♪ Dorothy and Gretchen ♪
♪ Sayin' hello in the mornin'. ♪
Can you get rid of that?
Guns freak me out.
They say the human soul weighs 21 grams.
Never mind. I'll do it.
Hey, that's your best garbage bag.
You going somewhere?
I'm just staying at Lindsay's for a bit.
She needs help with everything.
♪ I see you calling, but I just keep stalling ♪
♪ New phone, who 'dis? ♪
Killer hook, Linds.
We're going to Fire 103 today
to drop the song on Trace's show.
Well, I better get back to it.
Oh, creating a human life.
I got to tell you, it is so fulfilling.
But making a grammatical nightmare of a song
With Gretchen's psychopath client,
That's a really big deal,
You know, for you.
Tomorrow I'm eating runny cheese
And going on an inverted roller coaster.
- Want to come? - Okay.
Oh, sorry, I forgot.
You can't ever do anything fun
Because you're ruining your body with some ginger-headed parasite.
In five months, I will be on a disney cruise with my family,
While you're at divorce court,
Looking back on the time someone took pity on you
And let you sing on their stupid song.
"New phone who 'dis" is not a stupid song.
It's about texting!
You weren't lying.
So what happened?
Well, here was me a couple of months later
At the winter x games, out of my gourd
on a couple of bong loads of Shaun White's sour diesel.
Well, you are skiing the general idea of the course.
You're pole adjacent. Christ!
Oh, that is... Oh, no!
I broke my leg in a dozen places.
If you listen close, you can hear
Brent Musburger gag back a puke.
So I hung it up,
And then my grandpa died,
And I took over his bar.
That it is, my gimpy friend.
You guys must have large feet
In order to balance properly, right?
My, what big, silly feet you have.
Fitting boots to those
would give Giles Kevinson a heart attack.
Oh, a buckle your shoes deep cut.
I'm so mad that we never got a happy ending
between Heathstead and Beatrix.
You've not seen the holiday special?
There's a holiday special?
Yes, I own a copy.
What happens? Do they kiss?
Go get it. I have to watch it now.
I doubt you have an all-region dvd player.
I don't even know what that is!
Can I come over and watch?
- Come on. - Okay.
Come on, come on, come on.
拜托 拜托 拜托
Come on! Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,
拜托 拜托 拜托 拜托 拜托 拜托
Come on, come on, come on.
拜托 拜托 拜托
Okay, that was, uh,
"New phone who 'dis?"
The first solo single by my man Sam Dresden.
Caller, you're on Fire 103.
Tell me what you think.
Thoughts on Dresden's new song?
You're on with Trace. Go.
A step back creatively.
Without his former collaborators,
Dresden leans on typewriter drums
And almost unmotivated tempo shifts.
Not helped by the thin female vocals.
He said I sounded thin!
Man, my tempo shifts are unmotivated on purpose.
I think it's important to consider
side projects separate from the main artists.
Uh, Temple of the dog, Chris Gaines.
These are really old references.
I'll look stuff up. Anyway, context.
我会去查些资料的 总之 不能脱离语境
I went to commercial as soon as you started talking,
And your client bailed on my show.
Could you transfer some funds from the account ending in 3278?
That checking account is overdrawn.
Lindsay's song totally tanked on the radio.
I need you to get me some food.
Two beef and cheddars from Arby's,
A birthday cake, red vines,
Skinnylicious salmon rolls from cheesecake factory,
A large popcorn from AMC-- just buy the ticket and leave.
Oh, man, I don't have any cash.
You never have cash lately. Just put it on the card.
We need points for the cruise anyway.
Thanks for the food, daddy!
- Sam! - Why would you let me do that show?
Because you wanted to.
You said, and I quote, "Get your negligent ass
你之前说了 我引用下 "动起你懒惰的身子
Down to fire 103. We doin' a show."
My blood sugar was low!
You're supposed to give me some goddamn almonds!
I am doing the best I can, Sam!
Then do someone else's best, like Hillary Clinton
or Tori Amos circa Little Earthquakes.
What are you on right now, honestly?
- And don't lie to me. - Adderall.
And it's not even working anymore.
This entire feud is your fault,
and those dis tracks contain some shit that, quite frankly,
I'm having some problems recovering from.
Honey Nutz and Shitstain literally haven't said anything
about you that isn't true.
