The party is like around the block.
I'll be gone for two hours.
Yeah. That is two hours you could've spent studying.
I had been studying all weekend.
No friends, no phone.
Just me, alone with books.
I feel like Alex.
You're never alone when you have books.
Really? Is that what you want me to turn into?
Sweetheart, listen to me. This is the SATs, okay?
乖 听我讲 你都高考临头了
It is not some stupid science quiz.
Hey, if science quizzes are so stupid,
Why do you put mine up on the refrigerator?
Because we feel sorry for you,
'cause books are your friends.
Yeah, she wasn't studying last night.
She was video-chatting the whole time.
- Shut up! - I knew it.
-闭嘴 - 我就知道你会这样
- I knew it. - You are such a tattletale!
Girls, take it down a notch, because I ...
孩子们 不要吵了 我想
What's the hot topic on "The View" today, ladies?
Dad, can you just please tell mom
that I can take a two-hour break and go to a party?
No, ma'am. I'm not stepping into that one.
不好意思 美女 我才不想趟这浑水
We're not playing good cop/mom.
- Hello. - You call for a plumber?
Uh, no, we did not.
呃 没有 我们没叫
Oh, yes, We did, we did.
别 别 我们叫了 叫了
Plumber, hi. Yeah.
Um, it's right up at the top of the stairs. Thank you.
But didn't I tell you I'd fix the tub?
Yes, honey, you did.
是的 亲爱的 你讲过
And I think I was pregnant with Luke at the time.
That is not fair.
I've done everything you've asked me to do around here.
I fixed the step, didn't I? Look how solid it is!
我都把楼梯修好了 不是吗 看看多结实
I'm like Shirley Temple
and that black guy!
Bill "Bojangles" Robinson.
Bill "Bojangles" Robinson!
So, this is the problem.
Uh, faucet just keeps leaking.
Yeah, it's a cracked washer --
If I know my washers.
And it's, uh, it's been leaking a little water.
Yeah, could be a washer,
a cracked valve, a stripped pipe.
Well, I guess I'm not a professional plumber,
but I have spent a huge amount of time in that tub.
I can tell you from experience,
or at least what it feels like in there --
Oh, good. You're back.
嗷 太好了 你回来了
I need you to help settle a spat
between our blacksmith and the chimney sweep.
Be nice. It took me 20 minutes to find my opera cloak.
I still can't believe. You didn't have to rent any of that.
Do you know how many times this has paid for itself?
Well, our friend Pepper
loves to throw theme parties.
And this weekend is his first annual
"Oscar Wilde and Crazy Brunch."
We're still recovering
from his "Studio 54th of July" barbecue.
They were fun at first.
But they have become a lot of work.
You have to dress in costume.
You have to assume a character.
I -- I can't believe you ever dated him.
It was the '90s.
We'd just lost Princess Di.
Oh, Cam, can we just...
嗷 小卡 我们能不能
Can we please cancel?
But you know he's still mad at us for missing Passover.
"Seder-day night Fever"?
Just go get dressed and powdered.
Pepper has done the impossible!
He's made two gay men hate brunch.
You know, it might be easier
just to pour the espresso right in the sugar.
Jay, what are you wearing?
You can't go to church like that.
Well, that settles it, then. I'm going golfing.
You're gonna miss church again?
you said that you had to go to the office.
The week before, you had breakfast with a friend.
And before that, you thought you had a cold.
That turned out not to be a cold.
Because I babied it.
You don't have to convince us.
- You have to convince him. - Who, god?
-你跟他讲去 谁 -上帝吗
- Me and god are good! - How would you know?
Look, you feel god in church, which is great.
听着 你在教堂里感知上帝 这很好
I feel god out in nature, amongst his works.
Are you gonna go to church next week?
I know what "we'll see" means.
If you're done with church, just say it.
- I'm done with church. - Don't say that!
-我再也不会去教堂了 -闭嘴 不要乱说
Look -- I'm not going to church anymore.
It's not the end of the world.
Let's not make a big deal out --
Aah. Aah. Earthquake!
啊 啊 地震了
Vamos, vamos, Manny! Vamos, Jay!
我们走 我们走 曼尼 走 杰
Oh, god. Oh, god.
噢 神啊 神啊
This is -- this is stuck!
We're gonna die! we're gonna die!
If they find us in these outfits,
it's gonna be very bad for the gays.
- Clair - We're okay!
That thing almost fell on me!
I was sitting there,
and it came this close to my head!
It's all right. You're okay.
You didn't get hurt.
Well, I'm not gonna wait around here until I do.
Hey, are you guys okay?
Yeah, we're fine. You?
That was really...
Mitch, are you okay?
We're okay. We're okay.
And Phil and Claire?
Uh, I'm on the other line with them right now.
Oh, shoot, we lost Phil.
Great. Now Gloria's gone.
