So you said let's do the show about the horse,
- but this time without the horse. - I know, I'm sorry.
-但是不出现马 -我知道 抱歉
And I said "That's a terrible idea."
And you said, "I got someone even better." I got...
- What's this asshole's name again? - Vincent D'Onofrio.
- And here we are. - Okay. Action!
-结果这样了 -好 开始
m 211 -8 b b b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 20 0 l 209 0 b b b 11 228 0 218 0 209 l 0 20 b 0 11 11 0 20 0
m 71 60 b 71 0 161 0 161 60 b 161 120 71 120 71 60
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Hey, Zoe. Hey, Zelda.
喂 佐伊 喂 萨尔达
- I forgot my boombox. - And your deodorant.
b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
- Zoe, that's no way to get adopted. - Adopted, by me?
-佐伊 这样可不会被收养 -我收养你们吗
Children, I'm a single breakdancing instructor
孩子 我是霹雳舞教练 单身
who can barely take care of himself.
Plus, I'm too rad to be a dad.
It's fine, Katrina.
If I didn't randomly wander into doors all the time,
I never would have ended up co-piloting the very plane
that brought me to Los Angeles.
Excuse me, didn't you see the flashing red light outside the door?
Of course. That's why I stopped...
what I was doing to come inside.
Are you filming a sitcom? I love sitcoms!
You should have a character say, "Talk to the hand."
The hand! Not the face, where the ears are.
Newsflash: hands can't hear.
What do you mean the character needs to be more likable?
They don't teach likability at the American Stanislavski Theatre.
Look, this is not about your acting.
You don't want an actor, you want a blank canvas
upon which to project your own mawkish notions of goodness.
Some man for all seasons up for a bit of anything--
1967年奥斯卡最佳影片A Man For All Seasons（《永远走红的人》）
cheerful, optimistic, indomitable.
爽朗 乐观 不屈不挠
I assure you no such man exists.
But you're welcome to keep looking.
This D'Onofrio has had enoughfrio.
But my favorite scenes are when a character
is completely oblivious to something really important going on behind him.
That, dear friends, is where the sit truly hits the com.
- Excuse me. - Kind of in the middle of something.
- He's yakking away, tension's building... - Hey, you, sir.
-他还在喋喋不休 气氛已紧张到不行 -先生
...the audience is like, "Hey, buddy, turn around."
...观众们暗示他 "兄弟 转个身"
Maybe the person behind him even interrupts him--
- Can we talk to you for a second? - Just like that.
And then, when it would be ridiculous to go on even one second longer...
- My name is David Chase. - Do you mind?
Only then does he say, exasperated,
"What? What do you want?"
I want your face on billboards, you beautiful nonsensical clown prince.
Doggie-doggie what now?
Kid, how'd you like to be the star
of "Untitled Horsin' Around Knockoff"?
Me, a star? But I have no experience, no formal training.
让我当明星 我没经验 也不是科班出身
You, you don't need any of those things.
Hey, BoJack, it's me again.
I haven't heard from you in, like, three months,
so I'm calling again to make sure you're okay.
What's new with me?
No, I think you're thinking of Mr. Peanut.
I don't know if you heard
but Mr. Peanutbutter is running for governor, kind of.
I want a comprehensive crisscross of cold calls to Contra Costa County.
I mean, Christ, people, get me signatures.
First, they need to get Woodchuck Coodchuck-Berkowitz recalled,
which is basically impossible.
So that actually makes it really easy for me to be supportive.
- How's the recall effort? - Stupendous!
No. We're about 4,000 signatures shy of stupendous,
and the deadline's in a week.
Even if you don't get all the signatures I'll still be proud of you.
Maybe even more so.
But when we do get the signatures we need--
- please note I said "when," not "if"... - Noted.
...then the campaign will begin in... where did you say again, Katrina?
Earnest. When we get the signatures, the campaign will begin in earnest.
认真点 我们拿到选票时 竞选就正式开始了
Right. Earnest, California.
Earnest is not a city in Cal-- Why do I try?
Looks like you two have everything worked out.
Just please note that I am being supportive.
Most women wouldn't like having their husband's ex-wife
hanging around all the time, but I'm totally cool with it
because she makes me look super chill by comparison.
