Okay, Lily, ballet at 11:00,
好了 莉莉 11点上芭蕾课
then a playdate, then karate class at 3:00,
so why don't you go get your uniform?
She's in karate. It's not offensive.
Debatable, but why would you
schedule all this extra stuff
on the same day as her talent show?
Okay, are you accusing me of overscheduling
our tone-deaf daughter so she's so tired
she misses the talent show and doesn't humiliate herself?
Lily has no talent.
Because she's 7. No one has talent at 7.
I did. Tons of it.
Sheep-shearing, cornhusking, hay-baling.
薅羊毛 剥玉米 捆干草
It was hard for me to pick just one to showcase
at my first little prince pageant.
In the end, I went with waltzing.
You waltzed at 7?
Barely. My partner had two left hooves.
Hey, wait. Isn't my talent show today?
Oh, who knows? But let's go ride some ponies.
No, no, you're right. It is today,
不不不 你说得对 就是今天
and since you have a little bit of time before ballet...
Why don't you two do a little bit of warming up?
- Oh, okay, great. Thank you. - Yeah, yeah.
-好 太好了 谢谢 -来吧
So, Lily, can you meet me here at... *C*
*Now daddy's lonely*
*I'm there with you*
*No, you're not, you're not even close*
*不 你没有 差得远呢*
*This can't possibly sound the same to you*
*Maybe I can help, daddy is also here at...*
*No, that's not even a note*
*I feel like you're doing it on purpose*
*That seems a little bit sharp*
*I'm never sharp, I'm pitch-perfect*
*I'm talking about your tone toward our daughter*
*I can understand you even when you're singing*
What are you doing?
I am gathering every binky that is in this house,
because from today on, Joe is going cold turkey.
Okay, Joe, have your last puff if you want.
Gloria, I'm trying to watch something here.
Okay, you can keep crying all you want.
I can't hear anything. Try growing up in Colombia.
My binky was a spark plug.
Luke, how could you forget your bathing suit?
You came over here to swim.
It's all right, honey. He can wear mine.
没事啦 亲爱的 他可以穿我的
I'll borrow from Jay.
You have a favorite I should keep my hands off of, Jay?
That ship sailed about 20 years ago.
Save some of that charm
for our commercial shoot today, dad, huh?
You see what our competition's doing?
See the lasers? Special effects?
I'll bet they spent 5 million bucks on that thing.
The concept I came up with is so much better than theirs.
We're scrapping it.
What? I worked for two months on that.
Sorry. We gotta go with what's proven.
We're remaking my old commercial.
30 years ago, my dad was in a local ad
for Pritchett's Closets,
and he has always been
really proud of the slogan he came up with.
I've never understood what it means.
Pritchett's Closets --
Choose one of our nine luxurious models
like the Monte Carlo.
Or how about a custom design
using our state-of-the-art technology?
Come visit Pritchett's
and go home with the closet of your dreams.
Closet? You'll love it!
The entire town went nuts for that ad.
People stopped me in the street,
asking me to say the slogan.
Are you sure they weren't asking you to explain it?
What's to explain?
Instead of "Like it? You'll love it,"
you use the word "Closet."
Then why not, "Like it? You'll closet!"?
That makes no sense.
Look, I know it was rough on you and Mitch
having a famous dad,
you know, getting your picture taken in restaurants.
That happened one time, dad. Only because you were
只有一次 老爸 只是因为你跟
with Ralph Berman, "Garage door opener king."
Hey, he was eating with us.
that ad scored for us, and it will again.
So we're gonna flush all my hard work
because you got freaked out by some commercial
that's not even that catchy.
All right, get there!
Hey, if you really wanna impress Beth when she gets here,
you should try for that giant elephant.
Oh, penguin's just as good.
I just spent a lot of money. A lot.
Sorry. I had to check in at the job.
Always something going down at the Hut.
You work at the Hut?
I would guess pizza,
but based on your ripply stomach I saw
when you helped me get down off the gondola ride,
I'm gonna guess... Sunglass Hut.
Yep, Chase picked out these vintage-y sunglasses
that look like I could've been murdered
at a cool house party in the '70s.
Ooh, you've been framed.
You should use that.
At your job at the Hut.
You just said "Jabba the Hut."
I'm really lost here, guys.
- Again? - Yeah. Uh, it's probably just motion sickness.
-又来吗 -是啊 可能只是晕动病
Uh, yeah, the motion of shoving deep fried garbage
in your mouth all day.