Gloria's gone, too?
Ay, dios meo, Phil, you're alive!
感谢上帝 菲尔 你还活着
Yeah, of course I'm alive.
For months, Claire has been after me
"Anchor the cabinet to the wall."
"What if we have an earthquake?"
"We've got kids in the house."
So it finally reached the point where I had no choice,
but to just roll up my sleeves and tell her I did it.
On my way -- seriously, I just fixed that!
来了 开什么玩笑 我刚修好的
You okay in there?
- Uh...well, let's -- let's try this together, okay? - Okay.
Um, I'm gonna push, you pull.
Okay, here's the thing.
I wasn't pushing. In fact, I was pulling a little.
that as long as Claire was stuck in the bathroom,
I'd have time to anchor the cabinet to the wall.
sometimes when god closes a door,
he closes it so hard that your wife can't get out.
So, don't panic! I'm gonna get you out!
I'm just gonna go get some tools!
Get a crowbar if you have one!
What is that supposed to mean?
Like I'm some dandy who doesn't have a crowbar?
Well, you did just use the word "dandy."
"dandy" is a term coined by miners in the 15th century.
Just get us out of here.
Dad, how long is it gonna take to get her out of there?
Oh, honey. Don't worry.
Mommy is gonna be out soon. Don't panic.
Wait a minute. You're not going to that party, young lady.
站住 死丫头 你别想趁机溜去派对
No, I'm not going to the party.
I'm just going downstairs.
Just cover for me this one time, and I...
I'll drive you wherever you want.
I want to go to the Museum of Tolerance.
Fine. How far is Tolerance?
行 宽容嘛 有什么难的
I can hear the two of you scheming out there!
Don't you dare leave this house!
Ohh, why do you have to be such a psycho control freak?!
Okay, you know what?
Just for that, you are grounded one week!
Oh, that's good parenting!
Okay. Two weeks.
Want to double it?! keep talking!
Blah blah blah blah blah!
Fine! four weeks! four!
行 四个礼拜 四！！
Double it again and make it 10 weeks!
Do you not hear how much you need to study?!
Mitchell, come on. We're gonna be late.
米奇尔 快点 我们要迟到了
Ohh, I can't believe we have to do this.
Come on, after the earthquake,
it might be nice to be around similarly dressed people.
That makes no... the earthquake!
简直毫无... 哦对了 地震
Yes. This -- okay. This is the perfect excuse.
Why? We're fine.
Yeah, but Pepper doesn't know that.
You'll just tell him
that we have some damage we have to deal with.
- Why me? - Because I'm the one that always cancels.
- Hello. - No. Don't hand me that I will not talk to him.
-喂 -别给我 我不跟他讲
I'm a bad liar. Do not hand me that.
Pick up. You are doing it!
I think somebody's talking. Hello?
Listen -- hi. Hey.
嗨 听我说 嗨 嘿
It's Cameron. How are you doing over there?
Well, the earthquake.
Yeah, it was huge here.
嗯 这边很严重 非常严重
So, obviously, we're not,
we're not gonna be able to make it.
- Why not? - Well, some dishes broke.
You can sweep them up later.
And, uh, well, yeah, I guess --
是的 没错 我想
I guess we could sweep those up, um, later.
Our, uh, our -- our hat rack.
- Our hat rack fell through the window. - Hat rack?
Well, yeah, we do have a hat rack.
We thought it would force us to wear our hats more.
And there's water damage.
There's water everywhere.
A bookshelf fell on Mitchell's leg.
Mitchell's hurt, Pepper.
Mitchell's hurt real bad.
I'm coming right over.
No, you don't need to come over.
- I'm coming! - Pepper, no!
-我马山来 -佩珀 不要
See? Kind of panicked.
You did panic, Cam.
You paniced real bad.
You're still going golfing?!
God sent you a sign, Jay!
What, the earthquake? You got to be kidding me.
什么 地震吗 你开什么玩笑
You say that you're never going to church again,
and the ground shakes with a vengeance.
I'll prove it to you.
God, if you have a problem with me golfing,
I mean, throw in a little lightning!
Don't talk to god like that!
Trust me, if god had a problem with me,
he would let me know without shaking the whole city.
He would be a little more specific.
I'm not gonna argue with you.
I don't want to get upset.
- I think I'm gonna skip it today. - What?!
-我今天想翘一天 - 什么
I like what Jay said about god being in nature.
Don't listen to him.
His days are numbered!
Think about it, mom. It makes sense.
妈妈 想想看 他说的确实有点道理
God made the trees and the grass.
He didn't make that church.
But he made the people that make the church,
and you're making me angry! Vlmanos.
Can I go golfing with you?
Well, I'm probably gonna have
a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway.
Might as well be you.
Fine! See what I care! go!
好吧 我才不在乎呢 去吧
Manny. Go change.
