So you remember Jimmy, right?
Oh, my God. Gretchen.
Tough titties, it's a free country.
Anyway, I have to have this really sucky conversation with him
and I don't want to at all.
Your appointment isn't until next week.
You cannot just show up places.
Well then, stop Foursquaring yourself every time you leave the house,
like the Mayor of Thirsty Town.
Also, stop using Foursquare like the Mayor of 2011.
Okay. So you need something from Jimmy.
Yeah. I need his dad to have seen a cardiologist!
- I'm so sorry. When? - Okay.
-我很遗憾 什么时候 -好吧
So here's the part where you feel like total dog shit.
Remember you made me open my mail?
Well I did. And boom.
There's his dad's obit.
And I'm like, "Well, shit! How am I supposed to tell him?"
我就想 "妈的 我要怎么告诉他啊"
So how am I supposed to tell him?
- You haven't told him? - No! I couldn't!
-你还没告诉他吗 -没有 我没法儿说
He was so stoked about selling his book.
And then I got busy and forgot for a couple days.
But then, I was gonna tell him,
and I got preoccupied by this iguana on Instagram
who is just so over it.
It's gonna suck so bad.
I get it. It's tough.
The idea of seeing Jimmy in pain...
Jimmy? No, this is gonna suck for me.
吉米 不 到时候对我而言会变得糟糕
We've been having hella fun lately.
Boning like crazy.
I tricked him into giving me backrubs,
saying that it made me horny.
Jokes on you, dummy. I'm horny already.
被骗了吧 小傻瓜 我本来就性致盎然了
Here's an idea: what if I just never tell him?
I-I don't like to tell my patients what to do,
but Jesus Christ, you have to tell Jimmy his father died.
What if he cries,
and I see the sad little boy inside?
I don't want to tell him.
I know. And I've met Jimmy--
that sounds disgusting-- but you have to.
I suppose you want me to pay you now.
Ugh, you owe me a five spot.
the look we're going for is jocund but...
profoundly tormented. Okay?
Uh, what's going on, Jimbo?
Jacket photo. It's a bit early.
But I'm planning on going full D'Onofrio
once the advance money comes in.
Can you take a little break?
God, no, woman!
老天 不行 娘们儿
There's too much to do,
now that the starting gun on the Grand Prix has sounded,
the instant that I take my foot off the proverbial gas to celebrate,
shall materialize five other writers in my side mirror
just ready to pass me on the Autobahn
that is the publishing industry...
to clumsily mix European race car metaphors.
As a veteran writer girlfriend now,
you know that the work is never-ending.
But you spent the last few months drinking
and jerking it to the Lane Bryant shoe catalog.
If I have to explain this one more time:
Um, I'll be quick.
- Listen, Jimmy... - No, I'm sorry.
-听着 吉米 -不 不好意思
Look, this is gonna be a very long, arduous--
听着 在我身边 这会是一场冗长艰巨的旅程
yet certainly rewarding-- journey for you, at my side,
so before the madness begins,
as a pre-ward, I want to take you on a restorative trip.
Can we go on a cruise?
That's my dream vacation!
My parents always thought it was tacky.
Okay. Well, if your idea of paradise
is succumbing to Norovirus on a floating red state,
There-there is a water slide and-and a musical revue
and if the grown-ups are busy gambling,
you hang out with the other kids and just color!
Okay, I need to get back to my shoot.
I have a liquid brunch with my editor,
so we can plan marketing strategies.
Every mimosa is a chore.
Okay? Every sip is a brick in a literary wall
懂吗 我每喝一口酒 都是在给文学之墙的
- that I'm painting... - Got it. Yay! Cruise!
-一块砖上漆 -懂了 真棒 游轮
Okay, back to work. Props.
行了 继续工作吧 道具拿过来
- May I help you? - We're with the network.
So, how's your gimpy husband?
Poor Paul. He's off the couch,
but his wound keeps getting reinfected somehow.
I poked around there with my fingers,
and couldn't find anything.
I feel guilty because of how much he suffered.
