Here's what you missed on Shameless last week:
I got really drunk.
I-I'm not sure what happened after that.
What the hell is he doing here?
I can't afford to live somewhere else and support you two.
- Who the fuck's Tony? - Tony's sweet.
The cars I sell are mainly not mine.
I like you, Fiona.
Uh, you remember Steve?
Yeah. How's it going?
She doesn't care if you have a girlfriend.
I'm getting married.
Veronica Fisher, would you do me the honor of being my wife?
You don't seem very happy to be getting married.
That's 'cause I'm already married.
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翻译： J小糯 原子蛋 echocherry 花零落
片源： Rass 鱼骨头 后期： 孤帆 法海 总监：大卫熊
I wasn't even thinking about getting married
until he brought it up. Now I'm, like, obsessed.
Wasn't he drunk when he proposed?
Oh, yeah. It was like that David Hasselhoff video,
eating a cheeseburger.
Oh, you gotta YouTube it.
It's like a car wreck-- you can't not watch.
You really want a drunk proposal
to be the story you tell your grandkids?
My husband proposed to me at the top of the Sears Tower.
Champagne and roses.
Six months into the marriage,
I found out he was fucking my sister.
And the moral of the story is?
My sister's a bitch.
Other than the presents and the booze,
give me three good reasons why you want to get married.
Lots of people who love each other get married every day, Fiona.
The way things are between you and Kevin right now,
What do you get for that?
What are they paying for the neck thing, disability?
674 bucks a month.
That's what I get.
But look, I can do this.
While I admire your commitment,
it's a bit over the top.
I told them I get migraines.
Try proving I don't have them.
I bet it itches like you got crabs in there.
Why are we getting married?
Other than the presents and the booze, can you tell me
three good reasons why you want to get married?
Wait a minute-- this isn't one of those tests, is it?
One of those woman things
where I'm supposed to change your mind?
If it is, you just failed.
You saying you don't want to get married?
No, I mean, things between us are pretty great.
不 我的意思是 我们目前的感情非常好
I don't want to ruin it.
What would we tell people?
That the wedding's off. No one's damn business why.
Guess I gotta tell mama.
Oh, yeah. That's gonna suck.
She's on her way over to talk about the blessed event.
I am gonna miss getting a free KitchenAid mixer.
Can we still register for gifts,
even though you're not getting married?
I got a gift for ya.
"Here comes the bride, all dressed in white!"
which I think you can still get away with, baby.
Oh, I can't believe it! Oh, I can't believe it!
I can't believe this!
Nothing happened, mama. We just deci--
没发生什么 妈妈 我们刚刚决...
How could you do this to me?
Look, mama, nothing's gonna change.
听着 妈妈 一切照旧
Kev and I are still together.
- Yeah, mama-- - Don't call me mama.
-是啊 妈妈 -别管我叫妈
We're just cutting out all the paperwork, right?
You know, and besides, until gay people
can get married in this state.
You know this isn't what your father wants.
You know that, don't you?
Daddy's dead, mama. He doesn't really want anything.
爸爸早死了 妈妈 他什么都没想过
Your daddy, rest his soul,
wants to see his little girl married.
That's why he set aside a little something for you
for once you finally settled down.
Your daddy left you money for your first home
- once you got married. - A house?
Yeah, he thought it might
keep you from being somebody's baby mama.
- How much? - I don't know!
He wanted the envelope opened on your wedding day.
Now I guess we'll never know.
I just... I never knew how much it meant to daddy.
Maybe we should reconsider, babe.
But what about the gay people?
They got their parades. They can wait.
It's hot. I'm hot.
you have no idea what this means to me.
Means you get to smoke weed
and keep your government job, and I get to eat.
It's lasagna, straight from the oven.
- It's still warm. - So's this.
Keep it that way, if you want to pass.
Eat it or miss it, people!
What, more piss food?
- You know it. - All right!
- Cup-a-lasagna. - Right here.
Who was on dishes today?
Uh, I'll get them after lunch.
Hey, Debs, you ready to go to Target?
It's either vomit or fancy cheese.
It can be both if you want.
Deb's gonna go help me register for wedding gifts.