They said your grandma's a whore,
You don't have the head shape for a five-panel hat,
your built-ins aren't original,
you're not licensed to teach Meisner...
They said my built-ins aren't original?
How did they know?
Listen, They nailed shit back then
instead of using dowels, Gretchen.
There were no dowels!
There were no dowels!
There were no dowels!
You're still coming to my improv grad performance, right?
Oh, how could I squander the opportunity
to see the gifted thespians of the Wednesday 3:00 P.M. Show?
So I'm going to a barbecue tomorrow
with Dorothy's old team.
I'm a little nervous.
Just mimic everything they do
like a rapidly mutating virus.
I think I'm just gonna be myself.
That's the worst version of you.
So, Gretchen told me she's staying at Lindsay's.
Something going on?
We're fine. Go away.
Here's the last of the wellies.
It's starting to snow.
Beatrix, can I fetch you a pair of wellies?
- Oh, my god. - Oh, Heathstead,
-我的天啊 -噢 希斯德
I'm not here for bleeding boots.
It's been a right pleasure
buckling your shoes.
What are you doing?!
I forgot one thing.
Jimmy, they're kissing.
Okay! Look, the truth is,
好了 听着 实际上
I have a girlfriend.
- Who? Greasy-hair queen of dragons? - Yeah.
-谁 那个头发油油的"龙妈"吗 -对
And I'm gonna take this DVD
and this DVD player
and this HDMI cord.
I don't know how I let it go so far,
but I am in big trouble, Paul, with a girl from the internet.
但我有大麻烦了 保罗 跟网上认识的一个妹子
Fun! Great shot, nerd!
真好玩 真牛 呆子
- A money what? - A money slave.
I let a girl from the internet control my finances.
It's like S and M,
but instead of physical pain,
it's financial pain.
Little pig boy, pay for my invisalign.
Send money, loser!
That's my goddess, Kasia.
In the last four months, I've given her, like, a hundo.
I'm ending it. Kasia's gone rogue.
If I don't give her $15k,
She's gonna tell Becca.
You got to help me.
Okay, of course, Vernon.
好的 当然了 弗南
me and my buddy, Slider, jacked off next to each other
on a camping trip.
Why are you telling me that?
Hey, guys, you remember Edgar.
- Hey, man. - Uh, hi. Hey.
-你好 伙计 -你好
I, uh, I brought this.
Oh, wine, thanks.
Oh, damn it, my back!
- Are you okay? - Oh, yeah. It just hurts
-你没事吧 -没事 只是好疼
'cause my dick's so big.
Nah, he's always showing us his tiny dick,
and the bit is he pretends like it's all big.
So your back doesn't hurt?
No, actually it does.
Last week, my neighbor's pit bull attacked me
When I was carrying a pizza.
That actually wasn't a bit.
Yeah, it's really bad-- I have to sleep in a water brace.
对 情况很糟 我必须睡在水袋里
Probably end up in a wheelchair.
Oh, my god, I'm sorry.
I'm just kidding, man. That was a bit.
Oh, there's the team that I coached--
"Beverley hills with an extra e."
I should probably go say hi.
Oh, y-yeah, yeah, totally.
没事 没事 绝对的
Oh, hey. You know Edgar?
He's the one putting it in Dorothy
and taking it back out again.
Nah, I usually just leave it in.
I'm putting this packet together for the new Hee Haw reboot.
Goddamn it. What?!
Red licorice vodka?
Were you expecting Chris Hansen?
Last night, a certifiable fox hit on me,
and I did not respond.
I masturbated furiously afterwards,
but only after I'd rejected her.
It's like you have amnesia.
Every day, you think things are gonna be different,
and I'll just be happy.
Well, maybe you can understand this.
Dogs, candy, old Blondie records,
狗狗 软糖 金发乐队老唱片
nachos, you, us, nothing.
玉米片 你 我们 都没感觉
So for the last time, please go.
You're listening to clockin' out with Trace
Yeah, welcome back now.
Everybody's been talking about what happened on yesterday's show.
打开微信 扫描左侧二维码或搜索公众号: ustvboom了解最新影视字幕发布信息
So when Sam called up, looking to apologize, I was like,
"You need to come down here, man-to-man,
I wasn't trying to be disrespectful by walking out yesterday.
I got a surprise for you.
In the building-- S-stain and Honey Nutz!
Live on fire 103, 'cause we keeps it real here.
You had something to say?
I feel bad for walking out yesterday.
