Okay, everybody. Cake time!
好了 各位 蛋糕时间
Thank god. I really have to study.
Oh, sweetheart, can't you just take a minute to enjoy it?
It's your birthday.
You put too much pressure on yourself.
I remember my sweet 16.
I wanted a theme party.
"Moonstruck" had just come out, but I hadn't, so --
No stories, no time --
Here we go, everybody.
We all know why we're here.
- Ay, honey, you missed one. - I know!
-亲爱的 你落下了一根 -我知道
I know I missed one! I'm not an idiot!
- You're being a little... - Obstreperous?!
I was gonna say "Cray-cray."
I really need to focus!
There is a 16-year-old science prodigy
studying cancer research at Johns Hopkins!
16! What am I doing?!
Cake! Cake! Cake!
蛋糕 蛋糕 蛋糕
Alex might be a little bit fragile after last night,
so let's try to be sensitive.
Oh, believe me -- I am going to be
nothing but nice to Alex from now on.
If she snaps and goes on a rampage,
who do you think she's coming for first?
She's not going on a rampage.
I bet she'd let me live. She likes me.
I'm just gonna say it -- I never trusted her.
Oh, everybody just be normal.
We're gonna treat her exactly the way we usually do.
- Hi, pretty girl. - How'd you sleep?
- Fine. - Your hair looks super-soft, Al.
-不错 -你的头发看起来超柔软 小艾
And is that a great new sweater? Love!
Dad, can you hand me the butter knife?
Haley, Luke, upstairs, please.
海莉 卢克 请上楼去
So, about my meltdown.
- Who? - What meltdown?
I want to see a therapist. I did some research.
Dr. Gregory Clark -- highly recommended,
specializes in teenagers, and is covered by our insurance.
I booked a double session with him today.
And since you guys have the open house,
I will be taking the bus.
- Okay. - That sounds good.
She's like a self-cleaning oven.
I'm rockin' the old school for the open house today.
I'm gonna put the "Fizz" back in "Phys Ed."
I love it -- all of it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Because I want to make a good impression today.
I want to be the teacher all the parents are talking about.
Well, that explains the socks.
There's a caste system at school --
Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom.
It's offensive and disrespectful.
They treat us like we're lunch ladies.
Hey, there, neighbor.
- It's Asher, right? - Yeah.
-是亚瑟 对吧 -没错
Um, I just wanted to let you know --
I think there might be something
- wrong with your air conditioner. - Oh, really?
Yeah, I mean, it just seems to be running a lot,
even when it's, uh, kind of cool outside.
Um, my partner runs a little hot.
Not as hot as our planet.
Sorry. I don't mean to be that guy.
It's just, um, we're all in this together.
Yeah, I drive a Prius, so...
是啊 我开的是普锐斯车 所以
And that's a nice little gesture.
My car runs on reclaimed cooking oil.
I have some literature, if you want it.
That's okay. Save the paper.
I haven't printed anything since 2004.
I was gonna e-mail you.
On your power-hungry computer?
My entire house is solar-powered.
I sell energy back to the grid
and use that money to save polar bears.
I'm an environmental lawyer,
so, you know, I'm pretty green.
I went drought-tolerant --
Succulents, indigenous plants, rock garden.
多肉植物 本地植物 岩石庭院
My other daddy says your yard looks like a litter box.
She's a cute kid.
I remember when she was in disposable diapers.
Why do you look like that when I look like this?
My friends say it's because of your money.
No, I'm just saying why is she all dressed up
不 我是说 不过是个学校开放日
for a school open house?
I want to impress Manny's history teacher.
I want Manny to go to Washington, D.C.
Yeah, Junior Congress.
Only one kid in the whole grade gets picked to go.
I think I can make a difference.
Regular Congress can't even make a difference.
Don't worry, Manny. I have it covered.
别担心 曼尼 包在我身上
You just go and enjoy your date.
I have a date. It's no big deal.
