, do you have a claim ticket?

好的您有号牌吗

Uh, no, but...

没有不过...

I got this.

我有这个

Ignore the bruise.

别在意那块瘀伤

I just needed a ticket to know which coat to get.

我要号牌只是想知道该取哪件外套

Oh, uh, yeah. It's the really ugly bomber jacket.

这样啊是那件特别丑的飞行员夹克

Goddamn it.

该死的

Okay.

好了

想得美笨笨

Fine. Two can play at that game.

好那我也来写

Yeah, whatever you say, Gr...

随你怎么说吧格...

What? Hang on. What are you doing?

什么等等你在做什么

Um, I'm making a pros and cons list about you.

我也要列一个你的利弊表

No. No. You can't do that.

不行你不能列

Pros and cons list is my thing.

利弊表是我独家的

Oh, another con: possessiveness of ideas.

又一个缺点强行霸占主意

Right.

好吧

Just to balance it out.

两边都看才能平衡

Congratulations.

恭喜你

Thanks. Yeah, my parents thought 25 was young to get married,

谢谢我父母觉得25岁就结婚太早了

but when you know you found the one...

但当你遇到真命天子...

25? Wow, that's... that's a good age.

25岁真是...正当妙龄啊

I tested for Ugly Betty when I was 25.

我25岁时给《丑女贝蒂》试镜来着

Who's Ugly Betty?

丑女贝蒂是谁

I'm gonna go.

我还是走吧

Uh, that's actually just for the bride...

那个其实是为新娘准备的

Listen.

听我说

It's only fair I warn you what you're getting into with us.

如果我不先警告你一下我们的情况对你不公平

Our lifestyle is straight bananas.

我们的生活方式特别疯狂

Touring, staying out late,

巡演刷夜

living off gum and Code Red.

只靠吃口香糖喝红色激浪活着

It can be rough on bitches.

贱人们可能会受不了

Bitches?

贱人们

Oh. On women.

你是指女人啊

Yes, Sam, I know. Don't worry.

山姆我都了解的别担心

I am very pragmatic.

我这人特别实际

You have to maintain a certain image for the fans.

你们得在粉丝面前维持特定的形象

Nothing will change.

什么都不会改变的

Okay, good.

好很好

At least until we have a baby.

至少可以持续到我们有了孩子

But we aren't planning on starting a family until at least a year.

但我们至少一年内都不打算要小孩

A baby?

孩子

A human-ass baby?

要个人类死孩子吗

Oh, man.

天呐

Seems like just yesterday we were skating on Fairfax,

我们好像昨天还在费尔法克斯滑冰

stealing leftovers from Orthodox Jews coming out of Canter's.

从刚走出犹太熟食店的正统派犹太教徒那里偷吃的

Now everything's getting so serious.

现在一切都变得严肃起来了

Sam, things change.

山姆事情总会改变的

I know it's scary, but... you'll be okay.

我知道那很可怕但你会没事的

- What the hell?! - ‭What?

-搞什么 -怎么了

I can't believe he just did that.

我真不敢相信他居然会那样做

Ugh. Dale! Dale!

戴尔戴尔

Shitstain!

施斯坦

What happened?

怎么了

Sam tried to kiss me!

山姆居然想吻我

What the hell is wrong with you?!

你他妈的什么毛病

I'm sorry! I'm just highly upset!

对不起我只是闹心得不行了

This is all happening so fast.

这一切都发生得太快了

First, you settling down. And as soon as someone agrees

先是你安顿下来了然后一旦有人愿意

to go on a date with Zachary, you know he gonna

和扎克瑞约会的话你知道他肯定会

- grab on tight and never let go. - Oh, wait, wait, wait.

-死死握住永不放手 -等一下

Are you talking about someone specific?

你说的是确有其人吗

Because if someone has expressed interest,

因为如果有人对我有兴趣

- I'm available. - Look, if you're afraid

-我单身可约 -如果你害怕

that this is going to affect our work, it's not.

这会影响到我们的工作我保证不会的

We signed our million-year pledge.

我们承诺过要合作一百万年的

It ain't the work.

不是工作的问题

I'm just...

我只是...

I'm just afraid I'm losing my best friends.

我只是害怕我会失去我最好的朋友们

Sam, you're never going to lose me as a friend.

山姆你永远不会失去我这个朋友的

Look, why don't you and Zachary give the speech together.

听着你为什么不和扎克瑞一起致辞呢

Both of you are my best men.

你们两个都是我的伴郎

Always will be.

永远是

All right, man.

好的兄弟

Let's go work on that speech.

我们改致辞去吧

I go first, obviously.

我先致辞显然嘛

You know you can't be friends with him anymore, right?

你知道你不能再和他们做朋友了对吧

Yeah, yeah, I know.