Anyway, call me back.
This is Diane, by the way. Nguyen, obviously.
You sure you wouldn't rather just play a governor
in a movie or TV show?
I could attach Tommy Schlamme to direct.
Tommy Schlamme, Shmommy Schlamme.
This is bigger than all that. Don't you recall?
- Recall what? - The governor. We need signatures.
-忘了什么 -州长大选 我们在拉票
Sure. Where do you stand on the issues?
He doesn't stand anywhere on issues
because he's not running for governor yet.
I'm mainly for people right now and also for the future.
Listen, I'm not feeling so hot.
Why don't you go get signatures downstairs.
Jennifer Garner's in the lobby. She'll sign on to anything.
Judah! Can I get your John Wilkes Hancock?
Oh, I never developed a signature.
I find them unnecessarily ostentatious.
But I can print my name legibly.
Thank you, Rain Man-bun. That'll do nicely.
谢了 "雨人"兄弟 完美
Ralph dropped this off for you.
"I always make a beeline
Also, you wanted me to remind you about
FX's "American Dead Girl" miniseries.
That's right! What trainwreck are we rubbernecking at this year?
They're doing the Sarah Lynn story
and they're looking for someone to play BoJack.
Well, as I was saying, FX is looking for a BoJack Horseman--
So, as we discussed earlier,
is this one of the moments where you would want privacy?
You know what I'd do if I had eight million dollars?
- Yeah, you'd give it to the waitress. - Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, if I had eight million dollars now,
I'd start a company that makes remote-controlled drones.
But these drones have a seat hanging from the bottom
so you can fly around in it.
A drone with a throne. A drone throne.
But if you're in it, isn't it not a drone?
I feel like you're getting really hung up on labels.
Well, anyways, with my eight million dollars
I'm starting a new dating app just for firemen
and redheaded women named Emily.
You don't need an app, just hang out with me.
Todd, you're great.
What a way to end a sentence.
But I want a boyfriend who isn't asexual.
Why did you call me that?
No, no, it's not bad. I didn't mean it negatively.
不 不 别多想 我不是那个意思
I was just, like, stating it.
I'm not-- that word doesn't describe--
Okay, I'm sorry, whatever you call yourself,
you're my friend and I support you.
But sometimes labels can be helpful.
Well, I would label this conversation "rough".
And this cow likes getting tipped.
Hey, BoJack, it's me again, voicemail number 17.
波杰克 又是我 第17条语音留言
Did I tell you I'm working at a blog?
I wrote a story about an all-girl refugee kickball league.
It didn't get as many clicks as
Gillian's story about how in certain pictures
you can see the outline of Chris Hemsworth's penis
but, you know, we're all contributing in our own ways.
Anyway, it's weird not having you around.
不过 没你在 真奇怪
I hope you're okay, wherever you are.
"I'm so smitten with my favorite little adult cat."
I'm sorry I couldn't make it
to the "Paul Blart 3: Till Death Do Us Blart" premiere last night.
I had a doctor's appointment.
- Is everything okay? - Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
-你还好吧 -还好 没事
I don't like not knowing where you are,
especially when we live three freeways
and an unprotected left turn away from each other.
I was thinking, what if you move somewhere closer to me,
Would you, could you, with a mouse?
I could, and I would, but it's not a good time.
我愿意 非常愿意 但时机未到
- I'm sorry. - No, no, it's fine. There's no hurry.
-抱歉 -不 没关系 急不来
- We're still young, right? - Oh, yeah, I'm super young.
-我们还很年轻 不是吗 -是啊 我还嫩得很
Blake Lively accidentally called me Mommy yesterday,
but I'm sure she does that to other young women all the time.
Oh, God, today's the day.
I haven't been this nervous since Diane was vacuuming
during a thunderstorm on the Fourth of July,
I had to take a bath, and there was a stranger in our yard.
There's no need to be nervous, or calm for that matter
because you've already lost.
We're 1,600 signatures short and the clock runs out at 9:00 AM.
So it's gonna take a miracle, huh?
Everyone can get out of my house now.
Tough break, kid. We're all in shock.