D-don't make a whole thing about it.
What did I do with my car keys?
I mean, we're just friends now,
but I have a good feeling.
I know -- don't get ahead of myself.
Every time I put them down.
Either Zoe or Piper.
How can you be going on a date and you don't know her name?
This is where it gets interesting.
I seriously doubt that.
A few days ago, we almost let a girl come between us.
- Who is she? - The new girl.
- She's pretty. - Super-pretty.
What?! N-no. You can't call dibs.
什么 不 你不能这样
She's a human being with feelings,
not the front seat.
Then a miracle happened.
Twins -- each as pretty as the other.
It's funny -- Luke and I don't usually
go for the same kind of girl.
Yeah. I like to describe my type as "Gettable".
What are you doing, Tucker?
Oh, hey, Principal Brown.
Do you know how other teachers drone on and on
to parents with their boring lectures?
Well, I thought I would go another way.
Oh. Well, I don't like the sound of that at all.
I think you will.
I'm gonna spice things up with a spirited game of dodgeball.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
不要 千万不要 一百个不要
Okay, before you say "No"...
I already said "No."
...let me show you my whole bit.
I'm the Sheriff of Dodge...ball.
"Laugh, laugh, laugh."
No, no "then." No.
不 没有然后 不行
Have you seen the shape some of these folks are in?
We don't need a parent dropping dead in here.
Look, this is the "Dolphin Den."
I am not renaming it
the Harvey K. Mandelbaum memorial gym.
But I was gonna divide everybody up into
the Hatfield and McCoys.
Just no dodgeball.
Hello, Mr. Ingram.
I am Gloria Delgado-Pritchett,
I just wanted to thank you so much.
He thinks the world of you.
You know, as a child of an immigrant,
he can look at the world with such a fresh perspective.
And talking about fresh,
I brought you some empanadas.
Hey, Phil. Where's Claire?
Oh, she's going to Alex's classes.
I'm doing Luke's.
I'm surprised to see you here.
Isn't your team playing today?
Yeah. Gloria made me come.
I think I'm recording the game,
but, you know, you can never know.
The last time, I got six hours of Bravo.
Maybe Manny's going to be the first Latino President.
Hello, Mr. Ingram.
Dr. Donna Duncan,
Just brought you a little thank-you
for being his absolute favorite teacher ever.
- Those cupcakes are so white. - Thank you.
Dr. Donna Duncan.
We've met several times.
And how is he fitting in now? Better?
You brought a flask to an open house?
You want some? It's Scotch.
Don't be such a goody-goody.
Taste it. It's older than you are.
- I don't want any scotch. - Well, just smell it.
- Fine. - Mr. Dunphy, is that a flask?
-好 -邓菲先生 你拿的是酒壶吗
No. It is. It I--
不是 是 实际上
Uh, I was -- it's his.
For the record, no alcohol is allowed on school premises.
For god's sake, Phil,
it's 2:00 in the afternoon.
So, Alex, tell me why you're here.
I had a little meltdown last night,
and I'm afraid it'll happen again.
But, this time, in the middle of the S.A.T or something.
Why do you think you melted down?
It's my junior year.
Part of me feels like
the limbic system in my brain's a bit off.
That's a thing, right? I did some research.
有这么一种病 对吧 我做过调研
You know I charge the same
even if you diagnose yourself?
I'm just trying to move this along.
I have a lot to do.
Well, uh, this is a process.
You know, it takes some time.
What -- what are you thinking?
- Nothing. - No, no. Go ahead. Tell me.
-没什么 -没事 直说好了
That maybe you're not up for this.
You're just a lot older than you look on your website.
Did you even have S.A.T.s when you were in high school
But there were other things I worried about --
sailing off the edge of the world,
learning how to understand fire.
- You mind if we try something? - What?
Just do me a favor.
Take a deep breath.
Now... what's on your mind?