- I thought the wedding was off? - Back on.
- Kev know? - Uh-huh.
Mmm... damn. You tell that girl Sonny
I will crap on a paper plate for her
if it'll get me some of this grub.
- Francis Gallagher. - Yeah.
I don't see how that has any bearings on my migraines.
Me neither, but it's on the State form.
Have you ever done a testicular self-examination?
I say leave those three bad boys down there alone.
Yeah, well, that's the problem.
Should only be two testicles invited to this party.
I need you and your testicles back here tomorrow for a biopsy.
So, I got an extra passenger on board.
What's the big deal?
Normal number's two.
Not for me. Third guy's always been there.
He's my lucky charm. Gave me six kids.
Mmm. Probably benign then.
You're smart not to worry till you do a biopsy.
Gives you something to worry about.
Uh, pretty sure you can't bring a baby into a bar, ma'am.
明确告诉你 女士 严禁携带婴儿进入酒吧
And I'm pretty sure you can't get married if you already are.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Why the hell doesn't she know yet?
- 'Cause... I'm afraid to tell her. - Kev...
-因为 我不敢告诉她 -凯文
I don't want to make her sad, Fi.
It would break my heart to hurt her.
Just tell her the truth, Kev.
If you don't, I will.
Can you hit me with a milk refill?
The devil's in my balls, Billy,
and he's comin' for the rest of me.
Let's hope he can swim.
Why, Billy? Why me?
为毛 比利 为毛是我
Because you're an asshole, Frank.
Doc says it's probably benign.
Look at Lance Armstrong. He had that ball cancer.
Yeah, he ends up fucking a rock star.
That's right! That's right! See?
没错 没错 瞧见没
Okay, I know that this is silly,
but I'm really starting to
get excited about this whole wedding thing.
The gifts and the wedding
and being Mrs. Kevin Ball.
You know old man Parson's place on Fifth?
I think we should buy it.
You know, the one where the son went crazy
and hit him with an axe?
It's for sale and I think we should start,
like, getting our stuff together--
all the loans and credit scores and all that.
What's the matter, babe?
I'm sure they got the blood cleaned up by now.
I can't marry you, Veronica.
I'm already married.
She's a head case.
She used to throw plates at me.
She couldn't handle her booze.
That's how I got the scars on the back of my neck.
Baby, you have no idea
how many times I wanted to tell you over the years,
but the more time went on, the more unreal it all seemed.
Look like a douche bag with that mullet.
Oh, I can't believe this.
Guess we can forget about buying a house.
You don't actually have to get married, do you?
I mean, your mom wants a wedding.
So, give her one.
I could get ordained online.
Then we just don't file the license with the state.
You'd still be married.
It just won't be legal.
Yeah, but what's the point then?
All the free shit, baby!
Oh, baby, come on.
That would've sucked.
Showing up at your wedding fucking paralyzed and shit?
- Yeah. - Oh, shit.
Looks a bit like Top Ramen in there, doesn't it?
Sweetie, would you like me to come with you to your the biopsy?
No, it's probably nothing.
- An ingrown hair. - Yes, I think you're right.
-或是内生阴毛 -没错 我觉得你说的对
You're gonna be just fine.
Why the hell are you crying?
I knew it was too good to be true.
Jesus, Sheila, I'm not gonna die.
天啊 希拉 我不会死的
I haven't even had the biopsy yet.
It was probably that nut-vise sex toy
of hers that gave you the damn cancer.
I'm gonna need the house next week for Bible study.
We're doing the Passion Play again.
It might get noisy.
I have two plots at Oak Woods Cemetery.
One was for Eddie.
Nothing would make me happier
than to bury you in one of them.
Wait there for me.
Oh, God, I'm gonna die.
He married your father and I,
Aunt Rochelle, Uncle Bobby, and cousin Jimmy with the--
还有罗切尔姨妈 鲍比舅舅 堂兄吉米跟他
you know, that first wife of his,
the one with the cleft palate.
A cleft palate is merely the mark God leaves
when he kisses a person before they're born.
That girl's mama just skipped the folic acid.
I'm gonna need you both
to come to my weekend Engagement Encounter retreat.