Sorry, mom. Hope you understand.
对不起了 老娘 您大人不记小人过
Probably good for us to spend a little time together.
You're gonna spend eternity together!
I suppose that was god, too!
I don't know who did it, but it makes me happy.
What are you doing?
Oh, just double-checking these straps.
These babies saved your life.
That's why this cabinet barely moved.
It fell all the way to the couch.
It almost killed me.
This cabinet barely moved.
That's just perspective playing tricks on your mind.
Like if I hold up my thumb, it looks bigger than your head.
No, it doesn't. It looks tiny.
不 才没有 它好小
You have to look at it from over here.
How can I look at my head from over there?
Why don't you just lie down?
I got to make sure your mom's still stuck.
So she -- I can get her out.
Sorry that took -- you filthy...
Sorry that took so long!
I'm gonna go ahead and just take off the doorknob, okay?
What? What happened?
I, uh, brought the wrong screwdriver,
So I'll be right back!
All right, but hurry up, Phil!
好吧 不过快点 菲尔
Doing my best, Claire!
Oh, don't talk back, dad! She'll just ground you!
That's 32 weeks, young lady!
I was at 16 before, right?
Don't judge me until you've had a teenage girl.
I've had four of them.
God, how did you survive that?
Girls were a piece of cake.
Every look on his face,
every stupid decision he made.
The way he sat there, chewing his food like an idiot.
And then it hit me why this kid drove me so crazy.
Well, all the more reason she should listen to me.
I can stop her from making the same mistakes.
Did you listen to your mother?
But, you know, I had a reason.
That woman was a psycho control...
I brought you some soda.
But I couldn't find any straws,
So you'll have to drink it like cats.
Oh! Thank you, Luke!
That's my sweetie.
I was going to bring you wine,
but you finished the big bottle last night.
Okay. Off you go.
Hold this, will you, kid?
拿好这个 没问题吧 小子
You know, Mitchell used to caddy for me.
Of course, he spent most of his time chasing butterflies.
You won't catch me doing that.
I'm terrified of them.
Look at that. That's a perfect shot.
And I hit that with a bent club.
So you're not worried about getting in trouble?
You know, with god?
Oh, I think he's got bigger things on his plate.
So you're not worried about hell?
Let me let you in on a little secret, kid.
There is no hell.
So everyone just goes to heaven?
Yep. End of story.
Even bad people?
Yeah, they're -- they're --
对 他们 他们坏人
they're in another section, see?
They got this thing figured out.
Can I hit this?
You distracted me.
I didn't say anything!
I could hear you thinking.
I'm thinking about this heaven of yours
that's full of bad people.
Not full. The tiniest fraction.
They're walled in.
What if they break out?
They're surrounded by a lake of fire.
They are fiery lakes in heaven?
This is turning into hell.
What are you doing?!
Well, you promised Pepper broken dishes,
I'm breaking this.
No! Not my frog!
I know you think it's tacky,
[美国青少年团体组织 4H分别是Head Heart Hands Health]
but I happened to have won this at my first 4-H summer camp
in a hollerin' contest.
Well, we wouldn't have to break anything
if you were a better liar.
If you're trying to make me feel bad
about not being as good a liar as you --
A hat rack fell through the window, remember?
I-I-I can't do this. I quit.
You might be comfortable with all this lying,
Oh, please. Where was all this conscience
when I got us into the first-class lounge at the airport
and you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off.
You know what you are?
You're like a mob wife.
You look down at me and my ways,
but you're happy to wear the mink coat
that fell off the back of the truck!
It really hit us bad.
I'm just always surprised how small this place is.
Pepper, you didn't have to leave your party
to come check on us.
Great costume, by the way.
This isn't my costume.
I just threw this on to help you clean up.
Well, about your party...
Oh, don't worry about canceling.
At least you have an excuse.
Unlike Steven and Stefan.
They said they had the flu.
Meantime, I just saw them out riding their bicycle.
Oh, Pepper, that is horrible.
I-I'm gonna make you a cocktail.
Oh, honey. Don't go to any trouble.
I'll just have a Kir Royale.
if they didn't want to come to my party,
I'm a big boy. I can take it.
Well, since you brought it up, Pepper...
We didn't want to come to your party, either.
Well, you know we love you,
but they've just gotten to be so much work over the years, and...
we're all out of cassis.
I will make you a Bellini.
Everybody canceled on me!
And now you two!
I have killed myself setting a community standard
with my fanciful themed brunches
mounted at great personal expense.
Well, clearly, I've been a fool.
No one likes your brunches, Pepper.
You're gonna die alone!
In a quaint Spanish revival outside of Palm Springs...
Yeah. Yeah, I puzzled that out.
I just don't understand this bad section of heaven.
What if they send you to the wrong place?
They make mistakes with paperwork sometimes.