Well... I just remembered that I forgot
to charge my computer before I left
and that I have to get new index cards before Monday.
Hopefully they don't run out of the blue ones,
because, for some reason, those help me study better.
Maybe it's because they're easier to read
or maybe my prescription's getting worse.
I should probably make an appointment with the eye doctor.
Also, should I get a job this summer
or would an internship look better on my application?
And what is up with Hillary?
Is she going to run or not?
I mean, I feel like she'd totally understand
the feeling of being overwhelmed,
but also like you're not doing enough at the same time.
Hey, Nina, how's Sanjay?
你好 妮娜 你家桑杰怎么样
Oh, great. Thanks.
He's just dealing with the S.A.T.s and the A.C.T.s.
And that merit scholarship application
everyone's so stressed about.
What -- what application?
Let's begin by talking about the A.P. Physics test,
which, as you know, takes place on...
With Luke and Haley,
I'm on top of everything because they aren't.
But Alex is so self-sufficient,
I just sort of put it in cruise control.
I've fallen asleep at the wheel,
and now my little genius is covered in cake.
Now, a list of practice tests I recommend
the students take before then
3a, 4c, 12a through "f,"
3a 4c 12a一直到f题
18d 19a 23c 18d, 19a, 23c,
24g 25h 26a 24g, 25h, 26a...
Meanwhile, a great artist like Bob Dylan
would get voted off in the first round, which --
If you wet the end,
it will stick to his face.
Piper, that's rude.
You know, Manny, in chorus,
we sing "Blowin' in the wind."
Now that's blowin' in the wind.
You're funny, Luke.
Manny and I need to use the restroom.
You've got to switch with me.
What? No, we can't do that.
什么 不行 我们不能那样做
They're twins. They'll never notice.
You realize we're not twins, right?
Special dollhouse delivery for Lily!
It's here, it's here!
I think you're going to love it.
I spent so many hours playing with this when I was your age.
Hey, quick, turn off your car.
Why? It's in park, I think.
怎么了 在停车模式上呢 我觉得
I have a judgey green neighbor.
He had the nerve to come over here
and tell me that I'm not green enough.
Shut up! You're super-green.
Thank you. I'm -- I'm recycling a dollhouse.
I even recycled a child.
- Didn't you win some award? - Yes, yes.
The state bar association award for sustained excellence
in the field of environmental...
yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one.
...law. There was one word left.
You didn't have to cut me off.
Okay. Yeah, in a minute.
You know what you should do?
March right over there
and wave that trophy in his stupid eco face.
No. You think?
Yes. Those people are so annoying.
There's this girl at my school
who was all over me about my boots 'cause they're leather.
Meanwhile, she's wearing Crocs,
like those aren't endangered.
You know what? I am gonna do that.
Show him to out-green me.
- Okay. Oh, no. - Oh, no.
-好吧 不 -不
All right, those are blowing into his yard.
That is -- okay, that's definitely gonna hurt my case.
Uh, you pick these up.
I'm gonna go get the trophy. Lily, help her.
我去拿奖杯 莉莉 你帮她捡
I heard that "recycled child" comment.
Thanks to your little flask,
now the teacher thinks I'm a burnout.
- What are you doing? - You can do this now.
I saw it in a commercial.
Not with that phone.
You might as well say it into your wallet.
Come on. We're gonna be late for math.
I'm not going to any more boring classes.
You're just gonna cut?
No,I'm just not gonna go because I'm in my 60s.
They got a TV in here.
- We can't go in the teacher's lounge. - Why not?
- Um, it's for teachers only. - You're a teacher.
Right now, you're teaching me how to be a little bitch.
So, when do you think you'll be making your decision?
Oh, sometime in the next week or so.
Oh, take your time. It would be rude to rush you.
Not as rude as interrupting two people
in the middle of a conversation.
Well, actually, I'll go.
I'm gonna go grab some coffee.
Good idea because those cupcakes look very dry.
Okay. This is unbelievable.