是是知道

Okay, so far, I have "Takes up too much room in bed,"

好了目前为止我写了"在床上总挤我"

"Eats pizza with a fork."

"用叉子吃披萨"

So you're making a list of dumb little negative things about him?

所以你这是在把他所有的小缺点列成表吗

Yeah.

是的

Is this the dude that wore the bomber jacket?

这是那个穿飞行员夹克的家伙吗

That feels like one.

那应该记一笔吧

Yes. Thank you.

没错谢谢你

Alex said you were gonna put the coke in the bathroom, man.

艾利克斯说你会把可卡因放到洗手间的

It's not there.

但那里没有

What? I left it under the soap.

什么我放到香皂下面了

Dude, I bet you Alex took it.

我敢说肯定是艾利克斯拿走了

Look, I'm not sure I want to get involved

听着如果我们不能信任他

in this cereal restaurant thing if we can't trust him.

我觉得我不太想和他一起开麦片餐厅

So, the guy's, like...

然后那个人就说

"The boss is up my butt,"

"我快被老板烦死了"

老板钻到我屁股里了

and our hero --

然后我们的主人公

taking everything literally, right?

总是按字面意思理解所有话对吧

puts his mouth to the guy's butt,

用嘴对着那人的屁股

and he's like, "Are you in there, Mr. Hendrickson?

大喊"亨德里克森先生你在里面吗

I'll save ya."

我会救你出来的"

That's hilarious, man.

太好笑了

Hey! Brian!

嘿布莱恩

So good to see you again.

再见到你真好

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

不好意思我们见过吗

Dorothy Durwood.

多洛希·杜伍德

We worked together on your one-man show.

我们在你的单人秀节目上合作过

I took tickets.

我是检票员

Remember after that one show at Birds,

还记得那次在伯兹的演出后

you dared me to eat an entire rotisserie chicken

你挑战我说我不敢吃下一整只柠檬香料烤鸡

and then I did?

然后我做到了

But then people kind of felt sorry for me, and...

但之后人们都很同情我于是...

it was kind of a downer all told,

总的来说就是件令人很沮丧的事

and not ultimately worth it comedically.

完全不值得被用作喜剧素材

Right!

对哦

Course.

当然啦

H-How's it going?

你还好吗

Still grinding away at the old improv.

还在老即兴喜剧界摸爬滚打呢

Been doing it, gosh, like, a decade now.

天啊我干这行估计都有十年了

But, yeah, my boyfriend here, he goes and does it

但是我这位男朋友只是稍微展示了下才华

for literally an hour and gets a job, but...

就迅速拿下一份工作但是...

I've got chore monkey shifts, so-- you know what that is?

我还得去当家政工你知道那是什么吗

Someone literally pays you just over minimum wage

比如有人用比最低薪资高那么一点点的薪水

to clean out their fridge, for an example,

雇佣你去帮他们清理冰箱

and, uh, if you're real lucky, when you get there,

如果你足够幸运的话进屋后你会发现

it's your ex-boyfriend from college.

那是你大学时交的前男友的家

Hey, uh, how much do I have to pay you

问一下我得付你多少钱

to end this conversation?

才能结束这场对话呢

Uh, hey, why-why don't I take you home?

不如我先送你回家吧

No. No, you're networking.

不要你在社交呢

Go network.

去社交吧

D-Dorothy?

多洛希

That was rough. Sorry.

刚刚我太不留情面了抱歉

Hey, uh, I found some cocaine in the bathroom.

对了我在洗手间发现一点可卡因

Do you want some?

你想来点吗

You know, actually,

实际上

I'm looking for an assistant stylist.

我在找一个助理造型师呢

I've stylisted before!

我以前就当过造型师

I-I dressed this rapper, and we wrote a song

我曾给一个说唱歌手做过造型我们共同写了首歌

and smoked a, um... A professional job thingie.

然后还抽了...一种专业的"工作辅助品"

Well, I'd love to run through a few questions with you.

我想问你几个问题

But you need to know that there is travel required.

你需要知道这份工作是需要出差的

You'd have to come with me to Paris a couple of times a year...

你每年将和我一起去几次巴黎

Oh. Sorry.

抱歉

Um, I'll be right back.

我等下就回来

I don't know, you tell me:

我不知道你告诉我啊

is an emu the same thing as an ostrich?

鸸鹋和鸵鸟是同样的东西吗

I'll wait.

我等着

Can you believe this?

你敢相信吗

Sweetie, I think it's amazing that you want to work, but...

亲爱的我觉得你想工作很棒但是...

it's only ethical that you tell her you're with child.

你必须告诉她你怀着孩子才是道德的

Paul, this woman dressed Porter Potty

保罗这个女人给"移动厕所"

for The Good Life premiere

做过《傲骨生活》的首映礼造型

after being retweeted by Crabby Applepants.

