Just a fun thought.
If it doesn't sound, like, too out there,
And if you can get over your fear of hurting me,
Do you think it'd be weird if I asked you to slap me?
What? You asked me to.
What in god's name...?
"Flight itinerary: Heathrow to l.A.X."
No. No, no, no, no, no.
不 不 不 不要
No, no, this cannot be happening.
Why would my family be flying here?
They can't do that.
So tell 'em to suck your dick.
Well, I can't tell them "To suck my dick," Gretchen,
Because they're already in the air.
They arrive in the morning.
Why the hell are they...?
Gretchen, the, uh, the-the... The letters that I gave you,
格雷琴 那个 我给你的那些信
- You-you didn't...? - I mailed them like you asked.
Why would you do that?!
They were just threats,
So if I didn't hit the page count,
- You were to mail the letters! - I don't get it.
Oh, my god, and the love letter to Becca.
And there was a third one.
Oh, yeah, it was bad, I remember that.
是哦 情况很糟糕 我记起来了
I'm already regretting not slapping you harder.
I cannot have these lunatics in my house.
Gretch, you got to help me.
Promise you'll help me, please.
- Can't. - Jesus, I thought you said you were better.
-做不到 -天啊 你不是说你好些了嘛
- I lied. - Well, fake it and help me.
-我撒谎了 -那就装装样子 赶紧帮我
- I don't wanna. - Do you think I "Wanna"?
But I need your help!
See? We can do this, we can do this.
瞧吧 我们可以做到的 一定可以
No, you know what?
I shan't be cowed by a visiting group of soccer hooligans,
feebs and psychotics with congenital lead aggression.
Except for my younger sister, she's all right.
Yes, one look at
how inconceivably far I've come,
And they will see how together I have it all.
"It's donations like yours that ensure
Every young boy gets the hugs he needs."
Oh, yeah, I knew it was bad.
Yo, can I get this lollipop?
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: ustvboom了解最新影视字幕发布信息
No, no, you promised.
Welcome to America.
I've forgotten what soft hands you have.
It's like shaking hands with a royal baby.
Lilly, oh, my god, look at you.
莉莉 天啊 瞧瞧你
Uh, you must be in university by now.
Oh, I was going to go, but they pointed out
That university is just a place wankers go
to study poetry and fist themselves.
Ah, well, that's...
So, Fiona, what have you been up to?
Work at the tesco.
You know, the good one on the north side.
Promoted straight away.
Cashier-- free apron and everything.
In Barcelona with Tony.
- Who's Tony? - Exactly.
I don't know why she married the bloody tosser.
Wait, what, married?
等等 什么 结婚了吗
- I don't understand. - Me neither.
He smokes those skinny cigarettes And doesn't wear socks,
if you know what I mean.
Wait, you got divorced?
Why did nobody tell me?!
Why, look at Jimmy's fancy little salt dish.
"Oh, I can only have a little bit of salt,
Otherwise me mouth gets too dry for gobbling knobs."
Just gonna move my book there.
It's-it's not a coaster.
Although "Coolbookgirl14" on goodreads called it
"An emotional roller coaster."
- and, uh, welcome to our home. - Who's the paki?
Di, that is quite offensive.
- First of all, he's my roommate. - "Roommate."
-首先 他是我的室友 -"同睡一室之友"哦
And secondly, he's not Pakistani, he's Mexican.
其次 他不是巴基斯坦人 他是墨西哥人
Ah, Mexicans-- America's Pakis.
I'll be right back.
Guys, this is my girlfriend, Gretchen.
Jimmy, where's your gun?
Why would I have a gun?
Just like shitty Jimmy to move to America and not own a gun.
Wait, what did you just call him?
- What's it to you?! - No, I was genuinely asking.
-关你屁事 -不是 我是真诚地在询问
Shitty Jimmy. You don't know the story of shitty Jimmy?
It's a good story.
So what happened was, right?
One day he slipped in shit.
So from then on, we called him "Shitty Jimmy."
We also called him "Cock bandit,"
"Crybaby fartface" And "Little jizz man."
- Ah, goddamn it. - Well, my job here is done.
-该死的 -好了 我的任务完成了
No, no, no, no, no, no.