It covers all of the pre-Cana material
necessary for you to be married with God's blessing.
Uh, could you excuse us for just a second, please?
Might be kind of fun to do it at a church outing, huh?
Veronica, that man in there is a priest.
He's gonna require a license.
And I'm pretty sure bigamy is still
a felony in the state of Illinois.
Why did you let your mom drag us down here?
You know that Mama wasn't gonna take no.
What about Fiona? Wasn't she gonna marry us?
Relax, baby. I got this.
放松点 宝贝儿 我来搞定
You know what, Mama?
We already have someone that's gonna do the wedding for us.
Is this some healing hands, voodoo, wheat grass jackass?
Because that is not a wedding in the Lord's eyes.
Go ahead, tell them, Father.
你来说 神父 告诉他们
Tell them that it's not a wedding in the Lord's eyes.
that just like the honeybee, God has many eyes.
Look, it has to be a priest.
That's what your father wanted, that's what I want
and that's what the Lord wants.
Wedding's not gonna work.
Mama wants a real priest.
Sheila said she'd make your wedding dress, if you want.
Oh, that's nice, but what good is a dress
if I don't have a priest?
You could hire an actor.
Remember the guy who played Elmo at my birthday party?
He took his head off.
It was traumatizing.
You think an actor could work?
You know what? I could probably get
Father Pete to do it if Carl will help.
What's it gonna cost me?
Uh, Karen and I use your place Friday night?
Father Pete, the groper?
Better late than never.
Even better on time. What's with the costume?
I made Cadet Lieutenant Colonel today.
- You did? That's great! - Yeah.
-真的吗 太棒了 -是啊
When I get back, I want the new stock shelved
with all of the labels facing the same direction.
Where are you going?
Your head is like a funnel.
The Boy Scout trip is this weekend.
They have Muslim Boy Scouts?
It's similar. The motto is still "Be prepared,"
but you learn how to work with chemicals
instead of tying knots.
The troop is sponsored by the Baptist church.
They give us free outfits and overnights,
and we let 'em think we're assimilating.
I'll be back Sunday night.
I'm so proud of you.
It's not that big of a deal.
Linda and the boys are gone for two nights.
We're gonna have a whole night together to celebrate.
- Oh, God! - Good God!
-噢 天啊 -上帝啊
Was that the biopsy?!
I'm gonna take a look.
I'm just gonna take a look.
that is definitely better.
I think you're okay.
I'm just gonna shave you, okay?
I've never been shaved down there before.
Just doing a small section.
Maybe I could come back later
and you could shave the other two.
Ooh! It feels like Spring!
Wish I could say this wasn't gonna hurt.
You don't have to go too crazy here, Sheila,
but as close to Vera Wang as you can get.
You are going to make a beautiful bride.
Aw, Sheila, you're making me feel like Cinderella.
Screw Cinderella. Little doe-eyed bitch.
Probably one of the worst role models for little girls.
I think Cinderella was a feminist.
The whole idea of marriage is a useless vestige
of an archaic civilization.
How would you know?
I watched one unravel.
Oh, so one example of a bad one makes them all bad, hmm?
In olden times, marriage was nothing more
than a legal exchange of women for property.
Maybe you're being a little pessimistic.
It's just a piece of paper!
A birth certificate is just a piece of paper.
And money-- money is just a piece of paper.
But those are pretty valuable.
Hey, Gloria Steinem, enough of the blah-blah.
Let's talk bachelorette party.
I got that covered, don't worry.
'Cause we gonna be doing it.
Let's go. Let's go!
feeling tired, seeing more of my oncologist
than I see of my whole family.
The hardest thing for me to accept is the fact
that I can't fix this.
I'm so used to being the mom, you know?
The one who takes care of everyone and everything.
And this is breast cancer.
I can't fix this.
Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you...
that's gotta suck.
I mean, mine's in my balls.
At least they've got a reason to be pissed.
Tucked between two legs, wedged right near your asshole.
There's no good way to sit, no underwear that's been devised
to hold 'em effectively in place.
They're a bizarre appendage.
Which is why I don't believe in intelligent design.
There is no God.
We're all gonna die.
Why do I have to do it?