But I'm happy that I'm here now,
So I can tell you...
What nasty mother y'all are!
Almonds, Sam, almonds, almonds. I don't want no goddamn almonds.
杏仁 山姆 杏仁 杏仁 我不想吃该死的杏仁
Well, caller, you on with Trace, go.
来电听众 我是特雷西 说吧
I mean, Sam, you coming off like a bitch.
Who you calling a bitch?
Come down to the station.
Fine, what's the address?
Oh, you don't have Google?
Look it up, you poor-as-shit, no-search-engine-having
去查吧 你个穷成狗的 搜索引擎都没有的
I am a one in a generation.
You know how in that Charlie Chaplin movie, there's this ho,
walking and talking on a cell phone even though it's 1928?
I'm that future-ass cell phone ho!
Trace, I'm out here every day,
Changing the face of everything--
Music, art, amusement parks,
音乐 艺术 游乐园
Farm-to-table, claymation, laser shows...
农场到餐桌 泥塑动画 激光表演
Oh, whoa, careful, man, that's medicinal.
小心 伙计 那可是药用大麻
They call me Dr. Weed.
They call me Dr. Weed...!
Boy, I'm gonna get you some water.
They call me Dr. Weed, bitch!
No way Dorothy doesn't love this.
Hey, come hang out.
Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so messed up.
听着 我很抱歉 我不应该搞得这么一团乱
It happens, let's go.
- I'm so over this party. - I'm sorry. I apologize.
-我不想在这派对上待了 -对不起 我道歉
From the bottom of my...
Jesus christ, Edgar, put those away.
天呐 埃德加 快收起来
Dr. Weed... is going to live...
I only have one thing to say to you fools,
And it is this-- how dare you?!
You stopped coming to sessions.
All of my success is for us.
Because unlike you, I'm loyal as shit.
Then why didn't you show up
to Jaclyn's dental school graduation?
I told you, I don't like hanging out
with those rich USC assholes.
Your dad is a lawyer for CBS.
Which one of y'all is Sam?
Are you that bitch that called the station?
He got that Denzel face.
Size her up, man.
- Stop it! - Get up, stain!
-住手 -起来 斯坦
You got to fight, Stain! Get up, stain!
你得拼命打才行 斯坦 快起来 斯坦
Oh, I'm ready for you now.
"Can't afford a search engine."
- Run. - Let's go!
That little one was kind of hot, though.
Guys, I'm sorry.
Take me to my Volt.
That little one can swing, man.
I mean, who does Lindsay think she is?
She's not even a trained singer.
I'm the one who was almost on kids incorporated.
Can't even believe we're sisters sometimes.
Uh, uh, honey? Honey?
Honey, if you could...?
Why are your lips all red?
Oh, flavored vodka.
- You want some coffee? - Nah.
How about some scotch?
Hey, uh, wait, dor...
I didn't do anything your friends don't do,
and you spent seven years with them.
No, I wasted seven years on them.
I woke up one day in a rotting victorian with three smelly dudes.
And then you came along, a new person,
who's honest and sweet and rare.
诚实 贴心 罕见
But you know what, maybe I just make bad decisions.
I mean, I bought a chocolate fountain-- who does that?
I don't want to be a bad decision.
I'm 33, I need my life to move forward.
Uh, uh, Jimmy told me that I shouldn't be...
Okay, I should have known.
Don't ever listen to Jimmy's advice about me.
Do you still like me?
So much that it sucks.
That fight really scared me, Gretch.
Lying in that trash,
my life flashed before my eyes.
Following Smash Mouth around Europe.
Negative after negative customer service interaction.
I realized I really need to get my shit together.
Hey, are you okay?
When I pulled a gun on that girl, coked out of my face,
I suddenly felt this strange feeling.
You were bored almost getting murdered by female gang ladies?
That's really messed up, isn't it?
This isn't working anymore.
I'm sorry you don't feel anything, Gretchen.
Right, let's play... A hypothetical.
好了 我们来玩 假设游戏吧
All right, so let's say I was your boyfriend.
Could I drink here for free?
Could I have my own stool?
With a plaque with my name on it.
Wait, in this fantasy,
you get everything you want?
Well, you have to ask for what you want.
Would you dedicate your book to me?
Where would your plaque be?
Here. Look close.
Can you picture it?
It'll be so beautiful.
- I should go. - Yeah.
I forgot one thing.