后来还被"暴躁的苹果裤"转发了

She likes me. Let me handle this.

她喜欢我让我来处理

Sorry about that.

很抱歉

Poachers can be so unreliable.

偷猎者真是太不靠谱了

Anyway, tell me about you guys.

好了跟我说说你们自己吧

- Do you have any children? - Nope.

-你们有孩子吗 -没有

well, that's not entirely accurate.

那并不完全准确

Do not take this from me, Paul.

别害我失去这个机会保罗

It's entirely accurate.

那完全准确

Ma'am, despite my wife's objections,

女士尽管我妻子强烈反对

I feel we have an ethical obligation

我觉得我们有道德义务

to inform you of something.

告知你一些事

Lindsay's pregnant.

琳赛怀孕了

No, I'm not.

不我没有

Lindsay, I can't let you mislead her.

琳赛我不能允许你误导她

She's pregnant.

她怀孕了

No! I'm not pregnant, Paul. There is no baby.

不我没怀孕保罗孩子没有了

I had an abortion. ‭

我去堕胎了

Lindsay, don't lie to her.

琳赛别对她撒谎啊

I'm not lying. Gretchen drove me.

我没撒谎格雷琴开车送我去的

There was a pie flight. I talked to a sign lady.

当时吃了很多派我还跟一个签字女交谈过

I did that. ‭

我真的去做了

Also, I'm leaving you.

并且我还要离开你

So this is the big Paris, right?

所以是要去大巴黎对吧

The one with the bread?

就是面包很出名的那地方

You guys seem like you need some time alone.

你们似乎需要点时间单独聊聊

Why don't you call me when you...

不如你之后打电话给我

figure all this out.

到时再谈这事

Paul, are you okay?

保罗你没事吧

I am allowed to reassess my life.

我可以重新评估我的生活

You have no say in it.

你没有权利指手画脚

So I'm just supposed to wait around

所以我就该在一边等着

until you think I'm worthy of being your girlfriend?

直到你觉得我值得当你的女朋友吗

That's bullshit, dude.

那真扯淡老兄

Just tell me one of the things on your list.

告诉我你清单上的一项内容吧

Okay, fine. But only if you tell me one of yours.

好吧行但前提是你也说一项你的

Fine.

行

Okay.

好吧

"I can't see having kids with her."

"我无法想象跟她一起生孩子"

Your turn.

到你了

I'm afraid you'll never be successful.

我害怕你永远不会成功

All right, everybody, quiet down. Quiet down.

好了各位肃静肃静

I'm Sam. This is my boy Zachary.

我是山姆这是我兄弟扎克瑞

Now, we know why we're here today.

我们知道今天到这是干什么来了

Dale and Jaclyn went and eloped,

戴尔和杰奎琳私奔了

because they were too cheap to throw a proper wedding.

因为他们太小气了舍不得办一场像样的婚礼

"Two people haven't gotten married that fast

"我很久没见到有哪两个人比他们跑得更快

since Immigration came for my mom's gardener."

上次见还是移民局来抓我妈家的园丁那次"

It's true that this courtship was kind of quick,

没错他们的求爱过程的确很迅速

but the thing is,

但问题是

when your shadow looks like a broomstick with an afro,

如果你的影子看上去像是顶着非洲特色发型的扫帚柄

you lock down the first girl that lets you touch her titties!

你会锁定第一个肯让你碰她奶子的女人

"This-this dude is so ugly...

这家伙实在太丑了

"His dad left his family

把他爹丑得宁愿抛妻弃子

and asked to go to jail."

主动要求入狱

All joking aside,

暂且不提笑话了

it may seem like they ain't been dating that long,

看上去他们的恋爱时间并不长

but when it's the person you're meant to be with,

但是你一旦遇到命中注定的那个人

you know right away.

你立刻就能察觉到

And as you get to know them,

当你慢慢了解他们

you only grow to love them more.

你只会更加爱他们

uh, "Even if it doesn't work out,

就算你们婚姻不成功

we all got some wack-ass ceviche out of it, right?"

我们至少都能吃到一顿超赞的柠汁腌鱼生对吧

Sorry about that kiss thing. I apologize.

刚刚吻你老婆那事很对不起我道歉

I know he stole it. He's the one.

我知道是他偷的就是他干的

Oh. Right.

噢对哦

我爱上的人是奇葩 第三季 You're the Worst Season 3 第11集: 要不要把男朋友断舍离 The Inherent, Unsullied Qualitative Value of Anything

台词

我爱上的人是奇葩第三季 You're the Worst Season 3 第11集: 要不要把男朋友断舍离 The Inherent, Unsullied Qualitative Value of Anything