'Cause you're the only one
who's young enough to be an altar boy.
We'll stop him before anything goes down.
The Gallagher boys.
If you're here to steal the noon offering basket,
you're out of luck.
- Already off to the bank. - No, no.
-已经没有了 -不是 不是
Carl here is interested in being an altar boy.
That's a big responsibility.
We tried talking him out of it, but he cried and cried,
so we thought we'd bring him in,
see if you thought he had what it takes.
Be back for ya in a bit, bud.
Want to watch Scarface again tonight?
Can't. Got a date.
Ooh, a Mandy date or Kash date?
You're a slut, man.
Looks like we have a priest for V's wedding.
No, no, priest is real.
不 不 牧师是真的
We're just not gonna file the license.
A little immoral, don't you think? Like lying to God's face?
在上帝面前撒谎 有点不道德啊 你不觉得吗
Really, Mr. Morality?
Whose car is this that we're in?
It's not like I have a priest in the back.
Are you still picking up the cake?
Hey, can Kev and V use this car for their big exit
after the reception?
Uh, yeah, I think that could work.
I just, I need it back right after.
- Okay. - You can't do anything bad to it.
And no sex in it.
I just need this thing in perfect condition.
I just... Whoa, whoa!
Aw, damn it! Damn it!
Relax, relax. It happens, okay?
放松 放轻松 常有的事
Yeah? What happens, prison time?
是吗 发生什么 进监狱吗
I thought that was you.
Your uniform looks different.
Yeah, they issued new coats.
See you at Kev and Veronica's wedding tomorrow?
I'm gonna need to see your license and registration, sir.
What? Why, Officer, sir?
什么 为什么 警官 先生
Well, you were doing 35 in a 25.
And there was some swerving.
That was kind of weird.
Here's my license, but I actually don't have the registration.
It's actually my friend's car.
You really are supposed to have that on you at all times.
Let me see what I can do.
I'll be right back.
Why did you give him your license?!
That's not my real license.
Yeah, so now what? We run?
No, that never works.
Jesus, you got me?
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
好 多谢 哥们
Follow car. Always use a follow car.
Watch your speed, sir.
See you at the wedding, Fi.
What about the car?
My heart's in my throat right now.
It's adrenaline. It's kinda cool, isn't it?
I'll see you at the wedding.
- Angelica's Bakery, right? - Yeah, right.
-安吉里卡面包店 是吧 -是的
I've decided to start wearing a tie every day.
I could die at any moment.
I thought it'd be nice to look my best for the Grim Reaper.
Why give him the satisfaction?
I'll do it myself.
Take my own goddamn life.
you know what the real shame of it is, Kev?
The real shame is there are so
many things I still want to do.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Jesus Christ! I don't know.
A man who doesn't even know what he wants to do.
- Hey, what's going on? - Yeah, buddy!
-怎么回事 -嘿 兄弟
You gotta wear it tonight for the bachelor party.
Everyone's gonna be wearing one.
Andy, get the fuck out of here. I'm not gonna...
安迪 少他妈扯蛋了 我才不要...
Don't be a dick, dude! Fuckin' wear it!
别耍性子 哥们 你他妈戴上就好了
Yeah, if you wanna go, you can come.
是啊 如果你想去 你也可以去
Me and my friends are gonna get wasted
and do some stupid shit.
But we gotta get you one of these.
Is the blindfold for the element of surprise
or so I don't know where you live?
This is your house.
Where you live with Linda...
And now it's our house.
Sorry. It's just, it's too weird.
抱歉 只是 感觉太诡异了
All of your shit.
It's, it's freaking me out!
It smells like goats in here, man.
But why would she do it in the first place, Fi?
She was like one of those weird Chinese acrobats.
Oh! No, those girls are
all tiny and cute when they do it!
She was like Pippi Longstocking kissing her own ass!
Dad, what the hell happened to you?
Cord was too long.
I got three nuts. Gonna die.
What's that nasty-ass hair about?
I'm the maid of honor at your fake wedding
and I didn't even know you had a brother.
There's a reason for that.
- He busted out of prison? - Last night.
What was he in for?
Aggravated assault, larceny and arson.