And because you stabbed him on purpose.
I didn't want to kill him, I just snapped.
Lindser! Oh, my God,
I thought I was scared of you
that time you yelled at that cop in Tijuana.
You should be scared.
And it was so easy.
I was just like...
Poking some cheese.
Afterwards, I kept telling myself I didn't do it,
until I actually believed it.
Like how Oprah can eat bread now.
You don't love Paul.
That was true for Old Lindsay.
New Lindsay can put any thought in her brain.
Like that upside down movie with Juno and the dreidel
and Tom Hardy with the tight pants.
If I can incept myself I didn't stab Paul,
maybe I can incept myself into loving him.
How are things with the Jim-dogs?
Oh, suck-balls. His pops croaked.
- So what's the probs? - I haven't told him yet.
And now my therapist is making me.
You can't tell him, Gretch!
The second those words come out of your mouth,
you are no longer Jimmy's fun sex hole.
You're the guys at the beginning of Saving Private Ryan
who make the moms fall down.
That titty-sucking bitch is trying to
straight "Lemonade" My relationship.
- What do I do? - Get some other sucker to tell him.
You two know the policy on roughhousing.
I don't care if you are best friends.
Ten more minutes and I'm coming in there!
As I was saying, we've got a killer special.
$49 for three yoga sessions, or three Pilates sessions.
We also have a cutting-edge new lineup
of the hottest new hybrid workouts.
Piloxing: Pilates and boxing,
yogitsu: yoga and jujitsu,
Spowing: spinning and rowing,
Zustified: that's Zumba while you binge-watch Justified,
- it's actually not really... Edgar, shut up.
-那个其实不是很... -埃德加 闭嘴
We need to tell you a secret.
No, no, no, no, no. I-I don't want any secrets.
不要 不要 我不想听秘密
Secrets are your favorite thing.
Oh, this is a really bad time.
Okay? I've been stuck with processing some events,
like the time we got pinned down outside of Tikrit,
and we had to improvise body armor with tank shrapnel.
That's not so bad.
Or like, the time I was so thirsty I shot a camel.
Because you thought there was water in the humps?
Yeah. Turns out they don't work like that.
I-I don't have any room in my heads for any more dark...
Jimmy's dad died, and he doesn't know.
Jimmy's dad what?
Poor Ronny, poor Jimmy, poor camel.
可怜的罗尼 可怜的吉米 可怜的骆驼
Everything's bad, you guys.
Everything's really, really bad.
So you'll tell him, yeah? Thanks.
No, no, no way! I...
不 不可能 我...
I told enough people that someone that they love died.
I have an idea. When my parents got divorced,
they told us at Benihana's
so we wouldn't cause a scene.
The chef put a shrimp in his hat.
- How'd that work? - He just put a shrimp in his hat.
No, I mean, telling you in public.
不 我是说 在公众场合说出来
It totally made us not freak out as much.
Except later, I drank my mom's mai tai and climbed on the table
'cause I forgot it was a grill.
That's why I don't have footprints.
So, maybe I invite a bunch of people over,
and then everyone tells him together.
And then he associates the sadness with you jerks,
That suddenly sounds bad for us.
I got to go, you guys. I'm late teaching Treadsparent.
我得走了 伙计们 要来不及教"跑步家庭"了
It's running on a treadmill while you watch...
These hand-crutches were all Lindsay could find at the medical supply.
I don't like that place.
So many weird toilets.
I love sneaking an extra dessert, don't you?
One's for me, one's for my baby.
I'm not giving my dessert to your baby.
Oh, right, you meant my baby.
That's right, I'm still pregnant.
Looks like a normal vest with a ton of pockets, right?
Ever since I Venmo'd a year's salary to some chick in the Ukraine,
I can only have hobbies that cost less than $25.
Uh, thank you so much for coming to
Jimmy's surprise/congratulations-you-sold-the-book party.
Um, small change of plans, though.
Jimmy's dad passed away.
What a major tradge,
but happens every day on my operating table.
Someone dies every day on your operating table?