别 别 别
I thought today we could go see the giant boulder at Lacma,
Then there's a screening of vertigo at the cemetery...
Well, obviously we can't do any of that.
The eurotune song contest is on all week.
Wait, so you flew all the way to Los Angeles
Just to sit in front of the telly?
Was it hard to write a book, Jimmy?
I'm so proud of you.
I always tell the other girls at fancy dames
About my famous brother in America.
Fancy dames, the strip club?
Last time I saw you, you were reading Harry Potter.
Well, I did get a tattoo of Dobby the house elf on my...
- It's okay. - Lilly!
Then we had to move the half-price section.
And that was a big to-do, of course.
Davey said the half-price was too close to the posh cheeses,
And it didn't make sense, customer-wise, of course.
Well, I told Davey, "You have to move the signs then,
'cause obviously Carrie can't carry 'em."
Why can't Carrie carry them?
Because she's got no arms,
that's why we call her "Carrie."
Her real name's Beth.
Did I tell you what Regina said the other day?
I don't know who Regina is.
Or Davey or Carrie.
You provide literally no context to your stories.
Regina is Giancarlo's girl.
Anyway, Regina said that Ravey said
that in American grocery stores,
they play a rain and thunder sound,
and then a machine spritzes the vegetables.
Will you two shut up?
The bleeding Belgians are cheating again.
Hey, everyone, this is Lindsay.
嘿 各位 这位是琳赛
She's, uh, Gretchen's best friend.
Come and sit on my lap, luv.
Oh, don't mind these stains.
Just a bit of bean juice.
Right, I need you to find Gretchen and get her up here.
And check the closets.
Do gun shows have bazookas?
- Always wanted me own bazooka. - No idea.
Dad, what happened with you and mum?
She just wanted a bloke like Tony
with his floppy hair and tight pants.
how'd you get your hair so floppy?
You, uh, have a special cream?
Does it come out of a tube?
A flesh-colored tube?
Look who I found.
Who's winning the thing?
Maybe I'd know if you weren't constantly yapping in my face
like a goddamn Belgian.
Linds, can you go help Sam with a wardrobe crisis?
I thought all English people were fancy,
but these are like Alabama English people.
I have to look extra dope.
Those assholes' latest track dissed my wardrobe so thoroughly,
They have me doubting my signature style
that GQ magazine once called, "Courageously headache-y."
Okay, leave it to me.
I'm really good at clothes.
Okay, thanks, Linds.
好的 谢了 琳子
Have to drop a response track
on they disturbingly prolific asses right quick.
But I have no ideas for a hook.
♪ Eat all my ass, eat all my ass... ♪
♪ Your face is so wide ♪
♪ Your face is so wide... ♪
♪ Hey, more like jizz stain, hey... ♪ No.
*喂 不如说是精斑嘿* 不行
♪ new phone. Who dis? ♪
♪ New phone. Who dis? ♪
♪ And I said it's a new phone ♪
"New phone. Who dis?"
It's the ultimate blow-off.
See, you pretend not to know who "dis" is.
Just had to take an important work call.
Anyway, he loves my book proposal!
But I have to do a few tweaks.
We won't be spending the whole day together.
Time to put on my hardhat...
It's time for you to drive us to the store
for cigarettes and booze, you bloody bell end.
We're going outside?
I really do have to write.
And stretch it out, yeah?
Show them some important Los Angeles landmarks,
Like where Hugh Grant got a slob job
or where Mel Gibson called that lady cop "Sugar tits."
All right, English people.
We're going outside.
Go ahead without me.
I'm, uh... gonna take a walk.
What do you say to a little tour of the city?
There's a special on Kale in produce.
Cashier to check stand two, please.
Let's see what else about this place is bullocks!
Hi, can I help you?
Why aren't the eggs near the cheeses and all that?
Oh, the eggs have their own case on aisle four.
What were you looking for?
Locally sourced flamingo eggs?
We're not allowed to let you drink that in here.
Are these all real?
We need immediate cleanup on aisle 15, please.
An immediate cleanup on aisle 15.
I can't believe it.
Davey wasn't lying!
I can't go back to Tesco now!
My whole life is shit!
I've ruined my body!
It's so big and grey.
Don't tell Jimmy, but I did want to go to university.