Arson? Who we talkin' about?
Oh, is that like a sibling-brother,
or just a black guy brother?
You remember the fire
at the Curves in the mini mall?
He loves setting fire to things and he hates women.
It was the perfect storm.
No, I'm serious. He's nuts.
I had to fight my ass off. Then, one time,
I'm having a brew, he came up to me,
he's all, "Ass cunt fuck!" on me.
对我大叫"日" "操" "干"
- Is he retarded? - I wish.
Tourette's coupled with
bipolar disorder and a drinking problem.
He's a shrink's wet dream.
What are we gonna do?
Kick his ass back to prison
'cause if there's one person you can always count on
to really fuck things up, it's Marty.
Bungee jumping, eh?
From the El tracks.
your biopsy results came back negative.
so you're not gonna die of testicular cancer.
Oh! Oh, thank God! Oh!
Oh! So, I can keep it?
Yeah. The swelling on the brain
you've probably got going on
in there might end up doin' you in.
I'm fuckin' with you.
The bump looks pretty superficial,
but if you vomit more than twice,
have any seizures or experience memory loss,
Well, what if I vomit while I'm having a seizure
and have no memory of it?
Tree in the forest, my friend.
You know you can't stay, Marty.
You gotta go back to prison.
Look, Ron, it's bullshit security.
听着 罗罗 那里的安保很垃圾
They practically give you your own key.
Aren't you risking your parole?
How long did you have left?
18-- cocksucker!-- months!
18 王八蛋 个月
Jesus, Marty, that's no time at all.
老天 马蒂 这事儿刻不容缓
It's your wedding day, Ron.
Why don't you go back and turn yourself in?
Tell 'em it was a mistake. Blame it on the Tourette's.
Tell them that it won't happen again.
- You know it's for the best. - Faggot!
I'm gonna go get cleaned up, and we'll have you back
before they even know you left.
Look, I'm not going back, Ron!
听着 罗罗 我是不会回去的
It's your wedding day and I'm not gonna miss your--
shit-pisser-- wedding day!
This is the dress that I will wear this afternoon.
And it will protect me like this house protects me.
This is the dress.
And today is the day.
And the day is good.
Where are you pretending to go?
I'm going to a wedding today.
I am really gonna do it this time.
And it's supposed to be a beautiful day today.
Beautiful and safe and sunny.
美妙 安全 阳光明媚
The sun's just a burning ball of fire
that could plunge from the sky at any time.
I think we should just let him come to the wedding.
No way. I'm not having that nutcase at my wedding.
Can you imagine the service? "Do you Veronica--
"Fucking bitch!-- Fisher
"Fuck stick!-- Kevin Ball...?"
Uh-uh, no, I'm taking him back to prison where he belongs
if I gotta drag his ass back there myself.
Always happens when he's off his meds.
Right. Give me your dress so I can steam it.
It's a real pretty dress, Roni.
It'll burn nicely with all this taffeta.
You send me back to jail, this dress goes up!
This house goes up! We all go up!
Marty? Marty, open the door.
马蒂 马蒂 开门
Open the goddamn door!
You're not getting married without me.
He's not doing anything.
He's sitting in there lighting a lighter.
Oh, my God, he's gonna burn the house down.
哦 天啊 他要把房子烧光
This is what he did at Granddaddy's funeral.
Gutted out half the hospice.
Maybe we should call the cops.
Kev's right. The house goes up
we're not gonna be able to get him out of there.
You want me to call cops on my own brother?
It's always been like this.
Nobody else could ever be the center of attention.
It's always got to be about him.
You should be in a nuthouse!
Veronica's brother locked himself in the bathroom.
- He's threatening to burn the place down. - Cool!
He saying that he's gonna light both the dress
and the shit-sack house on fire.
What's a shit-sack?
All I wanted was to own my own home
and maybe some small kitchen appliances
for your, for me, for our home...
为你 为我 为我们的家
Maybe some kids someday.
I thought you didn't want to have any kids.
You saying how much you hate 'em.
Yeah, other people's.
But I might not mind having a baby Kev runnin' round.
A little "tomorrow person"?
That's what I call little mixed-race babies:
Little people of tomorrow.