McG! Are you still looking for a star
for your transgender Teddy Roosevelt
"Planes Trains and Automobiles" reboot,
"Plans, Trans, A Man, A Canal, Panama"?
旅行计划 变性人 男人 巴拿马运河
Because someone just became available.
I don't understand what happened.
Let me put it in terms your dumb dog brain can comprehend.
All your life people have been throwing you bones
because they like you,
but everyone has a ceiling to their likability.
This is a bone you can't have,
because people just don't like you enough.
- I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter. - You know, it's funny.
-抱歉 花生酱先生 -这太搞笑了
Personally I like Woodchuck and he's a fine governor,
but for some reason even though I have zero qualifications
I honestly thought I would have made an even better governor.
Well, what matters is you tried.
But I would have been good, right?
Now that there's no chance you will ever be governor,
I can tell you honestly...
Yes. You would have been great.
Stop. But seriously, though, elaborate.
打住 但说真的 一点没错
You care about people, you follow your heart.
Those are important qualities you should never give up on.
So what you're saying is I shouldn't give up?
- On those qualities. - Yeah. Never concede.
-我是说那些品格 -没错 永不言败
Stick it out, stay in the race.
Maybe we should get Katrina's two cents on this.
- Katrina? - Race. That's it, Diane!
-卡特里娜 -继续竞选 戴安
You diabolical Thin Mint.
are responsible for the great thing I am about to do.
Moments ago I found myself in what seemed to be a no-win situation.
But it turns out it was a "Nguyen situation."
I'm referring of course to my supportive wife Diane Nguyen,
who told me to never give up!
And that's why I am challenging Woodchuck Coodchuck-Berkowitz
- to a ski race down Devil's Mountain. - What?
No more petitions or fancy ballot initiatives,
just a mano a mano, no-holds-barred slippery slalom
down an ice-covered peak.
Winner gets to be governor, loser goes home.
Your move, Governor. Mic drop!
行动吧 州长 关麦克风
What the hell is he talking about?
It sounds like he's challenging you to a ski race down Devil's Mountain.
What an absurd conceit. Do I even need to respond to this?
Because I'd rather focus on my drought relief optimization
using geohydration technology, or DROUGHT plan.
If I know anything, this story will go away in a couple of days.
Now Mr. Peanutbutter,
you challenged Woodchuck to a ski race a month ago.
Not just any ski race, a high-stakes dash down Devil's Mountain
for the governorship itself.
But still no comment from the governor.
Why won't he race you? That's what I want to know.
You and me both, friendo.
But this isn't an us-ocracy, it's a dem-ocracy.
So let's ask "dem" what they think.
Any questions for the governor, folks?
Why won't Woodchuck race?
So, to be clear, my DROUGHT plan is actually a drought relief plan.
I see now how that's confusing. Any other questions?
Are you going to race Mr. Peanutbutter?
Any questions about the DROUGHT plan?
To ski or not to ski?
That was the question posed by William Shakespeare
and it's perhaps even more relevant today.
Of course, there are reasons why a gubernatorial election
should not be decided by a ski race,
but are there also reasons why it should?
For the sake of "fairness"
we brought in two experts with opposite opinions
who will now have equal time to just say those opinions
because that's what news is.
You think they'll really race down Devil's Mountain?
What do I care? As long as I've got my giant bag of kettle corn
that's the only thing that concerns me.
- What the? - Drone Throne strikes again!
Get back here with my kettle corn!
You can't call it a drone if you're riding on it.
I was hoisted by my own petard,
the one petard I thought would never hoist me.
This poppycock has no precedent.
Maybe it's time to make a statement.
This outlandish buffoonery is beneath the office of the governor.
I can't defile the legacy of my predecessors
who built the Golden Gate Bridge, irrigated the Central Valley,
and played Mr. Freeze in a Batman movie.
Can't you see this thing is eating you alive?
Do it for us, Woodcharles. Do it for us.
为了我们 你还是发个声明吧 旱獭
And so this ski race would be both undemocratic and unconstitutional,
which is why I will not be racing Mr. Peanutbutter down Devil's Mountain.
What if the state constitution would change to allow it?
Then would you race Mr. Peanutbutter?