It's my manager again. She's always on me.
Can't wait till the fall when she's off to college.
She's too tired to drive up from San Diego.
So this Beth, who I've never actually met,
is she one of those real-life move-around girls?
No, she is a real girl.
Fine, but, you know, she flew all the way over here
for some coast guard training.
She can't drive a couple hours to see you?
She's been saving drowning mannequins all morning,
and some of them are plus-sized,
because a lot of people fall off cruise ships.
Okay, but doesn't it bother you
that she's flaked for, like, the hundredth time?
I know you have a problem with Beth,
but what we have works for me, okay?
And if we're pointing fingers...
I want you to help me find my keys.
- They're in my jacket. - Okay.
Mom, that perv is ogling you again.
No! I was reading my horoscope.
"You will borrow a huge swimsuit today." What?
The plane! It's always spying on me!
Go away or I'm gonna call the policeman!
Wow, don't even waste your time, Gloria.
Johnny Law's got no chance with that baby.
You're looking at a freeling cloudgazer
with after-market frequency scrambler. Untraceable.
As you can guess, I'm a droner myself.
Yes, you're droning right now.
Ay, it's getting closer!
Mom, maybe you should cover up.
No! That's crazy.
We can just knock it out of the sky.
Manny, grab the hose.
I'll use this to blind it.
And just like that, it disappears.
In his defense, the water's really cold.
You're still rehearsing.
We sure are, and we found a more appropriate song
for Lily's singing voice.
Really? Well, I'd love to hear it.
*Everybody was kung fu fighting* *We are*
*Those kicks were fast as lightning* *We are*
*In fact, it was a little bit frightening* *We are*
Okay, stop, stop, stop.
好了 停下 打住 打住
No, come on. No. No!
不 拜托 不行
This is ridiculous. She's not even singing.
She wasn't singing before either.
Okay, go get some water.
- Cam. - Mitchell, I just don't want her to embarrass herself
-小卡 -米奇尔 我不想要她
in front of her friends, not to mention the parents.
I can already hear Andrew's condescending, "Hmm."
Oh, my gosh. You're still competing with Andrew.
He staged a coup, Mitchell.
He forced me out of the group I founded.I founded it.
The Greensleevers were Southern California's
premier holiday chorus
and "Just the nutmeg we want
our yuletide eggnog dusted with"
- "L.A. Times," December 23, 199... - I remember.
Oh, I remember. I remember.
So you're not worried about Lily embarrassing herself.
You're worried about Lily embarrassing you.
Not so much now that she's not singing.
Lily is gonna sing whatever she wants,
and you're gonna get over this thing with Andrew...
Because a grown man should not have a nemesis.
- It's ridiculous. - You know what's ridiculous?
Is being forced to turn in your jingle bells
to a man with less vocal range than a teakettle.
Oh, I thought you had a date.
I did, but I bailed. He's not exactly the sharpest shed.
是啊 但我不去了 他不怎么聪明
I took his pacifier hours ago,
and he's still crying. He's being such a baby.
Well, maybe he's just not ready to give them up.
No, I promised my mother that he wouldn't use it anymore.
不 我跟我妈保证过 他不会再用了
Her uncle used it until he was 4,
and now he's in jail.
I feel like a lot of your family stories end that way.
I'm gonna put on a bathing suit.
Please stick Joe in front of the TV.
He always calms down when he listens to...
Closets, closets, closets, closets.
Dad, you might wanna see this.
He put us on YouTube?
He called it "Drone 1, idiots zero."
It has 32,000 views.
We have to strike back.
That drone just messed with the wrong idiot.
Andy's in the hospital.
Is he okay? Maybe I should go down there.
My second cousin got appendicitis,
and now he's in jail.
Closet? You'll love it.
Uh, that was great, Jay.
Let's try it again. Maybe a little lighter.
Yeah. Just, you know, happier, warmer.
对 开心点 温馨点
From Jay's line. Here we go. And...
Closet? You'll love it!
You see that was exactly the same, right?
- So what does it mean? - I don't know.
I gave you, like, 10 different choices.
Let's not overthink this, huh? Just pick one.
Okay. Well... give him a minute.
- He'll calm down. - Sure.
- Uh, hey, Claire? - Yes. Yeah.
So we were just talking,
and strictly from a marketing standpoint,
- do you think Jay is, um... - He stinks.
He's the worst. So bad.
And, um... strictly from a keeping-my-job standpoint,
it would be so dope if you told him that.