They just gave me four books on applying to top colleges.
When am I gonna have time to read all this?
Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.
I didn't see you there. Come on, girls.
我没看到你 快来吧 各位
- Everybody sees me. - Who was that?
She thinks that she can flirt her son all the way to Washington,
but I'm gonna take her down.
I would love to chat, but I got to get to A.P. Calc.
Physical education is a critical part of every school day.
As we develop the mind, so we must the body.
This begins with good nutrition, uh, physical activity,
sportsmanship, and attention to personal hygiene.
No, please, please, please don't go.
I know this is boring, but this isn't my idea.
I wanted to play a spirited game of dodgeball, but --
That sounds fun. I'll play dodgeball.
Anything's got to be better than this.
Oh, well, you know what?
We're really not supposed to, but you know what?
Hey, guys, listen to this. My name's Cam.
各位 听着 我叫小卡
I'm the sheriff of Dodge...ball.
Okay, you guys are the Hatfields.
You are the McCoys.
Mr. Mandelbaum, I'd like you to stay seated.
You're gonna be our referee.
All right, everybody, let's dodgeball!
好了 各位 躲避球大赛开始
Dodgeball was a smash.
Dr. Donna and Gloria were like two assassins
just picking off their victims one by one.
Okay, last two dodgeballers.
I'm going to kill you!
Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, don't!
Ow! My eye! I don't understand you!
So, you like theater,
and you just put this fake thumb in our fries.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here
and say we're with the wrong people.
Let's just switch dates and get this party started.
What? We don't want to switch.
Yeah. I'm not attracted to you.
And I'm not attracted to you.
We like all the same things, but you don't think I'm cute?
I've got a thing for Latin men.
- Ugh. Well, that's just offensive. - And shallow.
Just because we're guys doesn't mean we don't have feelings.
Yeah. I don't feel good about this.
Come on, Luke. Let's get out of here.
算了 卢克 我们走吧
Our parents aren't home.
If you want, we'll make out with you.
I'm not proud of what happened next.
How's the cleanup going?
Well, I think I got most of them.
You've been at this a while.
How come you only have like eight peanuts?
Instead of carrying them around,
I made a huge pile right over th--
- Again?! - Geez. They're everywhere.
-又来 -天哪 到处都是
Oh, god. No! Bird!
天哪 不 有只鸟
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!
不 不 不 不
Oh, no! What is that smell?!
It smells like french fries!
It's biodiesel. Can you plug it up?
- Oh, what? With what? Popcorn? - Oh, geez. Oh, god.
-用什么塞 爆米花吗 -天哪
No! My boots! This is a disaster!
不 我的靴子 真是场灾难
What -- what -- what -- what the hell?
Uh, I won a green award.
You think you can get this thing to work?
Hey, you're supposed to be the lookout.
What if somebody walks in?
Gee, they'll call my parents.
Hey! Look! You did it!
Yeah, it's not that big of a deal.
Listen, I'm gonna get back to class.
Before you go, let me ask you a question.
How do you know how to do all this stuff?
Back in high school, I was in the A.V. Club.
We did all kinds of crazy things.
One year, we hid a microphone in the gym.
We could totally hear everything that was going on at prom.
I used to make fun of guys like you.
This is pretty cool.
You think this is cool...
First down! All right.
Best open house ever.
It's all gravy when you're in the A.V.
Admit it -- doesn't it feel good
to break a few rules,
take a walk on the wild side?
- You're welcome. - No, you're welcome.
-不用谢 -不 是你不用谢
I'm the one who set this whole thing up.
Let's just say we make a good team.
There he goes. There he goes.
Come on, come on! Come on!
上啊 上啊 上啊
I've been like this for as long as I can remember.
Can you give me an example?
Well, when I was little,
I was in a spelling team at school
and I really wanted to win.
I don't know why. There was no prize.
My parents didn't even know I was in it.