What are we gonna do?
Maybe we should just call it off.
No, not a chance.
Baby, listen, this our time.
We're gonna get fake married, and nothing's gonna stop us.
Hey, can you sign in for me at detention today?
Mrs. Pinder won't notice. She's almost blind.
Kash has something planned.
I thought that was last night.
Was supposed to be,
but he took me to his place,
and it sort of freaked me out.
I mean, I always knew he had a wife
and a life and everything, but seeing it and...
I mean, his life actually has an odor.
I just felt like kissing my boyfriend.
Have fun fucking Kash.
Remember when we were little,
and you'd always tag along with me, wherever I went?
I always looked after you, didn't I, Marty?
我一直照看着你 对吗 马蒂
And do you know why?
Because I'm your big little sister
and I didn't want you to get in trouble, because I love you.
And that's why I want you to go back to prison.
I've been thinking about my wedding, and you know something?
'cause my wedding day wouldn't be my wedding day
without my little big brother there.
In fact, I'd like you to be the one to give me away.
Come here, you little nut.
You bitches! You bitches lied to me!
I'm gonna burn down your cocksucking, cockfucker...!
Wow. That shit does dry fast.
Lip, my boy. My oldest boy.
利普 我的种 我的大儿子
Yeah. Here to pick up Karen.
What's with the vest?
Look at you. You look beautiful.
- Hi, Lip. - Hi.
-你好 利普 -你好
Hi. Does my head look bigger?
Um... I don't think it can get any bigger, Dad.
I have to keep an eye on it.
Watch for memory loss and vomit.
More so than usual?
- I have a second chance at life. - Mm-hmm.
I'm not gonna surround myself with negative energy.
How about you just show up at this wedding,
do what you do best: drink free booze and look happy?
喝免费的酒 装作开心 这样如何
All right, Frank, I am ready.
You're coming, Mom?
I've got my purse and my gift and my gloves
钱包 礼物 手套 都齐了
and my selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor
and my monoamine oxidase inhibitor.
I have my anti-anxiety disco biscuits.
And I am ready to go.
I am really ready.
I'll just get you a piece of cake, Mom.
That would just be...
There's just so much I've gotta get done here.
What kind of-- cock-fuck-- does this to her brother?
她怎么能 他妈的 这样对待她的哥哥
May daily problems never cause you undue anxiety,
nor the desire for earthly possessions dominate your lives,
but may your hearts' first desire be always the good things
waiting for you in the life of heaven.
You may kiss the bride.
Go, Dad! Work it!
上啊 老爸 跳起来
Take it down! Take it down!
Uh, folks, let's face facts.
When it comes to good things,
most of 'em comein pairs like your favorite jeans,
new socks and Kevin and Veronica.
And as it turns out, most people's testicles.
So here's to the happy couple,
may you always only have two testicles between ya. L'chaim!
Oh... oh, sweetheart,
may the good Lord watch over you in your new home.
Oh, thank you, Mama.
Are you fucking kidding me?
We're gettin' a Barbie house, baby!
Maybe you're making yourself too available?
Hey, lady friend, where the hell is my cake?
Steve is supposed to be here with the damn thing.
That's the trouble with the exciting ones.
The unpredictability is what makes them so exciting,
but it's also what makes them so damned unpredictable.
He may not be Steve,
The Bible is the Word of God...
How can it be the Word of God passed down
- if it was rewritten by King James? - from generation to generation.
It doesn't make any sense.
This was really a perfect day.
I only wish little Marty could have been here.
you're the only family I got,
so let's put this on film, huh?
Wait... Is it on?
It's on. It's on, it's on.
Did it go? It's not on.
- Go get... - Aah!
Set it up again, here we go.
- Ready? - Okay. Here we go.
Wait, where's Lip?
Yeah, oh, yeah, give it to me!
哦 啊 哦 啊 射吧
Oh, yeah, give it to me!
哦 啊 射吧
- Oh, you want me to give it to you? - Yes.
Yes, she said she wants you to give it to her,
so just give it to her already, okay?!
And she was a real princess.
Yeah, well, she's dead now.
How's that for happily ever after?