Oh, God. I can't fire my dad!
I know. I know. It must be hard,
but you realize it's the best thing for the company.
- Yes, I do. - Okay.
Can I at least count on you to back me up?
Totally. Come on. We both know your dad is incredible.
当然 拜托 我们都知道你爸很棒
Do you see him today? He's like George Clooney
but older, but better.
I... thought that was Jay. I'm sorry.
Oh, man. Almost fainted.
Just gonna put my head between my legs.
Plenty of room down there.
We'll now take a break to sweep up the confetti
that was definitely not mentioned in dress rehearsal.
Okay, here comes Andrew.
Just act like we don't care
about the whole Greensleevers thing.
Ooh, I hope I could pull this off.
- So did you... - Direct? No, not this year.
-是你 -导演吗 今年不是我
Ah, I didn't think so.
So we're really enjoying the show, too.
it's all about the kids, you know.
Sorry. They only had flat.
Turns out recently, Andrew married Simon.
My bitter rival from law school.
I'm sure you heard I made partner
at Gotshal, Manges, Flom, Arps&LeBoeuf.
And I'm actually at the justice institute now.
Oh, I think our firm donated
one of our old fax machines to you guys.
We better go. We're moving closer
because our daughter's about to perform.
Yours is from Vietnam, right?
We were able to adopt one from Korea.
Did he really just end a conversation on "So..."?
Let's just take our seats.
No, Cam, I-I don't know if this is
不 小卡 我不知道
the most supportive environment for Lily to --
- I agree. Let's get her out of the show. - Okay. Yeah.
-我同意 我们带她出去吧 -好
And are Koreans really better?
Chicken's in the pot.
I repeat, we have eyes on the chicken.
Eat paint. Damn it. I missed.
吃我一弹 该死 没打中
Plan "B"! If you can't beat 'em, drone 'em!
B计划 如果你打不过 上无人机
Activate voice control!
Oh! It's attacking! Get down!
Damn it. Deactivate voice control!
Plan "C"! Follow it home!
Hey! That's my bike!
We're all making sacrifices!
I'm wearing a monokini!
Okay, I need to borrow this, okay?
Here, just -- all right. Okay.
给我 好的 好
I promise to bring it back, all right?
No, that's what you said about my mom's humidifier!
He's heading for the river to try and lose us.
Damn you, Denise, at the patent office
for stalling my auqabike!
It's gonna take more than a little truck to st--
- Are you guys okay? - Yeah.
This isn't over yet! You know that!
"Drone 2, idiots zero."
At least it's far away so you can't tell it's us.
Oh, great. Another comment.
"LOL. That's my realtor, Phil D--"
"大笑 那是我的地产商 菲尔"
Okay, let's just grab her and go.
She's up after the next act.
Hey, we're doing the right thing.
You can develop deep emotional scars at age 7.
I still can't eat--
Salt and vinegar chips. Yes, I know.
I can't relive this with you right now.
Yeah. Add mouth-catching to things she can't do.
No. I mean, she's not nervous at all,
and look at the other kids. They're a wreck.
You know, she may not have gotten our talent,
but she didn't get our self-consciousness either.
Well, we're not giving her our self-consciousness.
Today is her day, and she is--
she is gonna sing. Come on.
Hi, my mom's doing chemo,
so I shaved my head to be like her.
This is for you, mom.
*Will always love you*
Hey, hey, we got a problem.
What's wrong, sweetie?
I can't go after her.Are you kidding?
Okay, well, honey, we can't just leave right now.
Sorry, gotta run. Maya's feeling a bit feverish.
Oh, well, I guess some people can't take the heat.
- Can you believe that? - No.
Okay, now we can leave. Let's go out the side door.
行了 撤吧 从偏门出去
I tried to grab you after the shoot,
but you just flew out of there.
I didn't want it to seem like
I was hanging around for compliments.
There, there was some discussion after you left.
Keep it moving, buddy!
A-a few people feel that you came across a little--
Sign says "No menus"!
that maybe it would be for the best
if, if someone else was our spokesman.
It's called Pritchett's Closets.
Yeah, I know, but you were coming off
- just a tiny bit - Damn kids.
- Tiny bit grumpy. - Grumpy?
There's nothing wrong with being a little gruff.
That's how you are.
- But when it comes to selling, dad-- - What do you mean?
-但在销售方面 老爸 -你说什么
What do you mean, how I am?