But helping my family was more important than education.
Have you ever been horseback riding?
The last horse in our town was used years ago
to make gelatin for the lunatic asylum.
You were only gone for, like, an hour?
What, did we interrupt your shitty little writing?
This "Shitty little writing" is my second novel
That will probably spark a bidding war.
Shitty Jimmy moves to America
and suddenly, he thinks he's hot fancy shit
and that we'd all be impressed
and somehow forget that underneath it all,
he's still our little crybaby wanker brother, shitty Jimmy.
With your stupid house and your lump of a girlfriend,
who's clearly miserable
'cause she has to live this shitty life with shitty Jimmy!
All right, that's it!
What the bloody hell?
You don't get to tell me what do to in my house!
Turn that back on or I'll light your dick on fire!
Everybody, shut up!
You bought a gun?!
The dealer came right up to the door.
Thought it come with bullets, though.
Did you know my entire childhood
was spent with the lot of you incessantly mocking me.
The first time I learned to ride a bicycle
and fell into that pile of loose lead.
My phase of wearing mum's high heels.
And, yeah, the famous shitty Jimmy incident,
which, if you remember,
only happened because Fi pushed me.
I only pushed you so you'd fall in shit.
And now you've come to cow me again?
Well, it will not work.
Because I understand that you're not
the sisters I looked up to.
Or the father whose...
Or the father whose approval I desperately wanted.
You are just unhappy,
And I want you out of my house!
Let's go for a drink.
- What? - We need to talk.
And maybe stop by the bullet store on the way home.
♪ I see you calling, but I just keep stalling ♪
♪ New phone, who dis? ♪
♪ Little Ninja can call me every day crying like a doo-doo head ♪
♪ Shitstain is the name 'cause he shit his bed ♪
♪ Shitstain is insane if he think he hard ♪
♪ I saw him sucking some dick for a magic card ♪
♪ Honey Nutz is a punk-skinny fat bitch ♪
♪ I had to come for that fool after Blair Witch ♪
♪ I had to muffle that, too, he's a band ho ♪
♪ Fat ho, that four-eyed punk is wack, yo ♪
*胖咖 那个四眼是怪咖 哟*
♪ You're straight up trolling 'cause your minutes ain't a-rolling ♪
♪ New phone, who dis? ♪
I know I've never really been that good at... you know...
Staying sober past lunch?
Not being racist?
- Gastrointestinal control? - Talking.
Well, maybe that's because whenever I tried to talk to you,
you'd just turn on a football match.
Well, I didn't know what to do with you.
I put put the ball down in front of you,
you'd sit on the ball and read a book.
Well, you've flown all the way out here.
What do you want to talk about?
How's that girlfriend of yours?
recently she's been going through a bit of a rough patch,
- It doesn't pass, Jimmy. - What?
-不会过去的 吉米 -什么
When we first got married, it was nice...
for a little while.
And then she started getting dead moody all the time.
But then ten years went by, then 20.
And suddenly our marriage was one long rough patch.
You've got a career, a nice house...
Got your own Paki.
Don't do what I did
and let some black cloud of a bird screw it up.
But I really like Gretchen, so--
No, there's always more girls.
This is my son, Jimmy.
He wrote a novel.
Published and all.
You'd date him, right?
Eh, I'd snog him.
But I wouldn't tell anyone about it.
Yeah, I read it, you asshole.
I just didn't want you to get a big head about it.
But it seemed like a right proper story.
I'm proud of you and all that.
Isn't there a football match on?
I have actually been meaning to take an online course.
And I was thinking maybe we could do it together.
Can we sit next to each other?
You understand it's online?
Got you a little present.
It made me feel like God.
I don't want to be god.
I paid 250 yesterday,
So I was thinking maybe 225?
I'm not paying you for that gun.
Stick with your pepper spray and your rape whistle then!
Bye, shitty Jimmy!
Nothing to say about my family?
Well, how about this?
I'm requesting that my girlfriend let me vent,
because she's interested in what's going on with me.
You mean you won't.
It was a rough four days.
My dad bought a gun.
Start from the beginning.
So my oldest sister, Fiona,
She's obsessed with her job.
Kept talking about all these people that she was working with.
She works in a supermarket. I mean, my youngest sister...