Fine. If a state senator wanted to waste everybody's time
by sponsoring an amendment to the constitution,
and the motion got two-thirds majority in both houses
so as to allow a democratically-elected governor
to accept a ski race challenge for his office,
then yes, I would race Mr. Peanutbutter.
Well, I guess that puts that idea to bed, right?
You want me to sponsor a ski race amendment to the constitution?
Or you could sponsor the amendment that has a hidden rider
doubling farm subsidies in your district.
- Inglewood could use some farms. - That's right.
I do have these campaign donors-- I mean, constituents
who really care about babies' access to vaping devices.
I've always wanted to drive across a bridge to Hawaii.
- Can we do that? - You got it.
I'm astounded that it has come to this.
But since the exorbitantly expensive
and astonishingly titled I Love California amendment is now law,
I formally accept Mr. Peanutbutter's challenge to a ski race.
It happens that I'm an excellent skier
who won numerous medals in the sport when I raced for Dartmouth
but, again, I am shocked that fact is relevant
in the matter of selecting our state's governor.
Mr. Peanutbutter, I will see you on Devil's Mountain.
花生酱先生 我们魔鬼山 不见不散
- Whoa! - This is insane.
You could actually become governor by winning a race.
You know, it's days like this I wish I knew how to ski.
- You don't ski? - Never really got into it, no.
Then why did you challenge the governor to a ski race?
I didn't think it would get this far.
You gotta admit, this is pretty out there.
Well, I guess that's it. Oh, well. Tough break. Bye forever, Katrina.
没戏了 糟糕透了 永别了 卡特里娜
No, this is not over. This is just beginning.
Mr. Peanutbutter, you're going to ski school.
Doggie-doggie what now?
Hey, BoJack, it's me again.
Where are you, I'm worried,
hope you're not dead, etcetera, you get it.
Anyway, things are even crazier around here lately.
Don't know if you've seen the news,
but I really wish you were here for this.
Well, I'm off to ski school so I can learn how to ski,
so I can become the governor.
I'm sure you'd say something like,
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Sounds great, sweetheart.
But as the old saying goes, that's politics.
Then you'd probably say, "A, that's not an old saying
and, B, that's not politics! Nothing about that is politics."
Then you would be so overwhelmed
by the unbearable ludicrousness of the situation
that you would get in your car and drive to Hawaii,
which is also a thing you could do now
because of a new bill that cost our state billions of dollars.
You know, it's funny, because the last time I saw you
you told me that you needed me in your life,
and then you just disappeared.
So how do you think that makes me feel?
Well, wherever you are, I hope you're happy.
I really do, BoJack.
Also, I haven't seen Todd in a while. He's not with you, is he?
Oh, simple kettle corn.
Between the worlds of the sweet and the savory.
Not quite popcorn, not quite candy.
Hey, get away! Get, get!
Wow, my first day at ski academy.
What collegiate shenanigans will befall me?
There will be no shenanigans on my watch.
the famously humorless yet somehow also loveable ski instructor?
Peanutbutter, is it? Everything about you disgusts me.
And yet, there might be something in you after all.
This shall be my greatest challenge.
Meet me on the summit tomorrow at daybreak.
Well, it is daybreak and here we are at the summit.
First lesson, break your skis in half.
I don't have skis. Was I supposed to bring skis?
- You didn't say that. - No bother. They shan't be required.
-你没说要带 -没关系 反正也不需要
Instead, read this book of poetry.
I'll see you in the classroom.
There you are. Did you read the book of poetry?
- Excellent. - I'm sor-- Excellent?
-太棒了 -抱歉 这很棒吗
My assignment was a test.
Skiing isn't about reading old books.
It's about speaking truth to power,
and you have spoken it eloquently.
You are my finest student.
- Are you okay, professor? - Just a cough.
-你还好吗 教授 -只是有点咳嗽
I'm sure it's nothing. You can come by tomorrow for your diploma.
I can't believe ski school is already over.
Professor Thistlethorpe? Professor Thistlethorpe!
Remember everything I taught you.
Also, if you have any tips for skiing that would be really helpful.
The most important part of skiing
is to keep your legs ben...
Devil's Mountain is the place, skiing is the sport.
比赛场地 魔鬼山 比赛项目 滑雪
I'm uncomfortable. It's cold out.