Is that what people think of me, that I'm some big grump?
Dad, that cannot be a big shock
that kids call you "Grumpa."
Not to your face?
So if I get "Grumpa,"
what do they call Phil's dad?
You know, just "Funpa."
That mound of human silly string gets "Funpa"?
That's not the issue, dad.
No, no, I know what the issue is.
You're saying I'm not warm and cuddly enough
to sell closets anymore.
It's a day that every father knows may come
but hopes it never will.
Are we sure every father--
Hey, how you feeling?
Oh, looks like they got you
on a bunch of good drugs before your surgery.
I just came in to check on you.
Pretty scary going through this all by yourself.
Too bad your girlfriend couldn't be here.
Okay, you really wanna talk about it?
How real is your relationship?
Real is when someone finds out that you're in the hospital
and drops everything because she doesn't want you
to be freaked out and alone.
Look, I'm not trying to be mean.
It's just, you ever think you might be
settling for something here?
We've-we've all done it.
Talked ourselves into the penguin
because we didn't think we had a shot at the elephant.
If I'm your elephant,
you have a shot.
That's what I'm trying to say, dummy.
I'm glad he's finally asleep.
He kept going on about Beth Israel in hospital.
I told him his insurance is fine.
We can do the surgery here.
Oh, my god. Andy, are you okay?
天呐 安迪 你还好吗
Uh, yeah, he's sleeping.
I'm Beth, Andy's girlfriend.
Oh. Hi. Uh, Haley.
Andy's told me so much about you.
I'm so sorry about missing the carnival.
I've just been up for two days straight.
Well, you're here, so I should go.
Okay. Thanks again.
It worked. He stopped crying.
Oh, so good for him. I'm glad. So listen.
真好 我很高兴 听我说
Who are these beautiful people?
They must be cousins of yours?
Yes, they are --
You turned it off.
And I thought that he was finally getting over his binky!
The screaming is driving me crazy!
The screaming is driving everyone crazy, Gloria.
You either have to turn this thing off,
or I'm going up there
and giving him my keys to suck on.
Hey-o! How's my beautiful wife?
What happened? Why do you look like that?
I'm just happy to see you.
You look like a crazy person.
Dad, what are you doing with your face? Come on.
爸 你对你的脸做了什么 说吧
Did anyone else notice that Joe stopped crying?
Back from the talent show early. Don't ask why.
I love it when children have talent.
Why are you smiling like that?
Did something happen to mom?
Put your face back to what it used to be.
Come on, dad. Just drop it.
拜托 爸爸 别这样
So now I'm too happy.
Make up your damn minds!
Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.
爸爸 对不起 我并不是想让你心烦
I watched what we shot today.
Yeah, I'm not that cheery,
likeable celebrity I was 30 years ago.
I am an old grump now.
When did I turn that corner?
You haven't. You haven't.
I mean, you're creeping up to it.
You got your blinker on, but...you haven't yet.
I saw it happen to my dad, you know?
One day, hap-go-lucky rotary drill operator,
the next he's rowing his Schlitz at the TV
'cause some lady sportscaster came on.
I swore I'd never be like that.
You're not that bad. If you were,
why would we all spend all our time over here?
Oh, you just come here for the pool.
That's not...That's not true.
Dad, you are a long way from turning into grandpa.
You know, I was with him
the first time he saw sushi in the grocery store.
He grabbed the price check mic
and treated us all to a little lecture on Pearl Harbor.
You just have to fight it a little.
I appreciate it, honey.
I'm not sure some of this
just isn't natural order of things.
Bogey at 10:00! Move it!
This is not a drill!
Gentlemen, on my count,
let slip the dogs of war!
What the hell are you three doing out here?!
Now if we have a prayer at this thing,
we have to triangulate.
Phil, stay where you are.
Luke, by the tree. Give me some of those oranges.
卢克 站到树旁 给我几个橙子
Now let's go on my count,
'cause nobody starts at 8.
Get the hell off the space above my lawn!
Take a look at this. Look at this.
Drone 2, idiots 1!
Some boys need a little help,
but not all boys.
All right, dad, we're ready for you.
好了 爸 我们准备好了
Just give us five minutes.
Seems like a waste of time, but go ahead.
Closet, but no cigar.
Why? Because we closet.
I'll have what she's closet.
life is like a box of closets.
On your mark, get set, closet.
各就各位 预备 衣柜
Let's get ready to closet!
Say hello to my little closet.
Damn it. They all good.