I was put in a girls' health class last year
and had to watch a very disturbing movie.
Instead of thinking all morning
about what heaven's gonna look like,
what it's not gonna look like, who's where.
If there even is a heaven.
Why don't we just concentrate
on this beautiful, carefree day that's in front of us?
I'd rather concentrate on something you just said.
There might not even be a heaven?
You seemed pretty sure of yourself this morning.
So what happens after you die?
There's just nothing?
Look, you're focusing too much
on one little thing that I said.
It was just a hunch, okay?
I'm skipping church based on a hunch?!
All right, don't freak out on me here, kid.
好了 不要吓我 孩子
You're playing pretty fast and loose with my soul.
Listen. I want you to forget everything
that I said, okay?
Some things can't be forgotten, Jay.
Do you know what menstruation is?
- Hey! - W-what are you doing?
Aren't you supposed to be getting mom out of the bathroom?
That is what I was doing.
That is what I was doing.
This c-- this cabinet...
- Was the problem. - How?
Yeah. It's very heavy,
and because it was properly anchored to the wall,
there's sort of a ripple effect.
pulling part of the floor down...
and then pushing part of the floor up,
using the bathroom door --
Please don't tell on me.
I don't know who I am anymore!
You're not a joke.
You're Pepper Saltzman.
I think I better just go.
If anything terrible should happen,
don't feel an obligation to attend my memorial.
New york or L.A..
Pepper, you -- you didn't let me finish.
The reason we didn't want to come to your party is...
- Who's a mob wife? - I'm a mob wife.
-谁是暴徒之妻 -是我 是我
I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.
this is a little embarrassing.
I don't even want to hear it.
Cameron still has feelings for you.
Yeah, and it's just -- it's very hard for him
to be around you, especially at your...
magical brunches where you're just --
you're -- you're so... magnetic.
And then I see the way that he looks at you, and...
damn it, pe-- it just makes me so mad
That I could just...
Yeah, oh, you don't know the pain, Cam!
是呀 你根本不能理解这种情伤 小卡
Boys, I can't stand that I'm coming between you!
Not that I'm surprised.
I admit I have noticed the stolen glances
and the yearning in your eyes.
Okay. Well, y-you'll forgive us, Pepper,
if we sit out your next few brunches?
I would hate to lose you two.
I've always thought of you as being like my
- Sons? - Sons?
I was gonna say "Brothers."
it's like a house of pain!
- All right, Claire. - Okay, ready?
-好了 克莱尔 -准备
- You ready? - I'm ready.
- All right, on "Go." - Okay, go.
-好了 说"开始"我们一起使劲 -好的 开始
- All right? Go! - Okay, go!
-好了 开始 -加油 用力
- Claire! - Oh, god, I got it!
-克莱尔 -天呐 这门有反应了
Ohh! It's moving! It did it!
哦 门开了 门真的开了
All right! We got it.
- Oh! Thank god! - Go.
-天呐 感谢上帝 -出去吧
Oh, thank god. Thank god. Thank god.
Honey -- Phil, where are you?
亲爱的 菲尔 你跑哪儿去了
Are you kidding me?!
What happened to you? You disappeared for 20 minutes.
We just had to break ourselves out of that bathroom.
I am so happy to see you. Get in here.
Oh, no. No, no. Seriously.
不要 不要 不要 你给我正经点
Dad was incredible!
He was running around here turning off the gas line,
cleaning up broken glass,
and taking care of Luke after he ran into a wall.
I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.
- Well, don't worry about it. - No, I'm sorry.
-没事 别介意 -不 是我不好
Oh... I was so nervous.
It's all right. It's all right.
- I think it was a little bit of a rough morning. - Yes.
- Wasn't it? - Yes, it was.
I don't know about you guys,
but I just want to relax and put my feet up.
At the Museum of Tolerance. Who's in?
You are. Okay. Let's do it.
There's nothing mystical about an earthquake.
Pressure builds, and it's released.
And you just hope there's not too much damage.
But it makes you realize what matters.
And for me, that's my family.
I'll put in a good word for you.
You're the best, kid.
My family and golf.
If heaven's in the sky,
what do you walk on?
Ay, Manny, don't be ridiculous. The clouds.
曼尼 表犯傻了 当然是腾云驾雾啊
That makes no sense. Clouds are air.
You'd fall right through them.
The clouds in heaven -- they're like trampolines.
Mm, I don't like trampolines.
They make me seasick.
Manny, stop worrying.
Heaven is a beautiful place
with sunshine and rainbows and butterflies.
有阳光 有彩虹 还有蝴蝶翩翩起舞
- Butterflies?! -Ay, no, no, no, no.
-神马 有蝴蝶 -哎 米有米有米有
Aah! I didn't say butterflies! Manny, there's no butterflies!
偶没说蝴蝶 曼尼 那里米有蝴蝶