Tell me, who do you think will win today's bout
and what does it mean for the future of California?
I hate winter sports.
I want to go inside and drink a cider.
Woodchuck, off to a great start.
Mr. Peanutbutter seems to be employing
some sort of awkwardly falling down technique.
- Any sign of them? - Nothing yet.
- I made you a card. - You did?
Oh, wow, it's sparkly.
Sorry, I went a little overboard with the glitter
and a little underboard with the glue.
"Let's move in together. I think I'm ready now."
This is great. Are you sure, though,
because last time you seemed a little hesitant.
No, I was just a little pregnant.
I was gonna tell you, really,
but then before I could tell you there was nothing to tell you.
I'm so sorry. I still wish you would've told me.
I have a card for that. On the front it says, "Life isn't fairage."
I'm sorry. I just felt dumb because all my life I've wanted a family.
抱歉 我觉得自己很傻 因为我一直梦想有个家
But I didn't want it to happen just because I got pregnant by accident
- and then you got stuck with me. - Okay, first of all,
if I'm getting stuck to something,
you're the prettiest glue trap I ever saw.
- You know what I mean. - Second, if that's how you feel,
-你明白我的意思 -其次 如果你这样想的话
maybe you shouldn't get pregnant by accident.
- Well, I didn't try to! - No.
I'm saying maybe we should get you pregnant on purpose.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, we love each other and we enjoy having sex with each other--
we're really good at having sex with each other.
And also, I think you'd be an amazing mother.
Even Blake Lively thinks so.
Woodchuck in the lead, still in the lead.
Woodchuck remains very much in the lead.
Goodbye, dear friend.
You served me well.
Okay, all right, here we go.
- Did I win? - Come on, honey.
Well, I hope that settles it.
We can finally put an end to this nonsense.
Sir, the rules are clear:
the first person to cross the finish line becomes governor,
and, well, a strange boy fell out of the sky
and crossed the line first.
They're swearing him in now.
- So help me Todd. - Congratulations, Governor Chavez.
-天助我也 -恭喜 查韦斯州长
You know, ever since I first became governor
I've thought, "I don't want to be governor"
and that's where I am now.
So, can I not be governor?
You'd like to resign?
Yeah. I'm just really not into labels right now.
Maybe after some soul searching I'll be ready to really know what I am.
But for right now, I think I speak for all Californians
when I say, "I ate too much kettle corn
while drifting through the sky on an out of control drone throne."
Okay, is this charade over? Can I be governor again?
Sir, we live in a society of laws.
When a governor resigns, that triggers a special election.
Until which, the governor's seat shall remain vacant.
Mr. Peanutbutter, will you run?
- You bet I will, and you know why? - No, tell me.
-当然 你懂的 -我懂才怪
Because this whole ski race was a joke.
Of course Woodchuck was gonna beat me. He went to Dartmouth.
So where's the candidate for regular schmoes like me,
- who went to Northwestern? - Is he serious right now?
You know, Governor Woodchuck Coodchuck-Berkowitz
thinks he's better than us, but is he better than us?
- No! - If I could say a few words--
He thinks the race is over.
Well, I say it's just starting.
And he wants me to sit and stay and roll over?
- No! - I say California's tired of rolling over.
- Yeah! - I'm tired.
I say it's time for me to stand up and speak.
Diane-Diane what now?
So loud as you can, let me hear what you want.
- Citizens-- - I can't hear you!
- Peanutbutter! - Friends, some decorum, please.
-花生酱 -朋友 礼貌点
- The mailbox belonging to... - BoJack Horsemack--
- Horseman-- oh, wait, how do I-- - ...is full. Goodbye.
-马男... 稍等 -信箱已满 再见
*Back in the '90s I was in a very famous TV show*
*I'm Mr. Peanutbutter*
*Now tell me How can I get no votes?*
*Yeah, I'm for the future Yeah, everyone will get a free TV*
- All right! - *I'll put my face on billboards*
*The entire world will see*
*Yeah, I promise peace and love across this broken land*
*Yeah, I'm your governor Mr. Peanutbutter man*
*I'm tasty and good-lookin' 'Cause that's just who I am*