Not literally every day, dummy.
Our condolences, Gretchen.
We should let you two grieve in private.
Oh, no, no, no, no! Stay.
Wait, crazy idea.
Um, why don't we tell him together?
Well, it happened in England.
And there's a time difference, so --
Yeah, uh, so, when he comes home,
I'll give the signal, you guys drop the bomb,
and boom -- it's your fault.
Thanks so much for doing this.
Eat cheese, have fun.
He was almost my father-in-law.
Of course, I'm much closer to the whole thing
now that I'm going to have a daughter.
We're having a girl.
Isn't that amazing?
Can't you just die how cute we're gonna be together?
将来我们母女相依 简直萌死人 对吧
Of course, it's such a shame that our gender-reveal party
was spoiled when those North Korean hackers stole Vernon's identity.
Becca, we all know Vernon was a money-slave.
No, that was just a story he told,
because he was embarrassed.
I lost my dad, too.
- Your dad died? - No.
I just lost him.
Last week, we were at the Beverly Center
and he told me to go look at puppies while he went to Sunglass Hut.
I think we both knew what was about to happen.
So, I've been living alone, sleeping in his bed.
I'm not ready to be an adult.
Contemplate the sundry ways a society handles its elderly and infirm.
For instance, the noble Eskimo
sets himself adrift on an iceberg.
You love this smart, smart man.
You love his jiggly body and square face.
Gretchen, that brunch was a nightmare.
The publisher just kept telling me,
"When I write the book..."
Plus the "Bottomless" in "Bottomless mimosas"
means nothing if the waitress disappears
for ten minutes at a time.
Jimmy, look who's here.
You invited people over.
Is it Oscar night?
Well, keep it down.
I, of course, must handcuff myself to my laptop
until my book is written.
Good-bye, all. See you in the spring.
Um, everyone's here for you.
You're here to celebrate my book sale.
Well, it would be positively unsporting of me
to deny you the pleasure of basking in my success,
even though nothing good happened to you.
I never understood that impulse, really.
Though we do tend to gather around a fire.
No, Jimmy, you don't understand, um --
不 吉米 你误会了
- Hey, everybody, could we, um --? - And, Gretchen,
-大家 我们能不能... -格雷琴
my partner in crime,
the diminutive, mole-lipped
Lillian Hellman to my
You have been so supportive.
No problem. Uh, the people would like to tell you something.
So, I was gonna surprise you.
But I did some research.
And I think I found the perfect cruise for you.
It's called "The Famous Pets of Instagram Cruise."
They're all gonna be there for me?
When are we delivering the package, you know?
- The top secret intel? - Shut up.
After he buys the tickets.
This is the greatest day of my life!
I am gonna meet Grumpy Cat!
We're gonna live forever!
Lindsay, I got champagne in my wound.
The bubbles, they sting!
You have to flush it for me.
Okay, Bear, let's go to the sink.
Does it smell funny?
If it smells like eggs,
you have to take me back to urgent care!
You love him. You love him.
Want to get stupid?
How can you party like this when you know someone died?
I work at a hospital, dude.
Just 'cause a busload of dead kids rolled up,
doesn't make it not Margarita Monday.
It is really great to see you so happy.
You have always been a success in my book.
I picked out an ocean suite
with a porthole so we can smoke
and I added a meet and greet with Sarcastic Llama.
They take Apple Pay.
You just have to put your thumb on the thing.
They don't want me to succeed.
Oh, no, Jimmy, before you turn,
别啊 吉米 在你翻脸之前
can you just put your thumb on the thing?!
- Look at them. - No!
Sirens singing, "Come play with us."
But really they just want me to pilot my literary schooner
into the rocks of do-nothingness.
If you all didn't want me to fail,
then you would've listened when I said I have to write!
They're desperately afraid that I will shine so brightly,
it will illuminate how dim their lives are by comparison.
Unaccepted. This is attempted criminal derailment.
I don't know what you're saying, but it sounds jerky.