I just felt this weight on my shoulders,
like if I lost, I'd...I don't know.
就好像如果输了 我会 我也不知道
- I just had to win. - And did you?
Yep. Know what the winning word was?
Is that what you feel?
A responsibility to win all the time?
To always be the best?
That's one way to put it.
And this responsibility -- where does it come from?
I'm not sure. It's just...there.
So it's an internal pressure.
I mean, once you start overachieving,
people expect things from you.
You know, the world...
Teachers, parents, other kids.
老师 家长 其他孩子
It's not all internal.
I like the way I'm wired.
It's what's going to get me into a good school.
It's what makes me who I am.
And how is that -- being who you are?
I guess there's your answer.
It's hard being me.
Tell me a little more about your family.
They're pretty normal, I guess.
I'm not like any of them,
- But that doesn't really bother me. - Ever?
Only when they say things like "Alex, you study too much"
or "Don't freak out" or "Go do something fun."
So, your siblings--
they don't experience the same pressures you do.
Oh, god, no. They don't care about school.
天呐 当然没有 他们才不在乎学业
Hmm. Why do you think that is?
I mean, you all grew up in the same house
with the same parents, yet you're the only one
who feels this enormous pressure
to achieve at such a high level.
Why do we even have to talk about my family?
They don't have anything to do with this.
- I don't know. - You're a smart girl.
- Try a little harder. - I said I don't know.
I realize our juniors are busy with SATs, so as a rule,
I only give two hours of homework a night.
- Two hours? - Our students are highly advanced.
It's nothing they can't handle.
You know, I'm-- I'm sure they can.
It's just that if they have two hours in this class
and they have an hour for A.P. Bio
and an hour and a half for, um, advanced lit
and-- hang on one second.
Let me just do this on the board,
'cause then it's-- um, we got 2 and 1 and 1.5
and then another, uh, hour and a half
for A.P. History-- gives us...
- It's 6. - Yes!
Nina, I was getting there.
Thank you! Thank you so much!
If I could just have a second to think
without all the tippy-tappy typing.
Well, I hope you're happy.
You've ruined dodgeball for everyone.
She was the one who threw that ball in my face.
Only because you threw yourself at Mr. Ingram.
Okay, ladies, please.
Can't you see what's going on here?
You both just want what's best for your kids.
I need to get this trip for Wesley.
I'm tired of him being so mad at me all the time.
Oh, he blames me for the divorce.
His father will always be the hero.
It's hard to blame someone who's never there.
Now, can't you relate to that?
It will get better.
Kids always figure out who's really there for them.
Again, we're very sorry about the projector.
I'll send a check on Monday.
- Hi, honey. - I got in trouble.
Whatever she did, add it to my tab.
- All right, let's do this. - No. No, no, no.
-好吧 来吧 -不不
Not you two, just you. Come on, sheriff.
不是你俩 就你 来吧 警长
Oh, hey, honey. How did it go?
Good. And I made another session for next week.
How was the open house?
I had no idea the kind of pressure you're under.
Honey, I was just you for two hours.
I could barely hold it together.
I don't know how you don't have a meltdown every day.
- I... - Oh, honey.
Sweetie, what? Did I say something?
宝贝 怎么了 是我说了什么吗
Again, I am so sorry.
I-I guess, in retrospect, it was a little crazy
that I wanted to show you my state bar association award.
And it's possible I come on a little too strong.
I like to think that I'm greener than I am,
but maybe I just want the credit
without doing all the hard work that you do.
Well, you're right-- it is hard,
but, you know, it's also alienating.
You know, no one wants to be friends with me.
I-I can't tell you the last time
I had people over for dinner,
which is probably a good thing.
You know, with solar power,
it takes four days to roast a chicken.
- Really? - If you want it cooked all the way through, yeah.
You know I had salmonella three times?
If you want to come over to our house for dinner,
- we kind of owe you. - You can play with my dollhouse.
Does it made from sustainable materials?