Yeah, and I'll be sure to return the favor and sabotage
没错 作为报复 我会搞砸
your eventual attempt to do something useful with your life
like finish your GED
or dance in your adult tap recital.
It's Afro-funk fusion.
Listen here, buster.
Lindsay is my bride,
she's pregnant with my offspring,
and she deserves respect!
I will do you one better.
I'm gonna go downstairs and get my heckle file.
And after I put you all in your place,
I'll be free to get to work,
- Yes. - Okay, everybody.
-好棒 -好了 各位
Clock is ticking. Let's rip off the Band-Aid.
We're going home. Vernon?
But I want to get heckled.
Fine, you can Uber home.
But only the cheap carpool one.
I can't wait to see him cry.
Go tell him, Gretchen!
No, Edgar's gonna do it.
I'm dealing with some major shit.
Delivering tragic news is a kind of service.
To sacrifice your own comfort
so they can have the gift of truth?
That is true nobility.
Like when I was born dead,
I vividly remember the pain in the doctor's voice
when he told my parents,
"I have good news and I have bad news.
"It's a boy and he's hella hung.
Bad news-- dude's dead."
Jimmy deserves to know the truth.
Thank you. You're a hero.
Now, get down there.
Ooh, and remind him about the cruise afterwards.
Maybe it's too early.
More like dim...
I'm afraid some of these heckles are a bit out of date.
"Paul, nice It's Pat cosplay.
"Edgar, I liked you better when you writing
"and starring in the hit musical In the Heights.
"Becca, "Heaven must be missing an angel,
"Because an angel saw your stupid face and blew its brains out."
That one's evergreen.
Uh, so you know how, uh, people come into your lives
and, and they touch you?
Is this about you being molested?
Every neighborhood had a handsy fishmonger.
It's about your father.
Has Gretchen been infecting you with her therapy?
See, unlike Gretchen, my father is a non-entity in my life.
If this is about anything,
it's about my need to disprove the notion
that at the core I'm just shit,
which all started when I was a kid and--
This is about my father.
- Yeah, okay, see-- - No wonder I can't take
-没错 是这样的 -难怪我没办法
a moment to enjoy my triumph.
- I-I wouldn't-- - He's my true enemy!
Instead of heckling my friends,
I am gonna call that old twat
- and tear him to pieces. - Uh, no, no, J-Jimmy!
-用撕逼大法把他撕成碎片 -不 吉米
- Thanks, Edgar. - Do not do that.
-谢谢 埃德加 -别那么做
This is the first good idea you've ever had.
Oh, no. Oh, this is bad.
It's really snotty and moany, isn't it?
他在哽咽抽泣 鼻涕糊一脸 对吧
- I'm gonna move to Arizona and sell turquoise jewelry. - No!
-我要搬去亚利桑那州 卖绿松石珠宝 -不要
He's gonna call his dad!
Wait, wait! You didn't tell him?!
We have to stop him.
One of the trash-bag sisters picks up.
We sent the obit. Da's dead.
And boom! A couple of weeks from now,
I have a tan line shaped like Grumpy Cat,
because she's been sitting on my lap on the cruise deck...
Gretchen, you don't get to be in charge anymore!
What? You can't do that.
My man takes charge.
Everyone who's not currently on hobble sticks,
go down there and stop him from calling his dead father!
A ghost picks up the phone, I'm gonna shit my pants.
Shh, what's he saying?
Hey, Ronny, it's your son.
嘿 罗尼 我是你儿子
You're probably at the pub passed out in your stool
over a half-eaten scotch egg in lard sauce,
but I just wanted to let you know...
I sold a book, Daddy.
Thanks for sticking up for me earlier.
I think my wound is weeping again.
Can I give you my profesh medical opinion?
You need some help.
Just got off the phone with my father.
Sure gave it to old Ronny.
First, I jabbed him about his illiteracy
and then his pulmonary oxygen absorption rate.
Jimmy, your dad died.
Yeah, when I heckled him so hard.
是啊 我把他黑那么狠 他气死了
This came in the mail. I'm so sorry!